Does anyone think Vic and Kerry are showing up for work July 1st?

Happy Independence Day, guys.

As South Park put it

Sheila: Times have changed

Our kids are getting worse

They won't obey their parents

They just want to fart and curse!

Sharon: Should we blame the government?

Liane: Or blame society?

Dads: Or should we blame the images on TV?

Sheila: No, blame Canada

Everyone: Blame Canada

Sheila: With all their beady little eyes

And flapping heads so full of lies

Everyone: Blame Canada

Blame Canada

Sheila: We need to form a full assault

Everyone: It's Canada's fault!

Sharon: Don't blame me

For my son Stan

He saw the dam cartoon

And now he's off to join the Klan!

Liane: And my boy Eric once

Had my picture on his shelf

But now when I see him he tells me to <deleted> myself!

Sheila: Well, blame Canada

Everyone: Blame Canada

Sheila: It seems that everything's gone wrong

Since Canada came along

Everyone: Blame Canada

Blame Canada

Copy Guy: They're not even a real country anyway

Ms. McCormick: My son could've been a doctor or a lawyer rich and true,

Instead he burned up like a piggy on the barbecue

Everyone: Should we blame the matches?

Should we blame the fire?

Or the doctors who allowed him to expire?

Sheila: heck no!

Everyone: Blame Canada

Blame Canada

Sheila: With all their hockey hullabaloo

Liane: And that bitch Anne Murray too

Everyone: Blame Canada

Shame on Canada

For...

The smut we must stop

The trash we must bash

The Laughter and fun

Must all be undone

We must blame them and cause a fuss

Before somebody thinks of blaming uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuus!!!!

Have good un, Go on ya Canucks, enjoy your day

Come on now, folks, let's show our friendly Canucks some respect. This thread was not meant to be an invitation to poke fun . . . although if it does happen to deteriorate into that I can't be held responsible.

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world.

So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would start by working his way across the USA from South to North.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call".

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God.

"O.K., thank you," said the American.

He then traveled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston and New York.

In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.

The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to Canada to see if Canadians had the same phone.

He arrived in Canada, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "40 cents per call."

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Father, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the US the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?"

The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Canada now, son - it's a local call"

hehe nice one

Unfortunately, it's just another working day for me here in the 'stan, same as Christmas day and New Years.

Good news is, they may authorize a beer call for the lads (the ones that drink beer any ways). We usually have some kind of (BBQ/Social gathering) once a month and the lads can have 2 beer each (maximum, once per month, no exceptions).

Maybe that's why I tend to go a little overboard when I do get home !

Thanks for the thought though Tip !

O Canada!

Our home and native land!

True patriot love in all thy sons command.

With glowing hearts we see thee rise,

The True North strong and free!

From far and wide,

O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

God keep our land glorious and free!

O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

Does one say "Happy independence day?" If so, there, I've said it!

Unfortunately, it's just another working day for me here in the 'stan, same as Christmas day and New Years.

Good news is, they may authorize a beer call for the lads (the ones that drink beer any ways). We usually have some kind of (BBQ/Social gathering) once a month and the lads can have 2 beer each (maximum, once per month, no exceptions).

Maybe that's why I tend to go a little overboard when I do get home !

Thanks for the thought though Tip !

Here's to ya, Kerry.

And, oh . . . . as long as you're having a few beers you may as well drown your sorrows, too.

sceadugenga, are you a Canuck, too? If so, my condolences.

Americans are benevolently ignorant about Canada, while Canadians are malevolently well informed about the United States.

J. Bartlett Brebner

Canada is where I came from prior to living in Thailand, and it is to where I would return if ever I should have to leave. Happy Canada Day to the Canuckistanis.

O Canada!

Our home and native land!

True patriot love in all thy sons command.

With glowing hearts we see thee rise,

The True North strong and free!

From far and wide,

O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

God keep our land glorious and free!

O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

Coooool! Is the hockey game gonna start now? Who's in the net?

We used to have Dominion Day, Tiggy, but then we got our own constitution (let's see, about 30 years after Britain tried to kick us out, like parents do to all good children; thanks Pierre) and we started calling it Canada Day (we didn't have to fight for freedom). They have a big party at the embassy in BKK; actually it's at a hotel I think, as we do not have our own building and grounds, like say the Portuguese do -- now that's a nice embassy on the Chao Phraya.

I think in Vancouver, people change their Canucks hockey team car flags for the maple leaf, but just for the day. I gotta work, but I get the 4th of July off. Canadians don't like me; I have to work for Americans.

Tipp, love that church joke. It's true, you know. Same same, Santa Claus.

Tipp, love that church joke. It's true, you know. Same same, Santa Claus.

555555555555555!!!! They're all coming out of the woodwork now. Didn't know there were so many Canucks on TV!

Now, Jet, everyone knows Santa Claus is black and came from Africa.

No Tiggy, "one" wishes them "good riddance" day.

We could have controlled the french presence you know? But No Sirree...

They wanted to get all high and mountie and take on the problem themselves.

That's why we left.

No Tiggy, "one" wishes them "good riddance" day.

We could have controlled the french presence you know? But No Sirree...

They wanted to get all high and mountie and take on the problem themselves.

That's why we left.

Ah, come on kayo. Canadians are Americans with a sense of irony!

To Jet, thanks for the informative info!

An American, a Japanese and a Canadian were sitting naked in a sauna when suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm, and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager he said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained "That was my mobile phone, I have a microchip in my hand."

The Canadian felt decidedly low-tech, but not to be outdone, he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the toilet. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Canadian finally said "Well, will you look at that! I'm getting a fax."

What's a fax, Tippy?

[Now, Jet, everyone knows Santa Claus is black and came from Africa.

Ya, you only get respect, welfare or a dismissed murder case in Canada if you are from an ethnic minority. I am white, 3rd generation Canadian, uni educated (at my own expense except for the scholarships I won), no kids, and make a bit too much money. The only thing going for me is that I am a woman.

I thought Santa was black coz he comes down dirty chimneys and is so congested from the soot that he can only cough ho, ho, ho. Boy, they have different stories in Canada.

Canada has brought out a commemorative stamp for the occasion.

There was some debate over what would be the best image to use,

they finally settled on something that most people would most readily associate with Canada.

Ya, trust the Canadian govt. Can't even get the 69 position correct. Now the taxpayers will have to fork out for a reprint and then to shred this version. Wonklettes.

Hey, that looks like my Husky sled dog that was stolen!

In olden times when men were men and 'pansy' was a type of flower and 'Muffin the Mule' wasn't a criminal offence, we used to receive a piece of paper down our phone line which was called a 'facsimile', fax for short. Ah, halcyon days!

Canada has brought out a commemorative stamp for the occasion.

There was some debate over what would be the best image to use,

they finally settled on something that most people would most readily associate with Canada.

Looks like Sueging has got himself a new avatar.

To all the Canucks in the West and the Frogs in the Eastern provinces - happy Canada Day. Have a Moosehead or whatever passes for beer up there and enjoy.

CB

my husky would never do a limp member.

Happy Canada day to all you Canucks.

btw I read somewhere that the Maple leaf was only adopted as the national flag in 1965. Is this true, and if so, what took you so long?

In olden times when men were men and 'pansy' was a type of flower and 'Muffin the Mule' wasn't a criminal offence, we used to receive a piece of paper down our phone line which was called a 'facsimile', fax for short. Ah, halcyon days!

And before that was the beloved telex. Hand write your message on the form (cos only the secretary had a typewriter) and then take it down the telex room where the girl would tap it out on the machine and send it. Some hours later you received a printout of the transmission which you compared with the carbon copy of your hand written message. Then you wrote out the correction message and started the process over again.

Oh happy days..............not!

Back in the early nineties a colleague had to send instructions to his bank to cover a transaction. Telex was the only acceptable method other than snail mail, none other would do. So we hunted all over Pattaya for a telex machine finally finding one in the back corner of a scruffy little lawyers office. We pulled the dust cover off and a group of about six stood around it in awe. "How the f@#k do we make it work?". Fortunately they still had the user manual.

I wonder if that machine is still there.

Ya, you only get respect, welfare or a dismissed murder case in Canada if you are from an ethnic minority. I am white, 3rd generation Canadian, uni educated (at my own expense except for the scholarships I won)

1. Taking a passage from the white power handbook? No shortage of white people on welfare. I've renovated plenty of welfare housing and few if any ethnic minorities were ever the tenants.

2. The amount of subsidizing that goes into Canadian Universities means that only foreigners actually pay for all their own Uni. That's why similar degrees cost so much more in the US. I was shocked at how much people were paying for tuition at Australian universities.

my husky would never do a limp member.

Ha ... you should have been there the day they had to cart me off Sunshine Mountain in Banff, salapet in shreds, one leg bent at a ridiculous angle and that cold that everything was stiff (granted, some parts were smaller than normal at room temperature, but stiff none the less)

Was that your husky? .... she promised to write

Ya, you only get respect, welfare or a dismissed murder case in Canada if you are from an ethnic minority. I am white, 3rd generation Canadian, uni educated (at my own expense except for the scholarships I won)

1. Taking a passage from the white power handbook? No shortage of white people on welfare. I've renovated plenty of welfare housing and few if any ethnic minorities were ever the tenants.

2. The amount of subsidizing that goes into Canadian Universities means that only foreigners actually pay for all their own Uni. That's why similar degrees cost so much more in the US. I was shocked at how much people were paying for tuition at Australian universities.

OK, true. Maybe. My white neighbour is going to back to Cdn uni and reckons tuition is $30,000 a year; no subsidy and govt loans carry current interest rates when due.

Welfare and unemployment insurance are not in my vocab, and never will be.

Lemmeesee, Canuck flag. Ya about 65 is right. Well, the govt couldn't decide on anything, as usual. About 40 years or so bandying the idea of a new flag about. Took em another 15 to get our own constitution. BNA Act was easier; pass all the bills over to Brit Parliament/House of Lords for approval so nobody could blame the boys in our parliament for F-ups.

OK, can't have a Canada thread without a Newfie joke:

A guy is driving around Newfoundland and sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog For Sale". He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yes, I do," the dog replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told CSIS about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport here to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters. I uncovered some incredible drug deals and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had puppies and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the Newfie says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar! He never did any of that sh*t he just told you about!"

OK, can't have a Canada thread without a Newfie joke:

A guy is driving around Newfoundland and sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog For Sale". He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yes, I do," the dog replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told CSIS about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport here to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters. I uncovered some incredible drug deals and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had puppies and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the Newfie says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar! He never did any of that sh*t he just told you about!"

Hey - we have a dog in Australia that has the same story. Hmmm wonder if they are related?

Good one Jet

CB

Sorry for not replying Tippaporn, no I'm not Canadian I'm from that other bastion of British Imperialism, Australia.

I just have an interest in National anthems.

OK, can't have a Canada thread without a Newfie joke:

A guy is driving around Newfoundland and sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog For Sale". He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yes, I do," the dog replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told CSIS about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport here to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters. I uncovered some incredible drug deals and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had puppies and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the Newfie says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar! He never did any of that sh*t he just told you about!"

Hey - we have a dog in Australia that has the same story. Hmmm wonder if they are related?

Good one Jet

CB

One thing I quickly learned while living in Oz was that Newfie and Tasmanian jokes are all interchangeable as are most Toronto/Sydney ones.

Gee, so where are they? Talk about the goods and bring nothing to show. Hosers.

OK. here's some Newfie stuff.

You know you're from Newfoundland when....

- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.

- The mosquitoes have landing lights.

- The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.

- You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.

- You owe more money on your snowmobile than on your car.

- You have 10 favourite recipes for bottled moose.

- You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.

- Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.

- You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.

- You think the start of salmon fishing season is a national holiday.

- You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.

- You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

- You find -40C only a little nippy.

- The trunk of your car doubles as the deep freeze.

- You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.

- The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus (oh, you gotta be real Canadian to understand this, eh).

- You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Newfie friends.