Why did you marry? And maybe why did you do it again?

[jerrymahoney]

17 minutes ago, Walker88 said:

"I'm not young enough to know everything".

 J. M. Barrie wrote the comic play “The Admirable Crichton” which was first produced in 1902. 

 

ERNEST (eagerly plucking another epigram from his quiver). I knew that was it, though I don’t know everything. Agatha, I’m not young enough to know everything.

 

https://quoteinvestigator.com/2020/10/30/young-know/

[Fat is a type of crazy]

47 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

But....... 

It doesn't cost her any money

It doesn't take any of her energy

It doesn't occupy much of her time. 

So why wouldn't she? 

 

Not to mention you're still expected to buy her flowers, give her money, take her out, do all those little jobs around the house. 

 

What you wrote all seems a little one sided to me. 

I appreciate what you are saying and that marriage should be a two way street and that it could be unfair if she just says no full stop. If you are being nice and gentle and she is just rejecting it out of hand you could have a basis for divorce. 

I think though the nature of sex it can be a wonderful pleasure for a woman but it can easily become something different, unpleasant, and potentially a form of coercive control. Rape at the extreme. 

I thinking the impact on your psyche of fixing the fence or taking her out to dinner is different to a woman having to lie there and feeling she is obliged to get sha gged three times a week. It can sound like she is being  used as a kind of rubber doll and that can't feel good.  

 

[Fat is a type of crazy]

1 hour ago, Fat is a type of crazy said:

I appreciate what you are saying and that marriage should be a two way street and that it could be unfair if she just says no full stop. If you are being nice and gentle and she is just rejecting it out of hand you could have a basis for divorce. 

I think though the nature of sex it can be a wonderful pleasure for a woman but it can easily become something different, unpleasant, and potentially a form of coercive control. Rape at the extreme. 

I thinking the impact on your psyche of fixing the fence or taking her out to dinner is different to a woman having to lie there and feeling she is obliged to get sha gged three times a week. It can sound like she is being  used as a kind of rubber doll and that can't feel good.  

 

Not one of our longer term girlfriends or wives haven't been in the situation where we want a sha g and she doesn't really but she takes one for the team. I suppose though saying it's a right of a relationship, because you bring home the bacon, that she should do that year upon year three times a week just because, is something I don't agree with. 

[hotandsticky]

3 minutes ago, Fat is a type of crazy said:

Not one of our longer term girlfriends or wives haven't been in the situation where we want a sha g and she doesn't really but she takes one for the team. I suppose though saying it's a right of a relationship, because you bring home the bacon, that she should do that year upon year three times a week just because, is something I don't agree with. 

 

Hear, hear.

 

Twice is quite sufficient.

[BritManToo]

12 minutes ago, Fat is a type of crazy said:

Not one of our longer term girlfriends or wives haven't been in the situation where we want a sha g and she doesn't really but she takes one for the team. I suppose though saying it's a right of a relationship, because you bring home the bacon, that she should do that year upon year three times a week just because, is something I don't agree with. 

Despite her swearing an oath before god and country to 'love and obey'?

In the west it's part of the marriage contract, if she doesn't like the contract, she shouldn't sign it.

 

If you hire a car and it won't start, do you still pay the rental?

If you sign an employment contract and the employer decides not to pay you, do you still go to work?

 

Marriage in the west is all one sided, the man is expected to fulfil his part of the contract, she has no requirement to do anything.

[LaosLover]

Have grazed about half of this pile of rage and sentimentality. But to answer the question:

 

To get her on my health insurance.

 

Love her, have been transformed by her love for me, would have married her just because -but the ability to help a beautiful person not suffer in great pain is the greatest achievement of my life.

 

This is a quintessentially American reason, but I am surprised that no one had a purely practical reason to get married.

 

She's 59, WHITE, has a little weight on her. If anyone wants to stop talking to me over that, I understand. Best sex I ever had, crazily into me, peerless integrity. Can't wait for her to join me here in Chiang Mai in a few weeks.

[Fat is a type of crazy]

15 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Despite her swearing an oath before god and country to 'love and obey'?

In the west it's part of the marriage contract, if she doesn't like the contract, she shouldn't sign it.

 

If you hire a car and it won't start, do you still pay the rental?

If you sign an employment contract and the employer decides not to pay you, do you still go to work?

 

Marriage in the west is all one sided, the man is expected to fulfil his part of the contract, she has no requirement to do anything.

I don't dispute that you have the right to be a bit peeved. They'll be women who like it year after a year and that may depend a bit on her and the man.

That's why though I am sympathetic when men have affairs after say 10 or 20 years of marriage . Often the woman probably doesn't care as long as he doesn't spend too much. You have just given a reason why I am happy not to be in a long term marriage. 

My key point though is I think if you are feeling your wife, of 20 years or so, is bad or is being sneaky or has used long term cunning  for not wanting to be ploughed 3 times a week despite her feelings, based on signing a contract 20 years before, is a bit harsh. 

[Orinoco]

14 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Despite her swearing an oath before god and country to 'love and obey'?

In the west it's part of the marriage contract, if she doesn't like the contract, she shouldn't sign it.

 

If you hire a car and it won't start, do you still pay the rental?

If you sign an employment contract and the employer decides not to pay you, do you still go to work?

 

Marriage in the west is all one sided, the man is expected to fulfil his part of the contract, she has no requirement to do anything.

Your nothing but a sperm bank with a wallet in the UK.

 

[BritManToo]

4 minutes ago, Fat is a type of crazy said:

My key point though is I think if you are feeling your wife of 20 years or so is bad or is being sneaky or has used long term cunning  for not wanting to be ploughed 3 times a week despite her feelings, based on signing a contract 20 years before, is a bit harsh. 

So you don't think home loans should be enforceable, or life insurance and pensions shouldn't have to pay up, purely on the basis any contract signed 20 years back isn't fair?

[Walker88]

4 hours ago, jerrymahoney said:

 J. M. Barrie wrote the comic play “The Admirable Crichton” which was first produced in 1902. 

 

ERNEST (eagerly plucking another epigram from his quiver). I knew that was it, though I don’t know everything. Agatha, I’m not young enough to know everything.

 

https://quoteinvestigator.com/2020/10/30/young-know/

You're destroying my appreciation of Oscar Wilde !

 

Lots of errors in attribution that are in print and pixels....all claiming were Wilde-isms.

 

Next you'll be telling me Evelyn Waugh wrote The Picture of Dorian Gray

[jerrymahoney]

3 minutes ago, Walker88 said:

You're destroying my appreciation of Oscar Wilde !

 

Lots of errors in attribution that are in print and pixels....all claiming were Wilde-isms.

 

Next you'll be telling me Evelyn Waugh wrote The Picture of Dorian Gray

No but Wilde and G.B. Shaw seem to be misattributed often to the other.

[OneMoreFarang]

5 hours ago, 4MyEgo said:

What negative sides would you be talking about ?

 

My wife signed a prenuptial agreement before the marriage which is recognised by the family courts

In some (many?) countries a prenuptial agreement has lots of limitations. I.e. if she has a baby and has to take care of the baby and at that time she can't work then you have to pay. It doesn't matter what is written in any a prenuptial agreement.

Obviously it is fair that the father should together with the mother take care of the baby. But some mothers use that to get their life paid.

[jerrymahoney]

DEMAND FALLS AS LAWYERS (in Australia) ADVISE FIRST WIVES AGAINST PRENUPS

 

https://www.international-divorce.com/australia_prenuptial_agreements

[Damrongsak]

She was my friend.  I didn't want to leave her there back in 1978.  The last 43+ years have been lumpy, but here we are in the USA. My first and only marriage, I swear.  One is more than enough! 

[KIngsofisaan]

On 8/3/2022 at 12:08 PM, spidermike007 said:

We had already lived together for many years, and were getting along great. So, I did it to give her the honor and security. Marriage means little to me. Since then, she has only become a better version of herself. 

 

I think that my wife and I have a very unusual and non-typical arrangement. We are both very independent and when I'm feeling a little bit caged in, I take off for 3 or 4 days to Bangkok, for a week to Samui to visit with friends or I'll fly up to Chiang Mai, and it works out quite well. My wife is accustomed to our lifestyle at this point and she is never surprised, nor does she complain, or give me grief. She also does trips with her friends. In addition, she spends alot of time with her friends daily, which gives me alot of sólo time, which I cherish. 

 

It has allowed us to stay together for many more years than I ever thought we would, and it's very peaceful and harmonious at home. 

Sometimes a non traditional lifestyle can be the answer, at least it was for me. Very little stress at this point. Though I must admit the ridiculously wise decision to not have kids is a huge contributing factor, to our happiness and fulfillment. For us anyway. It should be a choice. 
 

What is so unusual about not being together 24/7?

 

If it has allowed you to stay together more than you ever thought you would, that isn't saying much is it?

 

What kind of person doesn't think they will be with their wife forever?

 

There is nothing non-traditional about your lifestyle.

 

If you think being together all the time is stressful, something is wrong with your relationship.

 

If you need solo time, sounds like you still haven't figured it out yet? Or maybe just being selfish.

 

 

 

[GinBoy2]

10 minutes ago, KIngsofisaan said:

What is so unusual about not being together 24/7?

 

If it has allowed you to stay together more than you ever thought you would, that isn't saying much is it?

 

What kind of person doesn't think they will be with their wife forever?

 

There is nothing non-traditional about your lifestyle.

 

If you think being together all the time is stressful, something is wrong with your relationship.

 

If you need solo time, sounds like you still haven't figured it out yet? Or maybe just being selfish.

 

 

 

Nothing is unusual about NOT being together 7x24

 

For most folks we work, so are out of the house at least 8 hours a day.

 

Doesn't mean we love each other less, actually gives us something to talk about together, the various gripes and bitches about work

[KIngsofisaan]

1 hour ago, GinBoy2 said:

Nothing is unusual about NOT being together 7x24

 

For most folks we work, so are out of the house at least 8 hours a day.

 

Doesn't mean we love each other less, actually gives us something to talk about together, the various gripes and bitches about work

That is the question I was asking

 

Nothing unusual about not being together 24/7

 

Mike was acting like it was something very unusual

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, GinBoy2 said:

Nothing is unusual about NOT being together 7x24

 

For most folks we work, so are out of the house at least 8 hours a day.

 

Most posters on this forum are retired. Not our fault you failed to make enough money and have to keep on working until you die. 

[jerrymahoney]

16 minutes ago, KIngsofisaan said:

That is the question I was asking

 

Nothing unusual about not being together 24/7

 

Mike was acting like it was something very unusual

As Mr. Rogers would say (or sing): You are special.

[jerrymahoney]

14 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Most posters on this forum are retired. Not our fault you failed to make enough money and have to keep on working until you die. 

Sure I'm retired. She isn't.

[GinBoy2]

19 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Most posters on this forum are retired. Not our fault you failed to make enough money and have to keep on working until you die. 

I am/was retired, just got bored out out of my skull and went back to work

[SAFETY FIRST]

On 8/2/2022 at 8:44 AM, userabcd said:

Got married because it was the right thing to do and not take advantage of being in a one sided relationship with another human being.

Aaaah, how sweet, a true Good Samaritan. 

 

I hope your other half has the same ethics, otherwise the relationship will be out of balance. 

 

[jerrymahoney]

1 hour ago, GinBoy2 said:

I am/was retired, just got bored out out of my skull and went back to work

Not so easy to go "back to work" when you are retired here in Thailand vs. US. Just  have to find other ways not to be bored out of your skull..

[GinBoy2]

1 minute ago, jerrymahoney said:

Not so easy to go "back to work" when you are retired here in Thailand vs. US. Just  have to find other ways not to be bored out of your skull..

I agree

 

It was a major factor in us wanting to move back to the States.

 

My wife was already frustrated in her career opportunities in Thailand and no matter how many times I'd tried to volunteer for anything it just wan't happening

 

Some guys are fine with retirement and doing nothing. I retired early at 55, and for the first couple of years it was great. But after a while there is only so much TV to watch books to read.

 

I needed something to get out out of bed for

[GinBoy2]

On 8/4/2022 at 4:18 PM, Damrongsak said:

She was my friend.  I didn't want to leave her there back in 1978.  The last 43+ years have been lumpy, but here we are in the USA. My first and only marriage, I swear.  One is more than enough! 

I think you can split this thread into sex and relationships.

 

Relationships can always go south for a multitude of reasons.

 

The guys that just see women simply for sex  that fine for them.

 

I've always wanted some kind of soulmate someone to talk to confide in, not just a sexual partner.

 

That soulmate thing can can lumpy if not downright rocky at times. But after all these years and we're in our twilight years at this point, glad we toughed it out and can enjoy life, our kids and grandkids

[jerrymahoney]

28 minutes ago, GinBoy2 said:

needed something to get out out of bed for

My line: Some guys have something to get out of bed in the morning for. They ran out of beer and cigarettes the night before.

 

But I hardly do 'nothing': I am director of US-based 501c3  NGO and, while my activities have been scaled back, there is plenty of related legal stuff (generally termed as 'access to knowledge')  to keep me busy.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 8/4/2022 at 12:39 PM, Fat is a type of crazy said:

I appreciate what you are saying and that marriage should be a two way street and that it could be unfair if she just says no full stop. If you are being nice and gentle and she is just rejecting it out of hand you could have a basis for divorce. 

I think though the nature of sex it can be a wonderful pleasure for a woman but it can easily become something different, unpleasant, and potentially a form of coercive control. Rape at the extreme. 

I thinking the impact on your psyche of fixing the fence or taking her out to dinner is different to a woman having to lie there and feeling she is obliged to get sha gged three times a week. It can sound like she is being  used as a kind of rubber doll and that can't feel good.  

 

Disagree.

Much of my working life was unpleasant, and it was always under coercive control. So what if the wife doesn't get much if anything from sex?

As long as it's not injurious to the woman, if she is going to get married she owes it to her husband to at the very least lie there while he does his thing.

Anyway, if he isn't doing it right for her she owes it to herself to explain what she wants to her husband.

Seems to me too many women use sex in marriage to get what they want, rather than recognising it is part and parcel of marriage. Don't want to do it, don't lie to your husband to be when making those vows.

However, seems many don't believe their marriage vows when they promise "till death do us part". Liars all that get divorced when they had a religious marriage ceremony..

I doubt many men got married not expecting sex.

[thaibeachlovers]

31 minutes ago, GinBoy2 said:

I think you can split this thread into sex and relationships.

 

Relationships can always go south for a multitude of reasons.

 

The guys that just see women simply for sex  that fine for them.

 

I've always wanted some kind of soulmate someone to talk to confide in, not just a sexual partner.

 

That soulmate thing can can lumpy if not downright rocky at times. But after all these years and we're in our twilight years at this point, glad we toughed it out and can enjoy life, our kids and grandkids

Do you not believe that sex ( at least for men ) is something that should be part of a long term relationship?

Why else would most men get married?

[BritManToo]

1 minute ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Do you not believe that sex ( at least for men ) is something that should be part of a long term relationship?

Why else would most men get married?

He probably doesn't get much so has convinced himself it was never part of the deal.

Like the guys who marry sex workers then insist on telling everyone she never worked in a bar.

 

Or has a low sex drive ...... I had a pal who was always happy with once a month.

[thaibeachlovers]

54 minutes ago, GinBoy2 said:

I agree

 

It was a major factor in us wanting to move back to the States.

 

My wife was already frustrated in her career opportunities in Thailand and no matter how many times I'd tried to volunteer for anything it just wan't happening

 

Some guys are fine with retirement and doing nothing. I retired early at 55, and for the first couple of years it was great. But after a while there is only so much TV to watch books to read.

 

I needed something to get out out of bed for

Don't understand how any guy with a modicum of energy can "do nothing". I was retired in LOS and never had "nothing to do".

Up to the guy I guess, but don't bitch about "nothing to do" when there is a world of things to do in LOS and many of them cost little to nothing to do.