Child support and alimony

[thaibeachlovers]

On 2/28/2023 at 10:34 PM, Lolothai said:

Condom will become my best friend from now on.

You are right about feelings and lust, that's a weakness but I thought it was a good way to enjoy life before, I'm quite physical so these are the kind of things I enjoy.

It's quite clear now that I would never be happy as long as I'm with her.

I don't understand how a guy can get it up with someone they despise.

[BritManToo]

2 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I don't understand how a guy can get it up with someone they despise.

I despise myself, and can assure you it's never a problem.

[Lolothai]

On 3/13/2023 at 1:59 PM, thaibeachlovers said:

I don't understand how a guy can get it up with someone they despise.

It's obviously very unhealthy but it's this or a profound loneliness. We just moved in a new house I rent, 300 km away, very nice area, she brought back all my stuff, tools, bed, TV, wash machine etc. She is doing quite good at home, we share well the housework, she is lovely, sweet, interesting and everything looks very good. She looks very happy and seems she wants a happy family life too.

The problem is that she doesn't hesitate to betray me, to cuckold me, to let another man disrespect me when it arranges her.

Apparently, her boyfriend bought a car on credit and she put the land I bought for our family as collateral. Now the "rich" boyfriend that she thought to milk has nothing and the finance are running after him. She has also her own credit and this time she put the car I bought for our family as collateral again for a credit to invest with her boyfriend, he is supposed to pay half of it every month. She thought he was rich and she thought to invest in his business and to become herself very rich. I think this guy is in love with her and used her greediness to get her.

She keeps having sex with him and promising him that she loves him to make sure he pays his part of the credit, also probably she keeps him as a back up as she is not sure about me.

My daughter told me that she heard her conversation with her boyfriend and he told her to come back to her house (the one I built myself) and asked her if she would come back if he buys everything back, bed, wash machine, sofa, tv and pay for the school kids and she said yes. She told him she prefers him etc but she can’t come back if no money. She doesn’t know that I know this. Maybe she simply manipulates him and promise whatever he wants for him to pay.

So the situation here is that she hates him for making her lose money but in same time she uses him when she needs company or help.

If she and her boyfriend don’t pay she cans lose this:

-         Her car (that I bought for our family but that she uses with her boyfriend) for a credit of 200 000 and 270 000 to pay (remain 200 000) car worth around the same.

-         Her land with house and furnitures (that I bought for our family and kids future) for a credit of 500 000 for her boyfriend to buy a second hand pick-up.

She told me that if he doesn’t pay then they can take her land and if the finance can’t find his pick-up because he found a way to sell it then he would go to jail.

I’m a bit depressed, I want this family life so much and we have everything, my salary is a bit low for comfort thought.

I told her to stop with him and she said she wants too but she has to clear her problems (could take years…)

In few days she will go to see him and pick up her son, she will ask her boyfriend to drive her car to our new house because she can’t drive that far and through Bangkok. It’s very weird to imagine this. My all family in the car I bought with her boyfriend driving them. It makes me sick.

I hesitate to tell her to stay there but I also hope that this would be the last step and we could have our family life.

I would need to accept that she isn’t loyal and that if anything happen to me she would be with him immediately. Also I just paid for the school kids and if I break up now then it’s a mess for them again. I’m shaking and lose the will to fight but if I don’t I’m finished.

I’m depressed and very stressed too, if I lose my job then I lose everything too.

If only she could be honest and make better choice in her life.

As long as I accept all without blaming her then she is very lovely and cuddles me 100 times a day, I can feel her “love” but if I complain about anything or make her feel bad for what she did and do to me then she is out. She gets depressed and sick over there but I think it’s because nothing goes like she wants with her family and boyfriend, they are fighting each-others when the money is not flowing.

I’m trying to see thing with a different angle, imagine her as a nanny, after all I gives her only 10 000 a month and I pay everything for our family. I’m thinking that I can go to see short times ladies, that I’m free but it’s not the life I want.  

Somehow, it’s a better situation, I was investing all my money in our family, to the last penny. I was building a house that I thought mine but from where I could get kicked anytime, I didn’t own anything and I didn’t know it. Today I pay my car monthly, the house is rented but the contract is mine, she can’t kick me out and bring her boyfriend to live in it. When I do the garden I’m not doing it for the comfort of her mother brother and boyfriend but for myself and my children. If she didn’t try to <deleted> me over with this guy then I would have keep making her stronger, keep slaving myself to build her future but not mine. Today I know that I can’t trust her. I would be very happy that she loses this land because anyway it will never go to my children. The less power she has the sweeter she is. I wanted her to be independent to be respected I didn’t think that she would use this to disrespect me and blackmail me.

Also I got her on audio record saying that my mother and me bought everything, land, house, car, I made her repeat several times, she was focused on her boyfriend story when she spoke about it so she genuinely admitted all, she didn’t care.

I suppose that if I can find a lawyer with some skills he could use this. I should go to get advises but when I called few firms, they all look like they don’t give a <deleted> and have no will to make any efforts but are certainly there to take money.

[fredwiggy]

On 3/25/2023 at 11:09 AM, Lolothai said:

It's obviously very unhealthy but it's this or a profound loneliness. We just moved in a new house I rent, 300 km away, very nice area, she brought back all my stuff, tools, bed, TV, wash machine etc. She is doing quite good at home, we share well the housework, she is lovely, sweet, interesting and everything looks very good. She looks very happy and seems she wants a happy family life too.

 

The problem is that she doesn't hesitate to betray me, to cuckold me, to let another man disrespect me when it arranges her.

 

Apparently, her boyfriend bought a car on credit and she put the land I bought for our family as collateral. Now the "rich" boyfriend that she thought to milk has nothing and the finance are running after him. She has also her own credit and this time she put the car I bought for our family as collateral again for a credit to invest with her boyfriend, he is supposed to pay half of it every month. She thought he was rich and she thought to invest in his business and to become herself very rich. I think this guy is in love with her and used her greediness to get her.

 

She keeps having sex with him and promising him that she loves him to make sure he pays his part of the credit, also probably she keeps him as a back up as she is not sure about me.

 

My daughter told me that she heard her conversation with her boyfriend and he told her to come back to her house (the one I built myself) and asked her if she would come back if he buys everything back, bed, wash machine, sofa, tv and pay for the school kids and she said yes. She told him she prefers him etc but she can’t come back if no money. She doesn’t know that I know this. Maybe she simply manipulates him and promise whatever he wants for him to pay.

 

So the situation here is that she hates him for making her lose money but in same time she uses him when she needs company or help.

 

If she and her boyfriend don’t pay she cans lose this:

 

-         Her car (that I bought for our family but that she uses with her boyfriend) for a credit of 200 000 and 270 000 to pay (remain 200 000) car worth around the same.

 

-         Her land with house and furnitures (that I bought for our family and kids future) for a credit of 500 000 for her boyfriend to buy a second hand pick-up.

 

She told me that if he doesn’t pay then they can take her land and if the finance can’t find his pick-up because he found a way to sell it then he would go to jail.

 

I’m a bit depressed, I want this family life so much and we have everything, my salary is a bit low for comfort thought.

 

I told her to stop with him and she said she wants too but she has to clear her problems (could take years…)

 

In few days she will go to see him and pick up her son, she will ask her boyfriend to drive her car to our new house because she can’t drive that far and through Bangkok. It’s very weird to imagine this. My all family in the car I bought with her boyfriend driving them. It makes me sick.

 

I hesitate to tell her to stay there but I also hope that this would be the last step and we could have our family life.

 

I would need to accept that she isn’t loyal and that if anything happen to me she would be with him immediately. Also I just paid for the school kids and if I break up now then it’s a mess for them again. I’m shaking and lose the will to fight but if I don’t I’m finished.

 

I’m depressed and very stressed too, if I lose my job then I lose everything too.

 

If only she could be honest and make better choice in her life.

 

As long as I accept all without blaming her then she is very lovely and cuddles me 100 times a day, I can feel her “love” but if I complain about anything or make her feel bad for what she did and do to me then she is out. She gets depressed and sick over there but I think it’s because nothing goes like she wants with her family and boyfriend, they are fighting each-others when the money is not flowing.

 

I’m trying to see thing with a different angle, imagine her as a nanny, after all I gives her only 10 000 a month and I pay everything for our family. I’m thinking that I can go to see short times ladies, that I’m free but it’s not the life I want.  

 

Somehow, it’s a better situation, I was investing all my money in our family, to the last penny. I was building a house that I thought mine but from where I could get kicked anytime, I didn’t own anything and I didn’t know it. Today I pay my car monthly, the house is rented but the contract is mine, she can’t kick me out and bring her boyfriend to live in it. When I do the garden I’m not doing it for the comfort of her mother brother and boyfriend but for myself and my children. If she didn’t try to <deleted> me over with this guy then I would have keep making her stronger, keep slaving myself to build her future but not mine. Today I know that I can’t trust her. I would be very happy that she loses this land because anyway it will never go to my children. The less power she has the sweeter she is. I wanted her to be independent to be respected I didn’t think that she would use this to disrespect me and blackmail me.

 

Also I got her on audio record saying that my mother and me bought everything, land, house, car, I made her repeat several times, she was focused on her boyfriend story when she spoke about it so she genuinely admitted all, she didn’t care.

 

I suppose that if I can find a lawyer with some skills he could use this. I should go to get advises but when I called few firms, they all look like they don’t give a <deleted> and have no will to make any efforts but are certainly there to take money.

 

Like I mentioned before. She will not change. She wants to use the both of you and if she is having sex with him she look st you as nothing but extra cash. This kind is very dangerous and people here have died because of this mentality. If you built the house with your money, she can not kick you out. She can try, but if you can prove you paid for everything, you can stay in it. It might be in her name, but a judge will look at who paid for it. If she paid partial, you can settle for whatever works out to 50% and then divide everything bought after the marriage date. Audio tapes aren't going to do well in court. Receipts, or a signed,and better, notarized, statement from the builder, which I got, are proof that you paid. You should be looking at , in the future, to get the kids out of here. This country is not good for girls especially, and everyone knows it. Accepting her ways , giving in like that, shows she has you controlled, the last thing a man wants. You are not her slave, and neither is she yours. A relationship should have two people helping the other to be the best person they can be. One sided never works. She is cheating with you with a local. This can mean you might pick up a disease, as people who are promiscuous, especially in this country with it's high rate of STD'S, and if someone is having sex with a married woman, they are probably cheating on her as well. Let her be, and her and her boyfriend will self-destruct in time. You don't need to be there, nor do the kids. You aren't a victim unless you let yourself be one. This happens here a lot, and in the end, the woman ends up all alone. She might get part of the sale price of the house, but that is a good way to say goodbye. A lawyer can help, even though , yes, they don't care much for anything besides getting paid. You will get 50% of things bought after the marriage, and visitation. Then you can plan your leaving with the kids later. If she is like a lot of women here, especially my ex, they don't care for the kids except what money it will get them. When they get to be a burden, they leave them. I would also worry about this man being around my kids. Can't trust he's a good guy with his actions speaking volumes.

[Lolothai]

On 3/26/2023 at 5:01 PM, fredwiggy said:

Like I mentioned before. She will not change. She wants to use the both of you and if she is having sex with him she look st you as nothing but extra cash. This kind is very dangerous and people here have died because of this mentality. If you built the house with your money, she can not kick you out. She can try, but if you can prove you paid for everything, you can stay in it. It might be in her name, but a judge will look at who paid for it. If she paid partial, you can settle for whatever works out to 50% and then divide everything bought after the marriage date. Audio tapes aren't going to do well in court. Receipts, or a signed,and better, notarized, statement from the builder, which I got, are proof that you paid. You should be looking at , in the future, to get the kids out of here. This country is not good for girls especially, and everyone knows it. Accepting her ways , giving in like that, shows she has you controlled, the last thing a man wants. You are not her slave, and neither is she yours. A relationship should have two people helping the other to be the best person they can be. One sided never works. She is cheating with you with a local. This can mean you might pick up a disease, as people who are promiscuous, especially in this country with it's high rate of STD'S, and if someone is having sex with a married woman, they are probably cheating on her as well. Let her be, and her and her boyfriend will self-destruct in time. You don't need to be there, nor do the kids. You aren't a victim unless you let yourself be one. This happens here a lot, and in the end, the woman ends up all alone. She might get part of the sale price of the house, but that is a good way to say goodbye. A lawyer can help, even though , yes, they don't care much for anything besides getting paid. You will get 50% of things bought after the marriage, and visitation. Then you can plan your leaving with the kids later. If she is like a lot of women here, especially my ex, they don't care for the kids except what money it will get them. When they get to be a burden, they leave them. I would also worry about this man being around my kids. Can't trust he's a good guy with his actions speaking volumes.

I was ready to stop and I asked her if she would accept to don't meet him physically anymore, she accepted and said that she wanted to completely cut with him as she gives up on the hope of saving our land.

After I asked her if she was planning to play this game with him for 4 years until the end of his car credit, she realized that it would be horribly difficult to hold on that much time. She told me that she was going to lose her land and our family so she is ready to forget the land.

Look likes it's even worse for her than I thought. The guy is an idiot but he is sneaky, he played this game with many others, probably his last game though because now he is driving on motorbike, hiding the infamous pick-up and he has debt everywhere.

She is dealing with some kind of a criminal car reseller lady, this lady buy car with credit on it and sell them to other criminals. She told me that her lawyer friend managed to help the niece of her boyfriend to get back a car that she sold to some burmese Yaba sellers after they got caught. Her boyfriend contacted this reseller few days ago and borrowed 20 000 bahts saying it was for my "wife" (his girlfriend) as it is well known they are together she believed it and she is now asking the money to my wife.

Her mother who is very poor but quite greedy lend 30 000 to her boyfriend, her brother did the same, obviously now they are blaming her as she pushed them to lend money in the hope to get a good return.

Really wish them all to go to jail. My "wife" isn't better than any of them.

You are right about the STD, I have to get tested for HIV too and I should wear condom every time with her from now on. Even she is not moving yet from the house or even she really stopped with him, I can't know for sure what she is doing and who has been in her dirty c...

It looks very beautiful today, I rent a very nice house and all the family is happy, I paid for private school too. She is very sweet and full of love now but I know that if anything happen then her mask would drop off and she would show her very selfish true self.

It's interesting to see how unfair she finds the situation, how angry she is after this guy doing exactly what she did to me. She scammed me and then he scammed her but she still feels she is a victim.

She dumped me like I was a piece of garbage and she then gambled away our house and our car in the hope to get very rich with her boyfriend. She thought to dump him once rich enough.

I won't spend my life with this girl, I protect myself now, enjoy what I can, I won't invest anything with her, I pay 10 000 per month for her and I take care of everything for the family. I will try to make myself stronger, pass certificates for my job and make money later, the day I get a good salary then I will separate, maybe before depending of what will happen.

It's funny to witness how after saying to each other the day she left me how a bad guy I was and how perfect her boyfriend was compare to me, how much now she hates him, telling him that she will kill all his family, included his 6 year old fat nephew etc she is threatening him with anything she can, lawyer, death etc.

One year ago she was telling me that one day she forgot at a restaurant they went, her wallet with 3000 bahts inside and she was scared to tell him because her husband, me, would have blame her for this. So he told her that stressing was useless and he just turn the car around and nicely went to get back the wallet, after this they happily had sex in a beautiful hotel. Wonderful, treated her like a princess... seems that today they have a very different view on "stress"

I really wish that she would learn from this, that she could see herself and change but I know very well that she is like she is right now because her other choices don't look that good and if she was having the opportunity she would do it again.

Conclusion of this story, whatever I buy, it's in my name and I don't give anything in advance. She tried to steal everything and she lost all she had, somnamna...

 

[fredwiggy]

2 hours ago, Lolothai said:

I was ready to stop and I asked her if she would accept to don't meet him physically anymore, she accepted and said that she wanted to completely cut with him as she gives up on the hope of saving our land.

After I asked her if she was planning to play this game with him for 4 years until the end of his car credit, she realized that it would be horribly difficult to hold on that much time. She told me that she was going to lose her land and our family so she is ready to forget the land.

Look likes it's even worse for her than I thought. The guy is an idiot but he is sneaky, he played this game with many others, probably his last game though because now he is driving on motorbike, hiding the infamous pick-up and he has debt everywhere.

She is dealing with some kind of a criminal car reseller lady, this lady buy car with credit on it and sell them to other criminals. She told me that her lawyer friend managed to help the niece of her boyfriend to get back a car that she sold to some burmese Yaba sellers after they got caught. Her boyfriend contacted this reseller few days ago and borrowed 20 000 bahts saying it was for my "wife" (his girlfriend) as it is well known they are together she believed it and she is now asking the money to my wife.

Her mother who is very poor but quite greedy lend 30 000 to her boyfriend, her brother did the same, obviously now they are blaming her as she pushed them to lend money in the hope to get a good return.

Really wish them all to go to jail. My "wife" isn't better than any of them.

You are right about the STD, I have to get tested for HIV too and I should wear condom every time with her from now on. Even she is not moving yet from the house or even she really stopped with him, I can't know for sure what she is doing and who has been in her dirty c...

It looks very beautiful today, I rent a very nice house and all the family is happy, I paid for private school too. She is very sweet and full of love now but I know that if anything happen then her mask would drop off and she would show her very selfish true self.

It's interesting to see how unfair she finds the situation, how angry she is after this guy doing exactly what she did to me. She scammed me and then he scammed her but she still feels she is a victim.

She dumped me like I was a piece of garbage and she then gambled away our house and our car in the hope to get very rich with her boyfriend. She thought to dump him once rich enough.

I won't spend my life with this girl, I protect myself now, enjoy what I can, I won't invest anything with her, I pay 10 000 per month for her and I take care of everything for the family. I will try to make myself stronger, pass certificates for my job and make money later, the day I get a good salary then I will separate, maybe before depending of what will happen.

It's funny to witness how after saying to each other the day she left me how a bad guy I was and how perfect her boyfriend was compare to me, how much now she hates him, telling him that she will kill all his family, included his 6 year old fat nephew etc she is threatening him with anything she can, lawyer, death etc.

One year ago she was telling me that one day she forgot at a restaurant they went, her wallet with 3000 bahts inside and she was scared to tell him because her husband, me, would have blame her for this. So he told her that stressing was useless and he just turn the car around and nicely went to get back the wallet, after this they happily had sex in a beautiful hotel. Wonderful, treated her like a princess... seems that today they have a very different view on "stress"

I really wish that she would learn from this, that she could see herself and change but I know very well that she is like she is right now because her other choices don't look that good and if she was having the opportunity she would do it again.

Conclusion of this story, whatever I buy, it's in my name and I don't give anything in advance. She tried to steal everything and she lost all she had, somnamna...

 

She is like she is always, not just right now. She has been this way since she was a teenager, learned of course from her parents, and friends what a man is for. Google Covert Narcissist. You'll find many links on it . Look up Dr. Les Carter out of Texas. His specialty is narcissism and he knows. You can listen to his videos for days, and you'll see what kind of predators these kind are, that they only get worse, and they look for empaths. People who are loving and giving, and that they can con into doing everything for them, until they tear you down, use you, cheat on you, and then end up all alone, because they never change, it's a learned behavior, and is what an alpha male is, as well as most world leaders. The latter are actually malignant narcissists, thinking they are the best in everything and know all.

Edited March 29, 2023 by fredwiggy

[spidermike007]

Easy for me to say, being one of the fortunate ones to have avoided having kids (I like kids, but have had zero interest in having any, in this lifetime) but don't have kids. It simplifies your life to no end, it makes breaking up or getting divorced alot simpler and cheaper, and in my opinion, the planet simply does not need any more people. 

 

I know many will say this, or that, but this would be my best relationship advice. 

[Lolothai]

15 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

Easy for me to say, being one of the fortunate ones to have avoided having kids (I like kids, but have had zero interest in having any, in this lifetime) but don't have kids. It simplifies your life to no end, it makes breaking up or getting divorced a lot simpler and cheaper, and in my opinion, the planet simply does not need any more people. 

 

I know many will say this, or that, but this would be my best relationship advice. 

You are right and I don't think it's really an act of altruism to make kids. I thought to give them the life I had always dream but this world future is uncertain and who knows what they are going to face. Despite everything my kids are very happy, I'm lucky here because I made a lot of mistakes and I'm weak emotionally. Right now in this new compound we are living they seems even happier, it's safe, there is a nice swimming pool, they can play in the park and large empty roads to ride their bicycles. Their brother is there and he cares a lot for his sisters. I paid a private school, got a lot of motivation for this because the free school was a disaster, now I understand even more why all those ladies working in bar are who they are, they learn from a very young age how normal it is to steal, con and use sex and love to get money.

Having kids is actually quite selfish, you can't be sure to give happiness but people are ready to gamble lives for a family dream.

Your advice is welcome but it comes a bit late, I made 2 kids on my own and my "wife" got one before that I'm taking care since 9 years, he was 6 when he came.

 

 

[fredwiggy]

1 hour ago, Lolothai said:

You are right and I don't think it's really an act of altruism to make kids. I thought to give them the life I had always dream but this world future is uncertain and who knows what they are going to face. Despite everything my kids are very happy, I'm lucky here because I made a lot of mistakes and I'm weak emotionally. Right now in this new compound we are living they seems even happier, it's safe, there is a nice swimming pool, they can play in the park and large empty roads to ride their bicycles. Their brother is there and he cares a lot for his sisters. I paid a private school, got a lot of motivation for this because the free school was a disaster, now I understand even more why all those ladies working in bar are who they are, they learn from a very young age how normal it is to steal, con and use sex and love to get money.

Having kids is actually quite selfish, you can't be sure to give happiness but people are ready to gamble lives for a family dream.

Your advice is welcome but it comes a bit late, I made 2 kids on my own and my "wife" got one before that I'm taking care since 9 years, he was 6 when he came.

 

 

Having kids isn't selfish. It is a product of sex. Problem is, many people have no business having kids, because they aren't fit emotionally, mentally or financially to properly take care of them. That will never stop people from having them, but if you are capable of taking care of kids, you have them. When you have them, it isn't the responsibility of grandparents to take care of them, but the parents. Children need both parents involved in their lives to have a chance at a good future. If the parents can't stay together, they can still take proper care of them when they have them. Anyone can make a child, it takes a parent to raise them. here, the weakness of the judicial system doesn't enforce child support. That shows the men, and sometimes women, that they can have kids and not care what happens afterwards. The men usually take off, to have more kids with more women, and not pay anything towards their welfare, and the woman, either not capable because of age, or inability to properly raise a child alone, give them to grandparents, who are a lot of the time illiterate, too old, or poor, and they go to a big city to make a little more money than they would locally (the extra money goes towards rent), send money back to the grandparent, and see their kids maybe twice a year. Sadly, this happens with over 35% of children here, leading all other countries by a large margin. This will continue here until the fathers are held responsible by the courts. No one knows the future of our world besides God, but that's not a reason not to bring kids into the world. Kids are, and should be, a byproduct of love between two people. Hopefully those two can stay together and do whatever it takes to create harmony among themselves, and to their kids. If you don't want kids, use protection, because it isn't going to stop people from having sex. When you have the, you do whatever you can to give them a good future. If that means leaving this country, that's what you do. Staying with a woman that has a boyfriend is ridiculous and dangerous. She has shown what she is, so you do what you can to ensure those kids are in the right place, and that isn't with an immoral woman and a man that has no scruples. A private school, bicycles,a park and a swimming pool are not going to do anything but entertain them for awhile. Kids see most everything while they're growing up, and what they can't see they feel. There are thousands of children that have mothers here that are bar girls, and they grow up thinking it's normal, and dads that aren't around. They take this into their own lives, and their relationships suffer. Your time is now to help those kids. A partner always comes first, until this happens. Then it's the kids and the partner you leave to do what she's going to do, which from what you've been telling us, is selfish, sleazy and irresponsible except for what she can gain from it.

Edited March 30, 2023 by fredwiggy

[spidermike007]

1 hour ago, Lolothai said:

You are right and I don't think it's really an act of altruism to make kids. I thought to give them the life I had always dream but this world future is uncertain and who knows what they are going to face. Despite everything my kids are very happy, I'm lucky here because I made a lot of mistakes and I'm weak emotionally. Right now in this new compound we are living they seems even happier, it's safe, there is a nice swimming pool, they can play in the park and large empty roads to ride their bicycles. Their brother is there and he cares a lot for his sisters. I paid a private school, got a lot of motivation for this because the free school was a disaster, now I understand even more why all those ladies working in bar are who they are, they learn from a very young age how normal it is to steal, con and use sex and love to get money.

Having kids is actually quite selfish, you can't be sure to give happiness but people are ready to gamble lives for a family dream.

Your advice is welcome but it comes a bit late, I made 2 kids on my own and my "wife" got one before that I'm taking care since 9 years, he was 6 when he came.

 

 

Having kids is a valid and lovely thing to do, if you are really feeling it and prepared to be the best parent you can possibly be, are in a position to support and love the kid, and provide a great environment for them. Sounds like you are doing that. 

 

For me, I never felt it. And I am glad for that. It has simplified my life and we have a good life partly due to the lack of kids and that responsibility. 

 

One thing is for certain, though. This planet does not need more kids. And bringing kids into this world, at this time, requires a certain degree of self absorbtion, and a buy in to the traditional family dream. 

 

There is alot of concern about zero, or negative population growth. There are about 25 countries with the highest population growth. If memory serves me correctly, at least 23 of them are Muslim nations. The rest of the world seems to be coming to their senses, and having far fewer babies. Kudos to those who choose not to spawn, at this point in time. Smart move. 

Edited March 30, 2023 by spidermike007

[Lolothai]

16 hours ago, fredwiggy said:

She is like she is always, not just right now. She has been this way since she was a teenager, learned of course from her parents, and friends what a man is for. Google Covert Narcissist. You'll find many links on it . Look up Dr. Les Carter out of Texas. His specialty is narcissism and he knows. You can listen to his videos for days, and you'll see what kind of predators these kind are, that they only get worse, and they look for empaths. People who are loving and giving, and that they can con into doing everything for them, until they tear you down, use you, cheat on you, and then end up all alone, because they never change, it's a learned behavior, and is what an alpha male is, as well as most world leaders. The latter are actually malignant narcissists, thinking they are the best in everything and know all.

That's very interesting, indeed she was quite introvert when I met her 10 years ago, much less today but she has a lot of the narcissist traits. It's very sneaky because as she is a bit introvert it doesn't show at all.

Yesterday her boyfriend told her that he was very surprised and that he was wrong from the beginning about who she is. Obviously to trick him she presented herself as a very shy and innocent person and she told me that he thought she was weak but now that she shows her teeth he doesn't understand. She is extremely proud of herself when breaking-up, it seems very important to her to be the one leaving despite saying she doesn't care.

Her boyfriend is exactly like her but she can't recognize herself in this mirror.

Yesterday when she told me that he was shocked to discover that she is not sweet and innocent I explained that he has to be seriously dumb to don't understand who she was despite starting with her when she was taking the land and everything her husband paid to go with him. He is another kind of narcissist, he really believed that she could be a monster with her own family but a wonderful girlfriend to him. Surprisingly she didn't react to my explanation about her betraying me and so being completely unreliable to anyone. I have to be careful because if she feels that I'm too aware of who she is then she might accelerate her plan of betrayal.

I suppose her next step would be to find "food" around our area as it's full of old farang. Yesterday she wore a short with a sexy top, her son told her that he didn't want to wear clothes like her and she told him that she just wanted to feel comfortable. I do enjoy seeing her sexy but I don't think she was sexy just for me.

I will need anyway some excuses to dump her in future, should not be difficult.

I'm reading more about covert narcissist and found this representing her quite well:

 

"The covert narcissist certainly craves importance and thirsts for admiration but it can look different to those around them. They might give back-handed compliments, or purposefully minimize their accomplishments or talents so that people will offer them reassurance of how talented they are."

 

She fake humility very well. She keeps saying that she is not good for this for that, then saying the opposite a bit later. She describes herself as someone very shy, very humble but who can become the worst when provoked.

 

Apparently her boyfriend is finished, someone in his family got beaten up by loan shark, could be his wife as she has not been seen since few days. His whole family are scammers and owe money to a lot of people, his coconut business was running very well and they were making a lot of money but it seems that the business is dead and now they keep spending the same way but without any income.

I really hope she loses her land and everything else, it doesn't matter I paid all, she showed me that none is "our"

Sometimes I try to send hidden messages like by telling stories about other couples where one betrayed the other the exact same way, or that's when problems come that you discover the real face of your partner. I think she knows my game but ignore it most of the time or just don't see herself as bad.

She never say sorry for what she did, she just said she knows that what she did is bad. She never ask for forgiveness but she did say quickly thank you to forgive her.

I think you are right when you say they only get worse. She will be good as long as she doesn't have any opportunity or too scared to lose more than what she could get but she will keep trying. She will never have any second thought about betraying me when it's in her benefit.

I don't think it will benefit her, because I'm the only one who had a reason to invest myself with her, for our family, for our kids but hopefully with time she will lose her beauty and probably everything she stole from me. It will become more and more difficult for her to find a compassionate idiot ready to give a lot of money. One day our kids will know who she really is too and what she did, her son doesn't mind because he is craving for love, her love too, that's one good thing out of this story, she started to care about him after he left her to go back with his father, who doesn't care about him at all. Today she follows and advise him on his relationship with his girlfriend. 

I will condition myself and keep seeing myself in a future without her, invest the minimum with her.

I'm going to read more about covert narcissist, thank you very much for the advice, there is obviously only way to protect yourself from people like this and it's by keeping them away. It's important to understand that they can't change or become better with time.

I will try to speak about those behaviors in her boyfriend to see if she can see her own behavior. I can even make a story about someone else and explain about covert narcissist and how they keep betraying and using people they love.

And funnily she asked her boyfriend how can you say you love me and doing this to me, if love he would never do this and 2 minutes later she told me she loves me without thinking that she betrayed me so many times and in the same way she got con by her boyfriend.

 

[Lolothai]

49 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Having kids isn't selfish. It is a product of sex. Problem is, many people have no business having kids, because they aren't fit emotionally, mentally or financially to properly take care of them. That will never stop people from having them, but if you are capable of taking care of kids, you have them. When you have them, it isn't the responsibility of grandparents to take care of them, but the parents. Children need both parents involved in their lives to have a chance at a good future. If the parents can't stay together, they can still take proper care of them when they have them. Anyone can make a child, it takes a parent to raise them. here, the weakness of the judicial system doesn't enforce child support. That shows the men, and sometimes women, that they can have kids and not care what happens afterwards. The men usually take off, to have more kids with more women, and not pay anything towards their welfare, and the woman, either not capable because of age, or inability to properly raise a child alone, give them to grandparents, who are a lot of the time illiterate, too old, or poor, and they go to a big city to make a little more money than they would locally (the extra money goes towards rent), send money back to the grandparent, and see their kids maybe twice a year. Sadly, this happens with over 35% of children here, leading all other countries by a large margin. This will continue here until the fathers are held responsible by the courts. No one knows the future of our world besides God, but that's not a reason not to bring kids into the world. Kids are, and should be, a byproduct of love between two people. Hopefully those two can stay together and do whatever it takes to create harmony among themselves, and to their kids. If you don't want kids, use protection, because it isn't going to stop people from having sex. When you have the, you do whatever you can to give them a good future. If that means leaving this country, that's what you do. Staying with a woman that has a boyfriend is ridiculous and dangerous. She has shown what she is, so you do what you can to ensure those kids are in the right place, and that isn't with an immoral woman and a man that has no scruples. A private school, bicycles,a park and a swimming pool are not going to do anything but entertain them for awhile. Kids see most everything while they're growing up, and what they can't see they feel. There are thousands of children that have mothers here that are bar girls, and they grow up thinking it's normal, and dads that aren't around. They take this into their own lives, and their relationships suffer. Your time is now to help those kids. A partner always comes first, until this happens. Then it's the kids and the partner you leave to do what she's going to do, which from what you've been telling us, is selfish, sleazy and irresponsible except for what she can gain from it.

I got them in France for 2 months, everyone told me to stay there and think about them but I was horribly depressed there. My career is here, I can make much more money and have a much more interesting job than in France because I build myself abroad. In France I can be a labor at best and then there is the lifestyle, easy sex and freedom.

She won't let me go to France again, she won't let our kids go, she prefers to give them to their grand mother and see them sometimes. She told me she went to Bangkok to work as a prostitute in sukhumvit soi 11 but she felt bad and came back, it means that she was still ready to let our first daughter behind. By the way she was telling everyone before, that prostitution was my fault and she was doing it for me and the family, one time I told her that if she was doing it after leaving me it means she is doing it for herself and not for me, she was furious I said this, she could not accept this truth. She wants to believe that prostitution is because she is a victim and not because that's a lazy and easy choice.

I think she would let me take care of them the time for her to find a Farang ready to accept them and who has all the money she wants. As long as the money is flowing she would be very nice, taking care of the family, having good time with the kids etc,

It's hard to explain, she is doing quite well, she is nice at home, it's just that she won't hesitate a second to betray and dump her partner when it benefits her.

I probably can't bring them to France but I can take care of them while she can't or doesn't want to and at this moment divorce and ask for guardianship, I would probably have to stay in good term for this but I want so much to tell her what kind of piece of <deleted> she is.

[fredwiggy]

16 minutes ago, Lolothai said:

That's very interesting, indeed she was quite introvert when I met her 10 years ago, much less today but she has a lot of the narcissist traits. It's very sneaky because as she is a bit introvert it doesn't show at all.

Yesterday her boyfriend told her that he was very surprised and that he was wrong from the beginning about who she is. Obviously to trick him she presented herself as a very shy and innocent person and she told me that he thought she was weak but now that she shows her teeth he doesn't understand. She is extremely proud of herself when breaking-up, it seems very important to her to be the one leaving despite saying she doesn't care.

Her boyfriend is exactly like her but she can't recognize herself in this mirror.

Yesterday when she told me that he was shocked to discover that she is not sweet and innocent I explained that he has to be seriously dumb to don't understand who she was despite starting with her when she was taking the land and everything her husband paid to go with him. He is another kind of narcissist, he really believed that she could be a monster with her own family but a wonderful girlfriend to him. Surprisingly she didn't react to my explanation about her betraying me and so being completely unreliable to anyone. I have to be careful because if she feels that I'm too aware of who she is then she might accelerate her plan of betrayal.

I suppose her next step would be to find "food" around our area as it's full of old farang. Yesterday she wore a short with a sexy top, her son told her that he didn't want to wear clothes like her and she told him that she just wanted to feel comfortable. I do enjoy seeing her sexy but I don't think she was sexy just for me.

I will need anyway some excuses to dump her in future, should not be difficult.

I'm reading more about covert narcissist and found this representing her quite well:

 

"The covert narcissist certainly craves importance and thirsts for admiration but it can look different to those around them. They might give back-handed compliments, or purposefully minimize their accomplishments or talents so that people will offer them reassurance of how talented they are."

 

She fake humility very well. She keeps saying that she is not good for this for that, then saying the opposite a bit later. She describes herself as someone very shy, very humble but who can become the worst when provoked.

 

Apparently her boyfriend is finished, someone in his family got beaten up by loan shark, could be his wife as she has not been seen since few days. His whole family are scammers and owe money to a lot of people, his coconut business was running very well and they were making a lot of money but it seems that the business is dead and now they keep spending the same way but without any income.

I really hope she loses her land and everything else, it doesn't matter I paid all, she showed me that none is "our"

Sometimes I try to send hidden messages like by telling stories about other couples where one betrayed the other the exact same way, or that's when problems come that you discover the real face of your partner. I think she knows my game but ignore it most of the time or just don't see herself as bad.

She never say sorry for what she did, she just said she knows that what she did is bad. She never ask for forgiveness but she did say quickly thank you to forgive her.

I think you are right when you say they only get worse. She will be good as long as she doesn't have any opportunity or too scared to lose more than what she could get but she will keep trying. She will never have any second thought about betraying me when it's in her benefit.

I don't think it will benefit her, because I'm the only one who had a reason to invest myself with her, for our family, for our kids but hopefully with time she will lose her beauty and probably everything she stole from me. It will become more and more difficult for her to find a compassionate idiot ready to give a lot of money. One day our kids will know who she really is too and what she did, her son doesn't mind because he is craving for love, her love too, that's one good thing out of this story, she started to care about him after he left her to go back with his father, who doesn't care about him at all. Today she follows and advise him on his relationship with his girlfriend. 

I will condition myself and keep seeing myself in a future without her, invest the minimum with her.

I'm going to read more about covert narcissist, thank you very much for the advice, there is obviously only way to protect yourself from people like this and it's by keeping them away. It's important to understand that they can't change or become better with time.

I will try to speak about those behaviors in her boyfriend to see if she can see her own behavior. I can even make a story about someone else and explain about covert narcissist and how they keep betraying and using people they love.

And funnily she asked her boyfriend how can you say you love me and doing this to me, if love he would never do this and 2 minutes later she told me she loves me without thinking that she betrayed me so many times and in the same way she got con by her boyfriend.

 

Good you are learning about these types. The only way to get peace is to leave and never return. Unlike depression, which can be treated if they are willing, narcissism is a learned behavior from childhood. They only get worse and will do anything to have a good supply. If it's not you, they will go find another, or will have several at a time. My ex never wanted to have me leave, this after she kidnapped our daughter and hid her 4 times from me, with the last time a year and a half. For nothing except that I stood up for myself and didn't allow her to control me, wouldn't communicate, and was abusive. This after I treated her better than anyone ever has. She went with another Thai man who gave her money. He has hit her several times, verified by my daughter and her, and is a drunk. She has told me she was single, but then he was seen at her mom's house recently. Mom hates him. Mom told my now girlfriend that her daughter was wrong in what she did to me, and everyone in our village knows the story. They cannot go without a supply, whether it be family or other people. Narcissism runs rampant everywhere, and is the downfall of society. People who only care about what they get for themselves, being self centered, aren't good parental material, or partners. They sucker you in , especially if they know you are a good person. This is who they target, as we usually give people the benefit of the doubt until it's too late, and we are captured. Then they tear you down, seeking power and control, and only looking at you as supply. It's very sad, and I sometimes feel bad for her because this is what she learned. But, you can change who you are if you start young, and know that you weren't loved right when you were a child, or abused or neglected. By the time they get to teenage, it's ingrained to use, trusting no one. They shoot themselves in the foot, because what they needed all along is a good person to take care of them and give them the love they missed. They hate themselves, and that's why it's hard for them ,if not impossible, to change. Best way is to get out, and do the same for the kids. They don't belong with her kind, as they will either be neglected in time, abused, or spoiled (usually one, the golden child), and they will either repeat her behavior, or let themselves be victims later.

[Lolothai]

30 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

Having kids is a valid and lovely thing to do, if you are really feeling it and prepared to be the best parent you can possibly be, are in a position to support and love the kid, and provide a great environment for them. Sounds like you are doing that. 

 

For me, I never felt it. And I am glad for that. It has simplified my life and we have a good life partly due to the lack of kids and that responsibility. 

 

One thing is for certain, though. This planet does not need more kids. And bringing kids into this world, at this time, requires a certain degree of self absorbtion, and a buy in to the traditional family dream. 

 

There is alot of concern about zero, or negative population growth. There are about 25 countries with the highest population growth. If memory serves me correctly, at least 23 of them are Muslim nations. The rest of the world seems to be coming to their senses, and having far fewer babies. Kudos to those who choose not to spawn, at this point in time. Smart move. 

Like said fredwiggy:

"A private school, bicycles,a park and a swimming pool are not going to do anything but entertain them for awhile. Kids see most everything while they're growing up, and what they can't see they feel"

 

There is a possibility that they get damaged by all these stories and that this happiness comes with a price later in their life.

Her son saw how her mother betrayed me, how she brought another man to have sex in the room of his parents to enjoy what I fought for during many years. He saw how she disrespected me in the worst way possible. The day I went to France we all cried at the airport to say goodbye and 5 minutes later her boyfriend was there, taking my car to go to live in my house with her son. He witnessed everything. She said that he wanted an iphone 13 and got it from her boyfriend this day, so he is probably not that innocent too. I suppose that he will never trust any woman and never invest himself without becoming completely paranoid.

 

You did well to don't have kids, there is a lot of happiness having kids but if people are not responsible, strong emotionally and financially then they better to avoid it. It was selfish and irresponsible on my part to want to get this dream. Now I'm there, maybe I deserve everything that is happening to me today but I don't want to allow myself to be that selfish, I still love them very much and I will sacrifice part of my life but not everything this time.

[fredwiggy]

13 minutes ago, Lolothai said:

I got them in France for 2 months, everyone told me to stay there and think about them but I was horribly depressed there. My career is here, I can make much more money and have a much more interesting job than in France because I build myself abroad. In France I can be a labor at best and then there is the lifestyle, easy sex and freedom.

She won't let me go to France again, she won't let our kids go, she prefers to give them to their grand mother and see them sometimes. She told me she went to Bangkok to work as a prostitute in sukhumvit soi 11 but she felt bad and came back, it means that she was still ready to let our first daughter behind. By the way she was telling everyone before, that prostitution was my fault and she was doing it for me and the family, one time I told her that if she was doing it after leaving me it means she is doing it for herself and not for me, she was furious I said this, she could not accept this truth. She wants to believe that prostitution is because she is a victim and not because that's a lazy and easy choice.

I think she would let me take care of them the time for her to find a Farang ready to accept them and who has all the money she wants. As long as the money is flowing she would be very nice, taking care of the family, having good time with the kids etc,

It's hard to explain, she is doing quite well, she is nice at home, it's just that she won't hesitate a second to betray and dump her partner when it benefits her.

I probably can't bring them to France but I can take care of them while she can't or doesn't want to and at this moment divorce and ask for guardianship, I would probably have to stay in good term for this but I want so much to tell her what kind of piece of <deleted> she is.

They are French citizens by birth to a foreigner, and you can take them there, at least to visit, for now. She will get bored with them eventually and then you can leave. Living here because it's easy sex isn't a good reason. That easy sex comes with a price. If your career is here, and you can't go , that's your choice.There are other places to live. She can not give her kids to grandma instead of you. You are dad, and can have them anytime she doesn't have them. They use the kids as control, for money, until they get to be a burden and hard to manage. Get anything you can as evidence is what she is doing. Get all receipts and statement on whatever you've paid for. Prostitution is her fault, period. No woman has to sell her body here. There are always jobs. They choose prostitution because they are mentally ill, or forced into it. It isn't glamorous. And the kids pay also. There are parents who talk their daughters into doing it so they can get money. These are very disturbed people.

[Lolothai]

2 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

They are French citizens by birth to a foreigner, and you can take them there, at least to visit, for now. She will get bored with them eventually and then you can leave. Living here because it's easy sex isn't a good reason. That easy sex comes with a price. If your career is here, and you can't go , that's your choice.There are other places to live. She can not give her kids to grandma instead of you. You are dad, and can have them anytime she doesn't have them. They use the kids as control, for money, until they get to be a burden and hard to manage. Get anything you can as evidence is what she is doing. Get all receipts and statement on whatever you've paid for. Prostitution is her fault, period. No woman has to sell her body here. There are always jobs. They choose prostitution because they are mentally ill, or forced into it. It isn't glamorous. And the kids pay also. There are parents who talk their daughters into doing it so they can get money. These are very disturbed people.

you need a letter from the mother to pass the immigration with the kids, when I went to France with them they didn't accept just the letter, I had to make a video call and she was waiting on the other side of the immigration line.

As you said there are parents pushing their kids to prostitution, her own mother asked her few weeks ago, it was tacit until then. She told her mother to go herself and she answered that she was too old for this. Her mother is selfish too and care only about what she can get out of these stories. She will always side with the richest and most generous boyfriend. This would explain and fit to what you were saying about the behavior of narcissist coming from childhood. She was raised by her grand mother.