Thai soon to be 15 years old girlfriends sons bedroom

[scorecard]

2 hours ago, asf6 said:

I'd be tempted to clean it myself but there's a  good chance the lad actually likes it like that so you'd be wasting your time cleaning it. He wouldn't appreciate it and it would soon revert to the mess it's in now. 

There's also a chance that he doesn't know how to appraoch it in a  structed way, no furniture it seems (no wardrobe, no additional drawers etc.),  so where do you 'put away' the clothes etc. 

 

Does he have a laptop, if so does he have a suitable table as a work place?

 

Are there things he likes to search for on the net? could you slowly use such likes as a connector between you and him? 

 

Do you sometimes share meals with him? If so, do you bring food home for him without asking what he would like?  

 

Does he have a smartphone? If yes do you ever call him and have perhaps quick conversations 'Can you please check if the balcony door is closed?

 

Or call him and say "I'm coming home soon and bringing dinner with me, what would you like for dinner?"

 

Just rush in and clean it all up might insult him or produce a negative like 'don't touch my room', which is not building any connections to him.

 

 

Edited April 9, 2023 by scorecard

[still kicking]

2 hours ago, Stevey said:

This @Adumbration is some piece of work. For a statement like that and a total lie someone should be looking into banning his IP or what you lot do. 
 

 

I agree but don't like to be banned so I bite my tongue. 

[Stevey]

4 minutes ago, still kicking said:

I agree but don't like to be banned so I bite my tongue. 

? You agree you believe it is an available stockpic in google images ?  

[still kicking]

2 minutes ago, Stevey said:

? You agree you believe it is an available stockpic in google images ?  

No, I meant I agree with your comment about certain posters 

[Furioso]

Why put yourself though a lot of pain and extreme difficulty? You owe it to yourself to live better. Life it too short to be in constant despair. 

[Stevey]

15 minutes ago, scorecard said:

There's also a chance that he doesn't know how to appraoch it in a  structed way, no furniture it seems (no wardrobe, no additional drawers etc.),  so where do you 'put away' the clothes etc. 

 

Does he have a laptop, if so does he have a suitable table as a work place?

 

Are there things he likes to search for on the net? could you slowly use such likes as a connector between you and him? 

 

Do you sometimes share meals with him? If so, do you bring food home for him without asking what he would like?  

 

Does he have a smartphone? If yes do you ever call him and have perhaps quick conversations 'Can you please check if the balcony door is closed?

 

Or call him and say "I'm coming home soon and bringing dinner with me, what would you like for dinner?"

 

Just rush in and clean it all up might insult him or produce a negative like 'don't touch my room', which is not building any connections to him.

 

 

You may mean well and that’s to be commended but this is a feral boy who was ejected from the local Wat at 11 years old as a boy Monk and spent all last year not going to school and online gaming with friends all night and sleeping all day. But he passed because I paid for a large greenplastic storage box for a teacher as a bribe.  

[Stevey]

1 minute ago, Furioso said:

Why put yourself though a lot of pain and extreme difficulty? You owe it to yourself to live better. Life it too short to be in constant despair. 

Despair? I’m just bringing up the issue of a feral teen who has left so much garbage on the floor that ants are making a road to his room up the outside wall. I’m very happy with Dang 5 years old.  He’s on half term and we go everywhere and have some great times, never been happier ????

[Captain Monday]

A kid in my High School had a room like that

 

He was more creative with the decorating plastered with Led Zeppelin posters and centerfolds from  porno mags

 

Edited April 9, 2023 by Captain Monday

[scubascuba3]

Find a new girlfriend problem solved, clearly you aren't on the same wavelength 

Edited April 9, 2023 by scubascuba3

[BangkokReady]

By chance, this appeared on my YouTube this morning, from Alain De Botton's The School of Life Channel (worth checking out his videos):

 

Quote

What happens to a child who is not loved properly? The answer one might expect is that they start to hate the person who doesn’t give them the love they need.

 

Far from it. The reality is that the child becomes filled with shame. What is shame? A sense that one is profoundly unworthy, dirty, soiled, sinful, ugly, embarrassing - and also, in danger; a fit subject of attack and ridicule by strangers. The child is unable to redirect the blame outward: it does not ask: ‘What is wrong with my parents for not loving me adequately?’ It simply wonders in a forlorn way: ‘What have I done wrong in order to have ended up on the receiving end of my parent’s disapproval?’

 

A primitive fear of abandonment kicks in. The child prefers to attack itself for being bad than to confront a yet more awful possibility: that it is entirely dependent for its well-being on inadequate and unkind parental figures.

 

The child searches assiduously for explanations for the lack of love it has to endure - and comes to all the wrong answers. It might conclude: ‘I have not been impressive enough.’ And therefore it may undertake enormous efforts to prove to itself and harsh outsiders that it does - nevertheless - deserve to exist. At school, it might try seven times as hard as any other child to show that it is clever and ‘good’. Later on, the shamed child might turn into the over-achieving adult who works relentlessly for money and status in order to escape appalling feelings of being invisible.

 

Or else, the child may go down an anti-social route and graffiti the nearby underpass, as a desperate way of giving outward form to a feeling of badness it is tortured by inside.

 

There is so sadly no way out from the burden of shame available either by trying to be extremely good - or extremely bad. The only solution is to work against the grain of forgetting in order to perceive, for the first time, an awful possibility that one could never perceive as a child: that one has done nothing wrong at all, that wrong was done to one.

I think you're probably right with the "feral child" angle.  Although he still has some mental development to go through, and his brain will still have some plasticity, he's gone past some pretty significant developmental stages already.

 

You might not be able to completely reverse the damage, but you will likely be able to reduce it somewhat and prevent any further damage from occurring.

 

His friends might prove a bit of a challenge also.

 

I don't think there's any reason to give up on him.  It's just going to be challenging to win him over and he will probably push you away and be slow to warm to you.

 

I'm sure if you are kind to him, show him that you are there to stay, be consistent, try to include him, he will come round eventually.  Even adults appreciate having an older person provide that positive male role-model.

[Stevey]

1 hour ago, BangkokReady said:

By chance, this appeared on my YouTube this morning, from Alain De Botton's The School of Life Channel (worth checking out his videos):

 

I think you're probably right with the "feral child" angle.  Although he still has some mental development to go through, and his brain will still have some plasticity, he's gone past some pretty significant developmental stages already.

 

You might not be able to completely reverse the damage, but you will likely be able to reduce it somewhat and prevent any further damage from occurring.

 

His friends might prove a bit of a challenge also.

 

I don't think there's any reason to give up on him.  It's just going to be challenging to win him over and he will probably push you away and be slow to warm to you.

 

I'm sure if you are kind to him, show him that you are there to stay, be consistent, try to include him, he will come round eventually.  Even adults appreciate having an older person provide that positive male role-model.

 If you saw him you wouldn’t believe it was the same person. He’s quiet and not just tall but the tallest person in the village nearly. He very good looking and has the most impossibly beautiful girlfriend. All the kids revere him.

 

i suppose it’s all about turning the other cheek and being the bigger man. Although I don’t think I should have to  just restricting his money supply from his Mom should do it. Clean room get pocket money “Mair ow Sao Baht ! “  “ Look ! Kwarm Sa-art Horng Gorn .. laiw-Ja Hai Sao Baht Ler-yee !! 
 

I’ll look up Alain , I’ve seen him BBC4 

[spidermike007]

There is only one way forward for you. If you have self esteem, and value the quality of your life, run for the hills. Leave this woman immediately. Leave by tomorrow. If you care about having a good life. We make the choices, and that is not a choice many of us would choose to make. We surround ourselves with quality people, or we don't. It is that simple. And if we don't, we end up surrounded by beasts and animals. 

[BangkokReady]

6 minutes ago, Stevey said:

If you saw him you wouldn’t believe it was the same person. He’s quiet and not just tall but the tallest person in the village nearly. He very good looking and has the most impossibly beautiful girlfriend. All the kids revere him.

I guess that's one positive thing.  At least in Thailand the "toxic boy" is quite popular.  He could still be an absolute mess in his head though.  Lots of absolute lunatics are still a hit with the ladies (possibly even because they're lunatics), and "popular kids" are often screwed up inside.  And what seems like a "cool kid" to his peers, might be a person heading towards complete disaster.

 

The mess, the lying and stealing, the lack of success at school, could all do with being turned around.

 

I suppose it all depends on how much effort you want to make.  But don't forget, he might be in the younger one's life for a very long time, so it might be worth doing just to help him.

[Reginald Prewster]

I would turn into the worst drill sergeant the world has seen...

Employ hard rules...

 

If the mother wants to defend him time to say good bye. How can you be happy there? 

 

 

 

[DJ54]

2 nephews live with us most the time when they were 9-10 ish would come in front door from school and drop there shorts and shirts on the floor sometimes leaving snack wrappers and soda cans on the floor. Told wife a few times to tell Mama teach them to put up things and not leave a mess in front room…. 
 

finally I picked up everything and put it on a clean trash can. After a couple days of them retrieving from the trash the stopped…. 

[transam]

19 hours ago, Adumbration said:

This guy is Aseannow's latest paid poster.  That is a downloaded image. Its source can be found using google lens.

 

Besides myself, Britmantoo, and a handful of others are there actually any real people posting on this forum?

Spoil sport.................

[KannikaP]

I think mods should edit the title. Looks like his 15 year old girlfriend has a son.

[NanLaew]

19 hours ago, Stevey said:

Well, the truth of it is, I was tricked. She made me believe she was a keeper. For a few years in to us getting serious and staying with each other long-term things were ok. Before that it was visiting on holidays, Then a year ago or so the mask started to slip. Complaining about his behaviour et cetera fell on deaf ears.

 

But there’s his younger 5year old brother that keeps me around, who’s great fun and dare I say worth it. 

I recall reading your other thread about shoutey Isaan women and now this?

 

If this has been going on for a "few years", it sounds to me like you're a bit of a masochist.

[KannikaP]

20 hours ago, ChaiyaTH said:

The room itself doesn't exactly look nice too. Maybe you can do more than complain of the garbage alone, fix his room up, paint etc.

Get HIM to help to paint the room, pick his own colours and furniture. It could help.

[CrunchWrapSupreme]

I've mentioned the BKK bargirl who's been in our village since Covid got started. She refuses to go back. Her fam keeps pointing at the news about all the returning tourists, the busy airport. It doesn't have to be back to the bar or sex work, there's plenty of other jobs, which she's been referred to. But no dice.

 

She thought she was getting married to a local village boy, and getting a 50k sin sod, but those plans fell apart. Tatted up bargirls aren't worth so much apparently. So since then with the saving face business, she's been displaying maximum butthurt. Stomping around the village, scowling, barking various complaints at her poor grandparents, selling roadside snacks for a pittance. then hiding in her room right after dinner.

 

If she would just get her rear end back to BKK, like most other Issan girls, she'd relieve a lot of the stress on her poor family. The money's there for the taking. But it's the pride I guess. Going back would be to admit failure.

 

Point is, the fam has all been pointing at the tourist news, making suggestions, occasionally trying to nudge her along. But the answer ultimately is always "up to her". That's Thai style. Very passive, very indirect. Same thing in Thai education. If they want to study, great, if that want to goof off all day in class, oh well, up to them. Nothing's done about it. All these ultimatiums, "tough love", better shape up or pack your bags, that's all Western thinking, and it doesn't fly here.

[2baht]

Disgusting, get the hell out of there!

[Stevey]

2 hours ago, KannikaP said:

I think mods should edit the title. Looks like his 15 year old girlfriend has a son.

Yeah she is like a teenager 

[Stevey]

4 hours ago, Reginald Prewster said:

I would turn into the worst drill sergeant the world has seen...

Employ hard rules...

 

If the mother wants to defend him time to say good bye. How can you be happy there? 

 

 

 

Well as people may have gleaned I’m not normal. When I looked at the mess last night I thought ‘right ‘ I’ll get a 300baht vinyl poster with the photo made up and I’m going down his new college he’s started in town and I’ll stand out outside and show his whole school as payback for the disrespect and smell we’re having to endure. But I am having second thoughts reflecting on some of the more thoughtful members. I a softly softly catchy monkey approach 

[NanLaew]

11 hours ago, CrunchWrapSupreme said:

The money's there for the taking. But it's the pride I guess.

That, or the thought of the sweaty overweight farang Lothario with a combover, halitosis and fingers like King Charles.

 

Or being tag-teamed by the boys from Bombay.

 

BTW, why aren't you looking up her old address? You seem to have a good handle on her daily movements and surmise her family could do with some extra wonga.

[steven100]

On 4/9/2023 at 9:56 PM, Gaccha said:

He appears to be suffering from a hoarding disorder . This is a sign of a serious mental issue and it might well be owing to depression or schizophrenia and so on. The best route ahead will probably involve SSRIs and cognitive behavioural therapy. But you need to get him to a doctor.

nonsense,  the only thing he's suffering from is a lazy no good for nothin'  sob.   He's obviously got no responsibility and doesn't care about his filthy behaviour. 

He needs a good smack n the a_se and taught that his room mess is unacceptable.

[RichardColeman]

On 4/9/2023 at 7:34 PM, Stevey said:

Any suggestions on way forward greatly appreciated. 

Pay the army guy to excessively load the black balls into a bag

[Reginald Prewster]

Seriously,

 

there are only 7 character types worldwide and if a person sinks too deep into it he fails for the outside viewer.

 

You cannot change the character if you not know how to use it for the good. 

 

His life is not him, it's his surroundings (His mother and you)

 

You can support by taking the lead, but only if you can turn into an Idol.

The picture shows, you and the mum are not anywhere near to be an idol. 

 

This start you need to do outside the room, involve him in your life, let his potentials out even its only hanging lazy off at the lake and go fishing, building a noisy motorbike together........ (whatever fits)  

 

nuff said, because I do not know how he (and especially you and your girlfriend or his mother) is ticking

[Will B Good]

Looks like my eldest daughter's bedroom after she's had a serious go at tidying up.

[brianthainess]

On 4/9/2023 at 10:11 PM, Stevey said:

Well, the truth of it is, I was tricked. She made me believe she was a keeper. For a few years in to us getting serious and staying with each other long-term things were ok. Before that it was visiting on holidays, Then a year ago or so the mask started to slip. Complaining about his behaviour et cetera fell on deaf ears.

 

But there’s his younger 5year old brother that keeps me around, who’s great fun and dare I say worth it. 

Did you pay for the house ? Ask him; if he thinks when he gets a GF, she would like his room. i agree do it up a bit maybe take him to chose the furniture for his 15th birthday (within limits) and see what happens, if he contiues to leave it in a mess like this, take out any new furniture and sell it. 

Edited April 11, 2023 by brianthainess

[Dart12]

Not sure if advice about the son matters if you don't like being with the woman.  

Also not sure if that's your house, or you moved into her house?

I might have it wrong, but it sounds like you don't enjoy being with her either...that she "tricked" you. 

If thats the case, it's simple...move on.  Even though you love her youngest son.  I'm sure she wouldn't prevent you from seeing him still when monies being shared.

If things are good with her, then yeah, you have a head scratcher on how to make things good but no matter what way, it will require a lot of patience and effort.

good luck!