Help, against good advice offered here, I married my long term GF in Isaan. Coming apart, advice please.

[Adumbration]

3 hours ago, Lacessit said:

It's not his best option if he is surrounded by hostile neighbors and relatives of his wife, it's the worst option because he would have to turn his house into a fortress to keep staying alive. He would probably have to house and feed 4 trained Dobermans.

Nonsense. 

 

Have her evicted he has the usufructory right to do so.

 

Sell someone a 30 year lease on the house.  He also has the usufructory right to do this.

 

Then he can use the sales money and move to live somewhere else.

[steven100]

1 hour ago, Adumbration said:

Have her evicted he has the usufructory right to do so.

so having her evicted is gunna fix all his problems?   yeah right !      it'll make his life worse off.

his well-being could be severely compromised if he evicts her and stays their alone. 

TIT ... anything can happen to anyone ....

Edited May 1, 2023 by steven100

[bignok]

1 hour ago, Adumbration said:

Nonsense. 

 

Have her evicted he has the usufructory right to do so.

 

Sell someone a 30 year lease on the house.  He also has the usufructory right to do this.

 

Then he can use the sales money and move to live somewhere else.

Best consult lawyer first.

[bignok]

4 hours ago, thailandsgreat said:

If they hadn't married, could she have claimed anything then or just had to leave?

Unmarried cannot claim. 

[Lee65]

You've got to know when to hold 'em,

Know when to fold 'em.

Know when to walk away,

Know when to run.

 

[steven100]

3 hours ago, Lacessit said:

IMO you are confusing legal rights with what actually happens in Thailand.

totally agree ....  Thailands legal system doesn't work like in the west or how it's suppose to,  these cowboys do as they want.  Try evicting her from the house and see how far he gets ...   he could end up in the rubber plantation hangin from a tree.  just sayin'

[oxo1947]

On 4/30/2023 at 6:10 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

And make sure she doesn't inherit anything, and tell her after you changed your last will and testament. 

How can she not inherit the house etc after he dies. A usufruct is void after death.

 

"A usufruct interest expires upon the death of the holder of the usufruct and therefore cannot be inherited."---

Section 1418 of the Civil and Commercial Code

[EVENKEEL]

If that car in the pic is in the OP's name, I recommend you pack up and leave. Simple, at age 75 are you going to deal with this dumb sh@t. I wouldn't. This is where the corny saying "don't invest more than you're willing to walk away from" comes from.

[notrub]

02 05 2023   Update on 'Should I stay or should I go now?'  A new day dawns and she is as sweet as can be.  No reference to earlier screaming and shouting etc. etc.. 

 

One thing she threw at me is that I must be bi polar as one minute I can be OK and the next be angry.  For me, it could be because I was called a stupid idiot who can never get things right, or something.  Looking at her cycle of triggers I wonder if she has narcisissistic personality disorders or if indeed she could be bi polar?   

 

In this village of a thousand(?)+ people I am a familiar sight and most people are friendly to me and my smiling face.  There are dozens of relatives of my wife's family here and they are all friendly towards me.  Immediately there is a mum, dad, sister and 2 nieces (plus a disgusting parasite nephew still at home).  They like me too. Sister is a bit younger and is the worker in the family home, at the na and both volunteer and paid work in the village..  Good woman and we get along very well.  Her husband likes me too.

 

All this means is that finding a solution and staying here is very attractive to me.  I built this house and it is comfortable for me.  Relocating to a condo in Pattaya does not appeal to this Canadian carpenter who still likes to build. 

 

How to strike a deal?  What I want is an apology for some of the attacks and an outline of acceptable behaviour.  As in, no screaming and shouting, no telling others that I am an angry old man,  Stop accusing me of having affaires etc. etc.. 

 

What is very stupid is that this house will be hers.  All my stuff will be hers.  In the prenup it is mentioned that I will maintain the house, grounds  and contents in good condition provided we have a reasonable relationship including if we separate. 

 

I pay for one niece to be a nurse.  I will pay for the younger second in a few year's time.  I have already paid to dig 2 new nong at the na and have constructed one cabin there with plans for a second.  She wails about money but there is already a joint account with some thousands in it (not millions) untouched.  She erupts over imaginary GFs and is obsessed about one in particular.  Lack of 'respect' for her is another.  

 

This is all nutty stuff.  Also I have no will.  Also she will get my pensions from Canada, France and the UK when I die if I register our marriage with the authorities there.  Also I would like to go on holidays here in Thailand and to see my children in Canada and Martinique. 

 

WTF is she thinking if she would rather have a non stop open warfare instead of having fun?  I know how to have fun; I spent my life traveling and working in many different countries.  I spent 30 years in France where I created a business and adjusted my work to enable being with my children to both ski all winter and to be able to explore mountains and beaches during the summer.  

 

So, I want to negotiate something without going to court.  I think I have some carrot options and some stick options too.  I do know Isaan Lawyers, btw;  Sebastian helped me b4 and John is helping me now.  (very good service at a reasonable price.) 

 

Every day is a new day now from a finding a solution point of view.  Violence to me is a consideration but feel it is very unlikely.  A German fellow in the village was committed to an old folks home some many years ago but that is a bit exceptional around here.  There are other stories but my wife was an office worker who dabbled online looking for someone like me.  There doesn't seem to be any 'shady' contacts who would stuff me in a sack.

 

That is an update and sorry for ill-disciplined emptying of my rambling thoughts onto this page.  Thanks again for your interest

[Dene16]

19 hours ago, gearbox said:

In Oz if you have a gf, have 10 times more assets than her, and live together long enough to be considered de facto partners...then the partner can claim half of your assets, including your super. Don't need to be married, it is enough to be living together long enough, AFAIK 6 months or an year.

I cannot say this is not true in Australia but the notion of a common law wife is a fallacy and not recognised in UK law. I know this to be true as a previous partner tried to grab a share of my house. i was already aware of this fact ,however, the lawyer told her that unless her name was on specific utility bills, council tax bills, mortgage statements that proved that she had contributed to the house she would be entitled to nothing. We even had a child together. The house was mine previously and she provided nothing to the house and its upkeep. when i pulled her up about it she claimed her parents forced her to go to see a lawyer.

Edited May 2, 2023 by Dene16
addition

[thailandsgreat]

I would still like to hear more opinions on if you can expect a lawyer or RTP to work here. (Unless you have a 100% water tight case, which this is not.)

 

If a farlang "orders" (pays) a Thai lawyer or police officer to evict a Thai person from what she and all her family, friends and village considers "her property" the lawyer or officer will be in deeper sh-t than the farlang, "betraying their own people". Law enforcement is about blood relations, not paragraphs. The chief of police would not let the officer do that.

 

OK I am no expert on this and it is a pointed statement. But it is a factor to consider, I believe.

Edited May 2, 2023 by thailandsgreat

[OneMoreFarang]

41 minutes ago, oxo1947 said:

On 4/30/2023 at 6:10 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

And make sure she doesn't inherit anything, and tell her after you changed your last will and testament. 

How can she not inherit the house etc after he dies. A usufruct is void after death.

 

"A usufruct interest expires upon the death of the holder of the usufruct and therefore cannot be inherited."---

Section 1418 of the Civil and Commercial Code

She owns the house already, she does not inherit it.

But it seems he has other assets which she will currently inherit. That's what he wrote. 

[thailandsgreat]

quote from a legal page

 

While a usufruct allows extensive rights over the asset, it does not transfer the ownership of the asset itself to the usufructuary. While the usufructuary (the person who holds the usufruct right) can let the property, they are not allowed to sell it or bequeath it to another party.

 

[brianthainess]

On 4/30/2023 at 9:11 PM, Sheryl said:

Give her a divorce and see if you can buy out her 50% share in the house.

And who's name can he put it in?

[driver52]

58 minutes ago, notrub said:

Looking at her cycle of triggers I wonder if she has narcisissistic personality disorders or if indeed she could be bi polar?   

sounds to me like she is gaslighting you......they pick up these 'tips n tricks' from talking sh!te to each other on tinternet most of the day lol, then have the nerve to accuse us blokes of having the problems ????

stay calm, protect yourself

[notrub]

No OMF, I wrote that 'she will own it'.  And if she respects the conditions of the prenup it will all be in tip top shape when I am dead.  (nobody would buy a house that did not come with the land it sits on)  And I will have paid for her car, given her some reasonable allowance, arranged for her to get my pensions, and paid for 2 nieces to be nurses and build more stuff on family land and pay for the plough and fertilizer every year before I am gone for good.   

 

An Usufruct is registered at the land office and is attached to the deeds.  The usufruct is transferred with the sale of the land to a third party if it were sold.  I paid cash for the land.  I paid for all the building materials on an account using bank transfers.  Sister has said many time that she knows that this is my home and I trust her.  The village likes me and all the family likes me. 

 

It is only my wife who is a sick <deleted>*k and makes my life miserable.   Screaming one day and asking sweetly the next if I would like mango and sticky rice now, or a bit later?

 

She already does not sleep in my bed as I also built a guest house and she is comfortably installed there (where my separate little gym/tv room is .)  Also, there is a new outdoor kitchen that she uses.  My car, bike and other things are in my name and/or paid for by bank transfer.  No debt except her new black Toyota in her name.

 

Unless some guy appears out of the woodwork and whisks her away I don't see how she can leave. There is an abundance of younger, better looking women with less baggage looking for a man that I think it unlikely she will succeed.

 

Calm now, looking for a solution.  She gave back my cards, keys and other things she lifted during the past week btw.

 

Very great news is that my children have invited me to go for a visit to Western Canada and to Martinique where they live (one in each location).  I have asked my wife if she would rather have fun on holiday or fight.

 

Take care and thanks for your interest.????

 

[BritManToo]

5 minutes ago, notrub said:

There is an abundance of younger, better looking women with less baggage looking for a man that I think it unlikely she will succeed.

Can they offer a nice house too?

[driver52]

4 minutes ago, notrub said:

She gave back my cards, keys and other things she lifted during the past week btw.

wow you're honored!!! dunno why so many blokes put up with this 'control freakism' and total BS tbh........

oh yeah I do, it's acceptable in life now apparently, like having what, in excess of 2 different sexes.......I file it under the category 'consumerism' ????

Bon courage mon ami

[BritManToo]

9 minutes ago, notrub said:

Very great news is that my children have invited me to go for a visit to Western Canada and to Martinique where they live (one in each location).  I have asked my wife if she would rather have fun on holiday or fight.

You must be bonkers (or a troll) to be thinking of taking her with you.

Why?

[RafPinto]

44 minutes ago, notrub said:

No OMF, I wrote that 'she will own it'.  And if she respects the conditions of the prenup it will all be in tip top shape when I am dead.  (nobody would buy a house that did not come with the land it sits on)  And I will have paid for her car, given her some reasonable allowance, arranged for her to get my pensions, and paid for 2 nieces to be nurses and build more stuff on family land and pay for the plough and fertilizer every year before I am gone for good.   

 

An Usufruct is registered at the land office and is attached to the deeds.  The usufruct is transferred with the sale of the land to a third party if it were sold.  I paid cash for the land.  I paid for all the building materials on an account using bank transfers.  Sister has said many time that she knows that this is my home and I trust her.  The village likes me and all the family likes me. 

 

It is only my wife who is a sick <deleted>*k and makes my life miserable.   Screaming one day and asking sweetly the next if I would like mango and sticky rice now, or a bit later?

 

She already does not sleep in my bed as I also built a guest house and she is comfortably installed there (where my separate little gym/tv room is .)  Also, there is a new outdoor kitchen that she uses.  My car, bike and other things are in my name and/or paid for by bank transfer.  No debt except her new black Toyota in her name.

 

Unless some guy appears out of the woodwork and whisks her away I don't see how she can leave. There is an abundance of younger, better looking women with less baggage looking for a man that I think it unlikely she will succeed.

 

Calm now, looking for a solution.  She gave back my cards, keys and other things she lifted during the past week btw.

 

Very great news is that my children have invited me to go for a visit to Western Canada and to Martinique where they live (one in each location).  I have asked my wife if she would rather have fun on holiday or fight.

 

Take care and thanks for your interest.????

That's an expensive car.
Who is paying for it?
If it's you and it's on finance, stop paying and quickly it will be gone.
She has a house, land, a nice car. What a b.... she is.
Does she think she will attract a 40 year old billionaire?
Tell her to have a look in the mirror and a look at her passport.
She can be happy that she won the lottery "with you".

[Walker88]

I do not envy your position. Obviously you know your situation better than me, but I would really start looking out for myself. Maintain total control over your personal items like bank cards, passport, car keys, etc. If you have joint bank accounts, take some cash out for yourself, even open a second bank account in your name only.

 

If as you say she is bipolar or suffers some other mental condition, you may well be in danger. Of course you likely know better, but from what you have written, I would be cautious. I would also retain a foreign lawyer, as I have heard tales of Thai lawyers acting in ways that would get them disbarred in countries with rule of law.

 

She has not treated you well nor with respect. You have been her meal ticket, yet she treats you as an inconvenience. Maybe that realization is difficult at your age and with your years together, but the picture as you have painted it says she is neither worth the trouble nor the risk. You are worth more to her dead than alive, as with you gone, she has all the assets and total freedom to do as she wishes.

 

Maybe her family and the village would side with you, but I would want to be damn sure of that. We all have our own experience in Thailand, or have heard all the stories, and my impression is that the pecking order goes Family, Thais, then foreigners.

 

I wish you good luck and clear-headed thinking.

[Lee65]

At this point it would be good to hear her side of the story.  Calling your wife a sick <deleted> and posting her picture on a public forum tells me there's more to be considered here.

[bunnydrops]

Something similar is happening here. She wants her husband to move out, so her boyfriend can move in.  He won't go. Everyone including her children (from a prior marriage) thinks she is out of her mind. The rumor is she says she plans to leave him with nothing, she got a loan out on the house with plans to default. They were married 16 years.

[Purdey]

A few people suggest selling the property. I am not sure you can do this as an usufruct is a contract to allow you to live on the land but my understanding is, you are not the owner. Selling it would be her right.

Maybe someone else could comment knowledgeably about this. 

[wealthychef]

On 4/30/2023 at 6:08 PM, NextG said:

How? He lives in her village. 

How about moving out of her village then for starters? I realize he might lose his possessions but is it worth it?  I say yes

[SOTIRIOS]

...Another Shame...

...Sham...

...Be Careful...

...Looks Insincere...

 

[rwill]

Just like to wish you good luck.  I hope you can enjoy the rest of your years.

[koolkarl]

Sell all vehicles, get your stuff out, change your will, burn the house to the ground and go back to your home country permanently. Otherwise, the lawyers will take what you have left and you will have to sleep with your eyes open.  Men are such suckers.

[frantick]

As you do not have children together, I would not register the marriage to add her to your pensions. Make sure she knows that when you die, the money stops. 

 

Of course, this is no way I'd want to live. I'd bolt. 

[thailandsgreat]

This could happen to almost anyone living in Isaan and Thailand, if they are married.

 

US works better than Europe where marriages are less stable, I would guess. Europeans are used to a society collapsing under the EU. Maybe Americans are more prone to continue on a new marriage in Thailand whereas Europeans tread more carefully?

 

OP has an open attitude and family back home. He will be fine even if there is much stress now.