Social life and dating in Thailand

[spidermike007]

3 minutes ago, JimTripper said:

The op does not say he’s “only” using apps, he said he tried everything including apps, matchmakers, going out places daily, coffee shops, clubs, etc. it sounds like he is making an effort to meet people in person as well.
 

Whether he cold approaches he does not specifically say. Most guys don’t cold approach unless they are looking for hookers. They lean into it by making conversation, go where others are, eat together, etc.

Well, leaning into it by making conversation is a form of cold approaching. I have a few friends who will just walk up on anyone they like. In the US, you get a cold shoulder or get arrested. Here, most gals are polite, at a minimum. Some are friendly. It is fairly easy here, but it requires charm, wit, humor, alot of confidence, and game. Numerically, the numbers here are rather high, in terms of potential success. 

[FritsSikkink]

On 6/12/2023 at 7:10 PM, SomeFarang said:

I'm not posting my photo on here, I never said I am the best looking guy.

Stop working from home and rent a co working place. This way you meet normal working people where you can start to chat during coffee breaks. 

[JimTripper]

10 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

Well, leaning into it by making conversation is a form of cold approaching. I have a few friends who will just walk up on anyone they like. In the US, you get a cold shoulder or get arrested. Here, most gals are polite, at a minimum. Some are friendly. It is fairly easy here, but it requires charm, wit, humor, alot of confidence, and game. Numerically, the numbers here are rather high, in terms of potential success. 

???? I know what your talking about. That old school game stuff. Maybe your from the USA.

 

Keep in mind though, in a lot of cases that’s not real confidence, it’s insecurity. Take a look at the guys that do that. It’s rushed and not genuine. I think it results in more dates though.

[spidermike007]

10 minutes ago, JimTripper said:

???? I know what your talking about. That old school game stuff. Maybe your from the USA.

 

Keep in mind though, in a lot of cases that’s not real confidence, it’s insecurity. Take a look at the guys that do that. It’s rushed and not genuine. I think it results in more dates though.

It barely matters. It is all a game, in the end. Women respond to action. So if it is a performance or not, it is barely relevant. The results are the same. A date. 

 

We are discussing the same thing. It is just subtle semantics. 

[Lacessit]

45 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

Not only paranoid, but also very fearful, heavy hearted, disillusioned, and broken. Life in the US is not much of a life, these days, especially if one is a single man over 50. My heart truly goes out to my friends back there who are single. They are having a very hard time of it. It was bad before, and then came Me Too. Now, after covid it is worse than ever. 

 

By comparison, Thailand is paradise on so many levels. I know. I travel back there alot for work, and travel all over the country. Some places are better than others, but the entire nation is very difficult. 

 

And this is a great thread. It is the thread that keeps on giving. 

I just wonder where America lost its way, although from a steel industry viewpoint I witnessed the decline. In my first visit of 1983, United States Steel had 3000 researchers in Pittsburgh. On my last visit there in 1999, there were less than 300. The blue collar workforce has gone from 76,000 to about 25,000.

 

While Australia has less paranoia than America, it is a stifling environment for me. Very heavily regulated. For example, by law one cannot drive past a parked police car on a suburban street at more than 40 km/hr. Imagine how that would go down in Thailand. Lockdowns for me in Thailand during COVID consisted of two months of swimming pool and golf course closures, in Victoria one could not move more than 5 km from their house for months on end. Six lockdowns all up.

 

Back on topic, I fail to understand why the OP cannot connect in Thailand. I can fairly be described as old and ugly, yet I wish I had 1000 baht for every time a Thai woman has propositioned me for a longer-term relationship. As I said before, IMO he has set his sights too high.

 

 

[JimTripper]

1 hour ago, spidermike007 said:

It barely matters. It is all a game, in the end. Women respond to action. So if it is a performance or not, it is barely relevant. The results are the same. A date. 

 

We are discussing the same thing. It is just subtle semantics. 

Not if he is looking for quality as he states. He’s not looking for easy sex and dates, speed dating, day gaming and all that juvenile stuff.

 

What you end up with “gaming” is a bunch of superficial dates or “games”. It also drives away quality people because they can smell that it’s BS. The ones that do respond tend to respond to every guy who approaches. 

 

Look at your buddies who “day game”. I bet their relationships are very short duration, because that’s their approach. The Op does not want that. All that <deleted> you learned in high school does not apply to real world quality relationships, it was just good for people that did not know how to have a real conversation, but they were supposed to grow out of it.

[spidermike007]

5 hours ago, JimTripper said:

Not if he is looking for quality as he states. He’s not looking for easy sex and dates, speed dating, day gaming and all that juvenile stuff.

 

What you end up with “gaming” is a bunch of superficial dates or “games”. It also drives away quality people because they can smell that it’s BS. The ones that do respond tend to respond to every guy who approaches. 

 

Look at your buddies who “day game”. I bet their relationships are very short duration, because that’s their approach. The Op does not want that. All that <deleted> you learned in high school does not apply to real world quality relationships, it was just good for people that did not know how to have a real conversation, but they were supposed to grow out of it.

You have failed to take into account different needs and personalities. Some of my friends consider a relationship a burden. There is no right and wrong here. Some prefer something casual. The speed dating nonsense is only in your head, and is a total projection of your own junk. And don't think for a moment you can only meet (your version of) a quality woman online. I know many men who married great gals that they boldly approached. 

[LaosLover]

On 6/15/2023 at 9:45 AM, JimTripper said:

 

 

One thing the op may benefit from is a “wingman”. 

 

 

Has this mythical wingman creature ever been spotted in the wild, or only in Owen Wilson bad comedies?

 

What's in it for the wingman, who "hangs back"?

 

Is he at least getting free drinks for his thankless wingman-ing?

[BritManToo]

On 6/15/2023 at 11:29 AM, JimTripper said:

What you end up with “gaming” is a bunch of superficial dates or “games”.

I always ended up with having sex with an attractive woman!

Obviously not free.

[JimTripper]

1 hour ago, LaosLover said:

Has this mythical wingman creature ever been spotted in the wild, or only in Owen Wilson bad comedies?

 

What's in it for the wingman, who "hangs back"?

 

Is he at least getting free drinks for his thankless wingman-ing?

It actually works great. You just trade off, each time you go out, or if one guy is interested in a particular woman your buddy knows and automatically assumes the wingman role. If you don’t find anybody that’s ok too, guys just having a beer.

 

The best wingman you can have is a guy that’s married. Women know why you are approaching and a married guy has no expectations and acts completely natural. Also (ideally), he’s never interested in the woman over you.

 

Like I said above it’s just a way of breaking the ice without stag approaching people. Maybe your Mr. Bond and just approach people or groups of women solo and come out ahead? ???? Nothing wrong with that either.

 

I don’t want to write a book here, but you can Google pickup gaming for info. There are all kinds of techniques, etc. even professional pickup gamers on YouTube who do videos going to pick up random strangers, etc. Again, it tends to just result in fleeting hookups imo, or the guys that do it are only into fleeting hookups ????????‍♂️.

 

 

[JimTripper]

2 hours ago, LaosLover said:

Has this mythical wingman creature ever been spotted in the wild, or only in Owen Wilson bad comedies?

 

What's in it for the wingman, who "hangs back"?

 

Is he at least getting free drinks for his thankless wingman-ing?

Two great books you can read:

 

1. boys & sex

2. how to successfully meet girls and women at bars and clubs

 

i forget the authors, but they are classics.

[LaosLover]

The wingman problem: If he's an extrovert, you're dead wood. If you're both introverts, that's deadwood time 2.

 

Wingman-ing is a young man's game. Any old wrecks here been out winging in the last 20 years?

 

It's down to if she likes the looks of you. If it's dry down below, it's dead up above. And will remain so.

[JimTripper]

Here’s an article I just picked at random about wingmen. https://www.shortform.com/blog/what-is-a-wingman/

[LaosLover]

 

That article says a wingman should whisper savvy girl-advice like, "go over there and touch her shoulder" (excuse me, I mean "go over there and kino her shoulder", like the wingman said).

 

Urging random kino-ing is like urging seducers towards getting a lifetime ban from that bar.

 

As a wingman, I'm not even worth the two MaiTai's I'd want for my wing-time. 

 

I never wanted to be a wingman, but then you gave me hope, and then that article dashed it.

[Hummin]

On 6/19/2023 at 7:57 AM, JimTripper said:

Two great books you can read:

 

1. boys & sex

2. how to successfully meet girls and women at bars and clubs

 

i forget the authors, but they are classics.

Seriously? Just go to a bar, cant teach old dogs new tricks.

 

Either you got it by you are 30 or before, or you never get it

[BritManToo]

On 6/19/2023 at 12:22 PM, JimTripper said:

I don’t want to write a book here, but you can Google pickup gaming for info. There are all kinds of techniques, etc. even professional pickup gamers on YouTube who do videos going to pick up random strangers, etc. Again, it tends to just result in fleeting hookups imo, or the guys that do it are only into fleeting hookups

Anyone over 40 doing that?

Top pickup artist Roosh V couldn't get a free date after he hit 40, gave up completely and turned to god.

[Mediappy]

Meeting people can be easy, but making real connections takes effort. From my experience, it's good to mix online and offline socializing. Bars and clubs can be fun, but they’re not always the best for meaningful conversations. I’ve found that joining local hobby groups or language exchanges works well.

[Ben Zioner]

On 6/12/2023 at 10:28 PM, Neeranam said:

Bear in mind, opposites attract. 

Or just bare in mind if everything else fails.

[chippendale]

Years-old topics that unexpectedly get revived are my favourite topics.

[wombat]

On 6/19/2023 at 12:57 PM, JimTripper said:

Two great books you can read:

 

1. boys & sex

2. how to successfully meet girls and women at bars and clubs

 

i forget the authors, but they are classics.

#2 cracked me up.

You employ the techniques the book says ...in Pattaya?

🙃😂

[thesetat]

On 6/12/2023 at 10:15 PM, JimTripper said:

There’s not always a “price”. There’s a thing called chemistry, mutual attraction, vibes…sometimes you can’t explain it.

He said he was so ugly that he would not even post his own photo here. His only option may be to find a single mother working at bar and convince her to stay with him with a salary of course. 

A Thai woman wants security in their relationship sure, but they do not want people to look down on them for being with someone who is butt ugly. 

He should find the girl who is saying he is handsome man and be happy he has that hmm... 

 

[wavodavo]

On 6/12/2023 at 10:05 PM, SomeFarang said:

Quick poll here, to set my sanity straight.... because I'm at the point now I am not sure I am living in the real world anymore.

 

Quick info on me: 40 year old single professional, reasonably successful/wealthy, fairly good looking/in shape, well educated (graduate degrees) American guy of European descent, have been living in Thailand for 6 years, speak and read/write Thai, have my own car, etc. You get the picture. Unfortunate bit, I run my own company which is engineering/software, work late hours, and from home. I don't have much opportunity to socialize, although I do frequent coffee shops, restaurants every single day and on weekends try to visit night spots (bars/clubs)--although I'm getting a bit old for the club scene. Not really meeting any people though this approach.

 

I dated back in 2017 and had instant/unmanageable success on dating apps, seemed like every girl in the country wanted to go on dates with me. I went on at least 10 a week--most were not right for me, looking for sugar daddy, free dinners, or a 'customer'. To make the point, I am looking for a normal girl--someone who does not fall into these categories--rather a professional, educated Thai woman who does not or has never sold her body on the street and is looking for a meaningful relationship that is more than skin or wallet deep.

 

I have now been single for quite a while, have tried dating apps, matchmakers, even hired a few people to work FOR me running dating apps--on top of the ones I'm using myself. Subscribed to everything, great profiles, etc. Even had a marketing girl work on some of this for me.

 

4 months now of employed help, pounding the ground, with me actively involved, absolutely no interest and 0 dates. The only girls that will approach online are either not girls (kathoey) or prostitutes. Every other girl who has a profile that is attractive (i.e., a professional with a cultured background seeking a meaningful relationship) disengages, does not correspond, or in some cases, even blocks me. We're talking like 2-3 lines of conversation in here... I'm not asking them to mail me soiled panties.

 

I've tried EVERYTHING possible, and no results. What the HELL is going on Thailand? Is this JUST me? Are these girls only interested in men who DONT live in Thailand (want a ticket out)? Or do they all want salaries to be a "gf" and they automatically think I won't pay, without asking?

 

At wits end here. I'm thinking about hiring ads for the BTS and MRT next or standing in Asok intersection with a bag of money.

I suggest  that you ask one of your staff if he or she can recommend their mother , auntie , sister , cousin,  grand mother. friend etc.  as a candidate for you as they will know you and your character and what kind of bloke you are.This would be better than dating sites where you take pot luck.

[kingstonkid]

On 6/12/2023 at 9:35 PM, JimTripper said:

He’s looking for a status woman who’s educated and making her own moves, not someone who needs monetary support. Get it?

The problem is that status woman are looking for a man that is either going to improve their status or is equal to them.  They are also career driven more than looking for a Mr Right

[RocketDog]

On 6/12/2023 at 7:10 PM, SomeFarang said:

I'm not posting my photo on here, I never said I am the best looking guy.

There is such a thing as trying too hard.

Hard to believe but some Thai women don't engage on dating apps.

 

You speak Thai so when

you see or meet an attractive person anywhere, on the street, a store, a restaurant, etc. Ask them out for coffee.

 

Drop all your other criteria and open the field. Some will say yes and some no. Then go to coffee with an open mind and see what happens.

 

At this point what do you have to lose?

[Thingamabob]

One of the problems you face is the reluctance of many Thai women in Thailand to be seen with foreigners for fear that fellow Thais will assume they are a prostitute. This reluctance also applies to other countries in the region. I can only advise that you persevere in the hope that you meet someone who is less concerned about this issue, as I was fortunate to do many years ago. 

[Harrisfan]

3 hours ago, Thingamabob said:

One of the problems you face is the reluctance of many Thai women in Thailand to be seen with foreigners for fear that fellow Thais will assume they are a prostitute. This reluctance also applies to other countries in the region. I can only advise that you persevere in the hope that you meet someone who is less concerned about this issue, as I was fortunate to do many years ago. 

Only if they dress slutty. Mixed race relations are normal.

[Harrisfan]

4 hours ago, RocketDog said:

There is such a thing as trying too hard.

Hard to believe but some Thai women don't engage on dating apps.

 

You speak Thai so when

you see or meet an attractive person anywhere, on the street, a store, a restaurant, etc. Ask them out for coffee.

 

Drop all your other criteria and open the field. Some will say yes and some no. Then go to coffee with an open mind and see what happens.

 

At this point what do you have to lose?

Thats what I would do.

[Straight8]

On 6/12/2023 at 9:35 PM, JimTripper said:

He’s looking for a status woman who’s educated and making her own moves, not someone who needs monetary support. Get it?

Most ladies you describe stick to their own kind.

[jingjai9]

"If your not catching any fish, change the bait or the location."

 

I think this post contained some good advice. I spent a lot of time on Thai Friendly and found someone whom I married. I met many nice ladies on this site and established some online friendships. 

Start out as if you are seeking friendship. Don't jump to a serious relationship quickly. Get to know the person, ask questions and answer questions when you are asked. If you think about friendship you are on the track to establishing a good rapport. Let it jell slowly. When you find people willing to chat in more than one or two sentence posts, nurture it. Be interested in learning about the lady. 

With the translation programs available you can establish a decent  line of communication even if the lady is not fluent in English. This worked for me. However it took time. If you are serious about finding someone, make this a priority and try to ease up on the money chase. Allow yourself more free time.

 

Don't set physical or age restrictions in stone. Ask your self, would you rather have a nice lady with perhaps a few extra pounds here or there or a hot chick who you feel tacitly obligated to entertain?

You are not old. You are just not as young as you used to be - THAT IS NOT OLD>

One final note: If you hired people to do online chats for you for romance, you need to reflect upon this - You're commingling business with romance. Think about that. 

[jingjai9]

"If your not catching any fish, change the bait or the location."

 

I think this post contained some good advice. I spent a lot of time on Thai Friendly and found someone whom I married. I met many nice ladies on this site and established some online friendships. 

Start out as if you are seeking friendship. Don't jump to a serious relationship quickly. Get to know the person, ask questions and answer questions when you are asked. If you think about friendship you are on the track to establishing a good rapport. Let it jell slowly. When you find people willing to chat in more than one or two sentence posts, nurture it. Be interested in learning about the lady. 

With the translation programs available you can establish a decent  line of communication even if the lady is not fluent in English. This worked for me. However it took time. If you are serious about finding someone, make this a priority and try to ease up on the money chase. Allow yourself more free time.

 

Don't set physical or age restrictions in stone. Ask your self, would you rather have a nice lady with perhaps a few extra pounds here or there or a hot chick who you feel tacitly obligated to entertain?

You are not old. You are just not as young as you used to be - THAT IS NOT OLD>

One final note: If you hired people to do online chats for you for romance, you need to reflect upon this - You're commingling business with romance. Think about that.