Divorce and runaway kids

[Bday Prang]

27 minutes ago, 2008bangkok said:

I don't have anger issues, I take offence to people critizing my integrity as Dad  instead of just responding to the actual post I wrote.

So far the only 2 people have actually given me any advice after like 3 pages is Kingkenny and Richard, everyone else just like "leave the 14 year old to do what he wants"

No I ain't gonna leave him to do what he wants, it is my way and that's it, no other way.

And also as IV stated 2 weeks ago he was fine, so stupid comments like you cannot force love is just irrisponsible posting 

So its your way or the highway eh?  can't see this ending well, especially as he does not have to endure "your way" for much longer

[Bday Prang]

15 minutes ago, 2008bangkok said:

So why is it that if it got to the point of child court as you couldn't agree, the judge would always recommend the daughter stays with the mother and son stays with the father.

That well documented

Do you think it is normal of even beneficial to separate siblings?  

[DrJack54]

5 minutes ago, Bday Prang said:

Do you think it is normal of even beneficial to separate siblings?  

Of course it's not.

You are 100% correct....

madness to separate siblings. 

 

[Goat]

11 minutes ago, Bday Prang said:

So its your way or the highway eh?  can't see this ending well, especially as he does not have to endure "your way" for much longer

Kid took the highway.

Straight to mums house.

[Goat]

16 minutes ago, 2008bangkok said:

But the ones that do my kids will get 5x because it's automatic assumed they ain't thick as 

Thanks for replying, but sorry, I honestly can not understand your English.

 

Good luck with it all anyway.

[2008bangkok]

14 minutes ago, DrJack54 said:

16 years old. 

He will do his own thing soon enough and in meantime you are on fast tract to lose contact with both kids. 

 

The judge was a fool to approve/order the siblings to be separated.

Ludicrous. 

More likely a bad idea from someone else. 

Common practice when both want full custody of both, what they meant to do, meet in the middle.

 

[DrJack54]

1 minute ago, 2008bangkok said:

Common practice when both want full custody of both, what they meant to do, meet in the middle.

 

Seriously!

They are meant to do what is best for the children.

You are not splitting financial assets here.

The concern is siblings.

 

What I don't understand is why keeping children together and you being given as much visitation rights as possible including overnight stays etc.

Holidays away etc was not the preferred option. 

 

If you can't or don't want to live in same area as the mothers home then that becomes difficult. 

 

[2008bangkok]

3 minutes ago, DrJack54 said:

Seriously!

They are meant to do what is best for the children.

You are not splitting financial assets here.

The concern is siblings.

 

What I don't understand is why keeping children together and you being given as much visitation rights as possible including overnight stays etc.

Holidays away etc was not the preferred option. 

 

If you can't or don't want to live in same area as the mothers home then that becomes difficult. 

 

This is not really your normal situation Dr Jack, at this moment in time me and her live not far although I don't know where but my son has to drive past the soi to get to school, he could go back there every night on his way home and have his tea, could even stay there every night if he asked no problem, but the base must be with me is all I'm asking.

It's not clear cut, right you take her I'm having him and never the 2 shall meet, or you won't see him again.No

Also they are getting to the age 15 soon and 13 where they get on each other's nerves, 

I'm pretty sure living in a studio is actually getting on mum's nerves with both lol, but she is so stubborn she trying to one up me.

It was only last month we signed the papers

[Bday Prang]

2 minutes ago, 2008bangkok said:

don't know where but my son has to drive past the soi to get to school,

you let him drive at 14 years old?

[2008bangkok]

Just now, Bday Prang said:

you let him drive at 14 years old?

A bicycle ????

Ride probably better word, sorry

[richard_smith237]

14 minutes ago, DrJack54 said:

Seriously!

They are meant to do what is best for the children.

You are not splitting financial assets here.

The concern is siblings.

 

What I don't understand is why keeping children together and you being given as much visitation rights as possible including overnight stays etc.

Holidays away etc was not the preferred option. 

 

If you can't or don't want to live in same area as the mothers home then that becomes difficult. 

In this case it seems what is best for the Children is both Daughter and Son live in their own room in the Ops house, rather than a 'studio bedsit' in which they all sleep in the same room... I can only imagine what state that is in. 

 

The mother is also clearly playing a very stubborn roll and is not interested in what is best for the children with regards to their education. 

 

The father (Op) is trying his best to do the right thing, but he has very few cards to play with, especially if is not even sure where the Mother is living (though I'm sure he could easily find out). 

 

 

 

 

[DrJack54]

8 minutes ago, 2008bangkok said:

at this moment in time me and her live not far although I don't know where but my son has to drive past the soi to get to school, he could go back there every night on his way home and have his tea, could even stay there every night if he asked no problem, but the base must be with me is all I'm asking

That provides much more flexible options, especially you suggesting he can (within reason) stay over night at mothers.

Even better if both children can stay at your place when it suits both parents.

 

I'm sure that you are aware as a parent of Thai child you can obtain annual extensions based on being parent of Thai.

 

Having child living with you is not a condition of that application 

[buick]

let me add this one on the clean the bedroom situation.  my mother's bedroom has always been neat and tidy.  a few minutes after she wakes up, she makes the bed, including a dozen 'decorative' pillows.  nothing is ever out of place.  even her closet looks perfect with everything just as it should be.

 

then you look at buick's bedroom, closet, etc... and it is a total disaster.  i make my bed right before i get into at night (not when i wake up).  when it's time to do laundry (i have always done laundry), i pick up the clothes from the floor, chair, desk, wherever they might be.  my closet is just stuff piled up other stuff.  a disaster zone.

 

i always told my mom that i close my bedroom door for a reason.  don't bother to look in there.  both of us keep other parts of our residences neat and tidy.  but the bedroom 'management' has always been exact opposites.   i remember when people would come to do work at the house, they would tell me 'buick, your mother is a very clean lady'.  she's always had a maid and she literally cleans before the maid comes.  she's worried the maid might think the house is dirty.  when i visited recently she was sweeping up the floor around the dining room table, the maid was due to arrive in about 30 minutes.

 

thanks for the opportunity to get this rant out. 

[ChaiyaTH]

14 is like a bad age to divorce if you ask me, he is in puberty too, feel sorry for him. He obviously wants to be with his sister and mother too, why can't he live with you or her, while still visiting weekends etc.

 

If this happens now in puberty, even you wish best for him with education, he might just not give a Sht and ruin it regardless.

[2008bangkok]

26 minutes ago, DrJack54 said:

That provides much more flexible options, especially you suggesting he can (within reason) stay over night at mothers.

Even better if both children can stay at your place when it suits both parents.

 

I'm sure that you are aware as a parent of Thai child you can obtain annual extensions based on being parent of Thai.

 

Having child living with you is not a condition of that application 

I have it coming,  crap loads of paperwork 3 weeks ago which was just me and my son , last week of consideration, dunno why you need 30 day consideration but how it is 

[2008bangkok]

28 minutes ago, buick said:

let me add this one on the clean the bedroom situation.  my mother's bedroom has always been neat and tidy.  a few minutes after she wakes up, she makes the bed, including a dozen 'decorative' pillows.  nothing is ever out of place.  even her closet looks perfect with everything just as it should be.

 

then you look at buick's bedroom, closet, etc... and it is a total disaster.  i make my bed right before i get into at night (not when i wake up).  when it's time to do laundry (i have always done laundry), i pick up the clothes from the floor, chair, desk, wherever they might be.  my closet is just stuff piled up other stuff.  a disaster zone.

 

i always told my mom that i close my bedroom door for a reason.  don't bother to look in there.  both of us keep other parts of our residences neat and tidy.  but the bedroom 'management' has always been exact opposites.   i remember when people would come to do work at the house, they would tell me 'buick, your mother is a very clean lady'.  she's always had a maid and she literally cleans before the maid comes.  she's worried the maid might think the house is dirty.  when i visited recently she was sweeping up the floor around the dining room table, the maid was due to arrive in about 30 minutes.

 

thanks for the opportunity to get this rant out. 

Rant is cool, but again I'm skool, your mum is setting an example making her bed, it's not your space is yours and mine is.mine.

It's sloppy, now I agree when I was 14 I didn't see that but at 49 I see the importance of cleandiness on all levels, as the great jocko.wilko.says, make.your bed in the morning starts you off to a good day, don't make your bed your lazy all day

[n00dle]

6 hours ago, Yellowtail said:

I was not talking about you and your situation, I was talking about the OPs situation where the kid goes to his mother's, and the OP expects the mother to kick her kid out. 

 

What good will come of that? 

If the mother were to support the agreement the child would realize that there is little point in running away. She doesnt need to kick the kid out, she just need to alert the father so he can collect.  

This is only a big deal of the parents arent unified and cosistent

Edited June 30, 2023 by n00dle

[2008bangkok]

2 minutes ago, n00dle said:

If the mother were to support the agreement the child would realize that there is little point in running away. She doesnt need to kick the kid out, she just need to alert the father so he can collect.  

This is only a bigh deal of the parents arent unified and cosistent

Thank.you sir, shows some.get it

[OneMoreFarang]

25 minutes ago, 2008bangkok said:

Rant is cool, but again I'm skool, your mum is setting an example making her bed, it's not your space is yours and mine is.mine.

It's sloppy, now I agree when I was 14 I didn't see that but at 49 I see the importance of cleandiness on all levels, as the great jocko.wilko.says, make.your bed in the morning starts you off to a good day, don't make your bed your lazy all day

Since I left the navy I never, ever made my bed. ???? 

[2008bangkok]

4 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Since I left the navy I never, ever made my bed. ???? 

Probably rebellious lol

 

[2008bangkok]

Let me explain for the norms, my daughter will phone me ask for an new ipad, I say no, I'm gonna just start handing out ipads when you being naughty, then just gets a cob on.for 5.days and won't answer the phone, then literally phoned me a min ago and asked for 500 baht to get snacks, ok , it's in.

It just doesn't seem.to resolute how naughty they being, it's like let try Daddy again.

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, 2008bangkok said:

Let me explain for the norms, my daughter will phone me ask for an new ipad, I say no, I'm gonna just start handing out ipads when you being naughty, then just gets a cob on.for 5.days and won't answer the phone, then literally phoned me a min ago and asked for 500 baht to get snacks, ok , it's in.

It just doesn't seem.to resolute how naughty they being, it's like let try Daddy again.

I wonder about your conviction that they learned perfect English from their dad... 

[2008bangkok]

1 minute ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I wonder about your conviction that they learned perfect English from their dad... 

I'm casual wirh muppets 

[Dante99]

Lots of folks seem to think that the police will enforce what a document states.  They do not automatically do that.

 

 

 

 

 

.

[BritManToo]

4 hours ago, n00dle said:

If the mother were to support the agreement the child would realize that there is little point in running away. She doesnt need to kick the kid out, she just need to alert the father so he can collect.  

This is only a big deal of the parents arent unified and cosistent

1. Divorced women never enforce agreements which aren't to their benefit.

2. But they will happily undermine the father at every opportunity.

3. Courts rarely punish mothers for breaking divorce agreements.

 

This is the way the non-Muslim world works.

Edited June 30, 2023 by BritManToo

[Etueno]

Very difficult situation, you clearly want the best for you son from your perspective. Having kids and be in a Thai-Dutch relationship I see clearly the different in approach to kids. I dont agree also to pamper them, but try to let them know bit by bit.

 

For example to clean their rooms, tell them that we do it together and grab a Slusi or something afterwards. Then you catch two flies at once, you have some quality time afterwards. The approach of mom is indeed totally different she will clean the room herself. But thats the culture difference you have to coop with it. Like my wife always says...yeah we were treated totally different when we were kids, but worked out also fine...Who am I to argue that:)

[Etueno]

Very difficult situation, you clearly want the best for you son from your perspective. Having kids and be in a Thai-Dutch relationship I see clearly the different in approach to kids. I dont agree also to pamper them, but try to let them know bit by bit.

 

For example to clean their rooms, tell them that we do it together and grab a Slusi or something afterwards. Then you catch two flies at once, you have some quality time afterwards. The approach of mom is indeed totally different she will clean the room herself. But thats the culture difference you have to coop with it. Like my wife always says...yeah we were treated totally different when we were kids, but worked out also fine...Who am I to argue that:). Good luck!

[scorecard]

13 hours ago, KhunLA said:

Binding or not, if he choses to keep leaving, especially with an uncooperating ex, so not much you can do about it.  

Unless you plan/decide a new approach/ new personal behaviors which will get his attention and make him more interested to align to you.

 

We father kids, we are responsible to do whatever to ensure they get the best quality of life, best possible deal, the best possible upbringing,  the best possible education and the best possible start in life. 

 

Compromise is needed as part of making it happen.

[Dan O]

12 hours ago, 2008bangkok said:

I have thought about that yes and it is a worry.

But I have come to the conclusion that even in this country they would not cancel a visa of a legal guardian based on an unruly teenager running off to his mother's when he gets a trantrum and feels like it.

I'm sure that would be unlawful.

It seems there is an issue more with the son than the mom. If the boy hates being at your house to the point he runs away like you describe that's where attention needs to be shown. I would be working on the issues with the son and resolve that as that's where the problem is.

[2008bangkok]

37 minutes ago, Dan O said:

It seems there is an issue more with the son than the mom. If the boy hates being at your house to the point he runs away like you describe that's where attention needs to be shown. I would be working on the issues with the son and resolve that as that's where the problem is.

Man, I know what I'm doing after all I'm the Dad