How to deal with a card game addicted wife?

[Yellowtail]

You said: "...- although I work almost all night, I often have to step in and take our son to school because she is busy playing or tired from long session..."

 

And: "Every time I bring this up she gets very defensive and if I insist on talking she will fight. She says it's a harmless hobby and she does it because she has no job."

 

Why can she not get a job while the id is at school? 

[OneMoreFarang]

16 minutes ago, tomacht8 said:

Not a good idea. Only leads to additional money loss and does not solve the problem. Not to mention what standing you have in your village after, when you rush the police on your neighbors.

My gf used to gamble a lot.

When the police came and wanted money, she paid.

When the police come again and arrested her, she paid more. And at that point she decided playing cards is fun but paying too much money to the police and getting arrested is no fun.

Summary: Most of the time she doesn't play anymore.

 

In general with my gf, I have no problem if she plays cards from time to time. She is good at it and mostly she wins. And she knows that I won't pay for the police. If she gets arrested, then it's her problem to get out of the mess.

[FritsSikkink]

There is a saying amongst people that play for money; if you can't see the losers at the table, you are one yourself. 

[xtrnuno41]

Your wife denies, so mind is already set on addiction.

You can talk whatever you want, but as long as the mind doesnt respond on what you say, it is hopeless. SHE has to switch her mind and is tough to do so. Talking calm and repeating doesnt work. It leaves you only by doing things, that saves YOU and your kid. Step out your bubble. I know you dont like it, but the good past is gone and more going to a hell.

 

Any kind of addiction could be destroying. And this one costs a lot and loansharks are waiting finally. Protect your assets, as many said.

Leave, divorce, forget about the Merc for her and townhouse.

That is the only thing to do, the harshest thing. There is no other way.

All the symptoms are there and will get worse(if not already is), as the top will be, there are loansharks coming to collect.

Police involvement, as gambling is forbidden in Thailand, give you more problems with the other addicted card players and families.

Wish you succes in this. I know it is easier said then done, but dont be addicted on what once was.  

[FruitPudding]

Divorce.

 

[Kwasaki]

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Maybe that was mentioned already: Gambling, including playing cards, is illegal in Thailand.

If the cops see it, then they arrest the gamblers - also up country in the villages. Or the gamblers have to pay the police not to get arrested.

So if you want to stop any game, call the police and let them arrest her and her friends.

Maybe that is "incentive" enough for her to stop.

Sinario wife being arrested " Did you call the police".

Husband " Wasn't me darling honestly ". ????

[save the frogs]

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

So if you want to stop any game, call the police and let them arrest her and her friends.

some people, if they get wind that you called the cops on them, they may decide to beat the crap out of you. 

[brianthainess]

11 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Stop giving her money is the obvious starting point.

While I agree with you, the problem of borrowing money from friends and Loan sharks could begin. 

[spidermike007]

Gambling is no joking matter here. Most don't play cards without gambling. And drinking, which can become a huge issue. It might be time to give her a choice between you, the cards, or the road. 

 

I used to know a guy who had a custom built, spectacular hilltop villa on Samui, with an astonishing seaview. This place was unbelievably luxurious and was probably worth well over a million dollars. He was a ship captain who for decades piloted major ships and put a lot of his life savings into this land and villa for retirement. 

 

He married the wrong woman and she was a compulsive gambler. One night she was out gambling and she put up the house and lost. Some mafia guys came by a couple days later with the police and claimed the house. The husband had no idea what had happened. He consulted an attorney who said there was not much he could do, as these thugs would just have him taken out. The guy she lost to was the former chief of police on Samui. So, a high ranking mafioso. So he kicked her to the curb, divorced her, (a bit too late) and he decided to go back to work. He was 65 years old, and he decided to go back to work as a captain, try to get back on his feet, and start all lover again.

 

An incredibly sad and tragic tale of woe. 

 

[save the frogs]

17 hours ago, Toughsituations said:

This makes me so mad, I work my ass off to provide everything she will ever need and that's how she repays me.

sorry i don't mean to be an ahole. just throwing this out there. 

 

is it possible that you spend too much time at work? 

 

maybe take a sabbatical and spend more time bonding with the family, do things together instead of just buying things. 

 

[steven100]

18 hours ago, Toughsituations said:

This makes me so mad, I work my ass off to provide everything she will ever need and that's how she repays me.

Welcome to Thailand,    many foreigners worked their ass off to provide and put a roof over a Thai's head and they repay by cheating and lying.  It's the Thai way.   TIT.

[steven100]

i really feel for you Toughsituations,   it's a terrible situation to be in obviously.  Very tricky to resolve and to be honest I doubt you can resolve it,    as others have said, give her an ultimatum ....  either she ship up or your shipping out    !!     Run Forest Run   !!   comes to mind ..... 

 

 

[Sandboxer]

If she's any good, take her to the casinos in Manila. The dealers and pit bosses suck at IDing card counters, especially at PAGCOR outlets (I lasted a whole week before being booted and I'm not exactly a pro counter).

 

Or, just ditch her useless azz if you have any sense.

[FaltuMora]

18 hours ago, Toughsituations said:

I really wanted my family to work out but she's making it look like it won't happen.

Men won't get peace even if they travel 10,000 miles to find their brides in a completely different culture, language, and religion while surviving in a foreign land using their "wify visas"

[HauptmannUK]

7 hours ago, Toughsituations said:

She doesn't have access to my money, just what I give her. Unless she is building up debt somewhere I don't see her losing money (wish I did).

I would think that she IS losing money (possibly your money) but you just don't know it (yet)...

1. Make sure your assets are under YOUR control (car, house, whatever - documents!).

2. Make sure you are worth more to her alive rather than dead (cancel any policies on your life with her as beneficiary).

 

In another post you mention that your are working very hard and aspire to a house in the city and new Mercedes Benz. Maybe forget the Benz, make do with a Camry, and spend a bit more time at home improving home life?

[champers]

I am not convinced by the OP. Is it just me? The OP is a bit "paint by numbers".

[FritsSikkink]

3 hours ago, steven100 said:

 they repay by cheating and lying.  It's the Thai way.   TIT.

BS, that is universal prostitute way. don't marry one.

[bunnydrops]

The only thing I can think of is take the family on a long vacation somewhere. Maybe getting out of the environment and into thinking about other things. I had stated how gambling is a big problem with Thai women in another thread. And as far as illegal goes, the police are paid to look the other way at the local girls get together here.

[The Old Bull]

Get hour hands on the title deed to your house and stash it before she hocks it to the chinaman.

[Straight8]

15 hours ago, Toughsituations said:

 

 

Over the past 10 years I got her everything she wanted. She went from having pretty much nothing to having everything she wanted. Bought the isan land, built her house there, got a good amount of gold, car, half-farang son, no need to work, money to buy most things she want. The only things left from her wishlist would be a new Mercedes Benz and a big house in the city - which are coming in the near future if I keep hope in this relationship.

And there lays the major part of the problem.

 

OP, you seem like a decent human, but sadly, chances of this relationship surviving is very low.

 

Make some hardline (non-negotiable) ultimatums or its time to cut losses & GTFO.

 

Feel sorry for the kid.

[PeachCH]

I know this problem first hand. My wife was playing here in the casinos (Manila). For 5 years problems after problems. Family tried to help, money disappeared, wife disappeared. Every day another problem. And today? Best wife ever (had 3 already, also 2 Thais). She recognized her stupidity fully. But what helped? 

Covid-19!!!! Manila was locked down for 2 years, casinos closed. 

For me, Covid-19 helped to restore ????. 

[Tazmo]

A few replies have hit the nail on the head.

Gambling is an addiction and the hardest one to treat. At one time the highest suicide rates were of gamblers. They would not recognize that they have a problem, only money shortages!

Its a disease, like diabetes etc and becomes manifest at Certain times of one’s life.

Maybe genetic factors too. Gambling and addiction is as old as sex!

Denial is a main characteristic and only when the person hits rock bottom they may seek help.

 I saw an Ex Military American pilot who served in the Vietnam war refused to give up alcohol, until he ended up in the ICU, unconscious and near death. Miraculously he recovered and took notice of the wake up call. He had residential treatment for his alcoholism.

So it’s difficult for you to standby and watch her destroy her and others lives.

In your situation I would contact and speak to Specialist Residential Addiction Services. Some would do home visits to intervene and will also give you the support and advice that you need.

Remember cross addiction is also common where she can switch from one addiction to another.

Scientists have identified in the brain of an addict that there is an imbalance of dopamine, so that they are unable to stop and their habit is compulsive. Try to understand that and seek professional help. That’s what I would do. There are hundreds of Such Services in Thailand.

If she was a diabetic or had some other disease, you won’t give up on her, would you? So think of disease and get help. 

 

 

 

[rwill]

You need to do something pretty quickly.  It will only get worse.  I don't know if you have the ability to take a trip with your family for a few weeks or longer to get her away from it for awhile.   If you do a search for gambling rehab thailand you will find lots of links.

Here is one to start with:

 

How to Help a Gambling Addict: Advice for Partners & Family (thailandrehabguide.com)

 

 

[Yellowtail]

Dude's (apparently) been married ten years and has a young (7-8?) with her. The number of guys here suggesting he kick her to the curb and move on is a bit disturbing, albeit not surprising. 

 

 

[Mansell]

Sadly it sounds like you have to take the Tough Love approach. 
Sit her down and lay out the options for her. I would put dates on things, if you don’t stop by this date….I am gone.

I would say, gambling for 24 hours straight is a problem. Now ask her to tell you why it isn’t a problem. And then ask her at what point does it become a problem? If she hasn’t got any answers, I’m afraid you have run out of choices. 
There really isn’t any difference between addictions to alcohol, drugs, food, sex, or gambling. 
Set a bye bye date to her, explain it clearly to her. Ask do you have any questions? If nothing changes by the bye bye date…….then their is your answer. Good luck. Remember, you have to take care of yourself first.

[SOTIRIOS]

,,,Inconspicuously Get A Record Of The Frequency & Duration...

...Get Witnesses As Well...

...Secure Your Assets & Finances...If Possible...

...Get Her A Job...If That Is Her 'Excuse'...(?)

...Absolute Disregard Is Abandonment...& Neglect Of Any Child...

,,,Begs The Question...'Where Is She Deriving Funding For This Derelict Behavior & Indulgence' (?)...

[jaywalker2]

She's addicted and needs profesional help. You can't stop this on your own. There are gambling rehab clinics in Thailand. And there used to be a branch of Gambler's Anonymous although I don't know if it's still operating. You might try contacting the Stop Gambling Foundation to see what resources are available.

 

But you can't do anything unl3ww she's willing to cooperate. For that, you would probably need an intervention involving her family. If they won't cooperate and she won't cooperate, you might need to consider a separation until she's willing to get help.

[Scouse123]

On 7/4/2023 at 2:12 AM, save the frogs said:

Realistically a lot of folks around the world rely on Uber Eats nowadays.

 

If you have a maid that cleans once a week, how many people actually clean their homes every day? 

 

 

 

 

We cook fresh in my house and it gets cleaned every day by us, we have no maid. We also have a spare house on the land that gets cleaned weekly.

 

My other half also has a gambling problem but doesn't have people round, its those casino things online!

 

It's caused no end of fights. I go to bed and she pretends to watch movies but just waiting while I clear off to play online.

 

She then tries to compensate by cleaning through the night time, once the cash is gone, and continues this for a week or so, then crashes and is useless for a couple of days because they just want to sleep as they have no money to play online.

 

It is a big problem., I've started to ignore and be very difficult with her if she wants to ' advance ' from her salary.

 

The motorbike is always getting pawned, but I don't pay it anymore, I make her pay out of salary as I warned her the pawn shop can take it.

 

Some members need to know, that when the pawn the bike, they retain the bike but the pawn shop holds the ownership documents, so you can go for months not knowing that they have pawned something.

 

She has a salary, pays no bills at all, a big house, brand new car, all paid for, fridges and freezers are full but still gambles.

[geisha]

It’s like a drug. Treat it as one. Watch your back, do as said above, hide all your documents away and prepare for the worst. Then , nicely, find out who’s playing, talk to trusted family members, and warn her of the outcome. She could be ruining you, and you have no idea !  Put your son first. Stay calm. 

[jesimps]

She's an addict and needs professional help, but only if she herself chooses. You have a big problem, I feel for you. My missus is addicted to her cellphone, but that is harmless in comparison, stops her bothering me and doesn't cost me money.