Is it okay to lie to your partner of 5 years?

[NextG]

9 minutes ago, zzaa09 said:

If one has trust and suspicion issues at every turn.....probably shouldn't be with anyone. 

This trait is on him, not on her. 

And.....I wouldn't want to make such deep personal situations or matters public. 

Don't know what the principle purpose of such OPs might be - unless they crave unwanted attention. 

Nonsense. She lied. That’s different from someone behaving normally and being treated unfairly. 

[hydraides]

54 minutes ago, stoner said:

1 hour ago, Isan Wanderer said:

we spent the last 2 years building Her dream home here in the rice fields. So the "chanod" (red bird document) is only under her name for now... 

 

Fixed that post for your now lol.

 

Don't want to be harsh ........but in reality yeah If shes not answering her phone and her location is iffy .......she probably cheating.  Gambling is less likely......can't she play those games on her phone or something?

 

I would seriously prepare for losing that house 

[Lacessit]

There are private investigators in Thailand, engage one to find out what she is doing. There may be an innocent explanation for her movements.

Bear in mind most women lie, for various reasons.

If she is gambling or cheating on you, walk away and end all contact.

Edited July 5, 2023 by Lacessit

[riclag]

My Mrs said if lady have gik, its time to leave!She also said I dont understand Thai ladies. They have nothing before , find falang , get money and be bad .

You better findout but dont get confrontational ! Its gonna be difficult and costly trying to recover what you put into the property!

imop Hope its a gambling issue and not a gik one those giks have been known to make matters worse !

Good luck

[OneMoreFarang]

1 minute ago, Lacessit said:

There are private investigators in Thailand, engage one to find out what she is doing. There may be an innocent explanation for her movements.

If she is gambling or cheating on you, walk away and end all contact.

Maybe he should ask himself first: What difference would it make how she spends the time she is lying about? If all possible answers are bad, then there is no point to find out which answer it is.

[sidjameson]

37 minutes ago, Isan Wanderer said:

Well she spends most of it to buy market food for me and her family so that's fine by me because I don't like to go to markets... even though the food is delicious.

I respectfully offer this opinion.

Maybe you've inadvertently rewarded this woman to stay with you. I'm guessing she's not working. Very difficult to know if she doesn't see you as her job.

In 5 years she's earnt more out of you than my gf who is a middle level gov worker has made from her job.

 

If she was "enticed" to be with you rather than fell in love with you your story makes sense and she priorities something else (gik, gambling, what ever) over her relationship. The fact that she's willing to deceive strongly suggests this as every deceiver has calculated the risks of getting caught.

 

The fact she doesn't even hide her deception very well (flat tyre wtf) points to her either being pretty dumb or just not caring that much. Either way as a western guy in your 30's who has the ability to make money online you should be aiming a lot higher than what you're accepting. 

[riclag]

17 minutes ago, NextG said:

Nonsense. She lied. That’s different from someone behaving normally and being treated unfairly. 

 

This could be a harmless I don’t want my significant other to find out that Im doing something he doesn’t like such as gambling issue.

He needs to find out or it will devour his thoughts! 

 

[Lacessit]

1 minute ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Maybe he should ask himself first: What difference would it make how she spends the time she is lying about? If all possible answers are bad, then there is no point to find out which answer it is.

It's a cultural difference. We Westerners are outraged when we are lied to, it's perfectly normal for Thais of all genders to lie in order to save face, or for other reasons.

Maybe she is caring for a family member with health issues, and does not want the OP to know.

Would you ditch a relationship because you were lied to? I would want facts before rushing to judgment.

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, Isan Wanderer said:

BTW I forgot to mention that we spend 99% of our time together (I work from home) ...

Maybe, just maybe this is (part of) the problem.

Maybe she just wants some time without you.

 

I am most of the time together with my gf at home. But sometimes I visit customers in their offices, sometimes I meet friends for a coffee or a beer. And sometimes she sees friends, or she visits her family up country for a week.

We enjoy our time together but it's also nice to have a break from time to time.

Maybe it's simple like that. Maybe.

[Myran]

A white lie now and again is hardly the end of the world, but this sort of thing is far from reasonable. She's obviously up to no good, whatever it is. I'd confront her by saying you know what she's been up to over there, and then see what she confesses too.

[Isan Wanderer]

11 minutes ago, riclag said:

 

This could be a harmless I don’t want my significant other to find out that Im doing something he doesn’t like such as gambling issue.

He needs to find out or it will devour his thoughts! 

 

That's it riclag! You understand me. I need to know even if all outcomes are bad. This is driving crazy. I haven't been able to focus on work at all today.

[BE88]

She lies and he no longer has confidence, the ideal prerequisite for starting a breakup, but if you're not willing to leave her and lose your home then continue not to worry and live your life without getting too much trouble.

Then one day maybe you'd know the truth or maybe not, deep down what changes knowing it or not knowing it if you don't want to change your life.

[G Rex]

Well Done Asean Now - a couple of interesting & fruity threads on the go for a bit of click bait!!  ( This one & the one about 'my wife is addicted to gambling' ).  

An interesting read , and a way to work out which forum members are caring & considerate people.

 

But simple click bait from imaginary newbies nonetheless...

 

[oxo1947]

2 hours ago, Isan Wanderer said:

I'm looking for advice here,

Gosh.....you have really come to the right place then.....

[Isan Wanderer]

11 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

It's a cultural difference. We Westerners are outraged when we are lied to, it's perfectly normal for Thais of all genders to lie in order to save face, or for other reasons.

Maybe she is caring for a family member with health issues, and does not want the OP to know.

Would you ditch a relationship because you were lied to? I would want facts before rushing to judgment.

I know her family members very well. Her grandmother has cancer and I visit her to the hospital regularly. I visit her nephews every week. I believe I'm well respected by her family.

[OneMoreFarang]

15 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

Would you ditch a relationship because you were lied to? I would want facts before rushing to judgment.

It depends on those facts.

If the facts would be that my gf gambled away "my" house and now f#%$% with a loan shark so that he gives her more credit, then I am pretty sure I wouldn't want to know the details.

 

There is some truth to this:

 

[Liverpool Lou]

1 hour ago, Isan Wanderer said:

This is my first ever home and if I have to spend big bucks on a lawyer to keep it,

How could you keep something that isn't yours to keep?

[Liverpool Lou]

1 hour ago, bignok said:

Why do you need guys on a forum to run your relationship? 

"Run" or "ruin"?

[473geo]

21 minutes ago, BE88 said:

She lies and he no longer has confidence, the ideal prerequisite for starting a breakup, but if you're not willing to leave her and lose your home then continue not to worry and live your life without getting too much trouble.

Then one day maybe you'd know the truth or maybe not, deep down what changes knowing it or not knowing it if you don't want to change your life.

I like this ????

Food for thought ????

[Liverpool Lou]

1 hour ago, Isan Wanderer said:

Regarding the land, I'm aware I have pretty much no rights to it but this is Thailand and I can afford a much more expensive lawyer than she can if it really comes down to that...

In the absence of his being able to effect a new land ownership law, regardless of his fees, what do you think he would be able to do with her property that you, presumably, gifted her?  Maybe you have some sort of legal contract with her regarding the purchase and ownership of the property, in which case you're laughing.

Edited July 5, 2023 by Liverpool Lou

[Isan Wanderer]

3 minutes ago, Liverpool Lou said:

How could you keep something that isn't yours to keep?

Well those few years living here taught me that money talks in Thailand. This place is corrupt af at least compared to Western standards. Nobody cares whether my name is on the chanod as long as I can afford a more expensive lawyer than her. Spending 200k on a lawyer to save 1 million worth of property seems like a rational decision. I realize this is pretty <deleted> up and I truly hope I won't have to resort to that but I'm just planning exit strategies here...

[Liverpool Lou]

1 minute ago, Isan Wanderer said:

Spending 200k on a lawyer to save 1 million worth of property seems like a rational decision.

If that can be done.  But you do seem to have it all in hand, so, as I said, you're laughing, absolutely nothing to worry about.

[OneMoreFarang]

Coming back to the question in the headline: "Is it okay to lie to your partner of 5 years?"

 

Even after more than 10 years I wouldn't want to answer all possible questions with the truth. Like: did you ever have sex with another girl while we were together in the last 10 years? Of course not! And if I would have done that 5 years ago, I wouldn't be so stupid to admit to it now...

 

So maybe your first question should be if you want to stay with her together if she would not disappear anymore. And if that is the case, then ask yourself if you really want to know what happened. Or can you accept that she did something she shouldn't have done and now she does not do it anymore. Can you say or tell yourself: Forget about it. That's the past. ?

[OneMoreFarang]

5 minutes ago, Isan Wanderer said:

Well those few years living here taught me that money talks in Thailand. This place is corrupt af at least compared to Western standards. Nobody cares whether my name is on the chanod as long as I can afford a more expensive lawyer than her. Spending 200k on a lawyer to save 1 million worth of property seems like a rational decision. I realize this is pretty <deleted> up and I truly hope I won't have to resort to that but I'm just planning exit strategies here...

Or maybe your lawyer will think: If that stupid farang thinks he can win this then I am happy to do all the work and charge him for that. One day, maybe after my 10th invoice, he will realize that some things are impossible... 

[NoDisplayName]

first things first.........

 

2 hours ago, Isan Wanderer said:

I bought the land for 500k two years ago and spent an extra 200-300k on home improvements. We've printed the usufruct but have yet to get it stamped at the Land Office. So the "chanod" (red bird document) is only under her name for now...

a great man once said

Quote

You Get Nothing! You Lose! Good Day, Sir!

 

[Isan Wanderer]

1 minute ago, OneMoreFarang said:

So maybe your first question should be if you want to stay with her together if she would not disappear anymore. And if that is the case, then ask yourself if you really want to know what happened. Or can you accept that she did something she shouldn't have done and now she does not do it anymore. Can you say or tell yourself: Forget about it. That's the past. ?

Yes I would like to stay with her if she stops lying to me. I still love her despite all this BS. Thank you for the perspective, I need to sleep it over now. It's been an exhausting day... Thank you to anyone who's helped me navigate it. Appreciate you all.

[jvs]

17 minutes ago, Isan Wanderer said:

Well those few years living here taught me that money talks in Thailand. This place is corrupt af at least compared to Western standards. Nobody cares whether my name is on the chanod as long as I can afford a more expensive lawyer than her. Spending 200k on a lawyer to save 1 million worth of property seems like a rational decision. I realize this is pretty <deleted> up and I truly hope I won't have to resort to that but I'm just planning exit strategies here...

Do you think you would ever be happy or able to live there next to her family even if you win the case?

They will make your life hell,if they let you live that is.

[riclag]

41 minutes ago, Isan Wanderer said:

That's it riclag! You understand me. I need to know even if all outcomes are bad. This is driving crazy. I haven't been able to focus on work at all today.

I have been down this road before

mate! 

Be careful and don’t get confrontational! I know it’s easier said than done!
Once you find the cause of her behavior you’ll be in a better position mentally to decide your next course of action.

Cheers and good luck

[RanongCat]

If  you need lie  you need leave.

[androokery]

48 minutes ago, Isan Wanderer said:

Well those few years living here taught me that money talks in Thailand. This place is corrupt af at least compared to Western standards. Nobody cares whether my name is on the chanod as long as I can afford a more expensive lawyer than her. Spending 200k on a lawyer to save 1 million worth of property seems like a rational decision. I realize this is pretty <deleted> up and I truly hope I won't have to resort to that but I'm just planning exit strategies here...

I don't understand. You want to spend 200k baht to get ownership of land registered to you? Land that belongs to her? With a house that belongs to her? How would you even, as a foreigner, begin to get the right to own land in Thailand?