My new Thai gf (35/f) invited me (42/m) to visit her family in Isaan after < 1 month of dating? I feel uncomfortable but agreed. What do you think?

[bignok]

1 minute ago, roo860 said:

 

The singer did.

[Gecko123]

1 minute ago, bignok said:

I met my gf's family after 1 week. Why not? Nothing to be scared of.

It adds a layer of expectation which can be used to apply emotional pressure.

[bignok]

Just now, Gecko123 said:

It adds a layer of expectation which can be used to apply emotional pressure.

You have to man up sooner or later. If you like the woman go see the family. If not find another gf.

 

Scared of meeting 50kgs 60yos is pretty funny.

[roo860]

Has she told you about the sleeping arrangements at her home? You'll probably end up sleeping with her Dad, so don't get too drunk and end up in a compromising position with him.????????

[kidneyw]

Go for it. First did it in 1982. I was 32 and she was 30 with four kids. 

We did marry and divorce. The kids were never an issue but she was.

The upcountry experience was something else.

I really enjoyed it.

Take the trip with your eyes open.

If it does not work out, you will still have a tale to tell your mates down the pub when you are back home.

[bignok]

3 minutes ago, roo860 said:

Has she told you about the sleeping arrangements at her home? You'll probably end up sleeping with her Dad, so don't get too drunk and end up in a compromising position with him.????????

Stay in a hotel nearby. The toilet is likely Thai style. 

[SAFETY FIRST]

1 hour ago, AventurasEnMadrid said:

My new Thai gf (35/f)

mother of 2 young children

35yo with 2 kids.

Leave her for the older guys. 

 

[Gecko123]

22 minutes ago, bignok said:

You have to man up sooner or later. If you like the woman go see the family. If not find another gf.

 

Scared of meeting 50kgs 60yos is pretty funny.

Trying to frame this as "manning up" or being "scared" to meet her family is being silly. All I'm suggesting is that the timing of the visit can be used as a tool to manage expectations and the pace of the relationship.

 

You've never heard that "taking him/her home to meet the parents" is often considered a significant milestone in a relationship? You don't think there's a potential for claiming a loss of "face" or triggering resentment because you decided to break up with her after she introduced you to her family and her kids? Or being put under emotional pressure to become more emotionally involved or committed after a visit home?

 

[Captain Monday]

20 minutes ago, Dmaxdan said:

With an attitude like that, please, please, please don't ever have a serious relationship with anything that even remotely resembles another human being.

I would actually rather have the experienced 35-45 year old than some young starfish but kids are NOT part of my life plan else would have taken care of that years ago.

[Olav Seglem]

Reading all theese "alias answers"....

Just remember:

It can also be perfectly ok :-)

you should discuss with her BEFORE the visit, so no "misunderstandings".

Remember:

Thais accept a polite NO :-)

 

[BangkokReady]

1 hour ago, at15 said:

imagine dishing out your hard earned money to a woman that has been impregnated by another mans sperm. unbelievable.

It does seem a bit much considering the (lack of) age difference.  Maybe it's just me, but "divorced 35 year old with two children who also needs financial support" seems like a 50-60 year old guy kind of deal. ????‍♂️

 

A 40s guy with a job I would have thought could find a late twenties/early thirties woman with no kids and never married.

 

But each to their own.

[BangkokReady]

26 minutes ago, Dmaxdan said:

With an attitude like that, please, please, please don't ever have a serious relationship with anything that even remotely resembles another human being.

He might not have put it very tactfully, but there are many, many reasons not to take on another man's kids.  Especially if you're still reasonably young yourself.

[bignok]

14 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

Trying to frame this as "manning up" or being "scared" to meet her family is being silly. All I'm suggesting is that the timing of the visit can be used as a tool to manage expectations and the pace of the relationship.

 

You've never heard that "taking him/her home to meet the parents" is often considered a significant milestone in a relationship? You don't think there's a potential for claiming a loss of "face" or triggering resentment because you decided to break up with her after she introduced you to her family and her kids? Or being put under emotional pressure to become more emotionally involved or committed after a visit home?

 

Either you love her or you don't. You know this after 1 or 2 weeks.

[bignok]

9 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

He might not have put it very tactfully, but there are many, many reasons not to take on another man's kids.  Especially if you're still reasonably young yourself.

I agree. I did that and regretted it.

[Bosse137]

I am living in Isaan now for 30 more years.I can tell you,that her family,specially her mother,is planning for a wedding.!! Why?  Because you are expected to pay a nice sum money for her,plus finance the wedding.For the moment,I know of two families that are eagerly waiting for their daughters to bring home the catch.

[zzaa09]

3 minutes ago, bignok said:

Either you love her or you don't. You know this after 1 or 2 weeks.

Love.

Of course. 

 

What is love?

[Kwasaki]

2 hours ago, AventurasEnMadrid said:

My new gf, divorced and working for an insurance company in Bangkok and a mother of 2 young children that live with her parents (children’s grandparents) in a city in Isaan wants me to visit her family for the weekend .  She actually invited me the first time after only 1 week of dating but I turned her down then. This time I feel a bit uncomfortable but have agreed. Fwiw, I have been supporting her financially somewhat as well and her son is sick with long COVID, but have explained that there are limits. There are several other red flags I am feeling in the relationship but do feel I love her. Feedback welcome. Thank you everyone

So go if you care for her and you believe she cares for you, what wrong with you are you afraid of commitment.

[zzaa09]

5 minutes ago, Bosse137 said:

I am living in Isaan now for 30 more years.I can tell you,that her family,specially her mother,is planning for a wedding.!! Why?  Because you are expected to pay a nice sum money for her,plus finance the wedding.For the moment,I know of two families that are eagerly waiting for their daughters to bring home the catch.

Yet, there are more situation than not that don't fit into this neat and expected stereotype [and myth].

Every situation and experience will be different from the next. 

 

Don't seem to be terribly observant after 30 years......or you don't get out much. Broad exposure and experience is everything.

[bignok]

3 minutes ago, zzaa09 said:

Love.

Of course. 

 

What is love?

When you get to 18 you will find out.

[bignok]

4 minutes ago, Bosse137 said:

I am living in Isaan now for 30 more years.I can tell you,that her family,specially her mother,is planning for a wedding.!! Why?  Because you are expected to pay a nice sum money for her,plus finance the wedding.For the moment,I know of two families that are eagerly waiting for their daughters to bring home the catch.

Wrong. No sinsot for 2nd marriages. My gf's family never mentioned marriage to me.

 

Her family want a decent bf thats all. Hence the meeting.

 

[scottiejohn]

56 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

Are you familiar with the concept of a rhetorical question?

Much more important is are you aware if the OP is "familiar with the concept of a rhetorical question?" before you ask them?

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

2 hours ago, mfd101 said:

Just as "in the West", taking you home to meet the family is a good sign (she's serious), but it's only good if you're serious too.

 

As for money matters, that goes with the territory. Either get used to it or get out.

1. For Isan folks, yes, bringing the farang BF home to meet Mom and Dad at their Isan home generally is an indication the young woman is looking for, and the family is expecting, some kind of personal and financial commitment.

 

2. On the money issue, absolutely nothing wrong with the OP making it clear to the GF and her parents just how far / how much he's willing to do in that regard. And if she / they aren't satisfied with what he's willing to offer, they're free to look elsewhere.

 

However, that said, a relationship with a single mother with two kids who's already (presumably) been asking for financial support from a farang BF she barely knows thus far probably isn't a very good sign of where the relationship is going to be headed for the future.

 

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

5 minutes ago, bignok said:

Wrong. No sinsot for 2nd marriages. My gf's family never mentioned marriage to me.

 Yes, the Thai custom with other Thais would generally be to not have a sin sod payment for second marriages.

 

However, I have heard of sin sod requests being put to prospective farang spouses by the Thai side of the family, perhaps assuming that they didn't know any better.

 

[Phulublub]

2 hours ago, at15 said:

imagine dishing out your hard earned money to a woman that has been impregnated by another mans sperm. unbelievable.

What a pathetic post. 

 

You (and those who like your psot) never date, or see, or have sex with, any woman who has ever been with another man?  Never ending supply of virgins is, AFAIAA a myth propogated by those who encourage young and impressionable young men that martyrdom will give them this

 

PH

[bignok]

4 minutes ago, TallGuyJohninBKK said:

 Yes, the Thai custom with other Thais would generally be to not have a sin sod payment for second marriages.

 

However, I have heard of sin sod requests being put to prospective farang spouses by the Thai side of the family, perhaps assuming that they didn't know any better.

 

Meeting the family early is a good idea. Find out whether they are good or not. If no good quit the gf. If good stick around.

[bignok]

32 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

It does seem a bit much considering the (lack of) age difference.  Maybe it's just me, but "divorced 35 year old with two children who also needs financial support" seems like a 50-60 year old guy kind of deal. ????‍♂️

 

A 40s guy with a job I would have thought could find a late twenties/early thirties woman with no kids and never married.

 

But each to their own.

Agreed

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

57 minutes ago, recom273 said:

I saw it as an initiation ceremony, it ended by the gf telling her family to GTF, and 15+ years later we are still together, happily married (for the most part). I would say it's a necessary experiment, just keep your head on swivel and your eyes wide open.

I've always thought a very important thing a farang finds (or doesn't find) from those kinds of encounters is whether his GF/potential wife is willing to stand up to the various family members and assorted hangers on.... or she just surrenders to whatever anyone wants because you're a farang.

 

In my book, any sensible farang absolutely doesn't want a GF / wife in the latter category.

 

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

3 minutes ago, bignok said:

Meeting the family early is a good idea. Find out whether they are good or not. If no good quit the gf. If good stick around.

See my comment post one above here... on that point.

 

[Madgee]

1 hour ago, Hummin said:

Not everyone have the same experience as you, or you might only heard it, and no experience yourself at all. 

 

 

My oh my ..... I see a little sarcasm and dry wit goes way over your head.
I'm single and intend to stay that way for the foreseeable future but I do live in Isaan and often see these sad guys in tow with a couple of laden trollies at the checkout. 
As they say: No money no honey ........... Or should it be no trolley no dolly?

[mokwit]

Best get up to speed on the vocabulary of the local dialect:

 

Take care = give money

borrow = give

can you hewp me? = give money

good heart = gives money

etc