American man faces dilemma as Thai girlfriend’s parents demand 1 million baht dowry

[Walker88]

What's the difference between paying 1 million baht for 300+ trysts with agogo women, or paying 1 million baht sinsod for a wife?

 

Answer: (cue Tevye)  TRADITION !

 

For me, this is an example of a cultural gap I would having trouble bridging. It makes the woman a product or a service provider, hardly different from barfining an agogo woman, despite the fact sinsod is a Thai tradition. It just doesn't sit well with me personally.

 

I believe I'm culturally sensitive after having resided in many diverse countries, but I am always aware that the cultural gaps often present problems. I'm hardly poor, so the sum is no big deal, but I would suspect that 1 million baht is just the first payment on the way to 100 million or more, especially if every relative, close or distant, became aware of what I have. That would be irritating to me, and put unnecessary pressure on my spouse.

 

I know many Thai-Foreigner marriages work. I would not be confident enough to ever enter into one, however, as I assume I would become the village or locale ATM. Yes, I might miss out on paradise. So be it.

[Shop mak]

From link below.

4. Her parents are nakhon rural people near the Laos border. Not farmers, they work for a shipping business

 

Work.

Don't own the shipping company.

 

Link to the redditt article

 

 

 

Edited September 13, 2023 by Shop mak

[4MyEgo]

1 hour ago, Screaming said:

Another old cheap Charley expat comes to Thailand and expects to marry a much younger woman and not pay up. Well Charley, go home and see what you can get there. Not much if anything I presume.

Cheap Charlie indeed, you see some 17 years back over dinner one night at a restaurant in my home country, I said to my Thai girlfriend at the time who was from Issan, now my wife, who was holidaying with me at the time. How much do you want for Sin Sot, she said, oh, you know about Thai culture, I said a little, she said; up to you, I said no, come on, how much, she said ok, a million baht, I said, no way, too much, she said with a smile on her face, ok, up to you then, I said 200k baht, she said, up to you, ok, I said hang on, 200k will be for your parents and 300k will be for your twins who were 2 at the time.

 

She had that dumb Thai look on her face, and I swear if she wasn't as pretty as she was, I would have slapped her. I repeated, 200k is for mum and dad, 300k baht is for the boys education, it will go in your bank account and no one will touch it, not even you without me knowing, she was starting to chock up and I told her to cut it out and of course the 500k could be shown at the wedding for face. She still has at least 150k baht of that money in the bank.

 

Her parents have not asked me for one baht all these years and they are poor.

 

1 hour ago, TallGuyJohninBKK said:

The normal solution for this kind of demand, for Thais and farangs alike, is to negotiate with the parents for the family to put up the sinsod for show at the wedding ceremony, and then take the money back themselves once the ceremony is done. That way, face is satisfied.

My sister in law asked my wife if she could loan her 300k baht for her Sin Sot because her husband, now X only gave 200k baht and she wanted to match her sisters Sin Sot, so I accommodated her request and got the 300k baht back straight after the wedding.

 

At the end of the day, it all boils down to ones financial position and how much they are prepared to put forward or lose as others would say.

 

Since then she's had a big house built on her land, a nice car and all the other things that go in a marriage, that said, she's still a plain village girl who counts every baht and doesn't break my balls asking me for money, and of course takes real good care of me, so there are some real gems out there that are worth their weight in gold, just have to filter through them and their families, too bad there are a lot of Cheap Charlie's about, not being one to judge of course 

 

 

Edited September 13, 2023 by 4MyEgo

[BenStark]

2 minutes ago, 4MyEgo said:

How much do you want for Sin Sot, she said, oh, you know about Thai culture, I said a little, she said; up to you, I said no, come on, how much, she said ok, a million baht, I said, no way, too much, she said with a smile on her face, ok, up to you then, I said 200k baht, she said, up to you, ok, I said hang on, 200k will be for your parents and 300k will be for your twins who were 2 at the time.

So you negotiated a price for a second hand, and come here to pretend you know Thai culture?

[Gottfrid]

2 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Offer 2m cos she's so special, but you need time to sell your house back home ....... bang her for a year, then confess you don't have the money so you'll have to call off the wedding.

 

They'll agree cos they're greedy.

Yep, and he will be the safest man on the planet after that.

[4MyEgo]

1 minute ago, BenStark said:

So you negotiated a price for a second hand, and come here to pretend you know Thai culture?

What are you on about sunshine.

[Liverpool Lou]

48 minutes ago, connda said:

it's the demand for a 1 million THB dowry (which the parents who own a "shipping company" don't need)

They don't, he reported that they both  just work for a shipping company.

[BenStark]

2 minutes ago, 4MyEgo said:

What are you on about sunshine.

Yes I got it already that you're not the brightest light in the shed, and you just confirmed, as it seems you don't even understand your own post.

 

Sinsod is only for first marriage, not someone who has 2 kids already

[Liverpool Lou]

49 minutes ago, bignok said:

He could be 25 to 30yo. No mention of age.

He said that he's on a "long-term" visa so the chances of his being that young aren't great.

[KhunLA]

What if she wanted to marry a Thai guy, would they still demand 1M baht ?

 

... I think not

Edited September 13, 2023 by KhunLA

[neverere]

2 hours ago, TallGuyJohninBKK said:

The normal solution for this kind of demand, for Thais and farangs alike, is to negotiate with the parents for the family to put up the sinsod for show at the wedding ceremony, and then take the money back themselves once the ceremony is done. That way, face is satisfied.

 

The fact the Redditor involved is apparently unaware that such arrangements are common here is seemingly a bad sign for his familiarity with Thailand and Thai customs.

 

Of course, the daughter could instead end up with a Thai husband up in Isan, who like too many stories reported in the news here over the years, will repeatedly cheat on her with other women, do drugs and drink to excess, become insanely jealous, and ultimately beat/attack her causing serious bodily harm.

 

But hey, it's their daughter, and the parents can decide.

 

 

They may be a little too focused on the immediate financial gain to consider their daughters future happiness.

[PR3]

I paid the requested sinsot when I got married to my wife, as her brother did when he married his, and when my brother in law did when he married my wife's sister. 

Ultimately we have a choice as foreigners to go with the flow or not.

I've never been asked for anything since in 13 years.

Sometimes it's just a cultural thing and we do or don't accept it,  and sometimes parcels of land are given to the married couple in leiu of the payment. 

I didn't look at it any other way than pleasing the cultural side of things and because I didn't want my chosen life partner to have to feel uncomfortable in such circumstances.

Sometimes better to look at it as a down-payment for what may be bequeathed in the future.

Or just to accept the financial hurdle to get what you both want as a couple.

 

We're not in the West, and having Western principles in Isaan specially doesn't cut it so well a lot of the time.

Although I expect its not exclusive to this region in some cases.

 

PR3

 

 

[Gknrd]

Didn't know this was still a thing in Thailand.. I knew a guy about 20 years ago that did this. I was invited to the wedding. Great time, but the mother in law was a complete tool. Guy seemed happy to dish out millions of Baht.  I asked the guy that owned the hall where the reception was held in Pattaya. He just chuckled and said these guys were a dime a dozen and their retirement money was pouring threw their hands so fast they would be back in their home country without a dime in a few months.. 

Really it is a joke in this day and time. With all the stats and books on the subject!  Amazing guys still fall for this scam.

Edited September 13, 2023 by Gknrd

[bignok]

1 hour ago, 4MyEgo said:

Cheap Charlie indeed, you see some 17 years back over dinner one night at a restaurant in my home country, I said to my Thai girlfriend at the time who was from Issan, now my wife, who was holidaying with me at the time. How much do you want for Sin Sot, she said, oh, you know about Thai culture, I said a little, she said; up to you, I said no, come on, how much, she said ok, a million baht, I said, no way, too much, she said with a smile on her face, ok, up to you then, I said 200k baht, she said, up to you, ok, I said hang on, 200k will be for your parents and 300k will be for your twins who were 2 at the time.

 

She had that dumb Thai look on her face, and I swear if she wasn't as pretty as she was, I would have slapped her. I repeated, 200k is for mum and dad, 300k baht is for the boys education, it will go in your bank account and no one will touch it, not even you without me knowing, she was starting to chock up and I told her to cut it out and of course the 500k could be shown at the wedding for face. She still has at least 150k baht of that money in the bank.

 

Her parents have not asked me for one baht all these years and they are poor.

 

My sister in law asked my wife if she could loan her 300k baht for her Sin Sot because her husband, now X only gave 200k baht and she wanted to match her sisters Sin Sot, so I accommodated her request and got the 300k baht back straight after the wedding.

 

At the end of the day, it all boils down to ones financial position and how much they are prepared to put forward or lose as others would say.

 

Since then she's had a big house built on her land, a nice car and all the other things that go in a marriage, that said, she's still a plain village girl who counts every baht and doesn't break my balls asking me for money, and of course takes real good care of me, so there are some real gems out there that are worth their weight in gold, just have to filter through them and their families, too bad there are a lot of Cheap Charlie's about, not being one to judge of course 

 

 

So you are a legend then?

[bignok]

1 hour ago, Liverpool Lou said:

He said that he's on a "long-term" visa so the chances of his being that young aren't great.

Well he is smart either way. A Thai would pay 200 or 300k I would think.

[still kicking]

1 hour ago, bignok said:

Average Thai women might have 100,000 baht. Some might have 500,000 baht. A 26yo farang might have $10,000 to 20,000.

 

Not everyone has 1m baht to give away and many dont. 

So, my wife is not average then she had hardly 100 baht, working at a university does not make much money. I paid 20.000 baht and got most of it back. Now she makes about 40.000 AUD per month. On top of my pension.

[gearbox]

7 minutes ago, still kicking said:

So, my wife is not average then she had hardly 100 baht, working at a university does not make much money. I paid 20.000 baht and got most of it back. Now she makes about 40.000 AUD per month. On top of my pension.

Hmm.... what is your wife doing to get paid 40k per month?

[bignok]

1 hour ago, BenStark said:

So you negotiated a price for a second hand, and come here to pretend you know Thai culture?

He called the guy CC but only gave 200k to parents.

[bignok]

4 minutes ago, gearbox said:

Hmm.... what is your wife doing to get paid 40k per month?

$40,000 a month is a lot. She must be good whatever it is.

[still kicking]

8 minutes ago, bignok said:

$40,000 a month is a lot. She must be good whatever it is.

176,188 AUD

$118,450 USD 

Per year miscalculated not including my pension which is cut of course.

[ukrules]

3 hours ago, Nick Carter icp said:

How do you feel about foreigners going to the U.K and keeping their own traditions and ignoring British traditions ?

   Like wearing Hijabs for example ?

I don't give a <deleted> what they do.

[still kicking]

1 minute ago, ukrules said:

I don't give a <deleted> what they do.

Can I ware meine LEDERHOSE?

[JimTripper]

3 hours ago, TallGuyJohninBKK said:

The normal solution for this kind of demand, for Thais and farangs alike, is to negotiate with the parents for the family to put up the sinsod for show at the wedding ceremony, and then take the money back themselves once the ceremony is done. That way, face is satisfied.

 

The fact the Redditor involved is apparently unaware that such arrangements are common here is seemingly a bad sign for his familiarity with Thailand and Thai customs.

 

Of course, the daughter could instead end up with a Thai husband up in Isan, who like too many stories reported in the news here over the years, will repeatedly cheat on her with other women, do drugs and drink to excess, become insanely jealous, and ultimately beat/attack her causing serious bodily harm.

 

But hey, it's their daughter, and the parents can decide.

 

 

I think some people rent the gold to show at the ceremony then return it afterwards.

[BenStark]

19 minutes ago, still kicking said:

176,188 AUD

$118,450 USD 

Per year miscalculated not including my pension which is cut of course.

That is still a lot for a previous university worker.

[puck2]

SINSOD, a part of the Thai wedding ceremony.

But what does it mean?

 

It should show that the husband is rich, has a lot of money. He should show it, so that all the guests should think: oooh, what a rich man, good for the bride (and the family). If true or not, that is not important. The guests should believe it. It's a bragging ceremony, bragging about something what isn't reality. In most cases the money has been borrowed from friends, relatives or the bank. After the marriage it has to be returned, as reported here in some/most cases.

 

When I read about this custom then I ask myself: why don't they put the bride in a showroom of a shop with a tag: 1m, 1.5m, 2m etc. ?

 

If I would be the groom I would buy fake banknotes - 5m ☺️.

[JimTripper]

39 minutes ago, gearbox said:

Hmm.... what is your wife doing to get paid 40k per month?

Corning tourists st.

[still kicking]

2 minutes ago, BenStark said:

That is still a lot for a previous university worker.

She was a nurse but is a doctor now and we are in OZ for many years now.

[still kicking]

1 minute ago, JimTripper said:

Corning tourists st.

Read every post 

[MangoKorat]

4 hours ago, snoop1130 said:

Some advised the man to end the relationship, as he might end up having to provide even more for the woman and her family in the future.

No 'might' about it.

[gearbox]

16 minutes ago, still kicking said:

She was a nurse but is a doctor now and we are in OZ for many years now.

Good to her if she did do medicine in a Thai uni and managed to pass the medical exams in Oz.