American man faces dilemma as Thai girlfriend’s parents demand 1 million baht dowry

[Cult of the Sun]

19 minutes ago, Hummin said:

Does it say anything about who is paying for the wedding?

If you buy a wife, she can read it to you I suppose.

[Hummin]

17 minutes ago, Cult of the Sun said:

If you buy a wife, she can read it to you I suppose.

What does that have to do with my question in this case? 

 

Who is paying for the wedding? The sin sod money given to the bride mom or parents, or is it the American? Most here missing what's involved when getting married, and how the money is used. Most ges rampant and do not understand at all what the deal is. 

 

It is an essential important question! Communication is everything. 

 

 

[youreavinalaff]

1 hour ago, Cult of the Sun said:

'Nice' people ask for bribes?  Nice people pimp their daughters?   What about them makes them nice?

I've looked through and can see nothing about bribes or pimping. Just because one culture is different to another it does not make it wrong.

 

 

 

 

[tgw]

On 9/13/2023 at 7:24 PM, BritManToo said:

Offer 2m cos she's so special, but you need time to sell your house back home ....... bang her for a year, then confess you don't have the money so you'll have to call off the wedding.

 

They'll agree cos they're greedy.

that would be a very Thai thing to do.

[Artisi]

2 hours ago, transam said:

You are a totally confused cult member.........Reminds me of Waco, or was it whacko................

Or was it w anchor? 

 

The new kid on the block and an expert on all things Thai. 

Edited September 17, 2023 by Artisi

[fusion58]

The man should tell the parents he wants to take their daughter to the U.S. for a Western-style wedding performed by a minister or a justice of the peace and watch their reaction.

 

If the parents object, he should ask “why am I expected to respect your culture when you don’t feel any obligation to respect mine?”

 

Indeed, in a relationship between two people from different cultures, shouldn’t mutual respect for each other’s culture be a must?

[transam]

1 minute ago, fusion58 said:

The man should tell the parents he wants to take their daughter to the U.S. for a Western-style wedding performed by a minister or a justice of the peace and watch their reaction.

 

If the parents object, he should ask “why am I expected to respect your culture when you don’t feel any obligation to respect mine?”

 

Indeed, in a relationship between two people from different cultures, shouldn’t mutual respect for each other’s culture be a must?

He can do that, after he's paid Sin-Sod, can take mum & dad too.......

[Artisi]

11 minutes ago, transam said:

He can do that, after he's paid Sin-Sod, can take mum & dad too.......

I'm sure they would be in full agreement. 

[dunroaming]

On 9/16/2023 at 1:46 AM, JBChiangRai said:

Not in Thailand, you don’t know much about the customs here do you.

 

Try again!

Things get lost in translation and who you talk to.  In my wife's family it was always the brides family that paid for the wedding.  They drew the short straw there because they had three girls.  My mother-in-law told me that was the tradition but often both families get together and share the costs.  Also best to remember that at a Thai wedding all the guests bring money for the couple so the more guests the bigger the pot!!

[Gknrd]

I lived in Issan for over 15 years. The young Thai guys laugh their asses off at this. I have seen some really nice and sincere Thai couples postpone their wedding because of lack of funds. But, never because of lack of sin sod. 

Saw a few upper Thai's marry and show sin sod. But, it was given back to them as soon as the wedding was over. Mainly a forgone custom and a way to have a old traditional wedding.

If the parents are insisting on it?  I personally would run..

Edited September 17, 2023 by Gknrd

[transam]

1 minute ago, Gknrd said:

I lived in Issan for over 15 years. The young Thai guys laugh their asses off at this. I have seen some really nice and sincere Thai couples postpone their wedding because of lack of funds. But, never because of lack of sin sod. 

Saw a few upper Thai's marry and show sin sod. But, it was given back to them as soon as the wedding was over. 

It may have been the custom years ago and respected, but now it is just show and a way to scam the farang gullible enough to believe it is an on going custom. 

 

Total rubbish. How come my step son (27) paid sin-sod, how come I know many Thai couples that go through the family sin-sod tradition....? 

[Gknrd]

2 hours ago, transam said:

Total rubbish. How come my step son (27) paid sin-sod, how come I know many Thai couples that go through the family sin-sod tradition....? 

Strictly a show, I knew of many Thai parents that would put up the sin sod just for show. Since the couple did not have any money. 

It's just like anywhere else. If you have money you don't have to flaunt it. It's when you don't have money is when you flaunt it.  Doesn't make sense does it.

I actually agree with a poster above. The parents probably expect that 1 million is all this kid could come up with even with borrowing.  They are just getting all they can.  

If he were rich they would not care what so ever.

 

 

Edited September 17, 2023 by Gknrd

[mania]

9 hours ago, transam said:

He can do that, after he's paid Sin-Sod, can take mum & dad too.......

But in the US the brides family "traditionally" pays for wedding. "Dowry" So actually ????

 

Quote

 

dow·ry

/ˈdou(ə)rē/

 

noun

noun: dowry; plural noun: dowries

property or money brought by a bride to her husband on their marriage.

 

 

[mania]

I have not read all 17 pages so it may have also been said already but......

 

Not all Thai families are the same. A couple decades ago before I married I asked my future Thai In-laws what was expected as I heard about Sinsod

My in-laws were not well off but just retired farmers living in a small village.

My future MIL said we do not sell our daughter but if you love her & she loves you we wish you happiness.

 

That was that & I cannot say I was surprised as they raised my wife who thinks the same way.

In the year that followed we helped them when we could to improve & rebuild their home & with little things.

They lived till they were 93 & 89 great loving in-laws !

 

But as a side note...our neighbor in the village is my wife's sister.

When her Thai son was getting married they had to give the Thai girls family 60k baht which was not easy for them either.

 

Edited September 17, 2023 by mania

[transam]

12 hours ago, Gknrd said:

Strictly a show, I knew of many Thai parents that would put up the sin sod just for show. Since the couple did not have any money. 

It's just like anywhere else. If you have money you don't have to flaunt it. It's when you don't have money is when you flaunt it.  Doesn't make sense does it.

I actually agree with a poster above. The parents probably expect that 1 million is all this kid could come up with even with borrowing.  They are just getting all they can.  

If he were rich they would not care what so ever.

 

 

Guessing cr@p...................

[transam]

6 hours ago, mania said:

But in the US the brides family "traditionally" pays for wedding. "Dowry" So actually ????

 

 

You can't have it both ways...........????

[Celsius]

My ex wife put 1 million of her own money for sinsod which was returned to her.

 

AND her family built us a small house with their own money including a fruit garden, some rubber trees, chicken. 

 

Of course I had no claim to any of that once I divorced.

 

I perv at her facebook pictures sometimes. She seems happy every time she goes back to her village. Most of these Thai women would be happy without us Farang mugs if they weren't poor

 

[CDG931]

 

In my perspective, if the bride considers this acceptable, I would personally choose to distance myself.

I did not have to pay anything and I have the most wonderful Thai wife. 8 years and counting.

Life is good.

 

And 500k for the wedding?

You could fly 5 times to Venice for a romantic holiday with your wife.

But I guess "face" is more important....

 

 

Edited September 18, 2023 by CDG931

[Jackbenimble]

On 9/17/2023 at 4:10 AM, thaibeachlovers said:

Everything is about money. One can not live on sunshine and moon beams.

 

However, it is not true that a farang having married into a Thai family is obligated to give any of them money. That is BS promoted by greedy Thais and foolish farangs. That that is not true is proven by the fact that many farangs do NOT give money to their married into families, and do not suffer for not doing so.

I dont recall seeing anyone here say that it was an obligation? 

[Jackbenimble]

21 minutes ago, CDG931 said:

 

In my perspective, if the bride considers this acceptable, I would personally choose to distance myself.

I did not have to pay anything and I have the most wonderful Thai wife. 8 years and counting.

Life is good.

 

And 500k for the wedding?

You could fly 5 times to Venice for a romantic holiday with your wife.

But I guess "face" is more important....

 

 

"face" is important.........to deny that is just foolish and ignorant. Whether it's more important is another debate entirely. 

[thaibeachlovers]

17 minutes ago, Jackbenimble said:

I dont recall seeing anyone here say that it was an obligation? 

I have.

[thaibeachlovers]

17 hours ago, transam said:

Total rubbish. How come my step son (27) paid sin-sod, how come I know many Thai couples that go through the family sin-sod tradition....? 

Same reason many western couples get married in church when they are not religious- tradition. Some of us don't always follow tradition though.

[transam]

1 minute ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Same reason many western couples get married in church when they are not religious- tradition. Some of us don't always follow tradition though.

So what is a Thai village wedding for....?

[thaibeachlovers]

1 minute ago, transam said:

So what is a Thai village wedding for....?

I wish I had had one as I could have just walked away from my wife- it's of no legal standing.

You'd have to ask someone that had one about that.

 

[CDG931]

51 minutes ago, Jackbenimble said:

"face" is important.........to deny that is just foolish and ignorant. Whether it's more important is another debate entirely. 

 

There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn't jump puddles for you

One of the greatest lessons I learned in Thailand.

 

And no, I don't spend 500K baht on a matter of face with Thai people who wouldn't jump a puddle for me. 

 

 

Edited September 18, 2023 by CDG931

[NextG]

2 hours ago, transam said:

Guessing cr@p...................

Do you know when you are being rude?

Seems that you have an ‘attitude problem’….

[transam]

28 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I wish I had had one as I could have just walked away from my wife- it's of no legal standing.

You'd have to ask someone that had one about that.

 

The family cannot afford sin-sod, perhaps....????

[transam]

13 minutes ago, NextG said:

Do you know when you are being rude?

Seems that you have an ‘attitude problem’….

Can I join your gang then...................????

[Misty]

On 9/17/2023 at 4:01 AM, thaibeachlovers said:

I don't think my country's traditions and moral standing are superior. I do think that they don't have to be observed, and for most people they are not, other than lip service. What woman actually means it when she promises to obey her husband in western marriages these days?

Live together till death do us part- LOL.

Likewise, when in Thailand I chose which traditions to uphold and which to only give lip service to, and which to ignore. Therefore I only gave sinsod I got back, the wai I gave her mother was the last one I ever gave in LOS, and I refused to uphold the tradition of farangs handing over lotasacash to Thai families just because I married one of them.

That my marriage ended was nothing to do with failing to uphold traditions, and all to do with her becoming an unpleasant person to live with.

Seriously do some western marriage vows still include women promising to obey their husbands?  I thought that was already changing about 150 years ago.  As a child, I still remember reading a book by Laura Ingalls Wilder in which that phrase was removed from her marriage vows to husband Almanzo - that was the year 1885.

[Thingamabob]

Very difficult to judge. Might be ok but, on balance, probably not. Anyway, in this case I wonder if the article is genuine.