Did you get the easy way in life or the hard way?

[Chris Daley]

Did you get the hard life?  If so why?  What happened that made things difficult?

 

I used to have a friend in secondary school.  He never did the work and used to eat paper.  He once just crushed up some polo mints held an empty biro and starting snorting it.  One day he turned to me and said ''I'm alright, my dad works at British Gas and he has a position waiting for me''.  Sure enough he left school, got a new house, company car and is a manager at British Gas.  He made zero effort in life and had things the easy way.

 

How about you?  Did you get any lucky breaks?  Was there a lucky escape from addiction or the wrong crowd?  What moment changed the course of your life dramatically?

Edited October 27, 2023 by Chris Daley

[QuantumQuandry]

Both.  My parents were comfortably well off (not rich-rich but very comfortable).  Educated me well in private schools.  Traveled a lot.

 

But I was a runaway/abandoned at 14 and, not wanting to grow up in a foster home and not being legally able to have a job at that point, it was rough going for a while.  Slept on the streets, in shelters, on kind strangers couches, in abandoned cars, on bus benches.  Emotional trauma was bad for 8 years or so.

 

However, my education and upbringing gave me an advantage that carried me through to eventually going to college (on loans and grants) and into the military to pay off those loans.  And eventually retiring early, at 40ish, in SouthEast Asia.

 

So...fair to say there have been ups and downs 😅

[4MyEgo]

47 minutes ago, Chris Daley said:

Did you get the hard life?  If so why?  What happened that made things difficult?

 

I suppose you could say I got the card of the hard life.

 

Raised with parents not suitable for each other, i.e. they met up in a foreign country after WW11 with nothing looking for a new life, father enjoyed his drink, gave mum a set amount of his wages and kept the rest for himself, mum worked night shifts as a nurse, with as much overtime as possible, suffice to say, we didn't really see our parents as Dad would get home at around 6pm after stopping at the pub on the way home from work, ate dinner then off to bed, and mum would be off to work at 9.30pm for the graveyard shift, she'd be up at 3pm when we would get home from school to clean, cook and put us to bed.

 

What made things difficult was that with parents not suitable to each other was, that we ended up in boys homes for short stints as mum had two nervous break downs, and dad wasn't capable of raising 4 boys on his own and working, so it was a very confusing part in our lives. I also ran away from home a couple of times, but that didn't last very long.

 

School wasn't easy as all I wanted to do was work and make money so that I could have a better life as there was never enough money to go around for the 4 of us boys, so I would pump petrol at the petrol station after school till 9pm.

 

Fast forward a decade after leaving year 10 trying different types of jobs, I did mature entry enrolment and completed two degrees, wasn't the brightest spark, but got on well with the recent high school grades who entered Uni and we sponged off of each others backs to get through, all this was done while I was also working all sorts of jobs, tree lopping, cab driving etc etc, whatever it took. Those pieces of papers opened doors for me and my wages climbed substantially over time as I kept on getting head hunted.

 

My oldest brother (passed) introduced me into property, bought my 1st property when I was 24 with his help, he had a friend in the bank and a mate who supposedly owed me the deposit money, which came from a personal loan approved from another bank.....lol

 

I had a good government job with loads of overtime so was working 13 days a fortnight straight as I needed to have a day off legally and I paid off the personal loan in a year.

 

One property became 2, then 3, then 4, then a failed marriage of 12 years and a daughter, now an adult and she did ok growing up after her mum left me when she was 20 months old. I made sure to be a part of her life as I took on shared care on a 50/50 basis, wasn't easy, but hey, we are all damaged products, some more than others.

 

Never stopped working as it kept my mind clear, even during my forced holidays, I worked with my older brother who went into construction and was changing hail damaged roofs on commercial properties, I knew nothing about changing roofs but he needed the help and was paying me cash and showed me what to do, hard yakka and I almost fell 10 metres to the ground a couple of times, but better than sitting home during holidays after going through the separation.

 

All of my mates had steady hard working old school parents who provided them with easy lives, I was never the jealous type and those mates today are hard working millionaires, their parents, still alive, wouldn't have it any other way, so, you get the cards dealt to you and you just keep playing till you win a hand or two, that is when I met my 2nd wife (Thai) who asked me why I worked so hard when she came back to my country and saw the hours I was putting in, working from home, and I said that is all I know, and she told me that it wasn't healthy, a month later I had a heart attack, she was right, the stress level was insane, that is when she said, enough is enough, you need to live your life and that's what I have been doing for the past 8 years as I took her advice.

 

Moral of the story is, when someone you trust reaches out, take their hand and don't look back, accept the change and challenges that come at you as you move forward, no regrets, life has been a journey, fortunately for me, the fruits that I once sowed, now allow me to pick those fruits today to enjoy my life, or what's left of it.

 

My life reminds me of an old saying, water off a ducks back... 

[Lacessit]

I would not say I had a hard or easy life, something in between. My parents taught me very early on if I wanted something, I had to earn it for myself.

I bought my first bicycle with money I earned collecting scrap copper, aluminium, brass and lead from the local garbage tip. Impossible nowadays with regulations.

I bought my first set of golf clubs with funds I saved from caddying. The caddie system in Australia died many years ago. My first car with employment as a trainee.

 

My parents also taught me to avoid debt like the plague. I have never owned a credit card, except for a company-issued one. I only started to buy new stuff when I could afford it, even then it had to be something with a proven track record. No interest in being a lab rat for a gee-whiz item.

 

I came from fairly humble beginnings. I was a gifted child, in some ways that was a curse early on because kids can be cruel.

 

I've never been afraid of hard work and questioning the status quo. I don't need expensive possessions to impress friends, family and neighbors.

 

When confronted with problems, I look for the options available to resolve them.

 

Calvin Coolidge was right when he said nothing in this world can take the place of persistence.

 

 

[Pouatchee]

4 hours ago, Chris Daley said:

How about you?

 

why ask posters here about our lives but not tell about your own?

if you actually shared i would not consider you op as being busybody in nature.

there are plenty of others starting threads like yours and in the end they suck.

why do you want to be part of that team?

[soalbundy]

What is hard or easy is subjective, an assumed falang hard life could be seen by many in say Ethiopia as easy. Life has many component parts, not just money or comfort, mental well being, social acceptance, spirituality, a sense of purpose, being able to make the most of your abilities and yes, a sense of happiness despite the hammer blows of life.

A young Thai man who works at a hardware store full time and privately as a professional handyman, attached my new shower heater for me in the evening after work and then put in a new bathroom tap with the waste water pipe. He is married has children, works all hours god sends and is always cheerful, he is happier than my manager on a huge salary at my old company in Germany. He told me his hourly rate to privately assemble my things at home but when he realized that we live in the same area he tried to reduce the price by 30%, I refused the offer and paid him the full amount, he had worked so efficiently and quickly and so cheerfully after a hard days work he impressed me, he deserved the full rate. As far as I was concerned the man is a success.

[brianthainess]

I was too selfish to have have a hard life. started work at 15yo as an apprentice mechanic, straight from school, brought my first M/C at 16yo  and worked all my life, I did take long holidays though in later life.

My parents were working class folk. Neither drank. 

[Colabamumbai]

Read My Life As A Heroin Smuggler Bangkok to Bombay A. Clark on sale on kindle amazon now. No my life was not easy. 

[soalbundy]

2 hours ago, Colabamumbai said:

Read My Life As A Heroin Smuggler Bangkok to Bombay A. Clark on sale on kindle amazon now. No my life was not easy. 

I prefer my Thai handyman who looks after his family and Supports the community instead of destroying it as you did with your actions, so no, I won't be buying your book. 

[sipi]

My parents didn't help me a millimetre. I got ripped off and screwed from purchasing my first car to retirement. But, in their defence they didn't know any better.

In the end it all worked out.

[Tropposurfer]

Came up in Sydneys inner suburbs to begin my life, divorced parents (when a woman left the man in those days she got ZIP help from the government - no child support.

Mum worked all her life to provide. Small house (bought from an inlaw) . Lucky to move to Manly as a young kid. Never any money, second hand footy boots,  learnt not to ask for anything very early on, Aunt made clothes for us.

But a decent home life (except for the few years of an ahole step dad and his violent alcoholism) with fresh garden grown food by mum's hard working hands, I learnt by her side how to grow things. I learnt there how to fight and began boxing to protect my mum from him.

 

Nevertheless life was difficult for me and my sister (bullied at school). Sister very studious in her adaption to survive what was happening, me athletic and distracted at school.

We both carried and suffered all sort of weights as we grew up, and inflicted suffering on others (not violence but me a train wreck for the fist thirty years of my life).

Later in life my life began to shift, I went back to school as a solid C grade student - good brain (thanks Dad) 2 degrees and 2 Masters degrees fought for, with blood, tears, facing a lot of fears, and sweat to get them. 

 

Hard manual work first half of my life. Began in horticulture and landscape building, later design, then carpenters license and building too.

Money came later and now I live a life of ease and privilege, for which I maintain an 'attitude of gratitude' lest my ego rise and sabotage me.

Nietzsche  once said; 'Out of life's war - that which does not kill me makes me stronger'.

[Ben Zioner]

Neither, everything I have comes from the education my parents gave me and my  own efforts. I am not complaining.

[StreetCowboy]

On 10/27/2023 at 6:38 PM, QuantumQuandry said:

Both.  My parents were comfortably well off (not rich-rich but very comfortable).  Educated me well in private schools.  Traveled a lot.

 

But I was a runaway/abandoned at 14 and, not wanting to grow up in a foster home and not being legally able to have a job at that point, it was rough going for a while.  Slept on the streets, in shelters, on kind strangers couches, in abandoned cars, on bus benches.  Emotional trauma was bad for 8 years or so.

 

However, my education and upbringing gave me an advantage that carried me through to eventually going to college (on loans and grants) and into the military to pay off those loans.  And eventually retiring early, at 40ish, in SouthEast Asia.

 

So...fair to say there have been ups and downs 😅

A Classical Education will out.  We didn't get a stiff upper lip from kow towing to fashion.  Good on you, and well done!

For the avoidance of doubt, the last section in italics is meant without irony, for all that it might be badly worded.  

[QuantumQuandry]

26 minutes ago, StreetCowboy said:

A Classical Education will out.  We didn't get a stiff upper lip from kow towing to fashion.  Good on you, and well done!

For the avoidance of doubt, the last section in italics is meant without irony, for all that it might be badly worded.  

 

Worded just fine and I took it positively.  Thank you, sir!  It's been a long, winding road but things are pretty good now, living in Thailand 

[Furioso]

I got lucky and was somehow built with a self defence mechanism. I grew up lower class and didn't try at all in school. I had no way nor desire to go to college. The only plan I had was to play the long game. I ate a lot of sh!t at my job but always found a way to have fun as well. I made a million mistakes but nobody really had the heart to fire me.

 

Never got married, never had kids and retired from my horrible job on my 42nd birthday. 

[Skeptic7]

Hard way, but made it. Born lower middle class USA. Awesome mom and deadbeat dad divorced when I was 3. Started working at 11 for spending money. Did well in school and sports. Couldn't afford a car or college. Finally bought a motorcycle at 18. My first car at 23.  Ultimately secured a great job and enjoyed a 35 awesome year career. Was living here in Thailand for 25 years (month on, month off) and retired 4 years ago at 59. Had a 10 year Thai gf who was raped & murdered in our new house which we built together in Kanchanaburi. Surrounded by mountains and across from a lake. We had a Honda Wave, Toyota Fortuner and dogs & cats. Had just retired and struggling to get back home at the beginning of Covidiocy. She was brutally murdered in our house 1 month prior to my return. She was 33.

 

Somehow I'm still here, tho has not been easy these past 3.5 years and many times considered "checking out". Unexpectedly met a girl a year ago who saved my sanity and probably my life. We are happily moving forward in Jomtien. 

 

Not looking for sympathy, just sharing my story. It's sanative. Life can go on and (usually) does. 

Edited October 29, 2023 by Skeptic7

[Walker88]

I suspect my existence has been easier than 99.999% of all the people who have ever lived (in stark contrast to the fellow posting above me....goodness, that's horrific !)

 

That doesn't mean it was without challenges, but given all the possible permutations, I know it could have been infinitely more difficult.

 

I wasn't born a female in rural Afghanistan during the Taliban years. I wasn't born when Europe was being ravaged by the Black Plague. No Genghis Khan nor tribes of Visigoths or Vikings slaughtered their way through my village as a kid.

 

If one looks at all of human history since homo sapiens emerged, and could choose a time, place and collection of physical characteristics, the result would not be so different from my own materialization and path through life.

 

Maybe there will be a better time and place to materialize in some future time, but up until now coming into existence in a peaceful and developed country, male, Caucasian, of bright parents, of modest to better economic means, not being short (6'+), being athletic, being well above average intelligence (inherited, not earned), and at least not being butt ugly is an ideal. Failure, given all of that, would have to have been sought out.

 

Along the way I had some setbacks, but nothing that couldn't be overcome. I lost some loved ones to disease, a few to terrorism, and those will always hurt, but I suspect I'm far from alone in that regard.

 

If my life has turned out well, I owe it more to dumb luck than anything I might have done. I'm well aware that life is far from fair. Toss in anyone's deity, if one happens to believe: terribly unfair. A civilized society can make all equal only to a certain extent, such as under the law. The Universe, however, sets the real rules about how one gets to exist, and fairness and equality have absolutely nothing to do with it. So much is random, and if free will exists, it comes with severe restrictions and limitations.

 

Everyone plays the cards they're dealt, but some are born with seven high in mixed suits, while a few are dealt a straight flush ace high.

[brianthainess]

17 hours ago, sipi said:

My parents didn't help me a millimetre. I got ripped off and screwed from purchasing my first car to retirement. But, in their defence they didn't know any better.

In the end it all worked out.

Your Parents ripped you off? jeez. 

[brianthainess]

On 10/27/2023 at 9:11 PM, Lacessit said:

I bought my first bicycle with money I earned collecting scrap copper, aluminium, brass and lead from the local garbage tip.

I made my first bike with parts from the tip, it even had different size wheels.

[Datsun 1200]

Like all alcoholics/addicts I have the Gene CHRM2, which before the 12 steps were discovered (AA) was almost always fatal.

Since 1939 if lucky and you found the 12 steps, one can have an "interesting" and "exciting to a degree" life, but never an easy life, always very difficult coz family probably Alcoholic too. With those Steps I have had a brilliant life, I'm now 63yo happy, joyous, free, healthy wealthy and wiser. Without those Steps AA/NA, certainly dead at 37yo

 

https://aa.org.au/new-to-aa/what-is-aa/

 

IH

[jaideedave]

TBH I recall a <deleted>ty childhood.My old man worked away mostly and when he was home my folks fought like cats and dogs.

He finally left when I was about 12 yo and it was poverty thereafter.

My mom struggled to support me and younger sis.

School was a disaster and as soon as I was old enough I joined the Navy.

Best thing I ever did for myself. I grew up there. I was introduced to alcohol big time and have only come to grips with that at age 72.

I left after 6 years submarine service and it opened up a lot of doors. I went to tech college for 1 year. Somehow I managed a 30 yr career as a Power Engineer and took early retirement at 55.

Relocated to LOS and never looked back.

Happily collecting my pensions and supporting my Thai family.

I consider myself fortunate.

[Freddy42OZ]

My father was a highly paid expat. We lived in several countries in the Middle East (I was born there) before settling in Hong Kong in 1973.  
Dad did very well in his career and the family enjoyed annual holidays pretty much anywhere we wanted, so my parent's took us to Africa, Canada, US, S. America and of course all around Asia. 
I went to international schools and then to a top boarding school in the UK. 
I skipped Uni because I knew I could use my father's connections to get a job, which I did a few times. 

Basically grew up very comfortable, never wanted for anything.  

Life has been great.

[Mark Nothing]

I got the easy way, but it turned out to be masquerading as a fraud of massive proportions that most will never know.

 

The voice in my head has been begging me to feed it even the tiniest scrap of nourishment for decades. I tried all the standard ways to rectify the dissatisfaction. The futility of academics, work, new houses, new cars, conspicuous consumption, overeating, travel, nightlife, sports, gambling all failed to quiet the internal voice.  In fact it got stronger and more belligerant. 

 

The dissatisfaction grew exponentially with each passing year. Then the ailments started kicking in sapping my quality of life.   So most of my life was the hard way.

 

My lucky break came when I figured out how to nourish and feed the voice in my head so it would quit torturing me.  And everything changed.  Dramatic profound changes.  The ailments dissappeared, satisfaction increased, and life became easy.  It turned out the hard way is really the easy way.  And all the dominos fell.

 

By learning that this internal voice was my soul requesting God's assistance was the greatest life changing accomplishment of my life.  Once satisfied, life became effortless.  I requested the omnipotent God to bless my body and soul and he did. I learned the hard way that not following the 10 commandments and implementing Biblical philosophies is a living hell.

 

I would like to thank some of the dissatisfied posters on this forum for showing what happens when you don't correct the rantings of this internal voice.  It provided a key breakthrough for me.

 

[Will B Good]

Easy I guess.... family was quite wealthy, father was a Director of ICI.....although I didn't clock that we were well off.

 

Never really had a helping hand in life, worked hard, became a company director, four beautiful, healthy children retired at 39.

 

Just sat about now waiting to die.

[4MyEgo]

8 hours ago, Datsun 1200 said:

Like all alcoholics/addicts I have the Gene CHRM2, which before the 12 steps were discovered (AA) was almost always fatal.

Since 1939 if lucky and you found the 12 steps, one can have an "interesting" and "exciting to a degree" life, but never an easy life, always very difficult coz family probably Alcoholic too. With those Steps I have had a brilliant life, I'm now 63yo happy, joyous, free, healthy wealthy and wiser. Without those Steps AA/NA, certainly dead at 37yo

 

https://aa.org.au/new-to-aa/what-is-aa/

 

IH

 

Alcoholism is a disease, a terrible disease, I lost a dear friend back in 2008, he was my oldest brother who was the kind of guy who would take his shirt off for you.

 

He he did try AA a few times, life wasn't kind to him at all, he was a battler, and would be the 1st to cop it from our alcoholic father if any of us did something wrong. 

 

I tried a few times to help him out of it, but being busy with work and trying to survive my own, it didn't help as all of his sufferings with his divorce, working in construction and having full custody of his young daughters who ditched him and went to their mum when they were 14 & 16 after everything he did for them made him drink even more.

 

He is at rest now, and having the life he had one has to ask, was it all worth the struggle ?

 

I also have a very close friend who beat alcoholism by listening to me and another m8 who has since past way too early. He saw a specialist who got him signed up and into a program and had to stay for 2 weeks, taking meds, and hasn't had a drink in over a decade.

 

Here today, I see far too many guys drinking themselves to death, sad really, everything in moderation, but it also depends if you have the GENE.

 

Glad to hear you pulled through.

[1FinickyOne]

Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

[Prubangboy]

This is backwards thinking.

 

Moving to Thailand is like joining The French Foreign Legion

 

-For ne'er do-wells to forget their sordid pasts.

[VocalNeal]

I had a hard childhood. My parents didn't even have a regular service contract for their AGA.