14 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Men can understand women very well if they want to, and are concerned with having a relationship where both are happy. Takes two, and that means both sides. Women can understand men if they realize he just wants to be appreciated for what he does. This means communication, which is the most important thing in a relationship. No communication means resentment, and a woman is less likely to give you what you want, which for a man means sex, good food and time with friends and hobbies.

 

For the woman it means being heard, understood , cared for and knowing she has someone who will be there when she needs him. This means she comes first, no other women in the picture, help around the house and with the kids, and letting her have time for her friends and self. You can't fake listening to a woman because they will see it immediately. You drop what you're dong, and put your attention to her 100%. A little time each day lets her know she's being appreciated for all she does.

 

Mismatches happen all the time, and some people just don't belong together. Some don't belong in any relationship, because they bring baggage from childhood that hinders any chances of having a mutual relationship where both are happy. A lot of men think just because they are bringing home the money that this is all he needs to do. That would make all rich men the best husbands, and history has shown they are among the worst. A woman who looks at men as cash will never be happy, because that pot will never be filled enough. Greed destroys all relationships.

 

If you do what you can for a woman, and you listen to her when she needs it, and are loyal and honest to her, and help her when she needs it, she will be glad to give you anything you need, unless she is damaged goods from childhood, greedy because she wants to impress others, has depression not treated so can't relate normally, or has been with so many men she'll never look at one as special.

You come across as a man that thinks women are special. I used to till I worked with thousands once or twice and hundreds as part of a team over decades. They are no more special than a man, but they like it that men think they are- they can get free drinks all night at a pub if men think they are special. Sometimes they even get a man to give them loadsacash because they are "special".

1 minute ago, fredwiggy said:

I responded to what you said. It didn't go over my head. Women are attracted to the bad boys, a thing they should learn about themselves because it never leads to happiness but being used. Alpha males are narcissistic users, period. This is why I've said before, a woman can be very intelligent in may ways, and be plain dense when it comes to men. You can't choose what you are attracted to, but you can choose who to sleep with.

A lot of good guys are shy. Too shy to ask women out. Bad guys flirt with women a lot so statistically far more likely to pick up women. It is really just a numbers game. Go to 10 restaurants you will find at least one you like. Flirt with more women the chances of one liking you is greater. So that's why the good guys are alone.

Just now, thaibeachlovers said:

You come across as a man that thinks women are special. I used to till I worked with thousands once or twice and hundreds as part of a team over decades. They are no more special than a man, but they like it that men think they are- they can get free drinks all night at a pub if men think they are special. Sometimes they even get a man to give them loadsacash because they are "special".

Women are as special as they act. They are equals to us, and are, and should be, our first and onlys. There are good men and women and there are bad men and women. If you want to be happy, you find someone that thinks like you do. I rushed in too many times because of attraction, and didn't get to know what they really were until later. Greedy users should pair with player men, and good, beta males should pair with good, loyal women who look at men as a partner and not an ATM. That way the bad would drive the bad crazy, and the good matches would last.

1 minute ago, fredwiggy said:

Women are as special as they act. They are equals to us, and are, and should be, our first and onlys. There are good men and women and there are bad men and women. If you want to be happy, you find someone that thinks like you do. I rushed in too many times because of attraction, and didn't get to know what they really were until later. Greedy users should pair with player men, and good, beta males should pair with good, loyal women who look at men as a partner and not an ATM. That way the bad would drive the bad crazy, and the good matches would last.

At what age did you learn these basic facts?

1 minute ago, susanlea said:

A lot of good guys are shy. Too shy to ask women out. Bad guys flirt with women a lot so statistically far more likely to pick up women. It is really just a numbers game. Go to 10 restaurants you will find at least one you like. Flirt with more women the chances of one liking you is greater. So that's why the good guys are alone.

I've known quite a few players, and all they do is find a lonely woman, many times a married or one in a poor relationship,and like a predator, they use what works best, listening.........................  "I'm sorry he treats you like that, I'm sure he doesn't understand you. You deserve better. I would never let my woman be alone. My woman always knows I'm there for her. You are so pretty, you deserve better. I would always help with the kids, as they are extensions of you both. he should know better. Doesn't he see what he has?"  And on and on until he gets her alone, has her, then leaves without even knowing her name.

3 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

I responded to what you said. It didn't go over my head. These are your words.....

"I realised long ago that men will never understand women and visa versa.

I worked with hundreds of them and the only thing I learned is that I would never understand them.

Correction, I did learn one thing- gratitude is just a word to them.".................................

Women are attracted to the bad boys, a thing they should learn about themselves because it never leads to happiness but being used. Alpha males are narcissistic users, period. This is why I've said before, a woman can be very intelligent in many ways, and be plain dense when it comes to men. You can't choose what you are attracted to, but you can choose who to sleep with.

Yes, and loadsawomen sleep with politicians, rich men, rock band members, movie producers, gangsters, etc, even though it's a really dumb thing to do.

Yes they should learn, but never do.

 

I once worked with a female that was having an affair with a married man. I told her she was making a mistake , but she said she knew better. Turns out I was right and she was the heartbroken one- served the cuckolding wench right for trying to break a guy's marriage up.

I know really nice guys that got dumped by wives for scumbag guys. Then when she finally gets dumped by the scumbag it's because all men are rats!

1 minute ago, fredwiggy said:

I've known quite a few players, and all they do is find a lonely woman, many times a married or one in a poor relationship,and like a predator, they use what works best, listening.........................  "I'm sorry he treats you like that, I'm sure he doesn't understand you. You deserve better. I would never let my woman be alone. My woman always knows I'm there for her. You are so pretty, you deserve better. I would always help with the kids, as they are extensions of you both. he should know better. Doesn't he see what he has?"  And on and on until he gets her alone, has her, then leaves without even knowing her name.

It is called sex and one night stands. Nothing wrong with it.

1 minute ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Yes, and loadsawomen sleep with politicians, rich men, rock band members, movie producers, gangsters, etc, even though it's a really dumb thing to do.

Yes they should learn, but never do.

 

I once worked with a female that was having an affair with a married man. I told her she was making a mistake , but she said she knew better. Turns out I was right and she was the heartbroken one- served the cuckolding wench right for trying to break a guy's marriage up.

I know really nice guys that got dumped by wives for scumbag guys. Then when she finally gets dumped by the scumbag it's because all men are rats!

The guy is more to blame. He is the married one. Why do you blame the women?

Just now, susanlea said:

At what age did you learn these basic facts?

After my first marriage failed,I was in a relationship with a girl I had a child with, and wanted it to work, so I started reading everything I could on relationships, children, families, depression (which she had). I always treated women pretty well, but I didn't understand the listening thing. The problem I had with my little girls mom is that she had severe depression, and got angry at anyone near her. She hit me and our daughter over very little stressors, and I tried to help her. Her mother also tried to hook her up with her ex boyfriend, who was a weiner. She did this because she knew I treated her daughter very well, and was jealous because her relationship with her husband failed because of her own depression. Misery loves company. She eventually just gave me our daughter and went away, becoming a truck driver to this day. She always wanted to come back, but it wasn't going to work because she never tried hard enough to help her depression, and 90% of relationships that have one person in it with depression fail.

8 minutes ago, susanlea said:

A lot of good guys are shy. Too shy to ask women out. Bad guys flirt with women a lot so statistically far more likely to pick up women. It is really just a numbers game. Go to 10 restaurants you will find at least one you like. Flirt with more women the chances of one liking you is greater. So that's why the good guys are alone.

Not so much shyness. More like fear. No nice guy wants to get rejected ( been there, got the T shirt ) by a cruel woman.

Sometimes it's better not to try than be humiliated. Bad boys don't care. They'll ask 10 and maybe score once. no problem. It's not like they care about the girl that said yes.

2 minutes ago, susanlea said:

It is called sex and one night stands. Nothing wrong with it.

It's okay if both aren't already in a relationship. but wrong when one or both are, and players usually aren't in relationships but only go from one to another.

4 minutes ago, susanlea said:

It is called sex and one night stands. Nothing wrong with it.

There is if it breaks up a marriage with children, or gives the wife an STD.

Just now, thaibeachlovers said:

Not so much shyness. More like fear. No nice guy wants to get rejected ( been there, got the T shirt ) by a cruel woman.

Sometimes it's better not to try than be humiliated. Bad boys don't care. They'll ask 10 and maybe score once. no problem. It's not like they care about the girl that said yes.

Not caring is the best approach. A bear doesn't care what salmon think. Bad boys are bears, good guys are vegans.

Just now, thaibeachlovers said:

There is if it breaks up a marriage with children, or gives the wife an STD.

The marriage is already broken if one partner strays.

3 minutes ago, susanlea said:

The guy is more to blame. He is the married one. Why do you blame the women?

Anyone who cheats is to blame. The woman who cheats is used, gets very little from the player, as he always moves on to others, even though he might lie and say he wants to stay with her. It rarely happens. A woman goes with a married man, he stays with his wife, you get used, the wife finds out, the marriage fails or is in dire straits. The only winners are the players, narcissists that don't care about anyone but their own pleasure.

Just now, fredwiggy said:

Anyone who cheats is to blame. The woman who cheats is used, gets very little from the player, as he always moves on to others, even though he might lie and say he wants to stay with her. It rarely happens. A woman goes with a married man, he stays with his wife, you get used, the wife finds out, the marriage fails or is in dire straits. The only winners are the players, narcissists that don't care about anyone but their own pleasure.

The marriage is already doomed if straying. Might as well end it sooner. Move on with life.

1 minute ago, susanlea said:

Not caring is the best approach. A bear doesn't care what salmon think. Bad boys are bears, good guys are vegans.

A man is supposed to be a higher form of life than a bear, which acts on hunger and instinct. I'm a good guy, and I eat meat.

2 minutes ago, susanlea said:

The marriage is already broken if one partner strays.

Not necessarily correct......

Just now, susanlea said:

The marriage is already doomed if straying. Might as well end it sooner. Move on with life.

That's true, but in a world where finances are easily lost and people end up homeless, people want to hold on to the money, house etc. A woman will take a chance and stray because they aren't being listened to, but will end up only used. A man will take a chance because he thinks his wife doesn't give him enough sex, maybe because he does very little to earn it, so he looks elsewhere, and then finds only a few minutes of pleasure, and , if he has a conscience and isn't a narcissist user, he will feel guilty and hurt his marriage.

5 minutes ago, susanlea said:

The guy is more to blame. He is the married one. Why do you blame the women?

Yes, he was more to blame for being a rat. Plenty of rats out there. Point is she was the one trying to break up a marriage. She didn't have to sleep with a married man. Didn't you just say they have a choice who to sleep with.

 

I'll be the first to admit I was no girl bait in my 30s, but I was a single guy and not a rat. I took a female co worker to a disco one night in a neighbouring city, but some guy she didn't know chatted her up and she stayed with him the night. The next morning he left her in the motel and she called me to take her back to where we lived. If she just wanted sex she could have asked me, but she rather have it with some stranger that dumped her the next day. Is that a sensible thing to do?

 

1 minute ago, susanlea said:

You sound very weak actually.

Weak in what way? I like to treat women as equals. and do more than the average man does to help. I had custody of my children back home until they left the house, and have joint custody now, and will bring my daughter to the US as soon as I can re-establish back there. I've  been a bodybuilder for the last 50 years, extremely strong heavy lifter, so it isn't my physical part.

1 minute ago, fredwiggy said:

That's true, but in a world where finances are easily lost and people end up homeless, people want to hold on to the money, house etc. A woman will take a chance and stray because they aren't being listened to, but will end up only used. A man will take a chance because he thinks his wife doesn't give him enough sex, maybe because he does very little to earn it, so he looks elsewhere, and then finds only a few minutes of pleasure, and , if he has a conscience and isn't a narcissist user, he will feel guilty and hurt his marriage.

Marriages are just paper. Life is more than paper. Men should be bears and live a bold life. Loads of married people live small lives. Too scared to act.

9 minutes ago, susanlea said:

Not caring is the best approach. A bear doesn't care what salmon think. Bad boys are bears, good guys are vegans.

More to the point, nice guys get washed away.

and women have the gall to complain about men treating them badly when it is they that avoid the nice guys and go with rats, or if they marry a nice guy treat him badly.

Just now, fredwiggy said:

Weak in what way? I like to treat women as equals. and do more than the average man does to help. I had custody of my children back home until they left the house, and have joint custody now, and will bring my daughter to the US as soon as I can re-establish back there. I've  been a bodybuilder for the last 50 years, extremely strong heavy lifter, so it isn't my physical part.

Decisive people act quickly and go after their goals. You took many years to even work out how women think and you worry about their opinions too much when they don't even like you anymore.

2 minutes ago, susanlea said:

Marriages are just paper. Life is more than paper. Men should be bears and live a bold life. Loads of married people live small lives. Too scared to act.

Yada yada yada. Let me know when you return to planet Earth.

Just now, susanlea said:

Marriages are just paper. Life is more than paper. Men should be bears and live a bold life. Loads of married people live small lives. Too scared to act.

Life is up to the individual. If he and his wife are happy together, they are doing the right things. If the kids are happy because of the parent's relationship, they have done right. Everyone is different in what they want and need in life, and no one can tell others what they should or shouldn't do.

1 minute ago, thaibeachlovers said:

More to the point, nice guys get washed away.

and women have the gall to complain about men treating them badly when it is they that avoid the nice guys and go with rats, or if they marry a nice guy treat him badly.

You get what you tolerate. 

Just now, thaibeachlovers said:

Yada yada yada. Let me know when you return to planet Earth.

You live in NZ and talk about Thailand from 2010. Out of touch with the current world.

1 minute ago, fredwiggy said:

Life is up to the individual. If he and his wife are happy together, they are doing the right things. If the kids are happy because of the parent's relationship, they have done right. Everyone is different in what they want and need in life, and no one can tell others what they should or shouldn't do.

Yet you tell others what to do but aren't happy yourself.

Just now, susanlea said:

Decisive people act quickly and go after their goals. You took many years to even work out how women think and you worry about their opinions too much when they don't even like you anymore.

I didn't say they didn't like me anymore. I said they still wanted to be with me, as I treated them all better than they were used to earlier in their lives. I took the time to learn what it takes because I know most men won't, most men don't care about trying to better themselves, and won't read up on what it takes to improve themselves. Hence the women's complaints. I always knew how to treat women well. I just got better at it through time. My ex here still wants to be with me, as she's had trash before and after me, and knows what to expect here.