I'm in a toxic situation...

[FruitPudding]

1 hour ago, bkk6060 said:

Get out now.  Your kid is 3 she will ask where you are then soon forget about you. Save yourself.

 

How could you leave your kid with people like that?

[susanlea]

8 hours ago, bob smith said:

Here's what you need to do, NOW, step by step.

 

1. Get out of your chair and into the shower. Shave and apply your favorite cologne.

 

2. Pack your bags & put on your Sunday best. 

 

3. Search on Skyscanner for any available flights back to your home country within the next 48 hours. Once the flight is found, book it.

 

4. Leave your house immediately. If the flight isn't for a few days then book yourself into a nice hotel around the airport until it is time to check in.

 

5. Call a cab to the airport 4 hours before departure.

 

6. Check in, have something to eat in the departure hall, smile at the customs official and never look back!

 

You have been taken for a ride. You have been used at every turn. You have been treated like a mug. These 'people' deserve nothing more from you. It's unfortunate about your daughter but you MUST look after number one. Your wife will only use her against you anyway. Get the hell out of here now and I wish you the best of luck in the future.

 

bob.

Very good advice. Well said.

[FruitPudding]

I was in a similar situation actually, except it was my EX with the gambling problem.

 

- We moved back to civilization (Bangkok).

 

- Broke up. She moved out.

 

- She got a job.

 

- Kid stays with me 6 days a week due to mother's working hours (and she's totally feckless anyway; didn't raise her first child either)

 

- She found a new rich stupid falang boyfriend to scam. 

 

Everyone is happy. Couldn't have worked out better. 

 

I suggest to the OP: take your family away. Get out of the village.

 

Nothing good happens when you take your woman back to her village. Either she becomes a problem or the family does. I've seen it many times.

[Liverpool Lou]

2 hours ago, UWEB said:

The world is a little bit bigger than just Asean Now.

It's amazing how so many posters don't realise that.

[Hummin]

38 minutes ago, Liverpool Lou said:

It's amazing how so many posters don't realise that.

It still has its value, since there are many who experience something similar, and everyone has an opinion on what they would have done, or what they did!

Like those who are more than happy to abandon their own kids for their own happiness and less trouble in life, because they hate their ex!

Others try to find a solution to make sure their kid has a fair chance in life growing up knowing they have a father, who actually cares for them.

 

Edited June 16 by Hummin

[khunPer]

6 hours ago, HenryRoths said:

My wife and I have already discussed the possibility of a close separation during some of our many arguments. Meaning, she repeatedly offered to take my daughter and move into her “brother’s” house, which has a lot of empty space and is located just down the road from us. 

 

She has also refused to just leave by herself and to leave our daughter to stay with me. Though moving down the road would at least keep my daughter living close by to me. But the so called brother drinks a bit heavy at times too, which means he sometimes misses going to work, then he just lies around being lazy, and doesn't act particularly pleasant, plus he also has a couple of loud dogs. So it wouldn’t be a very positive or peaceful environment for my daughter to grow up in at his house at all in my opinion. 

 

And the thought of me staying here in this/my house alone (if my wife and daughter move down the road) doesn’t give me a good feeling either. I rather go back to Europe as I mentioned. I still have some family there too. But I am not going to do that if the future for my daughter remains uncertain. Unfortunately I still need to work for at least another 10 years, but luckily my work is mainly done online. So I can work both from here or from Europe. Either location is OK for me in this regard. Also, I am definitely my daughter's father. She has my skin tone and my green eyes. 

 

As a result though of some of the bickering and negative replies above, I don't know if I will respond here again. It also seems a bit toxic on this website and frankly, I don't need the extra stress right now or much see the point in it. 

I saw a few good comment, which are worth to think about.

 

The one with having a DNA-test of you and your daughter – if not already done – would clear, if you need to concern about her.

 

From my knowledge with Thai ladies and common child with a foreigner, the child might become a hostage for money. As you mentioned yourself in your opening post, you are prepared to support your daughter. She can be an active for her mother, to get supported by you. Unfortunately I have no right answer to this, but in some cases a lump sum of cash money can clear the way for a full custody, which seems what you wish most; I know a case where that has been a solution.

 

@bob smith's reply on first page is actually quite good – apart from you won't solve the problem with your daughter – however, stopping supporting her, might ease the step to a solution with custody and a lump sum. The money shall of course only  be paid by you, when you hare granted full custody and permission to take you daughter back to Europe. For that purpose she will need European citizenship in your home country and both a Thai passport and a passport from your home country. In both cases acceptance from the mother might be needed – but perhaps a full custody by court order can can change that, I don't have the knowledge – and furthermore you need a document from the local amphor district office, where the mother gives you permission to travel alone with your daughter; it's a standard document, which most of us need, if we wish to travel alone with our half Thai child. With passports and travel document you ought to be able to leave Thailand together with your daughter, and it might be easier and faster til solve with a mutual (written) agreement and some cash, than through the court system.

[Pique Dard]

15 hours ago, HenryRoths said:

Has anyone been through something similar here in Thailand? 

The answer to this question, positive or negative, is of no use to you. To get out of the situation you're in, I advise you to play the "lover's game": tell your wife to go away together...with your daughter to Europe for a long vacation where you have a house...as soon as you notice a change in your daughter's behaviour, i.e. if she likes Europe, if she makes friends, suggest that your wife go and visit her parents in Thailand....
Left alone with your daughter, it will be easier to convince her to "prefer" you if you divorce...

 

[it is what it is]

 

jackanory

[NanLaew]

9 hours ago, 2long said:

Read the book 'Private Dancer'... until the end

 

Ah yes, Stephen Leather's timeless epistle for the weak-willed and the witless.

[Hans Johnson]

He’s in a toxic relationship whereas the family is using him as a cash cow and having a so called brother who appears to be affectionate towards his wife. Time to pull the plug. 
Arrange a deal with the wife for custody and make arrangements to leave ASAP 

[Celsius]

20 hours ago, HenryRoths said:

On top of that, and I know that people will find this shocking, but I’ve started to suspect that my wife’s “brother” might actually be her boyfriend

 

what kind of sorcery is this?

[donmuang37]

On 6/16/2024 at 12:15 PM, bob smith said:

Here's what you need to do, NOW, step by step.

 

1. Get out of your chair and into the shower. Shave and apply your favorite cologne.

 

2. Pack your bags & put on your Sunday best. 

 

3. Search on Skyscanner for any available flights back to your home country within the next 48 hours. Once the flight is found, book it.

 

4. Leave your house immediately. If the flight isn't for a few days then book yourself into a nice hotel around the airport until it is time to check in.

 

5. Call a cab to the airport 4 hours before departure.

 

6. Check in, have something to eat in the departure hall, smile at the customs official and never look back!

 

You have been taken for a ride. You have been used at every turn. You have been treated like a mug. These 'people' deserve nothing more from you. It's unfortunate about your daughter but you MUST look after number one. Your wife will only use her against you anyway. Get the hell out of here now and I wish you the best of luck in the future.

 

bob.

Wow!! A useful post from Bob Smith.  Well done, Bob!  That is excellent advice; I hope he follows it!

Good luck to the OP!

[bob smith]

2 minutes ago, donmuang37 said:

Wow!! A useful post from Bob Smith

…What else were you expecting? 🤨

 

bob.

[jippytum]

To free yourself by divorce and have full custody of the child is your objective. 

Concentrate the direction of  your finances to present an agreeable financial settlement to your greedy wife and inlaws. 

[Bangkok Barry]

On 6/16/2024 at 12:23 PM, NoDisplayName said:

 

Yes.

Yes, you did.

 

4.  First post.

5.  Hits all hot button topics.

 

That thought crossed my mind.

[Lung Mark]

Run, Forrest, RUN!

[scorecard]

On 6/16/2024 at 12:15 PM, bob smith said:

Here's what you need to do, NOW, step by step.

 

1. Get out of your chair and into the shower. Shave and apply your favorite cologne.

 

2. Pack your bags & put on your Sunday best. 

 

3. Search on Skyscanner for any available flights back to your home country within the next 48 hours. Once the flight is found, book it.

 

4. Leave your house immediately. If the flight isn't for a few days then book yourself into a nice hotel around the airport until it is time to check in.

 

5. Call a cab to the airport 4 hours before departure.

 

6. Check in, have something to eat in the departure hall, smile at the customs official and never look back!

 

You have been taken for a ride. You have been used at every turn. You have been treated like a mug. These 'people' deserve nothing more from you. It's unfortunate about your daughter but you MUST look after number one. Your wife will only use her against you anyway. Get the hell out of here now and I wish you the best of luck in the future.

 

bob.

 

I put you on 'IGNORE' twice before because you're an unhelpful loudmouth idiot.

 

I'll try IGNORE again. 

[bob smith]

Just now, scorecard said:

 

I put you on 'IGNORE' twice before because you're an unhelpful loudmouth idiot.

 

I'll try IGNORE again. 

JUST DO IT, STOP SAYING IT!!!

 

bob.

[scorecard]

On 6/16/2024 at 11:52 AM, HenryRoths said:

Hi everyone,

I’ve been living in northern Thailand for twelve years and married to my Thai wife for seven. We’ve had our ups and downs, but recently things have become unbearable for me, and I am trying to figure out how to move forward. In the perfect situation, I would like to go back to my own country in Europe, but it's not so simple. I'll explain. 

Firstly, the financial strain induced from her family is becoming overwhelming. Not just the actual money, but the emotional burden too. Her family constantly asks for money, and recently it began taking a toll on my savings. Her father has a serious gambling problem is what I believe is the underlying issue, and I’ve bailed him out more times than I can count, but the excuse is always that he needs money to help keep his commercial truck repair business afloat. It’s reached a point where I feel like I’m also enabling this hidden gambling problem of his.

On top of that, and I know that people will find this shocking, but I’ve started to suspect that my wife’s “brother” might actually be her boyfriend. He’s always around, and they seem overly familiar with each other in ways that make me uncomfortable. I’ve tried to talk to her about it, but she gets defensive and angry and accuses me of not trusting her or her family. 

I was told secretly once many years ago by an uncle of hers in the family that her mother had various boyfriends when she was younger, but also already married to my wife's father at that time. Some even suspect some of her older siblings might have a different father because they are much darker skinned than my wife and the 3 other younger siblings. So maybe my wife is no different than her own mother in that sense in terms of infidelity when already married. Apples don't fall too far from the tree, right?

We also have a three-year-old daughter together, and that’s what makes this situation even harder. I’m considering ending the relationship because I can’t continue living like this, but I’m deeply worried about my daughter. I don’t want her to grow up without her father around, and I fear what kind of environment she’ll be raised in if I leave. Even though I would be sending financial support for my daughter after any separation, I don't trust the family values my daughter might grow up with from always being surrounded by my wife's family. 

I would really like to be able to take my daughter and go back to Europe. That would be the best case scenario. I still have a house there and she would get a good education. I’ve thought about trying to get custody, but I know that’s incredibly difficult for a man here in Thailand, especially for a foreigner. I want to do what’s best for my daughter, but I’m stuck between staying in a toxic relationship or leaving and potentially losing my daughter.

Has anyone been through something similar here in Thailand? 

Thanks. 

 

Sorry to hear your situation.

I admire your desire to achieve the best situation for your young daughter.

There must be several other foreigners been through the same and got a good result.

Hopefully you'll get helpful advice by PM.

 

Good luck

[Grumpy one]

This tale of woe brings back memories of my first wife here.

She wanted a new house and car, new bike for retard son of hers, no worries we go to bank for loan.

All papers in her name, I just transfer money each month.

Relationship goes tits up, I move to Bangkok for 1 year R and R and stop all payments. 

Don't know or care as to the resulting bun fight she had after a few missed payments.

The moral is give them what they want on a monthly basis, its way cheaper.

[newbee2022]

On 6/16/2024 at 11:52 AM, HenryRoths said:

Hi everyone,

I’ve been living in northern Thailand for twelve years and married to my Thai wife for seven. We’ve had our ups and downs, but recently things have become unbearable for me, and I am trying to figure out how to move forward. In the perfect situation, I would like to go back to my own country in Europe, but it's not so simple. I'll explain. 

Firstly, the financial strain induced from her family is becoming overwhelming. Not just the actual money, but the emotional burden too. Her family constantly asks for money, and recently it began taking a toll on my savings. Her father has a serious gambling problem is what I believe is the underlying issue, and I’ve bailed him out more times than I can count, but the excuse is always that he needs money to help keep his commercial truck repair business afloat. It’s reached a point where I feel like I’m also enabling this hidden gambling problem of his.

On top of that, and I know that people will find this shocking, but I’ve started to suspect that my wife’s “brother” might actually be her boyfriend. He’s always around, and they seem overly familiar with each other in ways that make me uncomfortable. I’ve tried to talk to her about it, but she gets defensive and angry and accuses me of not trusting her or her family. 

I was told secretly once many years ago by an uncle of hers in the family that her mother had various boyfriends when she was younger, but also already married to my wife's father at that time. Some even suspect some of her older siblings might have a different father because they are much darker skinned than my wife and the 3 other younger siblings. So maybe my wife is no different than her own mother in that sense in terms of infidelity when already married. Apples don't fall too far from the tree, right?

We also have a three-year-old daughter together, and that’s what makes this situation even harder. I’m considering ending the relationship because I can’t continue living like this, but I’m deeply worried about my daughter. I don’t want her to grow up without her father around, and I fear what kind of environment she’ll be raised in if I leave. Even though I would be sending financial support for my daughter after any separation, I don't trust the family values my daughter might grow up with from always being surrounded by my wife's family. 

I would really like to be able to take my daughter and go back to Europe. That would be the best case scenario. I still have a house there and she would get a good education. I’ve thought about trying to get custody, but I know that’s incredibly difficult for a man here in Thailand, especially for a foreigner. I want to do what’s best for my daughter, but I’m stuck between staying in a toxic relationship or leaving and potentially losing my daughter.

Has anyone been through something similar here in Thailand? 

Thanks. 

Divorce rules are similar to EU. You'll share everything. But sure you are not the owner of that plot. Eventually you'll go with a suitcase.

Concerning your daughter your chances are not as good. Probably you won't get the consense of your wife and Thai authorities to take her to Europe.

If you leave you'll leave your daughter behind 

[koolkarl]

Same old story, men are simply suckers and the last woman to get involved with is a Thai.  If I were you, take your daughter and go back to Europe today.  Empty your bank account here first.

[lou norman]

dump her and find an orphan. Worked for me. 25 years and still blissful.

[Nip]

On 6/16/2024 at 12:15 PM, bob smith said:

Here's what you need to do, NOW, step by step.

 

1. Get out of your chair and into the shower. Shave and apply your favorite cologne.

 

2. Pack your bags & put on your Sunday best. 

 

3. Search on Skyscanner for any available flights back to your home country within the next 48 hours. Once the flight is found, book it.

 

4. Leave your house immediately. If the flight isn't for a few days then book yourself into a nice hotel around the airport until it is time to check in.

 

5. Call a cab to the airport 4 hours before departure.

 

6. Check in, have something to eat in the departure hall, smile at the customs official and never look back!

 

You have been taken for a ride. You have been used at every turn. You have been treated like a mug. These 'people' deserve nothing more from you. It's unfortunate about your daughter but you MUST look after number one. Your wife will only use her against you anyway. Get the hell out of here now and I wish you the best of luck in the future.

 

bob.

Good advice however only one problem. At some point in the future he will want access to his daughter. And the courts will not look favorably upon a father who in the eyes of the court abandoned his daughter. I would engage a lawyer to file a report detailing all the above plus child abuse and infidelity. Doesn’t have to be true. It’s possibly vexatious but a line has to be drawn. Apply for sole custody. Request DNA tests of mother daughter and so called brother. It’s common that supposed brothers are in fact lovers. Probably nothing positive will come from it but it’s on record. Site a medical reason for returning to UK and create a bank account for his daughter and transfer a sum of money every for her upbringing.  Consider paying school and other essentials directly, The lawyer could keep chipping away while he is in the UK. And most importantly don’t engage a local lawyer. Thai children’s courts for foreigners are safe and the judges look for what’s best for the child. He could also offer the mother cash in return for allowing his daughter go to the UK and record the conversation. Good evidence.

[ChaiyaTH]

On 6/16/2024 at 11:52 AM, HenryRoths said:

We also have a three-year-old daughter together, and that’s what makes this situation even harder. I’m considering ending the relationship because I can’t continue living like this, but I’m deeply worried about my daughter. I don’t want her to grow up without her father around, and I fear what kind of environment she’ll be raised in if I leave. 

That's the entire issue most have, leaving can be good for you but for sure not benefits the way children are raised etc etc in 9/10 cases. Even many fathers would deny that out of shame. Best case would be waiting until at least age 7, as a child can then also have their own voice in family court. 

Unless she would be even willing to let you be the parent, and raise her, but I suspect you can't even really ask that, until you are already at the point of ending it. Then with a half thai daughter, I would even be triple concerned.

Edited June 17 by ChaiyaTH

[ChaiyaTH]

On 6/16/2024 at 12:13 PM, fredwiggy said:

Your daughter will surely do better back home, but she's still pretty young so you have time. I'm going to bring my own daughter back to the states before she is 10, so she will fit in with the current curriculum in the school there. She's pretty good speaking English now, and I've been teaching her words, along with what she gets in school, which isn't much.

That confuses me a lot, my 5 year old son is not even half English and speaks fluent English and Thai. Just thanks to youtube, he hasn't even started with P1 yet. Maybe it is because we by default all speak English at home, but none of us are native speakers.

Edited June 17 by ChaiyaTH

[TigerandDog]

On 6/16/2024 at 12:15 PM, bob smith said:

Here's what you need to do, NOW, step by step.

 

1. Get out of your chair and into the shower. Shave and apply your favorite cologne.

 

2. Pack your bags & put on your Sunday best. 

 

3. Search on Skyscanner for any available flights back to your home country within the next 48 hours. Once the flight is found, book it.

 

4. Leave your house immediately. If the flight isn't for a few days then book yourself into a nice hotel around the airport until it is time to check in.

 

5. Call a cab to the airport 4 hours before departure.

 

6. Check in, have something to eat in the departure hall, smile at the customs official and never look back!

 

You have been taken for a ride. You have been used at every turn. You have been treated like a mug. These 'people' deserve nothing more from you. It's unfortunate about your daughter but you MUST look after number one. Your wife will only use her against you anyway. Get the hell out of here now and I wish you the best of luck in the future.

 

bob.

Bob, finally a comment from you that makes sense.

[Peterphuket]

20 hours ago, Yellowtail said:

Another guy with two posts baring his soul....

 

Does your wife know about the tranny debacle? 

Take a look in a mirror before making this retarded comment.

[Tubulat]

20 hours ago, bkk6060 said:

Get out now.  Your kid is 3 she will ask where you are then soon forget about you. Save yourself.

He can, but the question is, can he forget his daughter.
That is the big question.

[n00dle]

2 minutes ago, Tubulat said:

Get out now.  Your kid is 3 she will ask where you are then soon forget about you.

 i don't believe for a second the OP is genuine.

that said, I could have more easily have cut off a leg than walked away from my daughter at age 3.