Why do retirees marry in Thailand ?

[connda]

1 hour ago, Mekmong MICK said:

Thailand is idyllic and Bangkok is a short speed boat ride away from Phuket. 

Short speed boat ride across the Gulf of Thailand, around Singapore, up the Malacca Straits, and up the Andaman Sea.  "Short?"

You meant Pattaya, right. 

[jerrymahoney]

51 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

Any assets in Thailand will be in the Thai woman's name anyway.

And why not? Her family bought them. I just help with the monthly payments. Neither my name nor my wife's name legally appears anywhere.

Edited July 7 by jerrymahoney

[Yellow Fever]

Rookie mistake marrying a Thai girl imo 

 

just go and have fun, keep the ones you like around.. marriage though I dunno, that changes everything most for the worse 

[BangkokReady]

16 minutes ago, jerrymahoney said:

And why not? Her family bought them. I just help with the monthly payments. Neither my name nor my wife's name legally appears anywhere.

 

I meant any assets the man has in Thailand.  It's common for them to be in the woman's name, as foreingers cannot own much in Thailand.  This means the woman can simply send the guy away.

[jerrymahoney]

14 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

 

I meant any assets the man has in Thailand.  It's common for them to be in the woman's name, as foreingers cannot own much in Thailand.  This means the woman can simply send the guy away.

Yes but it's also common that the house and car are in the wife's name but the farang paid for them cash lump sum. If they send me away, they will have the house and car payments to deal with on their own and, if they default, the banks have no recourse to me.

Edited July 7 by jerrymahoney

[daveAustin]

Didn't read replies, but guessing most marry due to pressure from the other half, who in turn are pressured by family. She would be considered a tart if she didn't marry (whether she is or not) and it would bring shame on them. These guys are already balls deep and loved up so will do what they're told. 😛

 

I'm with you though, dude, keep em at arm's length and vet them first... own property, career, no overbearing family, or 'brothers', and wear the trousers at all times. Wind them up and see if they bite under pressure etc before you get serious.

 

Your English is spot on, btw... better than 90% of the numpties (respectfully) on here. 😀

[MalcolmB]

1 hour ago, BobBKK said:

Who wants to eat pizza every day?

I could. 
 

To me pizza is like a bj, don’t think I have ever said no to either.

 

Even a frozen one slightly burnt is still good, not the same as a wood fire crafted by an expert, but still better than no pizza.

[seajae]

love is the answer for me, not sex, not a drinking partner, not someone to do all the work or someone to help me stay here but someone that makes me smile, be happy, enjoys spending time with me, someone that actually completes me. My wife manages a large business, she also has more money than me so she is also not with me for financial benefits, while there are marriages based on other things ours is based on how we feel about each other and how we enjoy being together.

[jerrymahoney]

5 minutes ago, daveAustin said:

Didn't read replies, but guessing most marry due to pressure from the other half, who in turn are pressured by family. She would be considered a tart if she didn't marry (whether she is or not) and it would bring shame on them. These guys are already balls deep and loved up so will do what they're told. 😛

 

I'm with you though, dude, keep em at arm's length and vet them first... own property, career, no overbearing family, or 'brothers', and wear the trousers at all times. Wind them up and see if they bite under pressure etc before you get serious.

 

Your English is spot on, btw... better than 90% of the numpties (respectfully) on here. 😀

Sure -- and anyone who wants to take issue with what most do  might as well do this:

 

[richard_smith237]

55 minutes ago, connda said:

2 hours ago, Mekmong MICK said:

Thailand is idyllic and Bangkok is a short speed boat ride away from Phuket. 

Short speed boat ride across the Gulf of Thailand, around Singapore, up the Malacca Straits, and up the Andaman Sea.  "Short?"

You meant Pattaya, right. 

 

T'was a Hangover Part 2 reference...  

 

[Franck60]

3 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Are you sure?

 

I am together with my gf since many many years. In the first couple of years she asked me from time to time when I will marry her. I didn't give her any date or imply it will happen at all. I am still together with her.

Maybe there are women who give guys an ultimatum, and maybe they actually walk away if he doesn't marry them.

It seems to me many guys just marry because somehow they think it is expected from them.

So, I am pretty sure marriage can often be avoided.

 

About the family: I am not sure if it can be avoided. Now my gf goes every couple of months up country to visits the family. I stay in Bangkok. 

The few times if anybody from the family comes to Bangkok, I am ready to see them for a couple of hours. Maybe I buy lunch or something like that.

I don't want that they, or anybody else, spends the night in my apartment. If they want to stay for more than a day they can stay in a hotel.

 

Obviously it is up to anybody involved. I write this here to point out that it is possible to have a happy long time relationship without marrying and with little contact to the family. 

 

 

 

Thanks for your feedback. At what age did you meet her?

In some European countries, there are many people who live together without necessarily marrying. 

[Franck60]

2 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

You are wise about the family. My wife and I were happy till we moved to be with the family. After that it was just a downward spiral to doom.

 

PS we were happy and unmarried- the move to live with family happened just after getting married. Lived together a few years first.

 

In some European countries, there are many people who live together without necessarily marrying. 

I mean… In an alien country, very different from our native country, marriage and the family thing seem fraught with danger. Especially, when one arrives in thailand at 64/65 yo, you don’t want to make mistakes

[Franck60]

6 hours ago, save the frogs said:

 

Because most women expect marriage and will cut you off if you don't settle down. 

 

Marriage is still a big part of culture. 

 

Not all, though. But the pool of women who will want to date long-term and hide you from their family would be very small.

 

You may need to go down the path of hookers. You wouldnt be the first. Mekmong Mick might be able to give you advice on that. 

 

 

In some European countries, there are many people who live together without necessarily marrying. 

I mean… In an alien country, very different from our native country, marriage and the family thing seem fraught with danger. Especially, when one arrives in thailand at 64/65 yo, you don’t want to make mistakes 

[BritManToo]

2 minutes ago, Franck60 said:

 

In some European countries, there are many people who live together without necessarily marrying. 

I mean… In an alien country, very different from our native country, marriage and the family thing seem fraught with danger. Especially, when one arrives in thailand at 64/65 yo, you don’t want to make mistakes

Don't see where the danger is as long as you're sensible.

Don't buy a house and car in her name upfront and where's the risk.

 

After 3 years marriage (and 1 son)I bought mine a house, 300kbht down and 10kbht/month for 23 years.

Been living in the house 10+ years now, so hardly a major loss if it all goes wrong.

[OneMoreFarang]

37 minutes ago, Franck60 said:

Thanks for your feedback. At what age did you meet her?

16

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, BangkokReady said:

 

It's part of the deal.  The guy gets a younger attractive woman to have sex with, to cook for him, and to care for him when he is infirm and near death, and the woman gets access to his assets.  This deal is guaranteed through marriage and family involvement.

 

If the woman doesn't get any long-term guarantees, then she's not really getting anything out of the arrangement.

 

If you aren't prepared to make that promise of delivery of assets, you're likely to only get a girlfriend of a similar age and probably divorced with children.

 

It's all about business in Thailand, unless you're 21 and attractive.

Is this your guess or experience?

 

I wonder how many guys here said no to marriage and then their girlfriend walked away. Anybody?

I know that many/all women want to marry. But it's up to the guy to say yes.

 

How many women will walk away from a guy who they like/love and who provides them with a good life to find someone else to marry?

 

 

[Franck60]

9 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Don't see where the danger is as long as you're sensible.

Don't buy a house and car in her name upfront and where's the risk.

 

After 3 years marriage (and 1 son)I bought mine a house, 300kbht down and 10kbht/month for 23 years.

Been living in the house 10+ years now, so hardly a major loss if it all goes wrong.

 

It’s good to see that the « horror stories » out there don’t necessarily represent closely the reality on the ground.
I’ve been alone for a while and don’t have that much experience. When in love, I fear I could get pressured/manipulated.
I understand that taking it slowly and using common sense goes a long way…
I heard that sometimes the family want to move in the house ? … I’m not sure I’d like to marry the family too. That would bring in too many variables…

Thanks for your feedback,

[JimTripper]

What are you doing at 59 caring what other people do? Do what you feel is right for you and go with your heart.

 

[Franck60]

6 minutes ago, JimTripper said:

What are you doing at 59 caring what other people do? Do what you feel is right for you and go with your heart.

 

But… I want to make reasonable choices and avoid mistakes as much as I can. There is much to learn from everybody else’s experiences 

[Denim]

3 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

What is love?

I bet you can't give a definitive answer.

 

Could say the same about many human states. Humans are all different . Happiness to one person might be abject boredom to another.

 

A man sits at a bar stool with a cold beer watching a beautiful pole dancer. He is happy. Another man got so bored he left before finishing his beer.

 

You can't nail emotions down. Either you have them or you you don't. My case was about the same as Folk Guitars. Married and divorced , said I would never do it again. Had scores of relationships with beautiful women who were degrees of nice or not nice. But when I met my now wife we instantly clicked and never wanted another woman since.

[richard_smith237]

9 minutes ago, Franck60 said:

But… I want to make reasonable choices and avoid mistakes as much as I can. There is much to learn from everybody else’s experiences 

 

A valid point - learning from the experiences of others can be handy.. however, the experiences encountered of those on this platform and attitudes across it varies significantly.

 

IMO - the best advice is do what makes you happy while not stepping outside the bounds of your own common sense and what you'd do in your home country. 

Dating and marrying within your own socio-economic-educational demographic has the most potential for a positive outcome when considering companionship, whereas others just want an 'outer-shell that's warm to the touch'... 

 

 

 

[OneMoreFarang]

23 minutes ago, JimTripper said:

Do what you feel is right for you and go with your heart.

Is marrying a decision for the heart?

I think it's like signing a contract. Think twice before you do it. And think what can go wrong. And if you are in a better situation without signing it, then don't sign it.

IMHO love and marriage have not much to do with each other. 

[Franck60]

18 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

 

A valid point - learning from the experiences of others can be handy.. however, the experiences encountered of those on this platform and attitudes across it varies significantly.

 

IMO - the best advice is do what makes you happy while not stepping outside the bounds of your own common sense and what you'd do in your home country. 

Dating and marrying within your own socio-economic-educational demographic has the most potential for a positive outcome when considering companionship, whereas others just want an 'outer-shell that's warm to the touch'... 

 

 

 

 

Sound advice 🙂. Are there better platforms to talk about relationships in thailand and that kind of stuff ?

[rabas]

4 hours ago, BobBKK said:

 Haha, enjoy the pizza—everyone is different. I like different flavourings, and I think double-cheese daily bores me. I have been here 15 years, coming here 25 years - never once thought of a relationship. Variety is the spice of life!

 

I married a cook.

[Hummin]

8 hours ago, Franck60 said:

Hey guys!
I often read stories about westerners or even western retirees marrying Thai women in Thailand.

 

It makes me wonder… Why marry? Is it a religious upbringing which helps determine this kind of decision ? Aren’t they still « free » of this? What else makes them choose to marry?

 

I’m 59 yo and I intend to retire in Thailand in 5 years’ time. I’ve been living alone for a while. I need to leave « boring » Europe to explore a new culture and setup. 

 

I’d be interested in a relationship but not in a marriage. I wouldn’t be interested in meeting her family either. Why complicate my life? I don’t have much family left in France either.

 

I tend to think like this because I believe I would be safer if I keep my distance. I’d need a relationship but not a thai family. 

 

It’s hard enough to navigate an entire new culture. Why tie oneself up so tightly that it becomes to break loose ? What do you think, guys ?

 

English is a second language. I hope I get my message through all right.

Good luck with that kind of thinking.

 

Family is everything for a Thai, and if your intentions is to have an healthy relationship, there is certain norms you need to follow. 

Edited July 7 by Hummin

[BangkokReady]

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Is this your guess or experience?

 

I wonder how many guys here said no to marriage and then their girlfriend walked away. Anybody?

I know that many/all women want to marry. But it's up to the guy to say yes.

 

How many women will walk away from a guy who they like/love and who provides them with a good life to find someone else to marry?

 

More perception than experience, and also logic.

 

Why would a young, attractive woman stay with a much older retired foreigner and care for him until death, if she doesn't stand to get a major payout when he dies? (When she could have spent time finding someone who would marry her and ensure she is taken care of.)

 

I guess he could be paying her a wage, but that's just the different side of the same coin.

 

You talk about "liking/loving", so I think you've possibly misunderstood what kind of relationship my comment describes. It's very much a quid pro quo.

[Kinnock]

2 hours ago, richard_smith237 said:

 

T'was a Hangover Part 2 reference...  

 

Yeah .... left Bangkok in a speedboat, arrived in Phuket 15 minutes later 😀.  

 

I stayed in the hotel used for the speedboat arrival scene, the manager told me they had several goes at the run up the beach .... those speedboats must be quite tough.

[Franck60]

35 minutes ago, Hummin said:

Good luck with that kind of thinking.

 

Family is everything for a Thai, and if your intentions is to have an healthy relationship, there is certain norms you need to follow. 

I understand the expectations. On the other hand, the thai woman has to understand that as foreigners, we are also « different » with our different norms. How to compromise in our best interests? I don’t mind to change as long as I stay safe. I don’t mind to change as long as I don’t trip over… lose my footing. I hope my english makes sense,

[OneMoreFarang]

31 minutes ago, Hummin said:

Good luck with that kind of thinking.

 

Family is everything for a Thai, and if your intentions is to have an healthy relationship, there is certain norms you need to follow. 

Yes, in a way, up to a certain degree.

 

Often Thai women marry farangs who have, compared to them, more money. That's just the way it is, and not only in Thailand.

And because we are in Thailand, and they are Thai, they have certain expectations how their husbands should behave.

Ok, fine, they can have those expectations. But do we have to live up to those expectations, and is that in our interest?

 

For many Thai women the perfect situation would probably be that her new husband builds a new house in her village. Her family is welcome at any time. Food and drinks are plenty, just come, sit in front of the TV, and drink and eat. Enjoy!

But do we have to do all that? And all the time? 

Some guys think they built the house where she wants, and they think from time to time the family can visit, no problem.

But how about if the family see that in a different way? Will he literally throw them out?

So, some of us decide it is probably better not to build a house in the wife's village.

So then, how often should we visit, and where should we stay? And should we buy the food and drinks for one day or for the whole week?

Or maybe not visit at all?

 

At the end for some of us it's a question with how much family life we get away with.

And likely we should set the boundaries fast. Because after some facts are established, it's not so easy to change them again the way we want.

 

And because of the money situation we are not in a bad position to haggle. She wants to have a "rich" boyfriend/husband. And if she had for a couple of months a rich boyfriend, then she doesn't want to tell the family after a few months: Now we separated, I don't have any money anymore for you. So maybe one of her options is to tell the family that (maybe) they will marry later or something like that.

 

Or she walks away and looks for the rich guy who will marry her. And they you can ask yourself if that is bad or if you are lucky that you escaped before she had full access to your money. 

 

 

 

[Hummin]

17 minutes ago, Franck60 said:

I understand the expectations. On the other hand, the thai woman has to understand that as foreigners, we are also « different » with our different norms. How to compromise in our best interests? I don’t mind to change as long as I stay safe. I don’t mind to change as long as I don’t trip over… lose my footing. I hope my english makes sense,

If it is safety you looking for, Thailand is not the place 😉

 

Im not native english spoken either, but you make sense to me. 

 

As any other country and women of different cultures, time is your friend and safety card. Do not invest more than you willing to walk away from. Simple as that. 

 

Threat your girl with respect, if not mutually respect is present, why bother? 

Edited July 7 by Hummin