Are foreigners taken for granted in Thailand?

[Olmate]

1 hour ago, brianthainess said:

Woof woof.......

  Yes Father! 

[oxo1947]

3 hours ago, bob smith said:

i've been watching youtube recently and one fella i'm subscribed to seems to be taken for granted by his thai family/in laws.

 

 

And can we get a link to this --- so called Youtube expose piece ?    or shall we just put it as the usual Anti Thai fiction from Bob

 

 

[brianthainess]

7 minutes ago, Olmate said:

  Yes Father! 

Funny enough my Avatar is my Father, not joking......... 

[Aurelien]

It's silly to say 'Thai people are like this, Thai people are like that'. There are stupid and unrespectful people everywhere, and Thais are no exceptions. Likewise, it's stupid to say ' oh but you don't understand, its because of the culture bla bla...' Being reduced to 'a farang' is silly. 

[fredwiggy]

2 hours ago, MalcolmB said:

A sad obsession.

Despite his claims he is really just lonely. He never really made it here and suffers a lot of bitterness.

How can you assume he's lonely? He's married to a Thai. And how do you not make it here, and still stay? You either like it here or you don't. If you can't stay, you leave. What Bob says is true, although many are brown nosers, don't go outside their village much, not look at the news, and not have had bad experiences here and think they don't happen. They surely do, many thousands of times, to us and to the locals. Some walk outside at night and never encounter trouble. Some come here as tourists and end up robbed, hurt or dead because they were in the wrong place, wrong time. Many encounter indifference or animosity from some here and want to talk about it here. This country is a nice country, but, like all other countries, it has people in it that ruin things for others, and give it a bad name. We are taken for granted here, as well as hated, feared, jealous of, and respected. Many different people makes many different problems. Bob's a realist from what I see. I don't think he makes up stories like others do, because I, and others, can relate. Some will disagree, but that happens with anything anyone says here.

[MalcolmB]

12 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Bob's a realist from what I see. I don't think he makes up stories

You have always seemed gullible to me.

Now you have proven it.

 

If he really is going out today it will just be point scoring and annoying the locals who have better things to do. 
 

Funnily enough you both always claim you are leaving with an endless list of grievances about Thailand and Thais. 
But you never seem to actually go.

[Olmate]

1 hour ago, brianthainess said:

Funny enough my Avatar is my Father, not joking......... 

Wrong father , father andnun! 

[fredwiggy]

1 minute ago, MalcolmB said:

You have always seemed gullible to me.

Now you have proven it.

 

If he really is going out today it will just be point scoring and annoying the locals who have better things to do. 
 

Funnily enough you both always claim you are leaving with an endless list of grievances about Thailand and Thais. 
But you never seem to actually go.

I only seem gullible to those who don't understand what I say. Being uneducated on certain topics and doing things you think are okay when they aren't makes you look small minded and dangerous. Every time you post you try to prove me wrong yet can't. How do you know, again, what anyone here is doing during the day? Maybe in your little world you haven't experienced the things some say happen here, but that doesn't mean they aren't happening. I don't have a list of grievances against anyone here besides my ex. I see things as they are, then make a decision. Thailand itself isn't the problem. It's certain people here that do things that aren't right, are prejudicial, born of jealousy and lack common sense, just like everywhere else. It takes planning to re-establish back home. You can't just up and leave, especially when you have a child that needs to be placed in a school, a house needs to be rented, a job found, a car bought, a house full of things to be shipped back and other things. Think before you post. You look more dense with every assuming reply.

[chickenslegs]

5 hours ago, bob smith said:

i've been watching youtube recently and one fella i'm subscribed to seems to be taken for granted by his thai family/in laws.

Bob, you've been asked twice for a link to that youtube. Is it a secret?

[Gecko123]

Sibling rivalries can be an issue when a foreign husband gives gifts to the wife's parents which outshine and are beyond the wherewithal of the wife's siblings, especially her brothers. You have to be sensitive to family dynamics and be aware of upsetting pecking orders when bestowing gifts on the family. There may also be conflicted feelings running under the surface about how the family feels about a family member marrying a foreigner. If there is any stigma associated with her marrying a foreigner (i.e., scuttlebutt about whether she was working in the entertainment business), an ostentatious gift from the new husband, as much as it might be appreciated, may trigger unwelcome gossip in the community inadvertently resulting in a loss of face for the parents.

 

But in general, I think Thais are as appreciative as foreigners when receiving gifts, even if the social etiquette of ooohing and aaaahing over gifts (which is mostly for show anyway) isn't as entrenched as it is in the West.

 

Thais don't really seem to give gifts that much. Don't see much in the way of birthday celebrations (except for very young children/maybe young couples). Mostly a little money in an envelope at weddings, monk ordinations, funerals, etc.

 

It's a disservice to the expat community to characterize Thais as unappreciative when receiving gifts. Over the years, I have given small gifts to neighbors, schools, day care operations and have frequently been surprised that they still remember gifts long after I've forgotten.

 

 

Edited July 30 by Gecko123

[jippytum]

used to be Paradise not so not now for longstay expat retirees

[john donson]

I thanked my ex father in law every time he invited me and paid the bill

 

better then paying thousands of baht for a meal with 'the family'

 

looooooooooooooooooool

[1FinickyOne]

6 hours ago, bob smith said:

 

where does this all stem from?

verbalizing a 'thank you' is not part of Thai ways... if you do something nice for someone, the thank you is usually not spoken - it is understood. Of course, 'thank you' - - - my wife spent a year in the West so she always says 'thank you' because it is part of our culture that she has adopted. As many here, I have done a lot to help her family - her father does not say thank you because he does not know that is a thing - - but I can see the love in his eyes all the time. Sometimes he would make a special desert and bring it to me... 

[BobBKK]

I agree Bob (great name!). Most see us as walking ATMs.

[Hakuna Matata]

Thailand is becoming a nightmare with the recent influx of Russian long stayers in Phuket and Pattaya. Most of them are not good people unfortunately.

 

 

[Purdey]

My family-in-law always give profuse thanks when I help them. Not everyone is the same.

[thaibeachlovers]

6 hours ago, bob smith said:

would the thai lose face by saying thank you to a farang that does something nice for them?

I once asked my wife why her sister never thanked me for the work I did on their property- she never asked me to do it.

 

They asked me to do a job- they never thanked me.

 

After my divorce I left a bag with my wife with some stuff in it. They stole everything except the bag.

 

Need I comment on Thais attitude to farangs?

[thaibeachlovers]

10 minutes ago, Hakuna Matata said:

Thailand is becoming a nightmare with the recent influx of Russian long stayers in Phuket and Pattaya. Most of them are not good people unfortunately.

Since when were Phuket and Pattaya Thailand?

 

Phuket is IMO the backside of Thailand, if not the universe. I like Pattaya, but it's not typical of Thailand.

[White Rabbit]

It all depends on you and whom you choose to mingle with. People are the same everywhere but in general the Thais have better manners than most others. 

I experience gratitude very regularly. And I'm grateful that I'm privileged to be able to help here and there. 

There are a lot of really disadvantaged people in Thailand.

[Fat is a type of crazy]

Bob's posts.

I'm drunk. I make spelling errors when I'm drunk.

Thai people suck.

I'm drunk again. I'm going to party like it's 1999.

Thai people suck. 

Edited July 30 by Fat is a type of crazy

[wavodavo]

6 hours ago, bob smith said:

No.  

 

are you?

 

(how's the commute).. ?

 

bob.

Bob.Have you realy ever been to Thailand ..or do you just have wet dreams about life in Thailand ??

[ChrisKC]

It isn't any foreigner or any Thai - one example or even many hundreds cannot be generalised to everybody.

 

When I read the title, I thought maybe this is from Bob, looking to denigrate all Thais and to infer all associated foreigners are gullible enough to fall for the ungrateful Thais.

 

Also, I have noticed there isn't any "middle ground" with you - Nightmare or Paradise

 

I have been in Thailand for more than 20 years and in a few different places and, while reading and hearing about some peoples experiences, I certainly do not deny there are those who take advantage and those who let them!

 

Where I have lived for 7 years now, my life is 95% around Thai people and am satisfied that most of them are not of the characters you write about in your post!

Edited July 30 by ChrisKC
extra point

[freedomnow]

1 hour ago, jippytum said:

used to be Paradise not so not now for longstay expat retirees

Yes, it's had its past its Golden Days Thailand I think.

Am looking further afield for long-stay in future...

 

This lot on AN are last of a generation that moved here for good reasons back then.

 

[strikingsunset]

Taiwan for a lovely educated English speaking girl.

[newnative]

    Could be it's you.  Judging from your posts, they probably view you as a drunk-all-the-time layabout not worth bothering with.  My Thai in-laws go out of their way to thank me anytime I do something for them.  Course, I'm sober and wearing clothing . . .

[spidermike007]

It is really simple. Just take your time getting to know your gal. And I mean years. If you decide she is worthy of help, and if you like her family, help them. 

 

Alot of guys are in a big hurry. And alot of gals really push the timetable. Always push back. Do it at your own pace. Time is your ally. 

[FritsSikkink]

7 hours ago, bob smith said:

why so many farangs end up getting scammed into buying their girlfriends a house in their name, only to find themselves being kicked out of said house 6 months later..

 

bob. 

Only an idiot would buy a house for a girlfriend. Then when you buy something make sure you have some protection against nasty consequences.

[jingjai9]

I think there are too many generalizations in these posts. Judge people individually not as "Thais". Often, as I have seen it, the foreigner is eager to give money to in-laws in the beginning , then often grows weary as time goes by. Then he feels taken advantage of. 

Rule or exception?

• Foreigners marry rural Thai women and visit the wife's family without being fluent in Thai or say, Isaarn language. They are unable to express their feelings or engage in meaningful conversation.
• The Thai family is clueless about the wealth of their foreign in-law.
• The foreigner with the new Thai wife does not know the extent to which Thai men who have a good income are obligated to help the wife's family as well as their own family if the Thai man is in fact the highest wage earner in the family.
• The foreigner is not well-schooled in Thai customs or protocol.
• The foreigner is made to feel  more like an object than a person by his wife's family or even his wife.
• The foreigner feels the Thai wife is on "their side"
• During visits to the village the foreigner appears aloof/and or bored in the eyes of the Thai family.
• The Thai woman and the foreign husband do not share the same values about obligations to family, child rearing or personal priorities. Put these in order from 1-3 by importance:  obligation to family, obligation to spouse,  saving for the future of the immediate family (excluding in-laws).
• The foreigner and Thai  wife have had an engagement of at least two years prior to the marriage.
• The foreigner feels he can make his marriage successful because he is a little smarter than other farangs who encounter problems in their marriage, like dealing with step children, building a house in Thailand, Thai in-laws or money matters.
• The foreigner gets the feeling his wife's family has developed a sense of entitlement concerning money matters.

 

[Bday Prang]

7 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Need I comment on xxxx Thais attitude to xxxxxxx xxxxx  xx  farangs?

I think you missed out three words-:   "some"  &   "certain" "types" "of"   The acrimonious breakdown of relationships are , by nature, unpleasant and will inevitably bring out the worst in people. Hardly a reliable foundation on which to base ones opinion of an entire nation  

[Bday Prang]

                 its normally a case of people failing to assimilate and fit in properly,  for some , the difficulties of understanding  the unwritten rules and customs which dictate what is expected of family members, often end up being a deal breaker. 

                 Whilst any relationship should involve a bit of give and take, let's not kid ourselves its ever going to be balanced in our favour or even fair one cannot choose to marry into and in some cases live amongst a family who's culture differs so completely from ones own, and then expect them to change their behaviour and lifestyle purely to accommodate a newly arrived foreigner 

                  Few here , more likely none,  have married above themselves or their class its only to be expected that they have trouble fitting in , Would it be any different if they married a slag off a council estate back home and moved into the council house with the rest of the unemployed  family.even without the language barrier things would be  somewhat challenging for a new arrival who was considered to have money,  

                 Although back in the UK one's new family  would not be give one  the chance to refuse or indeed waste time with begging sob stories, when scrounging money .  they would simply  steal it from you whilst you slept