Thai Wife Issues in the UK

[djb687]

Me and my Thai wife has been together for 2 years living in the UK, we recently moved to a bigger house and now she appears to spend a lot of time in the bedroom on her own while I am downstairs, almost like she’s avoiding me, this has been going on for months now. She also does the same when my two older children come to stay at the weekend and they think it’s weird she doesn’t interact with them at all. She has also recently told me she’s going to Thailand to party with her family for two weeks, just dropped it on me, no discussion whatsoever - didn’t even ask me if I wanted to come. When I talk to her about these things all I get is the standard “it’s up to me”, “my life” responses. Are these normal behaviours within a Thai/Western marriage? It certainly isn’t something I would say was normal in a Western marriage.

[roo860]

3 minutes ago, djb687 said:

Me and my Thai wife has been together for 2 years living in the UK, we recently moved to a bigger house and now she appears to spend a lot of time in the bedroom on her own while I am downstairs, almost like she’s avoiding me, this has been going on for months now. She also does the same when my two older children come to stay at the weekend and they think it’s weird she doesn’t interact with them at all. She has also recently told me she’s going to Thailand to party with her family for two weeks, just dropped it on me, no discussion whatsoever - didn’t even ask me if I wanted to come. When I talk to her about these things all I get is the standard “it’s up to me”, “my life” responses. Are these normal behaviours within a Thai/Western marriage? It certainly isn’t something I would say was normal in a Western marriage.

Don't forget you're basically dealing with children trapped in a 'grown-up' body.

[richard_smith237]

"She' s just not that into you"

 

Its obviously difficult to tell from that one post - but if thats how you are feeling, then you're the best person to interpret your position - this isn't about 'Thai-Western' relationships and how they different between a 'Western-Western' relationships...   on forums such as this there have long been so many suggestions of the differences etc... but in reality, a relationship is a relationship no matter the culture or nationality of parties involved....    

 

There is no big difference here...  its natural for people to want their space, its natural for a couple to want to be together and enjoy each others company around the space, or rather wanting a bit of space is healthy and natural when spending lots of time together. 

 

In this case - you imply she's spending all the time away from you...   thats not a good sign. 

 

Some natural conclusions can be drawn....  'going back to party with the family' is a big red flag, particularly if she has not invited you with her... 

 

...  the common themes and suggestions from threads such as this in the past always lead to the result that there was an ex or another fella in there somewhere... 

 

 

 

I've just had a mate who's wife was behaving in a similarly suspicious manner - visiting 'friends' and 'family' etc...   (she was playing about)...   

 

 

 

 

[Tropicalevo]

From what I read, I would guess that she is not enjoying living in the UK.

Most Thai ladies that I know do not want to live in big houses, unless there are staff there to look after them. Big houses need more cleaning.

[djb687]

So what do you suggest I do about this? Clearly talking to her doesn't appear to work.

[hunkidori]

If I was you I'd start working out ways to minimize your inevitable financial losses which by the sound of it are not far away.

[Chadnik]

As this is your second post I am very reticent

 

It's now apparent to you what you need to do. You just need to sort your life out and do it.

 

I think a really good rule of thumb is never bring them home as they become what you would never have married in the first place.

 

Sincerely wish you the best of luck.

[DrJack54]

16 minutes ago, djb687 said:

So what do you suggest I do about this? Clearly talking to her doesn't appear to work.

OP, you did not indicate how long Thai wife has lived in UK.

When I first came to Thailand I read  "you can take Thai lady out of Thailand but cannot take Thailand out of a Thai lady" 

 

Quite possible she missing Thailand and more so family.

I live in Thailand for weather.

 

No offense but you thinking she is happy with UK weather.

If you are not able to live in Thailand ongoing due to age funds or whatever cut both your losses and kiss goodbye

 

[hunkidori]

You didn't say if you had a child with her or if you are still intimate with her? If the answer to both of those is no then I would suggest you move on from her

[djb687]

She's lived here for about a year now. No children together and there is intimacy but not very much like once a week.

[Ralf001]

2 minutes ago, djb687 said:

She's lived here for about a year now. No children together and there is intimacy but not very much like once a week.

before you marrried her 2 years ago.... how long were you together ?

[djb687]

We were together for a year and then married for a year.

[howerde]

Sounds like she is depressed, does she have friends?  there maybe Thais about  but many are bargirls, she may not want to be involved with them.  What level of english does she have?

no work in a foreign country,  different culture not many would be happy in those circumstances

[Chadnik]

Is she getting Thai (Issarn) food? My wife despite growing up in BKK carries a rice cooker when we travel. If she's not eating rice especially but  Thai food in general I'm sure she's absolutely miserable.

 

Double especially if she has to eat English food

 

Hell, I'm jonesing for krapow after two weeks myself

Edited September 16 by Chadnik

[djb687]

I know she misses food, despite cooking Thai food every single day she says its not the same as in Thailand.

[proton]

1 hour ago, djb687 said:

Me and my Thai wife has been together for 2 years living in the UK, we recently moved to a bigger house and now she appears to spend a lot of time in the bedroom on her own while I am downstairs, almost like she’s avoiding me, this has been going on for months now. She also does the same when my two older children come to stay at the weekend and they think it’s weird she doesn’t interact with them at all. She has also recently told me she’s going to Thailand to party with her family for two weeks, just dropped it on me, no discussion whatsoever - didn’t even ask me if I wanted to come. When I talk to her about these things all I get is the standard “it’s up to me”, “my life” responses. Are these normal behaviours within a Thai/Western marriage? It certainly isn’t something I would say was normal in a Western marriage.

 

 

My wife is like that but we have been married 20 years in Bangkok. Seems like she's lonely and missing home, does she have Thai friends in the UK?

[Fat is a type of crazy]

She sounds lonely, a bit lost, and is dealing with it in a bit of a childish manner. Did you mention the age difference? Is she meeting new people? Working? Can you get her some contact with other thai women her age in the local area?

If none of that helps and she wants to go back to Thailand to live - ask yourself if you want to -  and if its practical financially - and if she really wants you to come too - and if not maybe let her go and be done with it. Might be a relatively low cost separation if she is happy to go back. 

[djb687]

She does have some friends in the UK but she never goes to meet them as they're a 4-5 hours away, I suppose I could help her to see them. We only have 8 years age difference between us. We always agreed in the future we would move to Thailand but its too far away for her I guess.

[Fat is a type of crazy]

Delete

Edited September 16 by Fat is a type of crazy

[Keeps]

Might sound harsh but it doesn't sound like she is enjoying life with you in the UK and it is unlikely to get any better.

 

If you are stumping up for the ticket for her "going to Thailand to party with her family for two weeks," I would only fork out for a one way ticket as the return portion doesn't sound like it will be used.

 

Best of luck though.

[djb687]

She has a job so she's paying for the ticket herself (she said this) and she claims she's buying a return... even if she proves she got a return, what does that say anyway?

[Celsius]

You brought her to UK. Even worse, she is not staying in London, so she can not post her hiso life on insta.

 

 

[it is what it is]

3 hours ago, roo860 said:

Don't forget you're basically dealing with children trapped in a 'grown-up' body.

 

actually the 'child' is the OP, if it's genuine, which i doubt, he needs to grow up. if he's a troll, he needs to grow up and get a life.

[proton]

1 hour ago, djb687 said:

She does have some friends in the UK but she never goes to meet them as they're a 4-5 hours away, I suppose I could help her to see them. We only have 8 years age difference between us. We always agreed in the future we would move to Thailand but its too far away for her I guess.

 

Have you got access to Thai Tv and Thai music?

[timendres]

If you took me from Thailand to the UK, I would murder you in your sleep.

[djb687]

This is a genuine situation I am facing right now with my wife. Can you explain why I am the child? I have honestly been wondering if I have been overthinking her behaviour here, hence the post here. 

[richard_smith237]

2 minutes ago, djb687 said:

This is a genuine situation I am facing right now with my wife. Can you explain why I am the child? I have honestly been wondering if I have been overthinking her behaviour here, hence the post here. 

 

What is the issue with her going to Thailand for a couple of weeks ?

 

Do you trust her ?

[djb687]

I would have expected us (as a married couple) to talk about going to Thailand, not for her to just decide she's going... or what is the general experience of other couples?

[couchpotato]

3 hours ago, hunkidori said:

You didn't say if you had a child with her or if you are still intimate with her? If the answer to both of those is no then I would suggest you move on from her

Yes definitely. Let her go to Thailand. If she doesn't come back then problem solved.

But sort the financial part first.

[richard_smith237]

38 minutes ago, djb687 said:

I would have expected us (as a married couple) to talk about going to Thailand, not for her to just decide she's going... or what is the general experience of other couples?

Your expectation is that of a perfectly normal relationship.

 

It raises a red flag if she’s just deciding to go, without even wanting you to go with her. 
 

Just making the decision to go, without even discussing it with you raises a bigger red flag.

 

I’m sure the experience of any other couple in a ‘healthy’ relationship such issues are discussed in detail. 

 

Given the ‘red flags’ just let her go, she’s an adult & can make her own decisions- but ensure is isn’t going there to cheat on you, because if she is, she could be bringing back STD’s etc (apologies for the brutality of that point, but it must be addressed given the behavior you mentioned).