Could do with some support and advice here ?

[Will B Good]

Sad to say....but get out now.......you have your own life to live.

 

It is difficult finding happiness at the best of times.....go and try to find it somewhere else and with someone else.

[J Branche]

Definitely agree once it gets to the anything you say escalates level it is time to go for a walk and talk later.  When your in that irrational state of mind you can't expect many rational thoughts.

[ignore it]

Hmm.

 

Consider this.

 

It ain't ever going to get better.

 

 

[jdlancaster]

She’s bored. 

[thesetat2013]

Wow did you pick the worst place ever to ask this. 

[SOTIRIOS]

Well, No Love, No Respect, Wouldn't You Say (?)

It Suggests Infidelity At The Very Least

(Although You Don't Reveal How Much Time You Spend Together/Apart)

Nor Do You Reveal How Much Money This Has Already Cost You

We Often Imagine/Delude Ourselves With 'A Relationship'

In Actuality, It's A Situation With 2 Incompatible People

The Other Party Biding Her Time To Get What She Wants From You 

(And It Is Not You)

Sorry Buddy, Gotta' Tell It Like It Is

You're Not The First, Won't Be The Last

[khunPer]

On 10/7/2024 at 9:00 AM, The Cobra said:

...The reasons I haven’t walked away yet are mainly because I worry about what might happen to her if I leave,...

I've had friends saying the same, but my girlfriend always tells me that they shouldn't worry, a Thai lady can always find a solution. Seems like she is correct, because a number of her friends have split with their farang husband or boyfriend, and managed well.

 

So, I think you shall not worry too much about that, you shall rather think about your own future in Thailand, and especially as you mention yourself, about when getting older.

 

On 10/7/2024 at 9:00 AM, The Cobra said:

...My biggest worry is how things will be in the future, especially as I get older or if something happens to me...

Having a younger spouse can be a benefit, as long as it works well, but...

 

An elder fellow countryman began to become demented, resulting in that his younger wife threw him out; however, kindly supported him with a one way ticket back home. Despite he had paid for building a home – hers – now, he stood with his luggage somewhere up in Isaan, and a grown up daughter in his home-country, who was pleading in forums for someone to help him, to find his way down to Bangkok Airport. Luckily someone knew a taxi-service, and they would pick him up and make sure he got checked in and entered the departure area, being assisted for help to the gate.

 

Yes, it's worth thinking about, what might happen when we become grumpy old men – or even worse – how shall we manage to live in Thailand...

[BusyB]

On 10/7/2024 at 9:00 AM, The Cobra said:

she doesn’t seem capable of considering anyone’s needs or feelings

 

You've obviously invested a lot of commitment here, and I hear where you're coming from. But it strikes me you need to focus on two questions amongst all the rest of the clutter and excuse making:

 

Is that how you want to live for the rest of your life?

 

Is that the kind of partner you wish for in old age?

 

On 10/7/2024 at 9:00 AM, The Cobra said:

I worry about what might happen to her if I leave,

 

You are not responsible for how she lives after you leave because the relationship has become untenable for you or you have outgrown it. It is her responsibility. She is a grown woman.

 

Anyway, she'll be OK. By staying past time you are preventing her from having experiences which will help her mature and perhaps be a lot happier in the long term.

 

Edited October 8 by BusyB

[AustinRacing]

Based on the little information provided, the op does not mention his shortcomings and seems to attribute all issues to her shortcomings. It also seems that she is in it for the convenience/dependence. She’s waiting for something better to come along and trade up. This is a too common scenario with older farangs dating younger Thais thinking they’re doing a good thing taking care of a woman, helping out etc. But they fail to recognize their own flaws. It’s rare for a relationship with 20 year age gap to be based on genuine and mutual affection to one and other. 

[xtrnuno41]

They say women are from Venus, men from Mars.

You are not gay, as gays can handle women way more easier, at least it seems.

It doesnt matter where the woman is from, as any woman can act like this. There might be differences.

Been in relations with women of several countries. And ALL had their issues.

First I thought, it was me, but hearing other guys stories, I noticed it isnt me.

  

I recognize things, as im in a relation for 8 years now with Thai woman.

Sometimes out of the blue, she brings up things and then I better say "Wooooooosha" 

Im older now and so try to stay calm. They say, you should talk, however I think , it is one ear in other ear out.

It makes hardly no sense. 

I give you  a stupid example

Was once driving with her and she was busy doing a transaction on phone.

I had to do a manoeuvre to avoid an accident. She exploded. Screamed and angry.

I put the car on the side of the road and asked her what was more important, a good transaction or an accident.

No answer, still angry for long time. Woooosha. 

Women and longer time, can also be very short, come up with, starting fights for nothing and no matter what you talk, they go on. Wooooooooosha !

 

With another woman, my ex wife. I love longhair with a woman, the longer the nicer, I think.

SO what my wife did, went to hairdresser and changed it to a short cut. She knew, I loved longhair.

Surprise she said when I came home from work, you like the short cut? And honestly I said "NO".

DInggg, wrong answer and an angry woman for some time.

 

You want to change to another woman? Give it some time and you ll have the same.

It is a miracle to find utopia with a woman and I guess impossible, just balance, Woooooosha.

 

 

[connda]

You probably have less productive life left than her.  So I suggest you end it and seek to find someone who you can be happy with until you die. Why live the rest of your life in misery?

[SAFETY FIRST]

I love reading the Dear Abby AN column, beats those georgegeorgia hypochondriac threads. 

 

[CM Dad]

I am so grateful that my Thai wife is a wonderful, caring, considerate, hardworking, and responsible woman.

[kingstonkid]

On 10/7/2024 at 2:00 PM, The Cobra said:

I’ve been in a relationship for just over three years now. We had a year of long-distance, followed by one year living in the UK, and now we've been here for almost a year. She’s 31 and I’m 53. She struggled to adjust to life in the UK, so we moved back here where she feels more at home.

 

She’s affectionate, but if I’m being honest, she lacks thoughtfulness and can be a bit lazy. Fortunately, she’s not obsessed with money, and food is more her thing. We also don’t have to support her family, which helps.

One thing that has really been bothering me is that she doesn’t seem capable of considering anyone’s needs or feelings other than her own. I’m always thinking about her well-being—whether she’s happy or if there’s something she needs. I handle most of the household chores, like cooking, and I don’t mind it since I prefer things done a certain way. She’s more than happy to leave it all to me. But whenever we have even a minor disagreement, it escalates into a full-blown argument. She’ll tell me she’s going to leave, pack her things, and then change her mind, not letting me leave either. It's like she gets trapped in her own emotions and can’t back down. Her outbursts can be really intense, and if I try to ignore it, she just escalates until she gets a reaction from me.

The reasons I haven’t walked away yet are mainly because I worry about what might happen to her if I leave, and I dread the drama of packing up and trying to get out. It’s frustrating because apart from these episodes, things are actually going really well. We’ve built a decent life together here, and there’s a lot to look forward to.

I think some of her behavior may be linked to hormonal changes. She was on some type of contraception before that made her very volatile for a few months. Then she switched to a different pill, and everything was smooth for half a year. Now that she’s stopped taking it, her unpredictable mood swings have returned. After each argument, she always apologizes and promises it won’t happen again, but it’s a cycle I’m not sure she can break.

Most of the time, I’m content, but when things get bad, it’s unbearable. If I look at our relationship overall, I feel like I’m giving much more than I’m receiving. My biggest worry is how things will be in the future, especially as I get older or if something happens to me. I’ve put some money into fixing up her place, but I’m still in a position where I could leave if I needed to. Financially, I could live modestly here on my own.

So now I’m at a crossroads—should I leave before it gets worse or try to push through and see if things improve?

I’d appreciate any helpful advice, and please leave out the cheap shots and trolling.

What does she do all day if you do everything,  It might be an idea to go out get out of the house more and visit places.

 

As to her condition, it might be an idea to get her to see a doctor although that is like pulling hens teeth

 

The comments about that is thai ladies is in fact true they hold it in but when it comes out Look out.

[sikishrory]

I would cut it loose. Why continue with a lazy, ignorant and unstable women. 

Been there done that. 

 

[thailand49]

On 10/7/2024 at 2:30 PM, Dan O said:

Its a pretty common issue with Thai women or Thais in general, in my opinion. I've seen this a lot over the decades of being here. They have difficulty maintaining emotions in any disagreement and can often over compensate for little issues.  I think its part of their cultural upbring in that they must hold their emotions in and not air them. Then when things get disturbed they don't have the emotion control once things are going even a little uneasy and tend to blow little issues up to be more than they are. I think they have a problem with spatial thinking and it shows in various situations.

 

My wife does the same things and I've seen it in her sister too. When it starts to escalate its my experience the hard you try to explain or de-escalate it the long it goes. I've taken to just say that I think it would be better to talk a little later about the issue and then remove myself by going outside or a trip to 7 11 and give it some time to cool down. If its truly an insugnifican issue its not worth the mental gymnastics to deal with and if its bigger the cooling off period seems to help 

Thanks this is excellent Im not a good writer unable to express what you noted.  It is cultural and more doesnt have a thing to do with hormones. Drugs, bi-polar, expats with Thais consider themselves a minority if theothet half isnt. 

Ive been here two decades live and around Thais daily 99.9 it is more common than people think the Land of Smile is only a tourist thing.

Many Thais especially the men are a ticking time bomb volcano. 

 

[pacovl46]

On 10/7/2024 at 9:00 AM, The Cobra said:

I’ve been in a relationship for just over three years now. We had a year of long-distance, followed by one year living in the UK, and now we've been here for almost a year. She’s 31 and I’m 53. She struggled to adjust to life in the UK, so we moved back here where she feels more at home.

 

She’s affectionate, but if I’m being honest, she lacks thoughtfulness and can be a bit lazy. Fortunately, she’s not obsessed with money, and food is more her thing. We also don’t have to support her family, which helps.

One thing that has really been bothering me is that she doesn’t seem capable of considering anyone’s needs or feelings other than her own. I’m always thinking about her well-being—whether she’s happy or if there’s something she needs. I handle most of the household chores, like cooking, and I don’t mind it since I prefer things done a certain way. She’s more than happy to leave it all to me. But whenever we have even a minor disagreement, it escalates into a full-blown argument. She’ll tell me she’s going to leave, pack her things, and then change her mind, not letting me leave either. It's like she gets trapped in her own emotions and can’t back down. Her outbursts can be really intense, and if I try to ignore it, she just escalates until she gets a reaction from me.

The reasons I haven’t walked away yet are mainly because I worry about what might happen to her if I leave, and I dread the drama of packing up and trying to get out. It’s frustrating because apart from these episodes, things are actually going really well. We’ve built a decent life together here, and there’s a lot to look forward to.

I think some of her behavior may be linked to hormonal changes. She was on some type of contraception before that made her very volatile for a few months. Then she switched to a different pill, and everything was smooth for half a year. Now that she’s stopped taking it, her unpredictable mood swings have returned. After each argument, she always apologizes and promises it won’t happen again, but it’s a cycle I’m not sure she can break.

Most of the time, I’m content, but when things get bad, it’s unbearable. If I look at our relationship overall, I feel like I’m giving much more than I’m receiving. My biggest worry is how things will be in the future, especially as I get older or if something happens to me. I’ve put some money into fixing up her place, but I’m still in a position where I could leave if I needed to. Financially, I could live modestly here on my own.

So now I’m at a crossroads—should I leave before it gets worse or try to push through and see if things improve?

I’d appreciate any helpful advice and please leave out the cheaps shots and trolling.

Sounds a bit like borderline personality disorder. They can't control their emotions, it's all about them, they have a massive fear of abandonment, but can't help but to escalate every little argument and then the abandonment issue kicks back in afterwards and they apologize profusely. They're also not really organized either. If it is borderline personality disorder then she'll need therapy and even then it's not guaranteed that it will get better. So you have two options, either accept it for what it is and don't start arguments or leave. 

 

I recommend watching this video:

 

 

Edited October 8 by pacovl46

[watthong]

On 10/7/2024 at 2:00 PM, The Cobra said:

So now I’m at a crossroads—should I leave before it gets worse or try to push through and see if things improve?

 

What/how do you think will have to happen in order to make "things improve?" You have already taken her to the UK and that didn't work out. She's now in her 30s and not getting any younger. Or saner. The urge to pack up and leave you is stil beating somewhere inside her. Like a little alien.

I'm 70 and in similar predicamment. It doesn't look like I will make it past 80. Wish I were 53 like you and would have walked out - like yesterday. A self-sufficient life as a single guy, in Thailand...aahhh, heaven on earth.

[novacova]

On 10/7/2024 at 2:00 PM, The Cobra said:

After each argument, she always apologizes and promises it won’t happen again, but it’s a cycle I’m not sure she can break.

It’s how she was born and she ain’t gonna change, accept and weather through it or move on

[Luuk Chaai]

15 hours ago, ignore it said:

Hmm.

 

Consider this.

 

It ain't ever going to get better.

 

 

...   and.  why is it your job to try and fix her... ? 

sounds like you need fixin..  take care of yourself..    no need to run,  but you better start walking real quick!

[geisha]

If you are here asking what you can/ should do, then it must be a bad situation.

All of us have experienced some sort of bad situations in our lives.  You must choose what is best for you.

Have you communicated seriously ? Explain quietly your life together cannot continue like this.  If she gets hysterical or crazy or upset, leave it. Go out, tell her you’ll talk again in a few days .

If after trying a few times it doesn’t work, then leave. You don’t want to be unhappy for ever. 
Give her enough money to get by for a few months, pack your bags and go somewhere else. Change location. You’re young enough. 

[BTB1977]

She is a control freak. She uses the out bursts to get you do as she wishes. She will never try to take care of you. She is lazy and will ride it out as long as she can. You are being used. . Don't worry how it will end. Plan out you're exit strategy. Best distance yourself soon. Once you leave block ALL communications. AND MOST OF ALL DON'T GET HER PREGNANT 

[BritManToo]

On 10/9/2024 at 7:09 PM, geisha said:

Have you communicated seriously ? Explain quietly your life together cannot continue like this.  If she gets hysterical or crazy or upset, leave it. Go out, tell her you’ll talk again in a few days .

To a Thai serious communication = confrontation, the result usually instant and violent.

Thai way is to agree to anything/everything but never get around to doing.