Should I Tell My Friend That His Girlfriend Is Trans?

[still kicking]

7 hours ago, bradiston said:

It's legal here. And in the UK. I've met couples, ladyboys married to UK guys.

Its legal in OZ as well 

[NanLaew]

12 hours ago, JK-Trilly said:

I’ve got a bit of a situation that I’m hoping to get some advice on, especially from others who’ve navigated life and friendships in Thailand.

 

About 8 months back, I met a fellow expat here in Bangkok—let’s call him “John.” We get on really well; he’s got a good sense of humor, we have a lot in common, and over time, we’ve become good friends. We started meeting up regularly for drinks, sometimes for a meal, sharing stories about our experiences in Thailand, and just talking about life in general.

 

After we’d known each other for a while, John opened up a bit about his personal life and mentioned that he’s in a serious relationship. He seemed really smitten with his girlfriend, saying he’s planning to marry her and even start a family someday. Naturally, he wanted me to meet her. I was looking forward to it, as he seemed genuinely happy, and it’s always nice to meet the people who mean the most to your friends.

 

So, we all met up for dinner. His girlfriend, whom I’ll call “Lek,” was charming, confident, and seemed like a genuinely lovely person. It was clear they were really into each other. But as the night went on, I started to realize that Lek might be a ladyboy. She had a couple of subtle mannerisms, and through our conversation, there were a few strong cues that raised my suspicions.

 

From everything I observed, it seemed likely that Lek has had gender-affirming surgery and presents now fully as a woman. But I’m quite sure that John doesn’t realize this. He talked about having children with her and seemed so confident about their plans for a family, which makes me certain he has no idea.

 

So here’s the dilemma. I’m torn—do I say something, or do I keep quiet?

 

On the one hand, it feels like it’s none of my business. Their relationship is their own, and everyone deserves the chance to handle these things in their own way. Maybe Lek plans to tell him when she’s ready. Outing someone is a serious breach of trust, and it could end our friendship if he feels like I’m meddling in his personal life. Plus, there’s always the chance I could be wrong, and I’d hate to create an issue where there isn’t one. But I'm 99% sure she was a he. 

 

On the other hand, I worry about the future he’s envisioning. John’s thinking about marriage, and he’s openly planning for kids, which makes me think he’s not aware of her situation. If that’s the case, then isn’t it better for him to know sooner rather than later? If he finds out much later on, after he’s committed to her for life, it might be a much bigger blow. He may end up resenting Lek or feeling blindsided, which could lead to a messy and painful breakup down the line.

 

But again, maybe it’s up to Lek to disclose that information, and I’d be crossing a line by interfering. I wouldn’t want to ruin what seems to be a good thing for him right now, especially if they’re genuinely happy together.

 

So, expat friends, what would you do in my position? Do you think I should tell John what I know, or should I stay out of it? I’d love to hear from anyone who has been through something similar, or just anyone who has an outside perspective.

 

Thanks in advance for any advice or insight. It’s a tough one, and I’m really struggling with deciding what’s the right thing to do.

 

If I was you, I'd stop posting.

[NanLaew]

7 hours ago, john donson said:

trans post-op or still with the extra appendix hanging out

You an 'outie' fan as well?

[NanLaew]

9 hours ago, barmatt said:

Pretty easy to tell a fake pussy from a real one unless your friend is blind. But I'm calling BS anyway. 

Voice of experience I take it?

[mogandave]

8 hours ago, bradiston said:

It's legal here. And in the UK. I've met couples, ladyboys married to UK guys.

Yes, but everyone knows, only straight guys are into ladyboys. 

[NanLaew]

9 hours ago, barmatt said:

You must have been as horny as hell

No. Five large Changs.

[JackGats]

You mean "should I tell my friend that his now girlfriend was my lover before he got his operation".

[norsurin]

Well..if his gf didn't make the surgery he would know it the "hard"way.

[xtrnuno41]

I think, I have an idea, I have thoughts.

t is not up to you, mind your own business.

[Terrance8812]

1 hour ago, NanLaew said:

 

If I was you, I'd stop posting.

What’s good for the goose…

[Dan O]

14 hours ago, JK-Trilly said:

I’ve got a bit of a situation that I’m hoping to get some advice on, especially from others who’ve navigated life and friendships in Thailand.

 

About 8 months back, I met a fellow expat here in Bangkok—let’s call him “John.” We get on really well; he’s got a good sense of humor, we have a lot in common, and over time, we’ve become good friends. We started meeting up regularly for drinks, sometimes for a meal, sharing stories about our experiences in Thailand, and just talking about life in general.

 

After we’d known each other for a while, John opened up a bit about his personal life and mentioned that he’s in a serious relationship. He seemed really smitten with his girlfriend, saying he’s planning to marry her and even start a family someday. Naturally, he wanted me to meet her. I was looking forward to it, as he seemed genuinely happy, and it’s always nice to meet the people who mean the most to your friends.

 

So, we all met up for dinner. His girlfriend, whom I’ll call “Lek,” was charming, confident, and seemed like a genuinely lovely person. It was clear they were really into each other. But as the night went on, I started to realize that Lek might be a ladyboy. She had a couple of subtle mannerisms, and through our conversation, there were a few strong cues that raised my suspicions.

 

From everything I observed, it seemed likely that Lek has had gender-affirming surgery and presents now fully as a woman. But I’m quite sure that John doesn’t realize this. He talked about having children with her and seemed so confident about their plans for a family, which makes me certain he has no idea.

 

So here’s the dilemma. I’m torn—do I say something, or do I keep quiet?

 

On the one hand, it feels like it’s none of my business. Their relationship is their own, and everyone deserves the chance to handle these things in their own way. Maybe Lek plans to tell him when she’s ready. Outing someone is a serious breach of trust, and it could end our friendship if he feels like I’m meddling in his personal life. Plus, there’s always the chance I could be wrong, and I’d hate to create an issue where there isn’t one. But I'm 99% sure she was a he. 

 

On the other hand, I worry about the future he’s envisioning. John’s thinking about marriage, and he’s openly planning for kids, which makes me think he’s not aware of her situation. If that’s the case, then isn’t it better for him to know sooner rather than later? If he finds out much later on, after he’s committed to her for life, it might be a much bigger blow. He may end up resenting Lek or feeling blindsided, which could lead to a messy and painful breakup down the line.

 

But again, maybe it’s up to Lek to disclose that information, and I’d be crossing a line by interfering. I wouldn’t want to ruin what seems to be a good thing for him right now, especially if they’re genuinely happy together.

 

So, expat friends, what would you do in my position? Do you think I should tell John what I know, or should I stay out of it? I’d love to hear from anyone who has been through something similar, or just anyone who has an outside perspective.

 

Thanks in advance for any advice or insight. It’s a tough one, and I’m really struggling with deciding what’s the right thing to do.

I'd say unless you know for sure then sounds like speculation and speaking up you will potentially create problems.  How in the world would you know to begin with,  just a guess? If you ask her she would tell you but I suspect you are just guessing and should butt out

[JK-Trilly]

Thanks for the feedback on my post. After considering everything, I’ve decided that I should tell John about Lek. I feel like real friends step up in challenging times, and I owe it to him as a friend to tell him what I know.

 

It hasn’t been an easy choice, but I believe he deserves to know before things get even deeper for him. Now that I’ve made the decision, I’m struggling with how to approach it. I’d appreciate any advice on the best way to go about this. Here are some approaches I’m considering:

 

Direct Approach: Sit down with him one-on-one and tell him directly what I suspect. I’d make it clear I’m only bringing this up because he’s talked about having children, which makes me think he’s unaware. It’s straightforward, but I worry it could come across as blunt or even feel like an ambush.

 

Indirect Approach: Instead of stating that I think Lek is trans, I could ask if he and Lek have discussed topics like family planning and her past. This could lead him to consider the possibility without me explicitly saying it. But this approach might end up being confusing or causing more misunderstanding.

 

Suggest He Talk to Lek: I could encourage John to have a deep, open conversation with Lek about their future, making sure he’s aware of everything important. This way, the truth would ideally come from her, which feels less invasive. However, it’s risky if he doesn’t pick up on the hint.

 

Casually Drop a Hint: Another approach would be to casually mention how common it is to meet trans women in Bangkok or talk about how accepting Thailand is of trans people. It might spark a conversation without me being too direct. But this could go sideways if he doesn’t connect the dots or if he feels I’m trying to plant ideas.

 

Point Out the Children Issue: I could bring up the idea of adoption or other options if he and Lek do want kids, mentioning that pregnancy might be a challenge. This might prompt him to reconsider Lek’s ability to conceive, but it feels a bit bold and could come off as too intrusive.

 

Any ideas on what approach might be best? Thanks again for the support—this is really weighing on me a lot, and I appreciate any useful feedback.

[it is what it is]

14 hours ago, proton said:

Don't believe a word of this

 

why not? i have a thai trans friend, she had a foreign bf who didn;t know she was trans, fair enough i thought, maybe he knows maybe he doesn;t, but if they are both happy in the relationship does it really matter?

 

then she told me that he wants to have children, at this point i suggested she needs to be clear with him that this is not possible - the same way an infertile man/woman should be up front in a similar situation so they can discuss alternative options. however, my friend disagreed and said it was her human right not to tell him she couldn't have children, i said isn;t it his human right to know she is unable to conceive?

 

we never managed to agree on this topic but i suggested when he finds out he may feel she has not been 100% honest/clear with him. we agreed to disagree.

[Elkski]

I say on one of your lunches or over a cold beer just say how "attractive lek is for a ladyboy".  Just your suspicion but if true how is this family going to happen.   Be prepared to talk about adoption.   

This world is just crazy right now.   It would really screw with my mind to find this out.  I can't imagine it seeming real!.   I have seen some of these lady boys with incredible figures from behind.   Curve's in all the right places. 

[Foexie]

16 hours ago, proton said:

Don't believe a word of this

but looking at your pic you really believe trump  you better believe this story then 🤣

[nausea]

Live and let live, I say. Never a good idea to get between the goose and the gander, or the gander and the gander 555.

[Luuk Chaai]

16 hours ago, jippytum said:

Your friend is happy. Mind your own business. 

 

100% correct

also............ what's worse  ?  a "friend sticking their nose in someone's personal biz ?  or involving lawyers in love ?

 

[georgegeorgia]

14 hours ago, couchpotato said:

Not one of your finest posts Nick

Oh what a negative post !

Embrace trans diversity couch potato 

[RSD1]

There’s a good chance that Lek is benefitting financially from this relationship—after all, this is Thailand. If that’s the case, Lek would probably want John to think she can fulfill whatever he’s looking for in a partner, including someone to have kids with. So, it’s very unlikely Lek would ever want John to know she was a bloke at birth and can’t be his “baby mama.”

[NanLaew]

10 hours ago, it is what it is said:

 

why not? i have a thai trans friend, she had a foreign bf who didn;t know she was trans, fair enough i thought, maybe he knows maybe he doesn;t, but if they are both happy in the relationship does it really matter?

 

then she told me that he wants to have children, at this point i suggested she needs to be clear with him that this is not possible - the same way an infertile man/woman should be up front in a similar situation so they can discuss alternative options. however, my friend disagreed and said it was her human right not to tell him she couldn't have children, i said isn;t it his human right to know she is unable to conceive?

 

we never managed to agree on this topic but i suggested when he finds out he may feel she has not been 100% honest/clear with him. we agreed to disagree.

 

So Thailand's cultural "Money #1" trait isn't confined to the fairer sex.

[NanLaew]

2 hours ago, georgegeorgia said:

Oh what a negative post !

Embrace trans diversity couch potato 

 

Who's being negative here?

 

You sound like a potatophobe.

[Dewey]

Send him an anonymous text !

[2long]

Well well well....

Hasn't this same topic been posted dozens of times before?

I call it out as a troll post for attention.

[Bday Prang]

23 hours ago, MeHere said:

 

I lived in BKK for 7 years and seen a couple extremely convincing post-op jobs in my time there... basically impossible to tell!

I doubt they "cream up " very well when fingered,  Come to think of it neither did my ex-missis towards the end.....$h1t  its started me thinking now

[Bday Prang]

10 hours ago, Foexie said:

but looking at your pic you really believe trump  you better believe this story then 🤣

Oh gawd, is Trump now going to join the red bull kid in the "people who must be mentioned in every thread" club

Let it go and move on 

[Bday Prang]

On 11/7/2024 at 8:57 AM, JK-Trilly said:

From everything I observed, it seemed likely that Lek has had gender-affirming surgery and presents now fully as a woman.

So during dinner you "observed" its genitalia?   

[chickenslegs]

14 minutes ago, Bday Prang said:

So during dinner you "observed" its genitalia?   

Pretended to drop his spoon and took a sneaky peek.

[patman30]

for $1000, i will take, things that never happened

another engagement account
another on the ignore list
baffles me how so many AN members still engaging with these obvious engagement posts

[madone]

1 minute ago, patman30 said:

for $1000, i will take, things that never happened

another engagement account
another on the ignore list
baffles me how so many AN members still engaging with these obvious engagement posts

it is because -- like the US election -- the alternatives are equally poor. 

[patman30]

1 minute ago, madone said:

it is because -- like the US election -- the alternatives are equally poor. 

why can't some people comment on anything without bringing politics into the conversation
bringing up politics at every opportunity is not the signal you may think it is.
Another one on the ignore list.