Well, lads, me back’s been proper buggered ever since I did meself in whilst faffing with me heavy suitcases gettin off the plane in Thailand. Not only that, I’ve been at them afternoon massages too much lately, you know the kind, nudge nudge, happy ending, all that lark. Fair play, they’re a good laugh, but not good for me bones and me spine’s screaming for a real job now, not just a quick rub and a tug now, mates.
 

Nigel said this joint near me flat does the proper Nuad Chaloeisak, real Thai stuff with twists and cracks like a backstreet bone-setter. But Simon said it can leave you proper tender, though I reckoned I’d chance it anyway, gotta get me knackered back sorted.

 

Walk in late yesterday evening, place stinks of tiger balm, cocoanut oil and lemongrass. Proper old bird at the desk gives me the once-over like I’m a lost tourist. I go, “Love, me back’s banjaxed, need a proper go, none of those funny tickles at the end though, yeah?” She nods, nips off, and next thing I’m flat on me face on this table, some lass one-third me size climbing on me like a bleedin’ lemur. Starts off alright, kneading me shoulders, digging into me hips, I’m thinking, “This ain’t half bad, might actually fix me.” Then she’s cracking me knuckles and bending me legs like I’m a sodding pretzel. Bit rough, but I ain’t whinging yet.

 

Then comes the big finish, right? She’s got me arms yanked back, hands behind me noggin like I’m under arrest, and she does that special twist move, sharp as a butcher’s cleaver, proper chiropractor vibes. I hear a crack, feel summat give, and FFS lads, it’s like she’s snapped me in half. I yelp like a kicked pup, she just giggles and pats me head like I’m being too dramatic and that. Job’s done, I hobble out thinking it’ll ease up overnight after a good lie in. Nah mates, this morning I wake up and me side’s throbbing worse than a hangover after a month straight on the piss. Clock meself in the mirror, big purple bruise blooming on me ribs, mates, like I’ve gone ten rounds with Lennox himself. Can’t even roll out of bed without swearing me head off. Guess I won't be giving Percy a workout for a fortnight. 

 

Flopped here now, flat out in me sweaty kip, staring at the ceiling fan with a warm tin of Leo in hand, wondering why I didn’t just stick to a hot bath and a zoot. Next time I’m tempted to swap a dodgy rubdown for an “authentic realignment,” someone boot me in the wobbly bits and remind me I’m a proper numpty for chancing it, lads.

7 minutes ago, Lewie London said:

Well, lads, me back’s been proper buggered ever since I did meself in whilst faffing with me heavy suitcases gettin off the plane in Thailand. Not only that, I’ve been at them afternoon massages too much lately, you know the kind, nudge nudge, happy ending, all that lark. Fair play, they’re a good laugh, but not good for me bones and me spine’s screaming for a real job now, not just a quick rub and a tug now, mates.
 

Nigel said this joint near me flat does the proper Nuad Chaloeisak, real Thai stuff with twists and cracks like a backstreet bone-setter. But Simon said it can leave you proper tender, though I reckoned I’d chance it anyway, gotta get me knackered back sorted.

 

Walk in late yesterday evening, place stinks of tiger balm, cocoanut oil and lemongrass. Proper old bird at the desk gives me the once-over like I’m a lost tourist. I go, “Love, me back’s banjaxed, need a proper go, none of those funny tickles at the end though, yeah?” She nods, nips off, and next thing I’m flat on me face on this table, some lass one-third me size climbing on me like a bleedin’ lemur. Starts off alright, kneading me shoulders, digging into me hips, I’m thinking, “This ain’t half bad, might actually fix me.” Then she’s cracking me knuckles and bending me legs like I’m a sodding pretzel. Bit rough, but I ain’t whinging yet.

 

Then comes the big finish, right? She’s got me arms yanked back, hands behind me noggin like I’m under arrest, and she does that special twist move, sharp as a butcher’s cleaver, proper chiropractor vibes. I hear a crack, feel summat give, and FFS lads, it’s like she’s snapped me in half. I yelp like a kicked pup, she just giggles and pats me head like I’m being too dramatic and that. Job’s done, I hobble out thinking it’ll ease up overnight after a good lie in. Nah mates, this morning I wake up and me side’s throbbing worse than a hangover after a month straight on the piss. Clock meself in the mirror, big purple bruise blooming on me ribs, mates, like I’ve gone ten rounds with Lennox himself. Can’t even roll out of bed without swearing me head off. Guess I won't be giving Percy a workout for a fortnight. 

 

Flopped here now, flat out in me sweaty kip, staring at the ceiling fan with a warm tin of Leo in hand, wondering why I didn’t just stick to a hot bath and a zoot. Next time I’m tempted to swap a dodgy rubdown for an “authentic realignment,” someone boot me in the wobbly bits and remind me I’m a proper numpty for chancing it, lads.

You are quite new to this forum, so welcome.

 

However, I have grown to despise you due to the things that you write. You are certainly a troll & the pub is where you belong.

Maybe get yourself a life and do something more constructive with you time - preferably on another forum. Take care. 🙂

Next time ask her... for an extra 150 will she snap your neck... literally.

 

Lemme know and I will come drop over the money.

1 hour ago, hughrection said:

You are quite new to this forum, so welcome.

Suspect it is not new to the forum, just an old member with a new name.

1 hour ago, hughrection said:

You are quite new to this forum, so welcome.

 

 

 

Not a new member, its Bull<deleted> Boy Boi using one of his other forum names.

1 hour ago, Lewie London said:

Well, lads, me back’s been proper buggered ever since I did meself in whilst faffing with me heavy suitcases gettin off the plane in Thailand. Not only that, I’ve been at them afternoon massages too much lately, you know the kind, nudge nudge, happy ending, all that lark. Fair play, they’re a good laugh, but not good for me bones and me spine’s screaming for a real job now, not just a quick rub and a tug now, mates.
 

Nigel said this joint near me flat does the proper Nuad Chaloeisak, real Thai stuff with twists and cracks like a backstreet bone-setter. But Simon said it can leave you proper tender, though I reckoned I’d chance it anyway, gotta get me knackered back sorted.

 

Walk in late yesterday evening, place stinks of tiger balm, cocoanut oil and lemongrass. Proper old bird at the desk gives me the once-over like I’m a lost tourist. I go, “Love, me back’s banjaxed, need a proper go, none of those funny tickles at the end though, yeah?” She nods, nips off, and next thing I’m flat on me face on this table, some lass one-third me size climbing on me like a bleedin’ lemur. Starts off alright, kneading me shoulders, digging into me hips, I’m thinking, “This ain’t half bad, might actually fix me.” Then she’s cracking me knuckles and bending me legs like I’m a sodding pretzel. Bit rough, but I ain’t whinging yet.

 

Then comes the big finish, right? She’s got me arms yanked back, hands behind me noggin like I’m under arrest, and she does that special twist move, sharp as a butcher’s cleaver, proper chiropractor vibes. I hear a crack, feel summat give, and FFS lads, it’s like she’s snapped me in half. I yelp like a kicked pup, she just giggles and pats me head like I’m being too dramatic and that. Job’s done, I hobble out thinking it’ll ease up overnight after a good lie in. Nah mates, this morning I wake up and me side’s throbbing worse than a hangover after a month straight on the piss. Clock meself in the mirror, big purple bruise blooming on me ribs, mates, like I’ve gone ten rounds with Lennox himself. Can’t even roll out of bed without swearing me head off. Guess I won't be giving Percy a workout for a fortnight. 

 

Flopped here now, flat out in me sweaty kip, staring at the ceiling fan with a warm tin of Leo in hand, wondering why I didn’t just stick to a hot bath and a zoot. Next time I’m tempted to swap a dodgy rubdown for an “authentic realignment,” someone boot me in the wobbly bits and remind me I’m a proper numpty for chancing it, lads.

Did you not post as Hans Christian Anderson in an earlier incarnation?

2 hours ago, Ralf001 said:

Next time ask her... for an extra 150 will she snap your neck... literally.

 

Lemme know and I will come drop over the money.

We could set up a go-fund me page. We would easily reach the target in a matter of moments and then some. 🙂

19 hours ago, Lewie London said:

Well, lads, me back’s been proper buggered ever since I did meself in whilst faffing with me heavy suitcases gettin off the plane in Thailand. Not only that, I’ve been at them afternoon massages too much lately, you know the kind, nudge nudge, happy ending, all that lark. Fair play, they’re a good laugh, but not good for me bones and me spine’s screaming for a real job now, not just a quick rub and a tug now, mates.
 

Nigel said this joint near me flat does the proper Nuad Chaloeisak, real Thai stuff with twists and cracks like a backstreet bone-setter. But Simon said it can leave you proper tender, though I reckoned I’d chance it anyway, gotta get me knackered back sorted.

 

Walk in late yesterday evening, place stinks of tiger balm, cocoanut oil and lemongrass. Proper old bird at the desk gives me the once-over like I’m a lost tourist. I go, “Love, me back’s banjaxed, need a proper go, none of those funny tickles at the end though, yeah?” She nods, nips off, and next thing I’m flat on me face on this table, some lass one-third me size climbing on me like a bleedin’ lemur. Starts off alright, kneading me shoulders, digging into me hips, I’m thinking, “This ain’t half bad, might actually fix me.” Then she’s cracking me knuckles and bending me legs like I’m a sodding pretzel. Bit rough, but I ain’t whinging yet.

 

Then comes the big finish, right? She’s got me arms yanked back, hands behind me noggin like I’m under arrest, and she does that special twist move, sharp as a butcher’s cleaver, proper chiropractor vibes. I hear a crack, feel summat give, and FFS lads, it’s like she’s snapped me in half. I yelp like a kicked pup, she just giggles and pats me head like I’m being too dramatic and that. Job’s done, I hobble out thinking it’ll ease up overnight after a good lie in. Nah mates, this morning I wake up and me side’s throbbing worse than a hangover after a month straight on the piss. Clock meself in the mirror, big purple bruise blooming on me ribs, mates, like I’ve gone ten rounds with Lennox himself. Can’t even roll out of bed without swearing me head off. Guess I won't be giving Percy a workout for a fortnight. 

 

Flopped here now, flat out in me sweaty kip, staring at the ceiling fan with a warm tin of Leo in hand, wondering why I didn’t just stick to a hot bath and a zoot. Next time I’m tempted to swap a dodgy rubdown for an “authentic realignment,” someone boot me in the wobbly bits and remind me I’m a proper numpty for chancing it, lads.

There is a saying.... stupidity hurts...sometimes. 

Thai massage is not a physio therapy.

That's common sense.

Bit of advice pal.Wind-ups or Trolls as they call them on here need to be interesting or funny.Your post is neither.Thanks for the effort though.3 out of 10,can do better.

18 hours ago, hughrection said:

We could set up a go-fund me page. We would easily reach the target in a matter of moments and then some. 🙂

at

And I hope you're meaning for a one way economy air ticket and passport endorsed 're-entry to Thailand not allowed, forever'. 

Before anyone else responds, please ask yourself if you want to give the OP the attention he seeks?

As an alternative, you could endorse some of the constructive comments that have already been made.

On 4/10/2025 at 2:41 PM, hughrection said:

You are quite new to this forum, so welcome.

 

However, I have grown to despise you due to the things that you write. You are certainly a troll & the pub is where you belong.

Maybe get yourself a life and do something more constructive with you time - preferably on another forum. Take care. 🙂

And this post from someone called "hughrection".  No need to be so nasty to Bob! 🤣