2 minutes ago, IsmeUno said:

So you are trapped.

No, just waiting for the right time, selling the house, finding another house around the world while I'm still here or just visiting for a month, and a school for her, close to my existing family in Texas. Moving around the world is easy if it's just you and a suitcase.

8 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

No, just waiting for the right time, selling the house, finding another house around the world while I'm still here or just visiting for a month, and a school for her, close to my existing family in Texas. Moving around the world is easy if it's just you and a suitcase.

Perspectives, fred. For me, that would be trapped. Get it now?

Getting mad over someone else's perspective is pure folly.

All you and @Hummin have demonstrated, is that you cannot handle different perspectives without becoming defensive and abusive.

1 minute ago, IsmeUno said:

Perspectives, fred. For me, that would be trapped. Get it now?

Getting mad over someone else's perspective is pure folly.

Yes, you might be trapped, but I'm not. Not mad. Just don't like others assuming what others do, and turning the truth around to fit their narrative because they have no evidence.

Just now, fredwiggy said:

Yes, you might be trapped, but I'm not.

I'm not in your situation, so I'm not trapped. But you complain about the country in which you live and often talk about wanting to be in your home country. So you are stuck in a place where you don't want to be.

1 minute ago, IsmeUno said:

I'm not in your situation, so I'm not trapped. But you complain about the country in which you live and often talk about wanting to be in your home country. So you are stuck in a place where you don't want to be.

And that's assuming I'm trapped. I'm just waiting for the right time to move back to a better place for both my daughter and I. If it wasn't for her, I would have left years ago.

2 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

And that's assuming I'm trapped. I'm just waiting for the right time to move back to a better place for both my daughter and I. If it wasn't for her, I would have left years ago.

That fits the definition of trapped.

9 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Yes, you might be trapped, but I'm not. Not mad. Just don't like others assuming what others do, and turning the truth around to fit their narrative because they have no evidence.

Are you suggesting that I didn't provide evidence nor prove my case?

What about the posters who agreed with my assertion that you don't acknowledge your own flaws?

8 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

And that's assuming I'm trapped. I'm just waiting for the right time to move back to a better place for both my daughter and I. If it wasn't for her, I would have left years ago.

So you are trapped.

32 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

To be fair - again - most people will skim what I wrote or simply not read it because its too long. That is simply the climate we now live in. Attention spans have shrunk - people are more stupid. People want slam-dunk one-liners, memes, quick hits. TLDR. Nuance requires effort, and effort is out of fashion.

The problem is that the most important parts of any discussion are usually buried in that nuance - the qualifying lines, the mitigations within the same paragraph, the conversational balance. Instead, readers fixate on the sentence that triggers them, ignore the contextual counterweight sitting two lines above it, and the bickering begins. People double down. Positions harden. Pride takes over. The ability to engage with individual subtleties disappears.

Many of the comments here - mine included - contain flaws, strong opinions, and assertions others will disagree with. That is normal. But if you step back and look through a wider lens, most of the longer posts, before the thread descends into sparring, are relatively balanced. Context matters. Unfortunately, context is rarely granted the patience it requires.

The true outlier in this thread remains the one individual insisting he has found true love and mutual respect in a relationship that appears transparently transactional - a woman whose primary motivation seems financial. That claim sparked the broader discussion about failed relationships and why they fail.

What has become equally clear is that, for some participants, the desire to “win” the argument outweighs the desire to understand it. If that same combative instinct is carried into their personal relationships, it is not difficult to imagine why those relationships might struggle. However - and this is important - how someone defends their opinion on an anonymous forum does not necessarily reflect how they behave at home. Some reveal far more about themselves than they realise - sometimes their misogyny leaks through so clearly that the likely outcome of their relationships feels predictable. Others are simply blunt or argumentative online, yet may be entirely different with a partner. We cannot assume total alignment between keyboard persona and private life.

That said, there are posters whose descriptions of failed relationships make the reasons painfully obvious. Their tone, their rigidity, their reflex to blame the other party - often a Western woman - suggests a worldview in which the female is perpetually the problem. Then they relocate, enter financially weighted arrangements, and label it bliss - when in reality it is tolerance with a receipt.

In Fred’s case, his failed relationships do not seem rooted in malice or defective character. Rather, they appear tied to an inability to identify red flags early enough - perhaps a flawed instinct for reading people accurately. He seems prone to becoming intoxicated by the honeymoon phase before applying clear-eyed scrutiny. Once emotionally invested, he appears locked in. “Only fools rush in” is a cliché for a reason. I am not calling Fred a fool - but he has been candid about his poor decision-making, and that same pattern occasionally emerges in his forum exchanges, where he misreads tone or intent and becomes unnecessarily combative.

The irony is that across the past few pages, most contributors share significant common ground. Nearly everyone agrees on the core issue - that the woman in question is taking advantage of a forum member who is blinded by idealism. Yet somehow over the past few pages the thread has devolved into a circular contest of ego. Men who broadly agree on the bigger picture are now sparring over isolated phrases, a single word in a five-paragraph post, an opinion taken out of context, a name someone finds foolish, or someone calling someone else’s opinion foolish.

It becomes less about the subject and more about scoring points.

And that, more than failed relationships or flawed partners, is often what derails both discussions and relationships alike - the need to be right eclipsing the willingness to understand.

Some men are deeply insecure. They need relationships. One fails they go again. Usually means they don't like being alone.

15 minutes ago, IsmeUno said:

That fits the definition of trapped.

No, it's the definition of leaving when you're ready,. Trapped means you can't leave.

20 minutes ago, IsmeUno said:

Perspectives, fred. For me, that would be trapped. Get it now?

Getting mad over someone else's perspective is pure folly.

All you and @Hummin have demonstrated, is that you cannot handle different perspectives without becoming defensive and abusive.

I think you outplay yourself every time you try to be the better part of the discussion. It is very obvious for everyone else, except yourself.

Back on the track talking about the tread. I do not believe this plot is real, and bits and parts is constructed. Thats how I see it. Especially knowing cams previously discussions about what he thinks about women, makes me 100% sure. He want clean women untouched from other foreigners. There is pages of his statements about how he want his woman to be, and this one, is not even close to be what his dream woman is about. Thats why

He might had a weak point for something like her, but again, knowing him and who he is, this scenario is a complete character break from his side.

Still have to congratulate him with one of the longest treads in shortest time ever on this forum. Thats something that should tell us something about us who participate here for one reason or another.

15 minutes ago, IsmeUno said:

Are you suggesting that I didn't provide evidence nor prove my case?

What about the posters who agreed with my assertion that you don't acknowledge your own flaws?

Nowhere has anyone said I have any flaws besides what I already mentioned. Not vetting long enough the women I had children with, but after a child was born, the real them came out, so there was no way to know this in advance.

You have no evidence to what you're relating to, that it was my fault the women left. I left them because they weren't doing their job as either a wife or mother, even though I don't like calling it a job.

10 minutes ago, Harrisfan said:

Some men are deeply insecure. They need relationships. One fails they go again. Usually means they don't like being alone.

True, and also some men like having a partner because they like what a partner brings. two become one, as long as you choose the right one. Some like to use because that's all they've ever known. We all need relationships as that makes us human. People aren't destined to be hermits. If one relationship ends, it means you either weren't meant to be together because of different plans, or one did and the other didn't fulfill their side.

18 minutes ago, Harrisfan said:

So you are trapped.

No, it's the definition of leaving when you're ready,. Trapped means you can't leave.

35 minutes ago, IsmeUno said:

Perspectives, fred. For me, that would be trapped. Get it now?

Getting mad over someone else's perspective is pure folly.

All you and @Hummin have demonstrated, is that you cannot handle different perspectives without becoming defensive and abusive.

No, neither one of us like anyone to assume they know how we live, or likes anyone thinking they're somehow superior when they obviously aren't. Opinions aren't the problem, as they mean nothing. Assuming and altering what's said does. When someone tells you how they're living, your correct response would be okay, or nothing at all. You weren't there, so having no evidence, so it's best to not comment, as you insert foot into mouth many times.

1 minute ago, Hummin said:

I think you outplay yourself every time you try to be the better part of the discussion. It is very obvious for everyone else, except yourself.

Back on the track talking about the tread. I do not believe this plot is real, and bits and parts is constructed. Thats how I see it. Especially knowing cams previously discussions about what he thinks about women, makes me 100% sure. He want clean women untouched from other foreigners. There is pages of his statements about how he want his woman to be, and this one, is not even close to be what his dream woman is about. Thats why

He might had a weak point for something like her, but again, knowing him and who he is, this scenario is a complete character break from his side.

Still have to congratulate him with one of the longest treads in shortest time ever on this forum. Thats something that should tell us something about us who participate here for one reason or another.

I have to admit...that I just glazed over after just the first paragraph. It just seems another example of either you either being unable to express yourself properly or just that you are trying to come over as smart, but failing to connect with anyone.

When will your brain allow you to accept that it's just a matter of sharing perspectives?

You waste so much energy on deciding whether to believe this or that. I have no reason to disbelieve him. For exactly the same reason why I believe that you are a real person. I just say what I see. If it hurts you, you need to think about why. My perspective is mine. My perception based on my intelligence. Why would you get mad over what someone else sees?

2 minutes ago, IsmeUno said:

I have to admit...that I just glazed over after just the first paragraph. It just seems another example of either you either being unable to express yourself properly or just that you are trying to come over as smart, but failing to connect with anyone.

When will your brain allow you to accept that it's just a matter of sharing perspectives?

You waste so much energy on deciding whether to believe this or that. I have no reason to disbelieve him. For exactly the same reason why I believe that you are a real person. I just say what I see. If it hurts you, you need to think about why. My perspective is mine. My perception based on my intelligence. Why would you get mad over what someone else sees?

I've actually seen him all along as someone who's intelligent and honest. And we've disagreed before. He's a moral man like myself, family first, health oriented and outspoken like me. Goes also by facts. I've never met him in person so I have no idea how he lives than by what he's said here. I wouldn't assume anything else.

Perspectives aren't the problem. Assuming you know people by some words typed in an online forum is ludicrous.

When a person opens their lives in an online forum, a troll turns it around, trying to look superior when they're actually hurting inside. There's quite a lot of difference in thinking a person's actions are suspect, harmful or abusive than going by what they've said and thinking it is the truth, and taking it as such. If you were with them 24/7 and saw how they lived, only then can you say from actual experience they aren't doing right.

Maybe you should change your way of interacting with others and not think you're somehow superior. No one here is assuming how you are with women, so don't assume how we are unless we actually come out and say it. And when we do, accept it as the truth, as you have no way to disprove it.

16 minutes ago, IsmeUno said:

I have to admit...that I just glazed over after just the first paragraph. It just seems another example of either you either being unable to express yourself properly or just that you are trying to come over as smart, but failing to connect with anyone.

When will your brain allow you to accept that it's just a matter of sharing perspectives?

You waste so much energy on deciding whether to believe this or that. I have no reason to disbelieve him. For exactly the same reason why I believe that you are a real person. I just say what I see. If it hurts you, you need to think about why. My perspective is mine. My perception based on my intelligence. Why would you get mad over what someone else sees?

Copy cat 😺 😁

15 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

No one here is assuming how you are with women

I assume he dates ladyboys from his posts.

16 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Maybe you should change your way of interacting with others and not think you're somehow superior.

Leopards cannot change their spots.

2 hours ago, Hummin said:

bickering treads

personal treads

2 hours ago, Hummin said:

in one tread at most two treads

2 hours ago, Hummin said:

tread after tread.

Time for something new to use our brain and resources for.

Like spelling

1 hour ago, Fat is a type of crazy said:

Like spelling

That's what you got? Poor man,

Deary me, Cameroni must be enjoying this. The spotlight shifts off his P4P to posters being trapped with their crazy 45yo varicose vein specials 👌

3 hours ago, fredwiggy said:

Nowhere has anyone said I have any flaws besides what I already mentioned. Not vetting long enough the women I had children with, but after a child was born, the real them came out, so there was no way to know this in advance.

You have no evidence to what you're relating to, that it was my fault the women left. I left them because they weren't doing their job as either a wife or mother, even though I don't like calling it a job.

Erm...at least two other people on this thread alone, other than myself, have told you already. But obviously it falls on deaf ears. Instead you want us to know what a good man you are. Both yourself and @Hummin are similar in that regard. Neither of you seem to understand what is happening and you both react badly to perceived criticism.

What I actually wrote is that you don't take your own faults into account when you are judging the behaviour of others.

So if you are the type that never concedes because you think that you are always right or that you are too arrogant to admit that you are wrong, that's going to have a serious effect on any partner. Their behaviour towards you may likely deteriorate over time. Of course you blame her, because you cannot conceive the way that you are treating her is totally unacceptable. Because for you, your behaviour is perfect. No one can tell you otherwise.

Forget about whether I am talking about you in particular. Cab you understand the concept at all? Considering your self proclaimed expertise with psychology, it hard to believe that you are unable to grasp such a simple concept.

39 minutes ago, Hummin said:

That's what you got? Poor man,

It's also poor that you cannot improve...

2 hours ago, Hummin said:

Copy cat 😺 😁

Here again you are trying to be smart, but no one is understanding what you are getting at.

I've told you post after post that you writing is heavy reading. Mostly gobbledegook to me. I think the reason for it is that you have issues with trust. Allow me to serve you an example.:

This thread for instance...how many times have you expressed the sentiment that you don't believe it is true? I would say a minimum of five times already.

Because of this, you cannot be consistent. Sometimes you are writing tentatively, not sure if it's true or not so don't want to make a fool of yourself. For a short time confident and being more forthright and shortly afterwards not sure if you believe it again. All of your waverings affect how and what you post. Your lack of trust means that you choose to react badly to any perceived criticism. After all, it must be bad, right? They must be jealous. That is your mind.

You take up a stance of not trusting, then think you are super smart and have figured it out...only there was nothing to figure out and by your not trusting, you grab the wrong end of the stick.

I don't think like that at all. I am who I am. If you think me superior, those are your thoughts. Have you ever seen me write that I am superior? I've seen you and fred boasting about yourselves, constantly.

The reason why you react badly is because you want to be number one. The biggest victim or winner...whatever. Whereas, I don't care about such things at all. It's all in your head and you are trying to project it on to me.

I write what I think is true. There's no rivalry nor malice at all. There's no competition.

3 hours ago, fredwiggy said:

No, neither one of us like anyone to assume they know how we live, or likes anyone thinking they're somehow superior when they obviously aren't. Opinions aren't the problem, as they mean nothing. Assuming and altering what's said does. When someone tells you how they're living, your correct response would be okay, or nothing at all. You weren't there, so having no evidence, so it's best to not comment, as you insert foot into mouth many times.

How do you know that I think I'm superior? Are you assuming? What we both know is that you don't like the thought of me being superior. That's what really irks a narcissist, isn't it?

10 hours ago, IsmeUno said:

since I don't give her any money at all.

I'm sure you don't give her any money at all.

You're very likeable.

10 hours ago, save the frogs said:

The definition of "whore" is vague

I just saw an ad on a dating app.

Mid 20s, hot, dresses like a ho. (latex ..)

Ad claims "I am not a bargirl. Can someone take care of me?"

Could be she is looking for a legit relationship, but I wouldn't touch that ad with a 10 foot pole.

Well, obviously. I disqualify those too.

That's the easy part. However, the clever ones don't put their cards on the table that early.

7 hours ago, mangkut70 said:

How incidental it is in your case—you can easily figure it out if you stop paying. (To be fair—stop paying only everything exceeding normal daily needs.)

I think a lot in this thread comes down to the difference between cultures and how relationships are seen. While morality in Western cultures is rather black/white/good/bad, defined by the ideology of the Catholic Church, cultures in Asia took a rather different path. Instead of “sex is sin” and romantic Minnesang, there are many grey tones—and many things seem to have a far more pragmatic and materialistic approach.

A very formative and educational 2 year relationship started for me a while after I moved to Asia for work. I was about 30 and met this Chinese lady at a function, a friend of an acquaintance. She was a couple of years younger, looked stunning in her qipao, spoke good English, and was fun to chat with. Turned out she studied hotel management at one of the large hotels in the area. Determined, ambitious aims.

We met up another couple of times and baaang—there was her first very pragmatic offer: She apparently had problems with her dormitory and wanted to move out. She came straight to the point: “Can I move in with you?”

Hmm, I loved my single life and had just ended a sex-driven relationship with a very intense Indian lady because she started to hang her dresses in my wardrobe. Anyway, this Chinese girl seemed decent enough, alluring, so to my own surprise I said, “OK, but in my apartment there is only one double bed.”

She smiled.

Apparently, I was her first. The start was rather delicate, but then the first weeks were amazing. I could not wish for a better girlfriend. I drove her to her school, picked her up whenever possible, introduced her to my friends and colleagues, went out for nice meals, concerts, theater etc. — no warning signs at all. Pure happiness, marriage material.

But then the transactional phase started. Sometime—while cleaning—she found my pay slips and then knew exactly how much I earned.

Expectations grew.

Mostly expensive cosmetics (SK-II was very popular at the time), brand clothes, bags, etc.

Of course, I already paid all daily expenditures and was fine with it—she being a student and me the earner. But expensive branded stuff on a regular basis? I did not like it but went along, mostly because of laziness, avoiding confrontation, keeping harmony. Having a live-in girlfriend had its perks: she did the chores, sex was great, life was comfortable, she was good company, and I genuinely liked her. And I could afford it.

But with time, money got more and more important for her. She mentioned friends of hers, also in the hotel management class, who by now had Chinese sugar daddies, receiving high allowances, expensive gifts, even a car. I told her straight away she was free to go look for better options.

She stayed.

Over the months more details came to light. She had already worked for several years in Beijing as an F&B manager at an exclusive golf club—hence the expensive taste. Apparently, she met someone there who liked her and sponsored her studies. He was already married, treated her like a daughter, so no option. She always maintained she had never slept with anybody before me. I did not really care, but it seemed important to her.

In the end I agreed to a monthly allowance/salary (about 400 USD at the time) so she had her own money. She, on the other hand, became moodier and bossier by the day, even misbehaving during a (not easy to arrange) trip to Germany, to introduce her to my parents.

At the latest from this moment I knew that I had been wrong with my first assessment re marriage material.

It did not last long after that. Her studies finished, so did her visa. She probably was waiting for me to marry her, or at least pay for further studies. But I did not, so she had to leave the country. Elegant solution. Crocodile tears at the airport.

In the aftermath I talked to a mutual Chinese friend about all this. He told me how devastated she was about the breakup. When I told him about all the problems and that I had warned her many times regarding the bad and bossy behaviour, he said: “Chinese women are often strong and want control. You gave her all those gifts and the allowance. For her that was affirmation you love her.”

Money = Love , Boom. all my fault then 🙄

Just a reminder how different things can look from a different cultural perspective.

Good post. Money is a complicating factor. It does show you care, they can take it as love, sure, but they also don't like being dependent on a guy.

If I see she's just with me for the money, I think I would also pull the brakes, one has to believe she likes you as a person. If the money were primary it'd be a non-starter.