Are Farangs Who Marriages Failed Lucky?

[kat]

Are you two real?

I'll try to simplify and speak real s-l-o-w-l-y this time:

extreme commodification of women by the culture, which leads to extreme objectification, as evidenced by men who talk about their wives as if she is the latest automobile model or a helpless but sometimes pesky pet that needs constant upkeep, measurement, and comparison of value. The vast majority of these relationships would never happen if it wasn't for the commercial exchange that is now a defacto development mechanism for the Country. Please refer to these very threads such as "my wife weighs 50 kilos how much does yours weigh" and the vast experiences in Thailand for proof.

Would anyone else like to join this mass display of sorrow for causing certain members a degree of embarassment, and some members - mentioning no names but looking firmly at canadiangirl - such outrage?

It helps, you know. It really does.

Now that I've apologised I can relax a little.

I'm flattered by the attention, of course, but I remain puzzled by your need to single me out. I'm hardly the only one to express a negative opinion.

In case my position isn't clear enough -- I don't give a fig if a Thai marries a farang or a gecko marries an elephant -- my beef is with those, like the OP, who hold up relationships where money is likely to be a significant factor (and if you doubt this, ask yourself how many relationships between old men and young women of similar wealth do you see in the West?) as somehow more of "a prize" than a relationship that some vague chance of being between equals (as in the case of the old farang man and his old farang wife)

For all that relationships with women, sex with women and the bodies of women: their weight, attractiveness, age and general value are constant topics of discussion on this forum, certain men seem bloody uncomfortable with women having opinions on any of these.

I guess we're supposed to be good trophies when we're young (ability to speak English optional) and then have the good grace to fall off the face of the earth we get old and our market value has gone down. In no case are we supposed to act on our own self-interest, have opinions that interfere with the dream world of tired old men or expect to be treated as a fellow human being, if one is to believe some of the posters here.

Well, don't worry about the singling out CG; in my case they sincerely do want me to go away That's why they close entire threads here based on the egos of these guys, but have no problem with threads that bash Western women and marriages.

[mikethevigoman]

i, for one, think a mans brain is far more sexy than his six pack.

Good.... I can put the bike away and start working on my algebra.

[chinthee]

Kat, I find your posts very thoughtful and articulate. You are obviously an educated and cultured person. Canadian Girl too has a number of good posts but her age handicaps her; and she is sounding a bit martyred lately. I salute you both for standing up for your views on this male-dominated forum.

[ColPyat]

...Have some consideration. And in most cases - good manners are international and inter-cultural, what is considered as bad taste back home - is usually here as well.

Good point

Nobody is an island. Our behavior does affect others, and important part of empathy is to think about how it might affect fellow humans, and to adjust ones behavior according to this. While some may think having a beer on a skytrain station, french kissing a girl in public that could be his grand daughter, is perfectly alright - it might embarrass people in vicinity and result in negative stereotypes we westerners have to battle with increasingly here.

With all due respect, CP, you're coming across as a little prissy here.

Have you thought about getting out a bit more?

I mean, in the country away from these low lifers.

They're easy enough to avoid IMO.

With all due respect as well - please don't presume where and how much i have been and am getting out.

[kat]

Thanks Chinthee, I think the same thing about you, although you obviously play both sides on this thread, I won't hold that against you.

I have to go to work now. Let the flamefest begin

Edited August 21, 2007 by kat

[Dustoff]

Yikes! This thread has gone from bad to worse, eh? Venom rules!

What bugs me is being unfavorably compared to a hooker. It's like being accused of being less understanding than a therapist -- it's not my job to be that nice. I'd be really nice to you too, if you stood between me and a life of hard labor in the rice fields of Issan.

Well, at least you don't gender discriminate when you slam others. I find it interesting that you claim to be standing up for women and complain about how men do not respect them, but then you have written more degrading comments about Thai women than anyone else in this entire thread.

Do you really think that these young Thai women you refer to are not intelligent enough to make their own choices - that they merely run along mindlessly chasing a carrot on a stick?

While you admit to being willing to do that, if you made some of these insinuations to my Isaan wife, it would be advisable for you to take a step or two back. Not only is she seemingly (judging from your writings) a bit more intelligent than you, she would be very upset indeed if you challenged her decision to be with a man 30-years her senior.

Anyway, when you do finally make it over to Thailand, it may be worth your while to take advantage of the relatively inexpensive dental services here and have those fangs removed before you poison someone, eh?

[mogoso]

surely its not the nationality of ones partner which should matter. it should be how much you love her/him and how much fun you have together.

the fact that one may be sexy to you in the beginning should grow stronger once you really know the person, no matter how their body shape may change as you move along in life together.

i, for one, think a mans brain is far more sexy than his six pack.

I gotta agree with you Donna, my wife and I have officially been married for 6 years and our marriage could not be stronger than it will be tomorrow as it grows each day.

There is a 25 year difference in our ages and the only ones who care are old farang ladies here in the US. that we pass by when shopping. They can't get over how much my wife appears to be in love with me.

We've the same goals with only minor differences that grow closer with each day that passes.

I returned from a quick trip to Thailand last Tuesday and missed my wife terribly. She called twice daily and we really had nothing to talk about, but talked an hour or so each call. I stayed with her family and it was really good. Momma had built a little house next to hers for our use, complete with aircon western toilet and highspeed internet. She had saved the money we recieve from rental on our rice paddies and instead of using it for her use as we asked, she built it.

I rented a car, but didn't bother to drive, as I let the niece who lived next door chauffer me around and do what translations I needed help with. I in turn took the family down to Bangkok for a short sightsee and took them shopping and to the Night Safari in Chiang Mai. I got real touristy there and had my picture taken with a cute little tiger cub.

But as for my wonderful wife other than her yearly diamond piece of jewelry she wants nothing. She spends so little and saves her income for our future. I'm proud of my little village women, who when we met had her own business and was making a living at it, who wanted nothing more than to sell me products and not have a relationship, whom I wore down after a few years to go out with me, then only with her friends or family to chaperone, lest anyone get the wrong idea. No my wife is moral ethical and focused upon our future. should anything occur to me she'd go back to selling electrical supplies. But as I plan on being around for a while, I'd hope she'd just take care of the grandkids when that time does occur.

[chinthee]

Thanks Chinthee, I think the same thing about you, although you obviously play both sides on this thread, I won't hold that against you.

I have to go to work now. Let the flamefest begin

Not the first time I've been accused of mercenarily going to the highest bidder.

[mikethevigoman]

i, for one, think a mans brain is far more sexy than his six pack.

Good.... I can put the bike away and start working on my algebra.

What about an old man's brain? I would like to hear it from more farang women. I get the impression that for a lot of farang women, when a man becomes old he belongs to the dust bin.

not necessarily true meemiathai. there are many sexy older men around. one TV member i met is 60 yrs old, yet looks only 50 or so. he is one sexy man who looks after himself (happily in a relationship but theres no harm in looking, is there?). now, thats an external thing - aesthetics. luckily enough that particular man is also a gentleman. if he werent such a nice bloke, i wouldnt look twice at him.

there are other men who may not be oil paintings, but they are lovely men all the same, and i find them attractive because i 'know' them.

personally, i would not write off a man who is older, but generally speaking i would prefer someone around my own age. been there done that with younger thai blokes, and i dont think i would go there again. someone with similar life experience is all that i want.

Spot on Donna again, the man looks below the neck and the woman above,( not all ,im generalising ).im not bragging here ,i have had some beautiful girlfriends and im not the best loooking guy in the room but i do have a wicked sense of humor ( allegedly ) .woman love a guy that makes them laugh, would a man date dawn french for her humor ? i doubt it, men ( me included in the past ) are way too materialistic and can choose a woman for the way she looks, big mistake, we make our beds and have to lie in them ,.its funny we seem to see our friends problems but fail to see our own,

[mikethevigoman]

.

Who is anyone to judge or feel embarassed or full of pity for anyone else's relationship. In the word of my dear old dad, perhaps people should mind their own f****g businesses what other people are doing, and worry more about themselves.

If a 50 year old guy wants to date a 22 year old, so what? If a 50 year old, wants to date a 65 year old thai woman, so what?

It's nothing to do with you, me or the garden post.

You are of course right Bendix, as usual.

It appears that the very rich, rock stars, movie stars etc can have a much younger wife or girlfriend and it totally acceptable to the majority of people, cos they know that they are out of their league when trying to compare themselves with these people.

Yet, Charlie Smith a plumber from Darlington gets a young wife, then all of a sudden he is the target of venom spitting moralists and judgemental prix who are in the main just envious, cos they can relate with Charlie Smith.

You're dead a long time chaps, just be happy.

Yes, I have to agree with you both on this one. I think that it is the "plumber from Darlington" that gets to have maybe his first shot at the title in life is what irks people so much. So many people just want to keep people in their place.

rock on mate what the f its got to do with other people just amuses me must have or lived awful shallow lifes

In most cases its jealousy, i have friends in awful marriages in the uk that have no b@lls to divorce and think im so irresponsible,. i dont want to be in the old peoples home saying ,i wish id done this,and i wish id done that , i want to be the one that says i did do this and i did do that, sod em,

[thai1on]

in every high school there is that unpopular fat girl who never had a boyfriend or went to the prom.she is jealous and bitter over the pretty popular girls at every party,school,office,or mall.she is especially jealous of the slim beautiful girls of asia and thailand because she considers them just inferior third world whores.she will live her life watching soaps and eating bonbons and playng with her 60 cats.

[duchovny]

When I read some of the posts here, I feel lucky that I don't have to date/marry/f* their authors to survive, unlike the women of Thailand.

I doubt you've date/marry/f*d anyone in a while.

[mikethevigoman]

The OP clearly regards sexual attraction as the dominant factor in choosing a spouse.

If that attitude is prevalent then I am not surprised at all that the divorce rate is 50% (?) and rising in the West.

The only chance you have of a long term succesful marriage is if you love the person you are with and not what they look like.If you are lucky enough to find someone like that then what they look like will not matter at all.

Some good friends of mine were married 17 years ago and both of them were regarded as hot.Sadly she developed cancer 4 years ago and as a result of the medication she has to have she went from size 8 to size 20 in 6 months.

Her husband is as in love with her now as the day they married and clearly could not careless about her figure,he is just grateful that they have had one more day together.

I am sure that if they were on the BTS some of the shallow respondents on here who saw them would feel sorry for him being saddled with an 80kg wife.Personally I feel sorry for the people who have that attitude since they clearly have no conception of what genuinely being in love (as opposed to in lust) actually means.

I do realise that some of the age mismatched couples you see are based on the financial element alone but to assume that all are is absurd and insulting.

I always went for big boobs, and it always got me into trouble

[mikethevigoman]

Acceptable to society in general......................what a load of hogwash.

Humans are humans, is war acceptable, NO, but there is always one going on, are landmines acceptable, NO, but children are still getting their legs blown off daily in countries that have the landmine problem. These types of things should be unacceptable, but they are not.

Who cares if a guy is 50 and his wife is 25, do you ?

Do you care if 62 year old Rod Stewart has a 19 year old GF?

My Father married for the 3rd time to a woman he met at work, she was 22 years younger than him, she was 1 year older than me.

They have been together for over 20 years and are very happy.

Seems to me that people who critisize such unions are just envious and stumped as to why that relationship works, when theirs does not.

If it works, don't try to fix it.

Well said creeper, top of the class

[mikethevigoman]

Can someone define 'happy marriage' for me. Surely until that's defined for EVERYONE (which is, of course, impossible), this thread is a waste of space.

Good question and I asked my Thai wife of 6+ years (who is also 30 years younger) and I was not in the least surprised when we both had exactly the same answer: "When you wake up every morning absolutely delighted to have the opportunity to spend yet another day with the one you adore."

And that has nothing whatsoever to do with age differences, finances, race or cultural differences, slight language hurdles which are joyfully overcome through mutual learning nor (perhaps especially) the opinions of others who don't even know you.

I asked her if our occasional language struggles bothered her and she asked, "So what, you don't know that all males and females have to work to understand one another?"

Good question. Duh..

We have done two 2-month journeys to the States to visit with not only family and friends but a few ex-relationship partners and they, to a person, love her almost as much as I do.

For me however, it is not just about who you are with, but who you are when you are with them...

I was married to an english woman for 10 years ( i am also english ) i didnt understand much she said ! or was i just not listening

[mikethevigoman]

So you are a social pioneer now. I thought you were just someone who likes to screw younger women and justifies that with specious claptrap. Thanks for clearing up the confusion. If it's minds and personality why are they always wrapped in an attractive packege? Dont disabled or older people have attractive personalities or minds? Why not come out of the closet and declare its all about looks and that you, like the rest of us are shallow and narcissistic enough to pay for sex and call it love. Even if its wrapped in a relationship the money talks.

I always find it refreshing when someone is willing to admit to an extremely limited view of life and other people while at the same time I am not surprised that those very same people seem to think that everyone else is of the same mindset.

If you think that your view is right for everyone, you are, fortunately, quite wrong.

There are such things as meetings of hearts and souls and perhaps as you mature and hopefully develop a more compassionate attitude about your fellow human beings (after all, narcissism is about self-preoccupation and lack of empathy), you will discover this for yourself.

I wish you luck...

Oh, and I am one of those 'disabled or older people' and like to think that I have an attractive mind and personality; but then that is only my view and that of my loving wife and many friends..

Colpyat has given an answer to you and a very good one it is. I would make one more point. I dont know your circumstances but I do know you have fundamentally misunderstood my post. If disabilty and age have no absolute relation to attractiveness then why do 99.9% of falangs choose younger and very attractive partners? If others can see a disabled persons or an older persons attractive qualities why do we seek out young pole dancing bar girls?

Simple, because we have a choice, is it our duty to make love to 90 kilo women ?

[bangkoksingapore]

please click on my name and leave comments of admiration for me if you like the ideas i presented in this thread or any of the other threads i started.

**************Thread Conclusion ******************

There was alot of great debate. The three winners were

1.Heng

2. BangkokSingapore

3. The Farang who tried to carry the can of beer lao onto the skytrain before the secuirty guard made him throw it away.

The three losers were

1. Colypat

2. Canadagirlxxx

3. qwertz

In conclusion, it was proven within 98% that the farang with the young teenage wife is luckier.

Thank you for your comments and please come back next time

************************************************************

[chinthee]

BKKsingapore, excellent thread. nice way to pass another goddamm boring day in paradise.

[cooL_guY_corY]

i voted yes to the leo beer on the bts, but actually i hate beer, especially leo, and it was sangsom in a coke can.

Also, if your getting married, you must have to much money, either that or shes gotta have a shit load..

[ColPyat]

please click on my name and leave comments of admiration for me if you like the ideas i presented in this thread or any of the other threads i started.

**************Thread Conclusion ******************

There was alot of great debate. The three winners were

1.Heng

2. BangkokSingapore

3. The Farang who tried to carry the can of beer lao onto the skytrain before the secuirty guard made him throw it away.

The three losers were

1. Colypat

2. Canadagirlxxx

3. qwertz

In conclusion, it was proven within 98% that the farang with the young teenage wife is luckier.

Thank you for your comments and please come back next time

************************************************************

You are a laugh, no doubt about that.

[Austhaied]

So many generalisations of what's 'right' for everyone else.

Who is anyone to judge or feel embarassed or full of pity for anyone else's relationship. In the word of my dear old dad, perhaps people should mind their own f****g businesses what other people are doing, and worry more about themselves.

If a 50 year old guy wants to date a 22 year old, so what? If a 50 year old, wants to date a 65 year old thai woman, so what?

It's nothing to do with you, me or the garden post.

As for marriages failing? They fail for a million reasons so generalisations don't help. My first marriage failed because we were both lazy. I will try to avoid the same mistakes second time around.

Good advice from your dear old dad. Mine said, son, live and let live.

I'm trying..

[JimmyCA]

Cheers, Jimmy, I did. We celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary last week.

Success of a relationship has many factors. Some of which are mutual respect , honesty, and love. If two people love each other and are willing to put in the effort of honest communication then that relationship can weather most storms regardless of cultural backgrounds.

sounds very typical

[JimmyCA]

Are farangs who marriages failed in the West luckier than those who marriages were successful? You go out in Bangkok and you see a 55 year old guy dressed in beach attire riding the skytrain with his twenty-two year old wife, and then you see another set of farang 55 year old husband and wife and she looks like she weighs 80 kg. So doesnt this mean that the farang who drank too much and wrecked his marriage back home and escaped to Thailand is luckier than the farang who didnt drink too much and is still married?

If only lifes choices were as simple as presented by the OP. In the general case, the farang in thailand has left more than a "fat" X wife back in farangland. How about his relationship with nieces, nephews and other family members? Is he not missing out on some weddings, Christmas dinners, funerals? There is a substance to the culture in farangland, especially family culture, which is not evident in Thailand. More depth to life. Sure Thailand is more fun at times, and that the fun can be turned on at a moments notice is a great feature. But is there not more to life than drinking, boom boom, cheap living which in many many cases is why farangs are in Thailand? It seems a very small percent of the farangs in Thailand plan ahead either financially or about life in general. Naturally, everyone thinks they are "on schedule" with their lifes plan. Day by day life goes by until they are suddenly too old and too poor to be of interest to the 22 year old Thai girl. This scenario has, is and will play out for many many farangs in Thailand..... Maybe you

Luckier? Long term or short term?

[qwertz]

How can I be a loser when I didn't vote?

Plonker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sukanyacondo]

This is a silly debate.

I am married to a Thai woman. My wife is younger than me, but not drastically. I fit into the 'divide by two, plus seven years' rule, but only just. I didnt meet her in a bar. I don't take care of her family, because she doesnt have one. I work hard to pay for our life together. I have spent the last three years building a very solid foundation for a relationship with her. I will continue to do the same for the rest of my life, I hope.

On occasion she has been known to take my hand when we're walking in public. Sometimes I take hers first.

I would like to apologise sincerely to everyone on this forum that this entirely inappropriate marriage offends.

Eeeeeek Im getting scared now you could almost be talking about me, wife 13 years younger, didnt meet in bar, both parents dead, work hard now to pay for future in a few years, sometimes hold hands etc but worst of all we are buyng land in Hua Hin eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! recall Mr B asking about HH in another thread.

Oh hang on Im not apologising for my marriage "phew" sigh of relief.

[JetsetBkk]

I didnt meet her in a bar. I don't take care of her family, because she doesnt have one.

didnt meet in bar, both parents dead

You lucky people! Non-BG orphans are like rocking-horse sh1t and worth their weight in gold. Congratulations!

I'm still looking for mine

[ratchabuild]

Perhaps what we have here is a failure of communication.

Since many of the Falang men in Thailand are by common consent fat, ugly, low life neanderthals with the IQ and beer gut of a blue whale who only found their way to the land of Smiles in search of whores and cheap beer and an audience for their never ending whinge about how they turned their backs on the women of the west after the women got bloated and huge and ungrateful. We must thank our lucky stars that none of the posters who objectify women, rant about western women in a totally offensive way and sing the praises of their love struck Thai angel can in any sense be confused with the aforementioned group.

Indeed we have their word for it and for certain if any woman or alternative poster disagrees with that the thread can always be pulled.

Whilst there are so many enlightened mentors amongst us dispensing the benefits of their accumulated wisdom there is a chance that such misguided souls as Kat and Canadiangirl may come to know the special benefits of surrendering all taste and sense of smell for a liason with the aforementioned studs. What Thai girl could ever turn their back on such a chance, at least until they have the passport.

It would be funny if it wasnt so offensive. Smug, sexist, sad losers of the world unite you have nothing to lose...............because you lost it a long time ago.

[Heng]

**************Thread Conclusion ******************

There was alot of great debate. The three winners were

1.Heng

2. BangkokSingapore

3. The Farang who tried to carry the can of beer lao onto the skytrain before the secuirty guard made him throw it away.

woo hoo!

[Dupont]

Perhaps what we have here is a failure of communication.

Since many of the Falang men in Thailand are by common consent fat, ugly, low life neanderthals with the IQ and beer gut of a blue whale who only found their way to the land of Smiles in search of whores and cheap beer and an audience for their never ending whinge about how they turned their backs on the women of the west after the women got bloated and huge and ungrateful. We must thank our lucky stars that none of the posters who objectify women, rant about western women in a totally offensive way and sing the praises of their love struck Thai angel can in any sense be confused with the aforementioned group.

Indeed we have their word for it and for certain if any woman or alternative poster disagrees with that the thread can always be pulled.

Whilst there are so many enlightened mentors amongst us dispensing the benefits of their accumulated wisdom there is a chance that such misguided souls as Kat and Canadiangirl may come to know the special benefits of surrendering all taste and sense of smell for a liason with the aforementioned studs. What Thai girl could ever turn their back on such a chance, at least until they have the passport.

It would be funny if it wasnt so offensive. Smug, sexist, sad losers of the world unite you have nothing to lose...............because you lost it a long time ago.

The irony here for people like you - smug PC bystanders, watching and critisising others making their way through life, whilst passing up the opportunity to have one (life) themselves, is this.

You've banged on about ugly fat men (sterotyping, in the way you were taught to hate in your PC classes at Student union) again and abhor anybody having a relationship with one. If looks arn't important, why shouldn't a beautiful young woman go out with an uglier older man?

You have your stereotypes if thats what you have resorted to. And you can have as many overweight loud women as you want out here. No competion for you mate, just don't expect us to look on enviously or congratulate you.

[ratchabuild]

Perhaps what we have here is a failure of communication.

Since many of the Falang men in Thailand are by common consent fat, ugly, low life neanderthals with the IQ and beer gut of a blue whale who only found their way to the land of Smiles in search of whores and cheap beer and an audience for their never ending whinge about how they turned their backs on the women of the west after the women got bloated and huge and ungrateful. We must thank our lucky stars that none of the posters who objectify women, rant about western women in a totally offensive way and sing the praises of their love struck Thai angel can in any sense be confused with the aforementioned group.

Indeed we have their word for it and for certain if any woman or alternative poster disagrees with that the thread can always be pulled.

Whilst there are so many enlightened mentors amongst us dispensing the benefits of their accumulated wisdom there is a chance that such misguided souls as Kat and Canadiangirl may come to know the special benefits of surrendering all taste and sense of smell for a liason with the aforementioned studs. What Thai girl could ever turn their back on such a chance, at least until they have the passport.

It would be funny if it wasnt so offensive. Smug, sexist, sad losers of the world unite you have nothing to lose...............because you lost it a long time ago.

The irony here for people like you - smug PC bystanders, watching and critisising others making their way through life, whilst passing up the opportunity to have one (life) themselves, is this.

You've banged on about ugly fat men (sterotyping, in the way you were taught to hate in your PC classes at Student union) again and abhor anybody having a relationship with one. If looks arn't important, why shouldn't a beautiful young woman go out with an uglier older man?

You have your stereotypes if thats what you have resorted to. And you can have as many overweight loud women as you want out here. No competion for you mate, just don't expect us to look on enviously or congratulate you.

Reserve your vitriol for those who deserve it. Funny how my stereotypes, which are deliberately over the top, make you so angry but all the posters who bang on about fat western women, yourself included aren't offensive. Loving a Thai woman doesnt mean you have to hate other women. All you do is expose your own insecurities. Incidently when did I ever say I wasn't fat and ugly and old? All of those are preferable to being a sad deluded bitter women hater