We were down at the lake where we used to row one Saturday sipping cold ones in the African sunshine when Mr Loadsamoney Loudmouth roars up in his Range Rover with the dinky little speedboat on the trailer.

<snip>

My younger brother who is actually a really nice guy bought himself a fishing boat. It was the first one he had ever had and was immensely proud of it. Until then he used to come out in mine but on the first weekend he came down with his brand new "spanking shiny" boat hitched to the back of the car. Normally we just run the car backwards down the ramp with the boat, unhook it and then pull the car up. It usually only takes a moment or two and the boat slowly moves out off the ramp into free water.

Surrounded by all his mates including me, he launches the boat, drives forward and finds a parking spot to leave the car and comes back to find the boat sitting a little bit lower in the water than expected. He had left the drain bungs out and the boat now had about a foot of water in it and rapidly filling. In a panic, he had to race up to the car and get back to the boat. In his panic he forgot to at least put the bungs in to prevent more water coming it. I was out further on my boat, and jumped into the water, swam to his boat, climbed in, found the plugs, screwed them in and tried to keep everything in a semblence of order. His car and trailer back on the ramp he drove it back into the water. A couple of guys helped put the boat back into position and he tried to pull out the boat but the weight was too much. I told him to go back up to where my 4WD pickup was parked, swap trailers and came back. Some minutes later he had done that and the boat and trailer were pulled out. As the boat settled onto the trailer, I removed the bungs, and as he drove up the ramp, the water started to drain. I got him to stop part way up to allow the water to drain so that the weight didn't damage the trailer and everything went ok. Got it onto the car park area, ripped up the flooring panels, drained everything and replaced the bungs.

He relaunched the boat and everything was fine. We had a laugh at his expense and he had to buy the rounds of beer when we got back to the club house.

Ok we are having a lot of fun and then on the TV was "local news" and there up on the TV was the whole boat thing but it didn't show my younger brother ahhh no I was the one in the boat and the voice over described me as "a new boat owner who has having a spot of trouble at a local boat ramp" I got paid out on that for months.

Told younger brother #1, next time his boat can sink for all I care

<sigh> you try to help some people and waddaya get for it?

CB

Many years ago, I was out with some friends at a diner. I was about to have some of the french fries I'd ordered, but was having trouble with the slow pour of the ketchup bottle. Fortunately, I'd recently seen on some cooking show the solution for this problem that has plauged mankind for decades. Turning the bottle upside down in my hand, I gave a full, strong 360 degree rotation of my arm to let the centrigal force free the ketchup from the surface tension of the bottle. Unfortunately, I did not check the bottles cap first.

It took me a second to realize that the entire contents of the bottle emptied out during my arm swing. There was ketchup on the floor, ketchup on the ceiling, and ketchup on the tables and bodies of diners in a 25 foot radius. Everyone was turning every which way shocked, as if a bomb had just gone off. Nothing I could do but join in and wonder loudly, "&lt;deleted&gt; happened". My ###### dining mates basically melted under the table in nonstop fits of laughter and almost gave me away.

Now, That could happen to anybody, as I'm sure you'd agree, but here's where I'd have to say I made an ass of myself. Some months later, when out dining, and friends were recounting the story to other friends, I was aked to show what happened. Never thinking it could be anything but a once in a lifetime occurence, i failed to check the cap first. ######, if it didn't happen again. Check please!

I'm still hearing about it. No more re-enactments though.

^

Years ago my friend got married and asked me and the wife to come round for dinner so we turned up ,

chatted for a bit then sat down to eat a nice roast chicken dinner , did you give the cat the giblets my mate asked his new wife ,, giblets what giblets she replied ,

you know they come in a little plastic bag inside the chicken ,he said , with hearing this she looked a bit sheepish and went a nice colour of red , my mate got a knife and looked inside the chicken , sure enough there they were bag and all a melted mess

ps 2 weeks later she turned a pizza over in the grill to cook the bottom ,,

same week she decided to boil 2 eggs in the electric kettle