Buy red packs and green poster paint. After the paint is dry, go home and see if she can tell the difference !!!

If she can't, expose the wicked woman through the tabloid press, write a book about your experiences and go on telly with Richard Branson........Easy really.

Izzat racist, sexist, victmising, woteva?

Yaaaaaaaaay, bring it on.........LOL

Happy Chinese New Year everyone

Just buy loads of 'green' packets and hope for the best!

That's what i ended up doing

The Mrs just rang "Hello darling, you can buy me some cookies from Asda on your way home".

Was that a request or a demand ??

I think nowadays they both mean the same thing

Buy red packs and green poster paint. After the paint is dry, go home and see if she can tell the difference !!!

If she can't, expose the wicked woman through the tabloid press, write a book about your experiences and go on telly with Richard Branson........Easy really.

I like that. Money to be made out of my ordeal

Happy Chinese New Year everyone

Gung Hay Fat Choy

Xin Nian Kuai Le

We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year!

Bah! Humbug!

Haven't eaten a humbug in years. I enjoy lamb though.

Wotsits or Quavers....?

redrus

Pork scratchings.

Talking of pork. What time is the midnight train to Georgia, due to leave ?

^Only way to know is to go down to the ticket office and ask the attendant, 'Where's the ticket office?'.

/\/\ He told me to ask in here.

Talking of times. If you have a shave at 4o'clock. Do you still get a 5o'clock shadow at 8:45 ?

Another excellent question! Isn't there a dreadful country & western song that goes "It's five o'clock somewhere"?

Are you getting mixed up with Dolly Parton's Working Nine til Five ?

Which reminds me, i have a rather large chest in the attic, i need to rummage through !!

No, it's about a guy who's in a bar at midday (or something?) and ordering a drink cos he's so upset about something. He justifies it by singing it's five o'clock somewhere! It's seriously crap!

Nope, never heard of it Suegha. Can we get back to my large chest now

Nope, never heard of it Suegha. Can we get back to my large chest now

Be happy, I have had it go through my head all afternoon!!!

No, it's about a guy who's in a bar at midday (or something?) and ordering a drink cos he's so upset about something. He justifies it by singing it's five o'clock somewhere! It's seriously crap!

Pour me something tall and strong

make it a hurricane

before I go insane

It's only half past twelve

but I don't care

it's five o'clock somewhere

You're right, it's crap..... and I'm ashamed that I know the lyrics without having to resort to google.

Nope, never heard of it Suegha. Can we get back to my large chest now

Is it in original condition? Has it been lifted lately? Are these questions slightly too obscure/left-handed?

Where's my medicine?

Nope, never heard of it Suegha. Can we get back to my large chest now

Is it in original condition? Has it been lifted lately? Are these questions slightly too obscure/left-handed?

Where's my medicine?

It's seen better days Ping and is starting to sag abit, mainly due to heavy handed handling over the years. But a bit of new padding and a nip and tuck here and there, should make it as good as new.

No, it's about a guy who's in a bar at midday (or something?) and ordering a drink cos he's so upset about something. He justifies it by singing it's five o'clock somewhere! It's seriously crap!

Alan Jackson - It's Five O' Clock Somewhere

The sun is hot and that old clock is movin' slow,

An' so am I.

Work day passes like molasses in wintertime,

But it's July.

I'm gettin' paid by the hour, an' older by the minute.

My boss just pushed me over the limit.

I'd like to call him somethin',

I think I'll just call it a day.

Apart from myself...................

How many others of you spend more than an hour a day in TV?

My poota is on alla time.

I leave 2 sites open, local newspaper and TV.

Wandering past, I stop and look....... gee it is baaaaaad.

Going by the posts and times, quite a few I see.

Hey, nuffin wrong, but, fat butt develops.........PMPL.

Wunda who, how many, will admit to TV addiction.

Is there a computer addicts anonymous..........? LOL

I'm very rarely about

And stop talking in text speak m8

ONLY IN THAILAND

* * *From NZHERALD.CO.NZ

The Royal Thai Police have released the sketch of a man suspected of stealing 200,000 baht ($8000) from the Ladprao branch of the Government Savings Bank in Bangkok several weeks ago. According to a report, this sketch is based on the recollections of witnesses, who say the suspect wore a motorcycle helmet at the time of the robbery. (Via BoingBoing.net)

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Stop the presses! I saw him on the way to the supermarket earlier today.

I also saw him on the way home from the supermarket (but on a different bike).

I saw him again as he rode past and poked some junk mail into my letterbox (on a different bike again).

I think he has been in my house - his helmet is in my wardrobe.

This bloke is not only a robbing ne'er-do-well, he is also obviously stalking me.

No, it's about a guy who's in a bar at midday (or something?) and ordering a drink cos he's so upset about something. He justifies it by singing it's five o'clock somewhere! It's seriously crap!

Pour me something tall and strong

make it a hurricane

before I go insane

It's only half past twelve

but I don't care

it's five o'clock somewhere

You're right, it's crap..... and I'm ashamed that I know the lyrics without having to resort to google.

Nice one Taddy, and didn't even have to google it? That's impressive. I'm glad you agree it's crap!

Like you have to wait til five o'clock!

Nice one Taddy, and didn't even have to google it? That's impressive.

It was (probably still is) a favourite of that stalwart of BBC Radio that is Terry Wogan......... I like Tel, but sometimes his taste is a little off

that "Dolly" chest is looking a bit worn & ragged round the edges nowdays.....I fear it will take more than a nip & tuck to solve this one !

'Wogan On the Orient Express'. Remember the part where he was on the Dover - Calais ferry? Drunk as ten men!

Nappies

I am so bored.

Anyone got a tub of vaseline?

My dog's got no fleas.