If I had a hammer

I'd hammer in the morning

I'd hammer in the evening

All over this land

I'd hammer out danger

I'd hammer out a warning

I'd hammer out love between my brothers and my sisters

All over this land

MC Hammer is a pussy - along with Mike Tyson & BA Barachus.

OI! <deleted>.

OI! <deleted>.

Where?

:desperately seeking a looking high and low smiley:

The piano has been drinking...

^'Just one for my baby, and one more for the road...' -or- 'You must remember this...' -or- 'Sing us a song, you're the pianoman...'

Toots and the Maytals - one of the best and most underrated reggae bands of all time, when they could keep Toots Hibbert off the ganga. The Pogues - was a great Irish band, when they could keep Shane McGowan off the sauce. No pianos.

Ssssh, quiet you lot, i'm trying to watch Coronation Street

I think you must have fallen asleep in front of the box... but then again, I suppose an episode of Coronation Street would seem to go on forever. What's next, EastEnders?

I think you must have fallen asleep in front of the box... but then again, I suppose an episode of Coronation Street would seem to go on forever. What's next, EastEnders?

Theres far too Manc's on TV to start slagging off Corrie kiddo, you've had your warning....!

redrus

Ireland lost today...

Where's Farangsay to console me...........................................

Moss

Ireland lost today...

Where's Farangsay to console me...........................................

Moss

I'm here to console you Moss!

Aussie Poem

The sun was hot already - it was only 8 o'clock

The cocky took off in his Ute, to go and check his stock.

He drove around the paddocks checking wethers, ewes and lambs,

The float valves in the water troughs, the windmills on the dams.

He stopped and turned a windmill on to fill a water tank

And saw a ewe down in the dam, a few yards from the bank.

"Typical bloody sheep," he thought, "they've got no common sense,

"They won't go through a gateway but they'll jump a bloody fence."

The ewe was stuck down in the mud, he knew without a doubt

She'd stay there 'til she carked it if he didn't get her out.

But when he reached the water's edge, the startled ewe broke free

And in her haste to get away, began a swimming spree.

He reckoned once her fleece was wet, the weight would drag her down

If he didn't rescue her, the stupid sod would drown.

Her style was unimpressive, her survival chances slim

He saw no other option, he would have to take a swim.

He peeled his shirt and singlet off, his trousers, boots and socks

And as he couldn't stand wet clothes, he also shed his jocks.

He jumped into the water and away that cocky swam

He caught up with her, somewhere near the middle of the dam

The ewe was quite evasive, she kept giving him the slip

He tried to grab her sodden fleece but couldn't get a grip.

At last he got her to the bank and stopped to catch his breath

She showed him little gratitude for saving her from death.

She took off like a Bondi tram around the other side

He swore next time he caught that ewe he'd hang her bloody hide.

Then round and round the dam they ran, although he felt quite puffed

He still thought he could run her down, she must be nearly stuffed.

The local stock rep came along, to pay a call that day.

He knew this bloke was on his own, his wife had gone away

He didn't really think he'd get fresh scones for morning tea

But nor was he prepared for what he was about to see.

He rubbed his eyes in disbelief at what came into view

For running down the catchment came this frantic-looking ewe.

And on her heels in hot pursuit and wearing not a stitch

The farmer yelling wildly "Come back here, you lousy bitch!"

The stock rep didn't hang around, he took off in his car

The cocky's reputation has been damaged near and far

So bear in mind the Work Safe rule when next you check your flocks

Spot the hazard, assess the risk, and always wear your jocks!

Erm, interesting poem!

An inspiring poem of grit and determination, Pete. 'Course, had he been a Kiwi cocky, the undies off in the paddock would have been far more suspect!

Painting is frustrating. Cutting grass is boring. Knitting can be fun.

I think I'll give it ago.

Any advice?

Yeah, a stitch in time saves nine

Painting is frustrating. Cutting grass is boring. Knitting can be fun.

I think I'll give it ago.

Any advice?

Hey soundman,

Fergit knitting.

Try CROCHET, easier, more versatile, ya learn how in less than a day.

Big bonus, 1 needle, 1 stich.

I learnt from a dorta, reckoned it looked easy.

She challenged me, no probs.

Made all sortsa stuff, beanies, mittens, scarves, socks & slippers....... so much.

Find summun to teach ya, you'll be glad ya did.

Mind you, it is addictive once ya start.

Ping, ya wanna try it too mite sooth ya nerves after driving around the circle......LOL

or just walk on your flipflops .

Not a good idea. I don't think those awful Diesel flipflops would last the 30 yards or so around the circumference. As for crotching, yes I can understand that Pete would enjoy that pastime. He's got an eye for that sort of thing.

Not a good idea. I don't think those awful Diesel flipflops would last the 30 yards or so around the circumference. As for crotching, yes I can understand that Pete would enjoy that pastime. He's got an eye for that sort of thing.

I was bored one nite.

Took me crochet to a Folk, C&W type bar.

I had it out (the crochet) less than 10 minutes and was being surrounded by many femmes.

Their guy's talk bored them, was great fun.

I showed many how it was done.

The next week, 4 turned up with hooks an wool.

Went on for months, was so much fun.

Do not knock crochet.

Celebrate good times, come on...

Celebrate good times, come on...

Whaa hoo

Celebrate good times, come on...

Whaa hoo

It's a celebrationnnnnnnnnnn

WAHHHHHHHH .....................

Come ON!

Celebrate good times, come on...

Celebrate good times, come on...

There's a party going on right here, a celebration to last throughout the year..................

redrus

Has this thread ceased to be random?

Here you go...

My sausage is swollen!

You will find it will reduce when it loses its fat (during cooking, of course). I understand that some butchers add water to the sausage meat to increase its weight and bulk, so that your self-satisfaction with the bargain price you thought you paid for those nice juicy snags evolves into the dawn of enlightenment when you see them shrivel down to toothpicks during cooking.

I've lost my spoon. Has anybody seen it?

Yes you put it where you normally put your car keys. Your car keys are where you normally leave your wallet. Your wallet is in the draw with the cutlery. It was all because of that interruption from the call on your mobile (as you were about to put your coffee cup in the sink). By the way, you will find the coffee cup on the roof of your car and your mobile in with the dishes.