I got a text message on Wednesday night from a friend here that simply said "Lee is dead"

I, of course, called the sender to find out how.... the fact that it had happened didn't come as a surprise in the slightest.... as I expected, he died on his motorbike.

Lee was only 33 years old, and, when he was sober, a lovely lad, when he was drunk, he was a total prick..... he spent most of his time drunk.

I've known him for over two years, along with his wife Nang and, more recently his little daughter of six months, Olivia....... he was sent to Thailand by his parents to keep him out of trouble, good choice of country eh? he didn't, let's say, make friends easily in the UK. He didn't exactly make friends easily here and constantly had to leave this area to move to another one, only to return after tempers here had settled or tempers elsewhere were worse.

My first thought when I made the first call was "were Nang and Olivia with him?" ..... thankfully they weren't.

His parents arrived here on Friday, the funeral was yesterday, I had spoken to his Mum before on the phone, it was when he had his first accident and I was taking him to the hospital every day to have the dressings changed.

........ I can't finish this now, I'll try in the morning, I need to read some happier stuff.

Sorry about your friend - but even sorrier for the little girl who will never know her daddy.

thaddy, sorry my friend.

May I add my condolences too taddy. It has happened to all of us and I know you will have people thinking of you at this difficult time.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sorry Thaddy, words are never enough at times like this... our thoughts are with you...

T,

I guess I know how you feel.

Yesterday, I met my friend, first time in quite a long time, 27 years old, very pretty, life and soul of a party and extraordinarily personable.

She has been fighting a form of cancer for about a year, last time I saw her, during the RWC, she was bald or Bold, either description will fit, but full of life, if that is not a contradiction of terms, not only had she beaten this cancer, but was on her way up again.

Only to be told now, that it is back, it has spread through her body and the Chemo can only stop the spread for a short time, maybe a month, but it will allow her to complete her Life in little pain.

I know how you feel.

Good Luck

Moss

I too am sorry to hear of the lose of your friend. It is never easy.

I have lost a very good friend at the rate of one a year for the past 3 years.

Im sure your friend would want you to live your life to the fullest and to be happy.

Sorry Moss too

Shit thats terrible.

Feel very sorry for the little girl.

Very sorry that this adds to the other unpleasant situations going on,Thaddy.

Keep your chin up mate. Need anything at all give us a call.

Shit thats terrible.

Feel very sorry for the little girl.

Very sorry that this adds to the other unpleasant situations going on,Thaddy.

Keep your chin up mate. Need anything at all give us a call.

This one sums it up the best mate. I'm sure Soundman speaks for us all, any help you can possibly think is needed.................Just ask.

Thanks guys, but I started typing that up when I should have been in the arms of morpheus, it was going the wrong way and I realised that and stopped.

What do I feel really?

A sense of relief that it happened the way I hoped it would, he managed to take himself out without anyone else getting hurt, you could tell that from the damage to his bike, the front wheel had no damage at all, the top half was completely wiped out, he had run into the back of an iron buffalo trailer. The police have since traced it by matching up samples of wood from the accident scene, the trailer is sat outside an unoccupied locked up house and the they are now trying to locate the occupants.

I remember thinking every time I turned up at the ex-pat bar and he was sat there nursing an M150 bottle which contained anything but M150, 'is it going to be tonight'

I feel a sense of relief for Nang, who even though is visibly upset, she will not have to endure the alcohol fuelled beatings anymore (I've also had to take her to hospital) Lee was almost beaten to death once by her two brothers when it happened for the umpteenth time.

I feel a sense of relief for Olivia, who even though she may end up growing up with one parent, at least she got the right one. She will also have a couple of loving real uncles and quite a few pseudo aunties and uncles.

I feel a sense of relief for his parents who will now never find out that their only son was a violent alcoholic wife beater. They went away with the impression that he was living in a small paradise with a loving family and lots of friends, there must have been thirty plus westerners at the funeral all singing his praises, when in fact almost all the people who would still talk to him are the hard-core alcoholics. His Dad said to me a one point "we know he was a little bit wild" and all I could thing was 'you don't know the half of it, and I hope it stays that way'

And, overall, I feel callous for thinking these things. Like I said before, he was a lovely bloke when he was sober, but the instances of meeting him sober were becoming fewer and fewer. I tried to help him as best I could, as did a couple of others, but I knew I was fighting a losing battle.

That's what I really feel, callous.

(P.S. Moss, your story is really tragic)

Hey Thaddy. Sorry to hear about your friend. My condolences.

Condolences Thaddy and Moss. Most of us have been through the loss of friends and relatives. I've had a bit of a rough run in that department as well, but I won't bore you with the details. Thaddy you must have been a rock as a friend for your mate who died; I probably would have wiped him long before he had the chance to do the inevitable. How you dealt with him beating his poor wife gawd only knows. I suppose that you tried to help her by sticking with him. It amuses me that your mate used to decant his whisky into the little M150 bottles and then sit and drink them at a bar; but it shows how pathetic his situation was.

Taddy, don't feel callous! What your feeling is relief and possibly a bit of guilt. It's natural in these tragic situations. Be there for those who remain, be a valuable friend if you can.

Thoughts are with both you and Moss.

Taddy, sorry to hear this news. I don't think you're being callous at all. Its only natural. I'm quite sure that most of us would have similar feelings placed in your shoes, well I know I would.

Your thoughts should lie with the people who survive him now and at least this chapter in Nang's life is now closed and she can move on supported by those that truly love her.

Thaddeus, I am very sorry to read this thread, my sympathy goes out to “Nang and Olivia”, but not to the person that

ran into the back of an iron buffalo trailer.

got what he deserved for trying to bash a buffalo.

Me father used to bash us up for no reason at all in the “Polish Refugee Camp” in West Germany 50 odd years ago, when he got pissed out of his head, sober he was a very good man, so I do still have ill feelings about bashing family around.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lost two mates of mine last year in Kan, sad lose, nice folks really.

Last week got news that a very good friend of our Thai Daughter, brother died of a heart attack at the young age of 25.

And then a very close friend of ours for more than 20 years had one as well and recovering slowly.

In me signature it says “Today is the first day of the rest of your life – "Enjoy it"”

I do and what may come in my life after today I will still think this.

God bless you.

Yours truly,

Kan Win

I should have posted this earlier, very remiss of me, but I had other things on my mind at the time.

A couple of days after the funeral, Lee's parents took Nang and Olivia to Bangkok. Got Passports for both of them (two for Olivia) paid a visit to the British Embassy and obtained a Visit Visa for Nang based on compassionate grounds (the BE are quite good at that, Lee's dad had been there before they came here to sow the seeds and the Visa was granted immediately)

All four are now in the UK, where they intend to stay for a few months. It had always been their intention to retire over here as a family unit anyway, there is now a good chance that that will be happening sooner rather than later.

His Mum and Dad are really nice people, and I think that a few months in rural England will do Nang the world of good.

Thad - just saw your thread and I am very sorry to read this. I have lost too many friends some good and some not so over the years but each time they leave people behind who care and love them. One of the worst guys I ever knew was in Koh Samuii - he was an abusive drunk but when he died on his motorbike the person who was most hurt by it was the lady who rented him his room at the back of her house. She was very upset and told me that she knew he was a hard drinker and had a vicious temper but said he was always nice to her and cared about her family. He was a loner who had been left behind by an uncaring society. Divorced in the UK and left with minimal money he came to Thailand but couldn't ever really start a new life. He went the bar and girl scene with tragic results ending up in a single room at the back of a Thai house with a family of nine who helped and cared about him. He loved them in his way but unfortunately wasn't able to overcome his personal demons.

Losing someone who is a friend or member of your family is always difficult for the survivors but it is sometimes made hard when we feel guilt by that twinge of relief that the person is gone. If they were in pain caused by sickness, cursed by Altzeimer's disease, or some similar malady we may feel relief that their suffering has ended. If they are an alcoholic or drug addict we may feel that they have gone to a better place. If they are a violent abuser then we may feel the shame that we are secretly pleased to be freed from them. Your friend Lee was not brought into this world as a violent drunk it was something he became. For whatever reason it was something that happened and it becomes a moot point as to whether he did it to himself or was the product of others. I believe we are all responsible for our actions and must accept that fact. I don't presume to know his background or stand in judgement of him but as the offspring of a violent alcoholic who is still alive I know the situation well. I know the responses and how they try to place the blame on others with the classic lines such as "If I didn't care about you I wouldn't hit you" or "If you didn't annoy me I wouldn't have to beat you". His family can now move on in a belief that he was a good boy gone wild. His wife and daughter can move on without the danger of abuse and maybe his family will help care for them like she cared for their son.

Take care of yourself my friend - we are all imperfect but that is what makes us human. You have good friends here and we care about you. Any time you need to talk - you know you have people who will listen either in open forum or via PM.

regards

CB

Thad - just saw your thread and I am very sorry to read this.

<snip>

Take care of yourself my friend - we are all imperfect but that is what makes us human. You have good friends here and we care about you. Any time you need to talk - you know you have people who will listen either in open forum or via PM.

regards

CB

Very good post CB.

Brings a tear to my eye knowing there are people on a public forum who take the time to support others they have never met IRL.

Cheers & thanx for the words as what you wrote applies to everyone from time to time.

First post of the evening, I've been missing for most of the day..... again. (warning, I've had a couple of beers, and I have more in the fridge)

Let me tell you about Ivan from Norway.

Possibly the nicest man I have ever met in my life, a great bear of a man but a true gentle giant, three years ago I christened him 'Ivan The Nice', and that name stuck with everybody because it suited him so much, he never had a bad word to say about anyone but a whole store of good words for people that didn't really deserve them.

He set off for some sort of motorbike rally last Tuesday, destination Pattaya, we had all shaken hands with him at the market on Monday night with his usual "see you again" in that lilting Norweigen accent , he never got there.

Instead he was side-swiped by a bloke in a pick-up who suddenly realised he needed to turn right just as Ivan was passing him, needless to say, the driver fled the scene.... they managed to get Ivan to a local hospital and he had a broken leg and a broken arm and impact damage to his chest and torso ( he was a sensible biker and wore all the protective clothing, or he would have been gone instantly) .... the catch 22 was, they didn't want to move him to a hospital that could treat him until he stabilised, but they didn't have the shill/equipment/whatever to treat him there.... he died four hours later.

....... beer break.......

We burned him today, it should have been yesterday but there were problems with the flights for his 83 year old mother and his two daughters so the monks went on 24 hour stand-by, but they got here in the end, the funeral was the standard Thai one..... &lt;deleted&gt; this I'm waffling .... I was fine until I walked up the steps just before they light the fire, clutching a paper rose and some fake money that someone had given me earlier, I was Ok until the point I got to the coffin where you are supposed to wai and think happy thoughts to ward off the evil spirits, I was ok until I saw his picture in a frame on top of the coffin and all I could hear was Ivan saying "hello Colin, how are you?" and all I could answer with was "&lt;deleted&gt; man, this one hurts, this one really really hurts"

I can't type anymore, if I tried it would probably be incoherent gibberish (btw, i had to type incoherent three times before the spell checker finally got to grips with the word i was trying to use, and twice then)

I;ll just read for a while, maybe listen to some comedy on the BBC Radio feed, I don't think I will be doing any more typing tonight, especially in the Isaan forum were some prat has found wikipedia and is trying to give me some geology lessons, I got a degree in computer science after I decided I didn't want to be a geology teacher any more &lt;deleted&gt;.

&lt;deleted&gt;, rambling again

RIP Ivan, see you in the next one mate.

I'm really sorry to hear about your friend Thaddy. I worked with Norwegians on and off my whole career. I really like them. RIP Ivan.

Oh wow man, we share your grief...

Rest in Peace Ivan

Colin, my thoughts are with you.

Moss

Cheers chaps, means a lot.

I'm back on the coffee now and feeling a little better, actually I've got one hel_l of a hangover and it's been a long time since I had one of those.

A couple of things staggered me yesterday, one was how many westerners we have living in our little amphur, there must have been around fifty in attendance, many of whom I had never seen before, they are the 'keep themselves to themselves' brigade, but they all knew him. The other was the number of Thais who turned up to pay their respects, there must have been at least a thousand people at the Wat all told. The big guy was basically loved by everybody.

That's probably the reason why it irks me in the main forum when someone talks about the Thais being xenophobic, they aren't, at least not the ones I associate with, I feel real sorry for the people that have to mix with the ones that give the impression that they are.