The eyeballs looking through the glasses looks like fun!

Dont be freaked out by the 2nd one, its no threat, so long as you're armed with a sharp pencil.

Dont be freaked out by the 2nd one, its no threat, so long as you're armed with a sharp pencil.

Ooooh, how very cruel of you!

I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go

swimming.

I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go

swimming.

Indeed

Oh well there's always a beer glass then.

Oh well there's always a beer glass then.

Yip, applied in the right location and the right velocity, that will also work.

I prefer the slow lift to mouth technique myself.

Well I'm amused!

A vampire bat returned to the roost with his mouth full of blood. His fellow vampire bats all excitedly asked where he got the blood. Come with me he said, leading them outside.

'See that tree over there?'

'Yes they all replied enthusiastically'

'Well I f****** didn't' he said

Hahaha Seonai.

Why did the vampire go to the bloodbank?

He wanted to make a withdrawl.

Hahaha Seonai.

Why did the vampire go to the bloodbank?

He wanted to make a withdrawl.

Did she have to stand in line for long?

Chownah

Hahaha Seonai.

Why did the vampire go to the bloodbank?

He wanted to make a withdrawl.

Did she have to stand in line for long?

Chownah

Well I guess I just don't get this!

Someone has the sperm bank and the blood bank mixed up.

Someone has the sperm bank and the blood bank mixed up.

He must work for the NHS

Where do you donate Mr BJ? Or withdraw?

The eyeballs looking through the glasses looks like fun!

Better if they were sunglasses - very dark ones...

No, Momo, Pete and other eyeballers go for your lives with your winkings (typo?) and twitchings.

Epileptic Eyeball TLWs

Where do you donate Mr BJ? Or withdraw?

I just make big deposits Momo

Where do you donate Mr BJ? Or withdraw?

I just make big deposits Momo

Cheeky!

During a recent trip to Mumbai I was stuck in traffic heading into town from the airport. Glancing out the window of the taxi I saw a sign for an undertakers with the slogan: "People are dying to be our customers"

My wifes grandfather used to say something similar every time we passed a particular graveyard. 'People are dying to get in there!' I always knew it was coming and always found it funny!

Two fat blokes in a pub. One says to the other one "Your round."

The other one says, "You're fat."

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other one "Does this taste funny to you?"

Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out "Can I help sir?" "No thanks" says the blind bloke "Just looking"

It's strange, isn't it? You stand in the middle of a library and go "Aaaaaaaaarrrrgggghhhhh!" and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane and everyone joins in.

I chopped-off one of my trouser legs and left it in the library. That's a turn-up for the books.

The back of this chap's anorak was jumping up and down and people were chucking money to him. I said "Do you earn a living doing that?" He said "Yes, this is my livelihood."

I was getting into my car and this bloke said to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster. Go for it!"

I went down to the ice-cream shop and said "I want to buy an ice-cream" He said "Hundreds and thousands?" I said, "No, we'll start with one." He said "Knickerbocker glory?" I said "I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes."

So I went to Millets and said "I want to buy a tent." He said "To camp?" so I said (butchly) "Sorry, I want to buy a tent" I said "I also want to buy a caravan" He said "Camper?" I said (campily) "Make your mind up!"

I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaaaah" I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died"

Now most dentist's chairs go up and down, right? The one I was in went backwards and forwards. I thought, 'This is unusual'. Then the dentist said to me "Sir, get out of the filing cabinet".

So anyway, I got home and the 'phone was ringing. I picked it up and said "Who's speaking please?" And a voice said "You are."

So I rang up my local swimming pool. I said "Is that the local swimming pool?" He said "It depends where you're calling from."

Then I rang up my local builders. I said "I want a skip outside my house." He said "I'm not stopping you."

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

Two fat blokes in a pub. One says to the other one "Your round."

The other one says, "You're fat."

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other one "Does this taste funny to you?"

Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.

Bravo!

although I think KO is going to have something to say about the clown one!

Welocome into bedlam mick.

Thanks Soundman, pleased to be aboard.

P.S. Attention Americans: a "skip" is what you call a "dumpster".

My wifes grandfather used to say something similar every time we passed a particular graveyard. 'People are dying to get in there!' I always knew it was coming and always found it funny!

Yeah, I know what you mean, Suegha. My dad used to say that and "That place is the dead centre of ______" wherever we happened to be driving. Another was "You know, kids; I used to have a really important job in there." "Cooh, really, Dad?" "Yep, I had five hundred people under me." "Wow!" "I was the man who cut the grass" He was great at making long journeys seem shorter. Mind you, with us lot in the back, I can understand it...

Thanks Soundman, pleased to be aboard.

P.S. Attention Americans: a "skip" is what you call a "dumpster".

that is correct but saying you want to "have a skip out front" does not translate to "I want to take a dump out front"

Welcome to the nutbin - I think you will fit in nicely here. I am waiting for the Limp One to get back from his "Slade world tour of retirement villages" where he is the roady for Noddy's top hat.

He was going to work with the stage hands until one said "can you tune a piano?" and he said "no but I can tuna fish"

copulator

CB

Thanks Soundman, pleased to be aboard.

P.S. Attention Americans: a "skip" is what you call a "dumpster".

that is correct but saying you want to "have a skip out front" does not translate to "I want to take a dump out front"

Welcome to the nutbin - I think you will fit in nicely here. I am waiting for the Limp One to get back from his "Slade world tour of retirement villages" where he is the roady for Noddy's top hat.

He was going to work with the stage hands until one said "can you tune a piano?" and he said "no but I can tuna fish"

copulator

CB

A "skip" is also slang for your everday non greek, italian or other recently immigrated aussie.

As in highschool footy - "<deleted> versus skips" - funnily enough the derogatory word "<deleted>" with refernce to one of greek or italian ethnicity was never considered racist in my high school years as long as it was not spoken in anger.

New invention - waterproof tea bag, solar powered torch & fly-wire in submarines.

My wifes grandfather used to say something similar every time we passed a particular graveyard. 'People are dying to get in there!' I always knew it was coming and always found it funny!

Yeah, I know what you mean, Suegha. My dad used to say that and "That place is the dead centre of ______" wherever we happened to be driving. Another was "You know, kids; I used to have a really important job in there." "Cooh, really, Dad?" "Yep, I had five hundred people under me." "Wow!" "I was the man who cut the grass" He was great at making long journeys seem shorter. Mind you, with us lot in the back, I can understand it...

Sometimes the old ones are the best.

My wifes grandfather used to say something similar every time we passed a particular graveyard. 'People are dying to get in there!' I always knew it was coming and always found it funny!

Yeah, I know what you mean, Suegha. My dad used to say that and "That place is the dead centre of ______" wherever we happened to be driving. Another was "You know, kids; I used to have a really important job in there." "Cooh, really, Dad?" "Yep, I had five hundred people under me." "Wow!" "I was the man who cut the grass" He was great at making long journeys seem shorter. Mind you, with us lot in the back, I can understand it...

Sometimes the old ones are the best.

That's what I keep telling my wife...