I flew into the international airport, arriving at the Immigration desk a little after 05.45, very pleased to see little or no queue.

Presented my documents with a cheery good morning to the officer only to notice that he was plugged into a set of headphones, he completed the procedure very quickly though he barely looked at me, placing my passport back on the desk without a word and without looking at me, his head continuing to rock.

Now I can only assume that they are trialing some big brother procedure with the passport and documents being remotely checked and the officer being advised accordingly. I presume that in time this will be a totally automated procedure.

I suppose that he could have been more interested in the music on his MP3 player, surely not, a Thai Immigration official wouldn't be this unprofessional.

The headphones prevent his day being ruined so early in the morning by having to listen to farang tourists mangle his language with their attempts to use the two or three words they've picked up from their Lonely Planet (or other) guide book.

I've noticed in various airports where (sometimes) the Immigration officials appear to just want to get people through as fast as they can, perhaps so they can do other things. I'm always expecting to be asked questions of some sort, and sometimes it seems the official never even looks at my face (but in Swampy they can see it on the camera image).

Kind of gives you the impression they'd just rather not have to deal with you at all if possible.

The headphones prevent his day being ruined so early in the morning by having to listen to farang tourists mangle his language with their attempts to use the two or three words they've picked up from their Lonely Planet (or other) guide book.

And sawatdee to you to.

Thai immigration police stress in the workplace reduction programme.

Working hours therapy tape script.

Do not lash out.

These people are not your enemies.

You are at peace.

The tourists are nice people.

...they are your friends.

You like farangs and will smile when you see them.

Smiling at a farang makes you feel warm and content.

The passport in front of you is clean and carries no farang diseases.

You are the first point of greeting for this farang tourist.

The whole of the Thai nation trust you to give a warm welcome smile.

Stamping the passport is enriching to your spirit.

Do not lash out!

Think in multiples of 30 days.

I am happy.

This person will not be bar fining my neice.

Relax.

Do not eat the sweets left out for the tourists.

By my guestimations , the answers to those directives would be "I know , i know ".

I do not speak much Thai , but i never attempt to use it at immigration , the officer is greeting me to HIS country , not the other way around .