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Posted
I tend to think that Maigo6 is still having that 'wet dream' and I am contemplating whether he has seen 300k baht all year..... :D

That's what I pay the inlaws, I have taken out Bank loans and have 15,000 UK Pounds debt on credit cards just so that I can eat a few fried grasshoppers and sticky rice 3 times a week, but they do allow me into their house to watch TV sometimes, so it's not all bad. :o

Posted
After reading countless threads on here about guys who marry thai girls then start supporting her family? why do you guys do it? its culture(not) right? to support the family but do they give you support back?

I am married to a thai girl and i would never send money to anyone in her family, if they want some money then come and cut my garden or something, earn it.

I guess some guys get blackmailed into it, if they dont give then the wife tells him he is no good!!

Im just curious to know why many guys do it?

Oh Dear God this is just another so easy to understand ever recurring to point of somnambulism question.

Sad bastard comes to Third World Country (funny how they all say 'my 22, 25, 29, year old girlfriend, but never mention their own ages by the way), Thailand in particular, because it not only has an endless supply of cheap whores, BUT, they get to eat food which will not tax their imagination, comfort zone, and get to mix with many kinds of their ilk everywhere.

Scenario. Meet girl, easily enough, they're everybloodywhere, young enough to be dauther/grandaughter who will 'take care', where noone else gives a stuff, in particular farang women, for incredibly obvious reasons I suspect. Marriage means bugger all here, except for visa being easier.

Aforesaid Farang, for the first time since his missus back 'ome gave him the bum's rush, and having realised, even given all the porno showing unattractive men getting it on with pretty women - hey! That's how it works chaps - Can't go showing equally attractive men and women, or will definitely not appeal to Sad Bastard With Box Of Cleanex, no empathy) and realsing not having a cat's chance in hel_l of ever being able to find some other woman to put up with his lack of hygiene/charm/social skills and boring conversation, finds 'True Love' (or lub) with acquiesent asian female - she thinks you have more money than you actually do, you dare not admit it/she would not understand anyway, you're White, godammit, becomes terrified at prospect of new tee ruk taking a hike, and so will give her and her er, brother, family, extended family, buffalo, everything she asks for, just to keep her there, with him. Until the money runs out.

Having said the aforegoing, I do understand why so many men do it. After all, long time dead and all that, and what the hel_l else does a socially incompetent, dull, boor of a man do until he dies?

Ahhhhh such another sad story from a contributor who obviously has been rejected by a sweet Thai thing....... as well as running low on his medicaid assistance or else he would have had a successful lobotomy instead of the botched one he obviously received. Perhaps he enjoys stereotyping all the world's relationships, not just the Farang/Thai since he has never experienced one for himself..... (Unless you call 'Rosie Palm' a relationship) :o

Posted
I tend to think that Maigo6 is still having that 'wet dream' and I am contemplating whether he has seen 300k baht all year..... :D

That's what I pay the inlaws, I have taken out Bank loans and have 15,000 UK Pounds debt on credit cards just so that I can eat a few fried grasshoppers and sticky rice 3 times a week, but they do allow me into their house to watch TV sometimes, so it's not all bad. :o

dam_n.... I give you half of my somtum if you allow me watch those Thai soaps on that big screen of yours..... Then again, sticky rice ain't that bad.... I sometimes prefer it over my french fries... (depending on if I'm eating the grasshoppers or the grub worms).... :D

Posted
So im guessing from the responses i am getting that you guys support your missus famliy? Ok so tell me why you feel the need? im a curious guy.

I don't, I married into a functional proffessional family with their own means. I paid the sin sot and that's that. Quite frankly my own family members need it more than they do. However if they ever needed it, I would be there. Just like they were there for me recently when a large unexpected bill came up and my money would have been too slow coming in, 1 phone call to wifey's dad and I got an envelope the next day.

But that's me.

I assume these guys that marry chilly farmers from essan that they met in whatever soi, know what they are getting into. And that's their choice. I however think its best to marry up or at least even. Makes things easier in the long run.

Posted
After reading countless threads on here about guys who marry thai girls then start supporting her family? why do you guys do it? its culture(not) right? to support the family but do they give you support back?

I am married to a thai girl and i would never send money to anyone in her family, if they want some money then come and cut my garden or something, earn it.

I guess some guys get blackmailed into it, if they dont give then the wife tells him he is no good!!

Im just curious to know why many guys do it?

Oh Dear God this is just another so easy to understand ever recurring to point of somnambulism question.

Sad bastard comes to Third World Country (funny how they all say 'my 22, 25, 29, year old girlfriend, but never mention their own ages by the way), Thailand in particular, because it not only has an endless supply of cheap whores, BUT, they get to eat food which will not tax their imagination, comfort zone, and get to mix with many kinds of their ilk everywhere.

Scenario. Meet girl, easily enough, they're everybloodywhere, young enough to be dauther/grandaughter who will 'take care', where noone else gives a stuff, in particular farang women, for incredibly obvious reasons I suspect. Marriage means bugger all here, except for visa being easier.

Aforesaid Farang, for the first time since his missus back 'ome gave him the bum's rush, and having realised, even given all the porno showing unattractive men getting it on with pretty women - hey! That's how it works chaps - Can't go showing equally attractive men and women, or will definitely not appeal to Sad Bastard With Box Of Cleanex, no empathy) and realsing not having a cat's chance in hel_l of ever being able to find some other woman to put up with his lack of hygiene/charm/social skills and boring conversation, finds 'True Love' (or lub) with acquiesent asian female - she thinks you have more money than you actually do, you dare not admit it/she would not understand anyway, you're White, godammit, becomes terrified at prospect of new tee ruk taking a hike, and so will give her and her er, brother, family, extended family, buffalo, everything she asks for, just to keep her there, with him. Until the money runs out.

Having said the aforegoing, I do understand why so many men do it. After all, long time dead and all that, and what the hel_l else does a socially incompetent, dull, boor of a man do until he dies?

I think the aforementioned farang and the ignorant back woods girl (with kids and absent dad) that they find in a Pay for Play situation, are really a perfect match. I have seen it a million times, we all have. The aformentioned guy overpaying for their marragies to women that your average Thai taxi driver woulnd't have. You still rarely see loosers with really good mates, and that works both ways here.

And when you do its usualy a decent guy with a trashy woman with faults they would never accept from a woman from their own country.

Posted
After reading countless threads on here about guys who marry thai girls then start supporting her family? why do you guys do it? its culture(not) right? to support the family but do they give you support back?

I am married to a thai girl and i would never send money to anyone in her family, if they want some money then come and cut my garden or something, earn it.

I guess some guys get blackmailed into it, if they dont give then the wife tells him he is no good!!

Im just curious to know why many guys do it?

Hey, we have so much more money than them, sharing a little makes a big difference to their lives ya know.

Posted (edited)
I however think its best to marry up or at least even. Makes things easier in the long run.

Oh so you could not love someone that has lower net worth than you? Such a sad man (and materialistic one) you are.......

(Perhaps we should be calling you the 'gold digger')

Do you take your bank book with you on a date and request the other party to do the same?

:o:D :D :D :D :(:D:P:burp::P

Edited by dingdongrb
Posted
These threads are always fun.

:o

I agree, as much as an amusement park ride except (lucky for most) you don't have to be over 4 ft tall in order to get on.... :D

Posted
it is really quite simple, some men get castrated in the relationship and others do not, others have a spine and others do not, hope this helps

not true. some people like to help, some people dont like to respect thai culture.

Posted
After reading countless threads on here about guys who marry thai girls then start supporting her family? why do you guys do it? its culture(not) right? to support the family but do they give you support back?

I am married to a thai girl and i would never send money to anyone in her family, if they want some money then come and cut my garden or something, earn it.

I guess some guys get blackmailed into it, if they dont give then the wife tells him he is no good!!

Im just curious to know why many guys do it?

Hey, we have so much more money than them, sharing a little makes a big difference to their lives ya know.

Ok fair enough, but how much is a little? 10k per month for a family living in a smal village eating rice and chilli?

In my opinion things like this just make us farang look more stupid than we are. lol

Does anyone know anyone who has married to a non bg and sends money to the family???

Posted (edited)
it is really quite simple, some men get castrated in the relationship and others do not, others have a spine and others do not, hope this helps

not true. some people like to help, some people dont like to respect thai culture.

Thai culture? I guess my wife aint Thai? Or maybe her family isn't a bunch of hamock dwelling free loaders?

Edited by Dakhar
Posted

Actually - many will be suprized to hear that it is NOT culturally expected that the the new husband (ex-pat or Thai) picks up the tab for the in-laws - no more so than would be expected of one in the West. So just why do guys do it?

Well, firstly without exception all ex-pats I know who have found themselves in this sort of position do so out of goodwill and a desire to help. However much misguided that may be the intention has always been honourable - which makes it so much the worse when that goodwill is abused.

What is expected is that you (the new husband) are there to help when needed. That is expected - and in many repects I guess that is what most folk would do for their inlaws in the West (?). What happens here in Thailand is that for in laws here, marrying off their darling is percieved as a "life changing" experiance - a way to clear debts that have nothing to do with the ex-pat husband, the means to that new pick-up, and if lucky a new plot of land and new house - with a monthly stipend thrown in.

Nothing cultural in that, and if you get told that these things will be expected of you by the prospective wife, as if its a condition, my advise to you is .... well, lets put it this way: I'd retreat fast.

It is not your duty, culturally, morally or otherwise to clear debts and generally dig into your hard earned savings to buy this, that or whatever. Repeated reminders and discussion that revolves around your financial obligations towards the family need to be treated with caution - and quite frankly, if presented to you as a condition, which you then follow through with, youre a mug.

The question is - where do you draw the line?

Your duty is no more, no less, to be supportive and helpful as and when needed. Do so with honesty and integrity. To become the "ATM" machine on call 24/7 will certainly have everyone liking you, but it won't earn you any respect.

Most elderly Thai's (parents-in-law - the generation before you and I) are conservative and proud folk, who would not in a month of Sundays take advantage or abuse the generosity and good will shown to them by their son-in-law. If they appear only to happy to do so - it's perhaps time you give some thought to just what you are doing in that situation. Something isn't right - its no more normal in Thailand than it is in a Western country.

Posted
For those dishing out the money to "relatives" what if you went skint and they had a good year and you needed emergency cash for your medical bills, would they reciprocate?

Good question Jing..... From my personal experience, I say yes, as this has happened to me... Back in 2001, before I married my wife I was in BKK for business (ahhh during my first Loy Krathong in LOS) and I remember it like yesterday because I was pick-pocketed... Long story but to cut to the chase I had my wallet lifted with my USA drivers license, 2 credit cards, and more or less all the cash I had at that time on me (apprrox... $300 USD in $$$ and baht). Until I could get money wired to me (Western Union) my in-laws (before they were my in-laws) loaned me 20k baht to tidy me over. Needless to say I didn't ask, my wife (gf at the time) asked them in my behalf without me knowing. My in-laws are not well off by any means, maybe a little above average by Thai Issan standards as they are successful rice farmers and own about 50 rai which they farm.

Now would all Thais do this, probably not, as I know all Americans would not... So your point being?

It's obvious why I ask. You really did not understand why I ask? Obviously, in MOST of these cases, the answer would be NO.

Posted
For those dishing out the money to "relatives" what if you went skint and they had a good year and you needed emergency cash for your medical bills, would they reciprocate?

Let's suppose that you boyfriend's mother needed some help and that you had far more than enough money to help her. Would you then pose that same question before deciding whether to assist her?

Posted

I have only been in thailand for 1 year, i remember the first day i arrived family came around had a nice dinner etc.. uncle come around and said to me one word "whiskey" i said no thanks i dont like it. never seen him since.

Posted (edited)
For those dishing out the money to "relatives" what if you went skint and they had a good year and you needed emergency cash for your medical bills, would they reciprocate?

Let's suppose that you boyfriend's mother needed some help and that you had far more than enough money to help her. Would you then pose that same question before deciding whether to assist her?

Not really sure but a fair question. BTW, you are assuming you really know for a fact that the Mama is really sick, in so many cases, the hospital money thing is a scam.

More interesting questions:

If you had the money and didn't pay it, would you lose your partner?

If you didn't have the family support money, would you have a Thai partner in the first place?

I don't know the answers.

Edited by Jingthing
Posted
For those dishing out the money to "relatives" what if you went skint and they had a good year and you needed emergency cash for your medical bills, would they reciprocate?

Good question Jing..... From my personal experience, I say yes, as this has happened to me... Back in 2001, before I married my wife I was in BKK for business (ahhh during my first Loy Krathong in LOS) and I remember it like yesterday because I was pick-pocketed... Long story but to cut to the chase I had my wallet lifted with my USA drivers license, 2 credit cards, and more or less all the cash I had at that time on me (apprrox... $300 USD in $$$ and baht). Until I could get money wired to me (Western Union) my in-laws (before they were my in-laws) loaned me 20k baht to tidy me over. Needless to say I didn't ask, my wife (gf at the time) asked them in my behalf without me knowing. My in-laws are not well off by any means, maybe a little above average by Thai Issan standards as they are successful rice farmers and own about 50 rai which they farm.

Now would all Thais do this, probably not, as I know all Americans would not... So your point being?

It's obvious why I ask. You really did not understand why I ask? Obviously, in MOST of these cases, the answer would be NO.

Sorry I didn't see the word 'MOST' in your question, could you please point that out to me? You asked and I replied. Did it bother you that my reply was not what you intended, or wanted to hear? (BTW, since you are obviously looking for some data and I am the only one thus far that has answered your question the data shows 100% would and 0% would not. Please let me know your results when you obtain a larger sample base... :o )

Posted (edited)
Did it bother you that my reply was not what you intended, or wanted to hear?

No. It did not bother. Nor do I think it tells us anything about the overall picture. Do you? It was a rhetorical question (obviously) not a scientific survey. You are obviously a super good farang with super good Thais loving you. Congratulations.

Edited by Jingthing
Posted (edited)
For those dishing out the money to "relatives" what if you went skint and they had a good year and you needed emergency cash for your medical bills, would they reciprocate?

Let's suppose that you boyfriend's mother needed some help and that you had far more than enough money to help her. Would you then pose that same question before deciding whether to assist her?

Not really sure but a fair question. BTW, you are assuming you really know for a fact that the Mama is really sick, in so many cases, the hospital money thing is a scam.

More interesting questions:

If you had the money and didn't pay it, would you lose your partner?

If you didn't have the family support money, would you have a Thai partner in the first place?

I don't know the answers.

Thats one of the points i made in my OP, if u dont cough up will the missus use blackmail? if thats the case then we all know what we should do, but im assuming many guys dont.

Edited by Changkok
Posted
After reading countless threads on here about guys who marry thai girls then start supporting her family? why do you guys do it? its culture(not) right? to support the family but do they give you support back?

I am married to a thai girl and i would never send money to anyone in her family, if they want some money then come and cut my garden or something, earn it.

I guess some guys get blackmailed into it, if they dont give then the wife tells him he is no good!!

Im just curious to know why many guys do it?

You are married to a Thai Lady you are support that extended family whether you know it or not, in other words you are giving her money for sure so I will bet you 10 to 1 :D:o:D that some of that money is going directly or indirectly to the extended family, wise up my friend you are kidding yourself if you think otherwise. Don't mean to be a killjoy this subject but I see it and I do it, as most farangs that are married to Thai ladies, unless her family is well off/well to do and I for one in my 16 plus years in LOS has seen very very few middle class or well off Thai ladies married to Farangs.

Posted

So I have a question.

Do all the people that think it is wrong to help support the in-laws, not support their own parents ? Or have they foisted them off to an old-age home and forgotten about them ?

Asian cultures do seem to be more family orientated, and from the people I know and have talked to, most of them support their families by sending money home every month (some have parents that are well enough off to not need help). Some have children or siblings at home being looked after by their parent(s). Be it a little or a lot, most are sending something home.

How many expats here send anything home to their parents to help them out ?

My dad would probably hang himself before ever accepting charity, but if he ended up in a bad way I'd surely send money home to help out. Why would I be willing to help my dad out, but not help out the mother of the love of my life (if I ever get around to marrying her that is) ? If dad wasn't able to get by on his pensions, I to would be sending money home every month to help out.

There is a difference though, between helping out when needed and just blindly handing over money. Like almost any kind of welfare, when you start giving people something for nothing, they start depending on it and can get down-right ornery if the gravy train starts to dry up or stop altogether.

(I recall a story some years ago when I was posted to Germany. A group of refugees were living in an government-run apartment building about 8 kms from the village I was living in. The government was paying the rent, utilities and for the building maintenance, plus giving the refugees money for food and clothing. So how did these people show their gratitude ?

By threatening to burn the building down unless the government gave them even more money ! And what did they want this extra money for ? To take trips back to the very same country they were (supposedly) refugees from !!!)

As I told one g/f some time ago. I'm paying for the rent, utilities, food and other expenses. As she is basically living for free, if she wants to send her salary back to her parents, that's "up to her". (Which she did, about half of it every month, and never asked me for any "extra", or ever had a sick buffalo, or brother in jail, etc).

Too bad she was a nympho with a twin sister that shared her Angelina Jolie looks. Had she been a little better looking and not so easy to please, I might have stayed with her. :o

Posted
Why Do U Guys Do It?, support her family that is.

Perhaps they know the consequences to themselves of not handing over the cash.

Any business will fall apart when the cash flow stops.

BINGO! And this is so often exploited....

Posted
After reading countless threads on here about guys who marry thai girls then start supporting her family? why do you guys do it? its culture(not) right? to support the family but do they give you support back?

I am married to a thai girl and i would never send money to anyone in her family, if they want some money then come and cut my garden or something, earn it.

I guess some guys get blackmailed into it, if they dont give then the wife tells him he is no good!!

Im just curious to know why many guys do it?

You are married to a Thai Lady you are support that extended family whether you know it or not, in other words you are giving her money for sure so I will bet you 10 to 1 :D:o:D that some of that money is going directly or indirectly to the extended family, wise up my friend you are kidding yourself if you think otherwise. Don't mean to be a killjoy this subject but I see it and I do it, as most farangs that are married to Thai ladies, unless her family is well off/well to do and I for one in my 16 plus years in LOS has seen very very few middle class or well off Thai ladies married to Farangs.

LOL, mate i can assure you 110% my wife doesnt give any money to her family as we have 2 kids to take care of at present I wouldnt allow it anyway unless it was a serious case which is not what im talking about anyway im talking about people who support the family. I would know if she did but she doesnt, sorry to piss on your theory mate but lets not start bitching please.

Posted
So I have a question.

Do all the people that think it is wrong to help support the in-laws, not support their own parents ? Or have they foisted them off to an old-age home and forgotten about them ?

Asian cultures do seem to be more family orientated, and from the people I know and have talked to, most of them support their families by sending money home every month (some have parents that are well enough off to not need help). Some have children or siblings at home being looked after by their parent(s). Be it a little or a lot, most are sending something home.

How many expats here send anything home to their parents to help them out ?

My dad would probably hang himself before ever accepting charity, but if he ended up in a bad way I'd surely send money home to help out. Why would I be willing to help my dad out, but not help out the mother of the love of my life (if I ever get around to marrying her that is) ? If dad wasn't able to get by on his pensions, I to would be sending money home every month to help out.

There is a difference though, between helping out when needed and just blindly handing over money. Like almost any kind of welfare, when you start giving people something for nothing, they start depending on it and can get down-right ornery if the gravy train starts to dry up or stop altogether.

(I recall a story some years ago when I was posted to Germany. A group of refugees were living in an government-run apartment building about 8 kms from the village I was living in. The government was paying the rent, utilities and for the building maintenance, plus giving the refugees money for food and clothing. So how did these people show their gratitude ?

By threatening to burn the building down unless the government gave them even more money ! And what did they want this extra money for ? To take trips back to the very same country they were (supposedly) refugees from !!!)

As I told one g/f some time ago. I'm paying for the rent, utilities, food and other expenses. As she is basically living for free, if she wants to send her salary back to her parents, that's "up to her". (Which she did, about half of it every month, and never asked me for any "extra", or ever had a sick buffalo, or brother in jail, etc).

Too bad she was a nympho with a twin sister that shared her Angelina Jolie looks. Had she been a little better looking and not so easy to please, I might have stayed with her. :o

But thats the difference, your dad wouldnt want you to send him money but the chances are these guys wifes parents ask for the money. lol and so many of them fall for it time and time again.

Posted (edited)
After reading countless threads on here about guys who marry thai girls then start supporting her family? why do you guys do it? its culture(not) right? to support the family but do they give you support back?

I am married to a thai girl and i would never send money to anyone in her family, if they want some money then come and cut my garden or something, earn it.

I guess some guys get blackmailed into it, if they dont give then the wife tells him he is no good!!

Im just curious to know why many guys do it?

Oh Dear God this is just another so easy to understand ever recurring to point of somnambulism question.

Sad bastard comes to Third World Country (funny how they all say 'my 22, 25, 29, year old girlfriend, but never mention their own ages by the way), Thailand in particular, because it not only has an endless supply of cheap whores, BUT, they get to eat food which will not tax their imagination, comfort zone, and get to mix with many kinds of their ilk everywhere.

Scenario. Meet girl, easily enough, they're everybloodywhere, young enough to be dauther/grandaughter who will 'take care', where noone else gives a stuff, in particular farang women, for incredibly obvious reasons I suspect. Marriage means bugger all here, except for visa being easier.

Aforesaid Farang, for the first time since his missus back 'ome gave him the bum's rush, and having realised, even given all the porno showing unattractive men getting it on with pretty women - hey! That's how it works chaps - Can't go showing equally attractive men and women, or will definitely not appeal to Sad Bastard With Box Of Cleanex, no empathy) and realsing not having a cat's chance in hel_l of ever being able to find some other woman to put up with his lack of hygiene/charm/social skills and boring conversation, finds 'True Love' (or lub) with acquiesent asian female - she thinks you have more money than you actually do, you dare not admit it/she would not understand anyway, you're White, godammit, becomes terrified at prospect of new tee ruk taking a hike, and so will give her and her er, brother, family, extended family, buffalo, everything she asks for, just to keep her there, with him. Until the money runs out.

Having said the aforegoing, I do understand why so many men do it. After all, long time dead and all that, and what the hel_l else does a socially incompetent, dull, boor of a man do until he dies?

Ahhhhh such another sad story from a contributor who obviously has been rejected by a sweet Thai thing....... as well as running low on his medicaid assistance or else he would have had a successful lobotomy instead of the botched one he obviously received. Perhaps he enjoys stereotyping all the world's relationships, not just the Farang/Thai since he has never experienced one for himself..... (Unless you call 'Rosie Palm' a relationship) :o

Ahhhhh, here we go again, presumptions presumptions. I am not a guy, have never been rejected by a er, 'sweet Thai thing', am neither American (medicaid? wa's that?), nor in need of financial aid for medical expenses, for anything, and er, jus' for the record and all that, have been happily married to a THAI MAN for the past ten years. Oh, and with nary a request for a handout from the inlaws.

Edited by Lite Beer
Flame removed
Posted (edited)
For those dishing out the money to "relatives" what if you went skint and they had a good year and you needed emergency cash for your medical bills, would they reciprocate?

Let's suppose that you boyfriend's mother needed some help and that you had far more than enough money to help her. Would you then pose that same question before deciding whether to assist her?

Not really sure but a fair question. BTW, you are assuming you really know for a fact that the Mama is really sick, in so many cases, the hospital money thing is a scam.

More interesting questions:

If you had the money and didn't pay it, would you lose your partner?

If you didn't have the family support money, would you have a Thai partner in the first place?

I don't know the answers.

Well then I will try to enlighten you. Most farangs here are too idle to make themselves aware of how things work, in a practical sense here. I would hazard a guess that, apart from a few baht to pay for the medicines from the hospital dispensary, there is a 30 baht health scheme in place, of which farang are not aware, (which was in place before Toxin took credit for it, by the way), and most farang simply assume that the 40, 50, 60k 'hospital' bill, is cheap compared to what they pay at that fancy hospital on Sumkumvit, for instance.

As to the second question: If you had the money and didn't pay it,, which assumes you have been asked for it in the first place, would you lose your partner: Absolutely.

And if 'you didn't have the family support money, would you have a Thai partner in the first place? If you met them in a boom boom bar on soi cowboy, work it out for yourselves. Do you really think they work there just for the short time fee alone? They're looking at you as an investment/pension fund. And once it dries up, so do they. Next!

Edited by jitagon
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