How To Get Approval From Family Of Thai Gf?

[Geekfreaklover]

This type of situation has a habit of getting worse over time. Situations like this can change quite quickly, and they usually change for the worse, not for the better.

To be frank, I suspect that the family are not quite as well off as the OP likes to think they are and are hoping for a Golden Goose to see them through the future. In doing so they are putting financial gain above and beyond their daughters happiness which is wrong no matter how you try to dress it up with cultural glitter.

Personally, I would walk away.

Just for a while.

Then see what happens.

Then you will have the answer.

[dumball]

are there any undamaged thai girls around?

Above comment on the daughters of Thai families, is a perfect example of why they look, think and treat us in the manner they do?

please dont guive me credit for the remark. i was commenting on previous posters remark about damaged goods.

and its the way farangs behave that gives them a bad name.

Yes its a shame that sextourists like you give the rest of us bad reputations. I know your one as thats all you refer to in every post.

I just wonder if Fred has even been to Thailand.

I think he comes across as 'A wanke_r' in the true sense of the word , no matter where or for what he posts .

[RakJungTorlae]

This topics gone wack.

Just give the parents a hug, that all people cry out for sometimes is a nice worm welcoming hug.

[dumball]

Just be yourself, a relationship isn't about your girlfreinds Mum, Dad or friends, it's about the two of you. If you have a strong enough bond then it doesn't matter.

Just need to get used to it. If your wife really loves you, you will be more important to her than the opinion of her family

You might want to study Thai culture a bit before making such statements.

seconded to that!!

There is no need to study thai culture in this instance , this is an attempt at bonding cutures , as apposed to accepting a culture for what-ever reason , and marriage should not be one of them .

[Geekfreaklover]

This topics gone wack.

Just give the parents a hug, that all people cry out for sometimes is a nice worm welcoming hug.

The parents to which he refers are Thai. If you have any expereince with Thai in-laws you would know that Hugging won't cut it.

A high respectful wai perhaps. Hugging is offensive. Don't work. Would only make the situation worse.

Edited December 10, 2008 by Geekfreaklover

[RakJungTorlae]

The parents to which he refers are Thai. If you have any expereince with Thai in-laws you would know that Hugging won't cut it.

A high respectful wai perhaps. Hugging is offensive. Don't work.

I SAID A HUG!!!!!

[Kerryd]

Personally, it sounds to me like someone is angling to try and get something (i.e. a generous Sin Sod offer) in exchange for their approval to marry a daughter that they would have little hope of marrying to anyone else.

Mom has already said she isn't interested in a dowry (why would someone wealthy want a dowry?). I'm too farang to give one, anyway.

Another thought....Perhaps they are all in concert to get more Sin Sot?

Sneaky....Yet plausable. They sound like such a hassle now, wait till you're Family

Pass

If the family is Hi-So, there's the little matter of "face" to consider.

She (the future MiL) may say they aren't interested in a dowry, but are probably waiting to see if you will offer one (and prove your "jai deeness"). In the west we say "actions speak louder than words".

In Thailand, it could be said the "gold speaks louder than words".

Find out what they got for Sin Sod from their daughter's first marriage. Laugh and tell them how you think she is worth way more than that, or that you would have given much more. Watch their reactions.

Of course, they may then expect you to prove your sincerity !

(I've heard of many, many cases where Sin Sod was paid, only to be returned to the couple to "help them get started", as the parents didn't need the money/gold, but it gave them a lot of face to be able to display the generous dowry their new son-in-law gave them.)

Then again, maybe mom just doesn't like you !

[mango888]

I say give em a big fat cheque!

btw . Which of you are giving up your business?

Edited December 10, 2008 by mango888

[Geekfreaklover]

The parents to which he refers are Thai. If you have any expereince with Thai in-laws you would know that Hugging won't cut it.

A high respectful wai perhaps. Hugging is offensive. Don't work.

I SAID A HUG!!!!!

Hugging is the adjective of hug. I think?

Now if you said, buy a RUG, a nice expensive Chinese one, I would understand.

But you don't HUG your Thai in-laws.

Not a good idea!

[Chaimai]

REALLY ?? I don't think so, this is Thailand and the family will always come ahead of the Falang.

rReally in my case, and I left my family behind ( my bad i guess).

Sorry to hear that sunset - I suspect that you are in a small minority, and I sense from your emoticon that it is not without some regrets.

[thesunset75]

REALLY ?? I don't think so, this is Thailand and the family will always come ahead of the Falang.

rReally in my case, and I left my family behind ( my bad i guess).

Sorry to hear that sunset - I suspect that you are in a small minority, and I sense from your emoticon that it is not without some regrets.

No im not regret....I am happy and think my family understand why i did that.

Im happy that count huh.

[chivo]

i can't believe how many of you lack any sense of integrity or dignity... i have tons of respect for thai culture and respect that there are differences but i don't believe you have to be a spineless fake to get approval of others.

if these parents are decent people they will see in time that you love their daughter and how you treat her well and provide and that should be what they need.

i know lots of thai people that aren't concerned with being percieved as a higher and mightier organism.

be polite and neat and clean, but alas be yourself.

your girlfriend also needs to politely inform them of the character or whatever she sees in you.

[Sharpie100]

Oh,my god....I can not believe what i am reading on this post and the stupid advice and generalization in opinions of Thai failies.....what a load of rubbish.

My girlfriend and i have had an amazing time, maybe im lucky or simply have made sure of knowing thai culture before making a complete fool of myself.

Over the past year i have met her family many times and have always felt part of the family, alittle shaded at times. My girlfriends family are just like my own uk family. they laugh, they cry and they take the p*ss out of me being falang, as i do take the p**s out of them being thai. I have played with the neices and nephews in the sea, cooked for her mum, which was highly amuzing, she didnt like shephards pie much and i laughed when she put green chilli and fish sauce on it....cheese is not for thai parents, bless her. I got drunk with her dad and made her grand mother of 76 walk up 244 large steps before giving her ice-cream. I let 5 cows out of thier field and crashed a bike. I even ran out of money and had to ask the grandmother for 2000 baht to get to town to a bank. It has taken a year for her mother to get to know me and for me to know her. But after many occasions of her giving me the dissaproving look and showing her who i am, that i am just a normal guy and what me and my girlfriend want for the future, she finally told me in October before i left for the UK that to her i was a new son, she cried on my shoulder and i shed a tear too, she said that she gives her daughter to me and it is for me to make sure her daughter is well cared for. She said i can marry my girl if i want....we havent actually spoken about marraige ourselves..

Now i dont speak thai or understand it, a local english man from the family village translated and even he felt emossional. The guy called Nick had lived in thailand for 35 years and he told me....Thai families are all about the mother and before her, the grand mother, if you show you are strong, that you are in control and that you will look after the daughter, then you will be loved my MOTHER.....MOTHER is the family, Father does what MOTHER decides.

Nick told me to be stern with mother, but also to respect her........he then told me he had been married for 20 years to his wife, but before that he married twice, so took him 15 years to understand where he went wrong, he told me not to waste 15 years of my life.....basically treat your mother in law to be, like it was your mum..he said, think of it like you had a daughter. Mother wants daughter to become like mother, because one day mother will be grandmother.......basically the daughter has to look after mother when she gets old.......the key to a thai family is good old MUM....thats all there is to it....MUMs the word ......OH AND I AM JUST A TECHNICIAN IN ENGINEERING.....should of seen mums face...

Edited December 10, 2008 by Sharpie100

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Just be yourself, a relationship isn't about your girlfreinds Mum, Dad or friends, it's about the two of you. If you have a strong enough bond then it doesn't matter.

Just need to get used to it. If your wife really loves you, you will be more important to her than the opinion of her family

You might want to study Thai culture a bit before making such statements.

That sounds like a good idea.

[Heng]

This thread should be renamed: "Release pent up frustrations regarding your spouse and inlaws HERE!"

[eggomaniac]

Troll post with the most legs Award, December 2008

[RakJungTorlae]

Buy them cheese and oysters.

[mc2]

Just be yourself, a relationship isn't about your girlfreinds Mum, Dad or friends, it's about the two of you. If you have a strong enough bond then it doesn't matter.

Just need to get used to it. If your wife really loves you, you will be more important to her than the opinion of her family

You might want to study Thai culture a bit before making such statements.

That sounds like a good idea.

it appears mrtoad doesnt like the advice

Just be yourself, a relationship isn't about your girlfreinds Mum, Dad or friends, it's about the two of you. If you have a strong enough bond then it doesn't matter.

Just need to get used to it. If your wife really loves you, you will be more important to her than the opinion of her family

You might want to study Thai culture a bit before making such statements.

you are clearly out of touch.

How's your ass these days?

It's about give and take, not take and take.

Thankfully I don't need to study it, I've had plenty of years in Asia.

[thaipod]

I have been through the same scene where my girlfriend that was educated overseas who comes from a wealthy thai chinese family .The first 6 months the father would walk out of the room when i walked in and the mother would not talk to me and the sisters would not even look at me ,it was'nt until maybe a year or so that they relised I wasn't going away and slowly stopped ignoring me and offering me to eat with them .

After about two years my girlfriend arranged an enfluencial agent to approach the parents for us to marry which were reluctant but finally agreed .

Now the family has been very supportive towards us and given us land and properties and visit us on a regular basis and always ask if we need anything .

Every time you visit take food or fruit with you and present it to them always comment on their good health and ask the father for advice from time to time and let him know of your future plans ,because what it comes dwn to it can you take care of their daughter and give her a good lifestyle

[RakJungTorlae]

Just be yourself, a relationship isn't about your girlfreinds Mum, Dad or friends, it's about the two of you. If you have a strong enough bond then it doesn't matter.

Just need to get used to it. If your wife really loves you, you will be more important to her than the opinion of her family

You might want to study Thai culture a bit before making such statements.

That sounds like a good idea.

LOL. You guys ID handles say it all..

[RakJungTorlae]

I have been through the same scene where my girlfriend that was educated overseas who comes from a wealthy thai chinese family .The first 6 months the father would walk out of the room when i walked in and the mother would not talk to me and the sisters would not even look at me ,it was'nt until maybe a year or so that they relised I wasn't going away and slowly stopped ignoring me and offering me to eat with them .

After about two years my girlfriend arranged an enfluencial agent to approach the parents for us to marry which were reluctant but finally agreed .

Now the family has been very supportive towards us and given us land and properties and visit us on a regular basis and always ask if we need anything .

Every time you visit take food or fruit with you and present it to them always comment on their good health and ask the father for advice from time to time and let him know of your future plans ,because what it comes dwn to it can you take care of their daughter and give her a good lifestyle

umm ok.

[chipmunk]

alwyas tell ma how pretty she looks, even if shes not! works all the time and its cheap to do so.

[Geekfreaklover]

alwyas tell ma how pretty she looks, even if shes not! works all the time and its cheap to do so.

That's just creepy.

[mrtoad]

alwyas tell ma how pretty she looks, even if shes not! works all the time and its cheap to do so.

Are you the guy from Little Britain?

[mrtoad]

it appears mrtoad doesnt like the advice

When it's good advice no problem.

When it's crap and based on assumptions, I will say what I think.

[Geekfreaklover]

I have been through the same scene where my girlfriend that was educated overseas who comes from a wealthy thai chinese family .The first 6 months the father would walk out of the room when i walked in and the mother would not talk to me and the sisters would not even look at me ,it was'nt until maybe a year or so that they relised I wasn't going away and slowly stopped ignoring me and offering me to eat with them .

I admire your perserverance (kwaam-paak-pian) dear sir.

Edited December 11, 2008 by Geekfreaklover

[mgjackson69]

Just need to get used to it. If your wife really loves you, you will be more important to her than the opinion of her family

I would suggest that you study Thai culture before making such statements.

How many times do you bend over and take it up the glitter?

Never...that would be your task

[mgjackson69]

Just need to get used to it. If your wife really loves you, you will be more important to her than the opinion of her family

I would suggest that you study Thai culture before making such statements.

Thanks for your suggestion... And I would suggest that you don't generalize about every Thai people.

There is also some modern one's who are actually able to choose their partners even if the family doesn't agree.

If your wife or girlfriend breaks up with you because mom and dad are not happy, her love for you was probably not that strong.

I was not generalizing at all.

To say that "you will be more important to her than the opinion of her family" is the erroneous generalization.

Sure, there will be exceptions...but in Thai culture, the opinion of the family, especially that of Mom, is going to carry a great deal of influence.

The OP made a bad first impression. He has put a large task in front of himself to fix that, but it is not insurmountable. He needs to demonstrate that he is a "good guy"...and contrary to popular belief, that is not done by showering the family with money.

[mrtoad]

Just need to get used to it. If your wife really loves you, you will be more important to her than the opinion of her family

I would suggest that you study Thai culture before making such statements.

How many times do you bend over and take it up the glitter?

Never...that would be your task

Unlikely, but then you continue to make assumptions that people don't understand Thai culture. I stand by what I said in my initial post (which has nothing to do with Thai culture), and that is from my own personal expereince, clearly there are exceptions, but it pretty much sounds to me like the OP is trying to become something he is not. Given the attitude that his girlfriends family are showing towards him, I wonder if it is really worth the effort?

However, I do agree with your statement regarding not showering the family with money, shame a few more people don't take that advice.

[OxfordWill]

ethnocentrism.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethnocentrism