I saw this email a while ago on an "Agony Aunt" type blog.

What are your thoughts on this?

What to do about my Dads mail order bride

Dear Bossy: My parents have dragged out a divorce for many years - 12 or more of their 37 year marriage. My Dad worked away from home, and just made the trips longer for many years, they eventually separated (informally) and only in the last couple of years have they started to say ‘separated’ when asked. Neither has handled it very well and both seem very disappointed with the outcome, although neither wants to be together.

My mother decided it was best to formalise things and asked for a divorce, it was all very amicable and Dad signed off without much fuss. The documents have gone to court, and all seemed OK. The divorce was due to become final this month.

My Dad came to visit the day before the divorce was through and had a packet of photos with him. He casually passed them over and said… New Wife. The photos were of a pretty young asian woman who I had not seen or heard of before.

I asked was it a family friend etc, not taking him seriously for a moment. He repeated, no.. it was his new wife. They would be engaged next week and people said he should tell me. I was in shock and disbelief. Neither parent has ever indicated that they would remarry, and whilst they might, and we would be pleased for them if they did find someone new, this was completely out of the blue.

To be frank, this woman is a ‘mail order bride’ who is has been imported on a holiday visa. I am horrified to think that my father would treat another person in this way. I genuinely feel for these young women who hope for a better life and pay a high price for it. To think that my father would be a part of this appauls me. I began to cry and could barely speak. He yelled and said if I wasn’t happy for him I get stuffed and he was done with me.

More tears, and few words followed as I attempted to understand what he was saying. He got up and walked out. We haven’t heard from him since.

He decided many years ago to have nothing to do with my sister and has never met her children etc. There was no falling out or argument so to speak, they just didn’t see eye to eye and he wrote her off rather randomly. He has no home, and stays with friends and goes from job to job, many of which provide his accommodation out west. He has financial issues and health issues. We have always been close and have always cared deeply for each other even though I realise there is little I can do to help his situations. I am married and live a nice middle class life, which he struggles to accept but we find common ground. He sees my son, and comes and goes from our life fairly randomly.

I have told my mother, of his intentions to marry this woman, and helped her through her shock and pain. Dad has yet to call again, and we wonder if we will see him again. I have no idea what to do. Do I call him? Leave him be? I do not know how to accept this new situation as my first instinct is to save this poor girl not congratulate them. We have concerns about him having children with her etc.

None of this was expected and his randomness we have found a balance with, but I do not know what to do next.

I hope your readers can help.

I'm not sure I know what sort of input you want here, Tuky. We have an adult (married) daughter giving her version of events in relation to the breakdown of her father's marriage and his efforts to find happiness with another woman. It is always difficult to know the truth of a situation when one only has one side of the story. For example, the 'mail order bride' line is meaningless. Perhaps the fellow works overseas and met his new wife there - who knows?

I suppose that marriage breakdowns often have the potential to cause considerable grief to surrounding family members, particularly the children of the marriage. But it's not as if they are uncommon occurrences. Mum and dad stuck it through until the kids were off their hands. Dad now has a new wife, whether she came by post or otherwise. End of story.

E: I think many of us know of people who have married so-called mail order brides. The ones I know of seem happy - both man and wife. Perhaps the daughter has had a conservative upbringing that has given her a blinkered perspective of the realities of life, and is now living in middle America in her nice suburban home with white picket fence. Perhaps she'll submit another post to the blog in twelve months saying, 'I was wrong'.

I think what struck me was the immediate presumption that his pretty young asain girl must be a mail order bride whom needs to be saved from her people trafficking father.

When 99% of the time the Dad, as you have stated probably met his new wife whilst working overseas and fell in love.

Yes I think the term has come to mean more than its origins. There are those who say, 'There goes Frank with his mail order wife', referring to anyone with an Asian wife. I had an 'upper middle class' (don't you love labels!) Korean lady friend here in Australia for several years and I got used to overhearing the odd comment from time to time.

> What to do about my Dads mail order bride... ?

And the relationships that are seeded in Bali by Austrailian Women are different how ?

"...the sex between older Australian women and "Kuta Cowboys", young Indonesian gigolos. Shhh...the guys don't like it when you use that word..." Source.

Does seem like the daughter should grow up a little...

Perhaps the daughter has had a conservative upbringing that has given her a blinkered perspective of the realities of life, and is now living in middle America in her nice suburban home with white picket fence.

Actually, I got it from news.com.au so she is in middle Australia

I wonder if she knows how hard it actually is to even get a holiday visa for an Asian girl, assuming the asian girl is not from an ETA country like Singapore. Just that fact means that they will have had to prove they are in a relationship to the Aussie Imm.

Do mail order brides still exist?

I mean, I know it is easy to find a girl on asianfriendfinder, philipinaheart or similar but mail order?

Anyway, I felt quite taken aback by her mindset. I am sure the family life she describes could be describing many TV members themselves.

I left Australia when I was 21 and my second serious girlfriend was a Singaporean, since then I have not been with a western girl again. So I am not very well informed when it comes to western thinking. Infact I sat through a cultural training course a month or so ago that was held by my company. When the Indo teacher asked me about my culture the only thing I could tell him was that I am an Aussie, we do not have any culture. I honestly could not think of what the Aussie culture, the one I am supposed to have grown up actually is. I guess I have been away so long that I never really found out what culture group I belong to. It is instinct for me to pass anything with my right hand,to stoop when passing between people who are holding a conversation. My Aussie family think I am nutz whenever I visit them and can't enter the house with my shoes on, just as I think they are nutz being able to lay out on the sofa with shoe covered feet on the seat.

Anyway, I just think the woman who wrotein to "Bossy" has a very narrow minded vision and I feel that the problem lies with her rather than her Father.

Perhaps the daughter has had a conservative upbringing that has given her a blinkered perspective of the realities of life, and is now living in middle America in her nice suburban home with white picket fence.

Actually, I got it from news.com.au so she is in middle Australia

(snip)

Okay, triple-fronted cream brick veneer home!

Actually, I got it from news.com.au so she is in middle Australia

I wondered where that whining bitch of a step daughter had got to.

IT'S ALL LIES, THERE WAS NOTHING AMICABLE ABOUT MY DIVORCE FROM HER MOTHER!!!!