Drunken Relatives - Pain In The A**

[wasabi]

I agree with sassienie post 14. aside from his good advice you could grind up and drop a pill of Neurontin in her drink everyday. You can buy it over the counter here. Sounds like she needs it anyway.

[bravingbangkok]

Should do the trick !

[jubby]

If she's not physically Violent towards you then why not try to see some Humour in it.

I know its difficult believe me, I've been putting up with drunk inlaws for years and years. You just can't let them ruin your life .

Just this morning I was getting amourous with the wife when I heard a tap , tap , tap on the bedroom door. <deleted> . Its her drunken brother ,two days into his binge, a bottle of lao Khao tucked in the back of his sarong type thingy , covered in Sh*t and a flower in his hair (honestly). I just saw 'red mist' I grabbed him and dragged him out the house like a sack of potatoes. The mist dies down and I tell myself enough's enough. A few minutes later and the Humour kicks in and I return to the Job in hand.

Maybe we can arrange some sort of 'Bus mans Holiday' swap them for a few days.

Edited May 29, 2009 by jubby

[SMEEERE]

A good friend of mine had this and it was a drunken brother always bumming off the sister, in the end they had to move as the brother made a death threat on the husband and he was quite rightly concerned, we have all seen what these drunken savages are capaple of, and a drunk woman can be worse than a man ..me, i would move,

[tim armstrong]

Sounds like the sister is mentally ill, and the drink is a side issue. The only real sensible option is to move. Other than that you could make complaints with the local police (I understand after three reports action is taken to address the situation by putting her in a hospital), but that would upset your girlfriend. There is no social welfare system in the villages as you know. Personally I would move.

Good luck

I'm surprised that there aren't a few suggestions about helping the sister. More likely that she has a drinking problem that could be connected to a mental illness or another personal/family issue. If you want help to sort it out, we can offer very affordable, short term residential programs for Thais in both Thai and English, with experienced counsellors, and Thai staff. PM me if you would like to discuss it further.

[bkkjames]

Sounds like the sister is mentally ill, and the drink is a side issue. The only real sensible option is to move. Other than that you could make complaints with the local police (I understand after three reports action is taken to address the situation by putting her in a hospital), but that would upset your girlfriend. There is no social welfare system in the villages as you know. Personally I would move.

Good luck

I'm surprised that there aren't a few suggestions about helping the sister. More likely that she has a drinking problem that could be connected to a mental illness or another personal/family issue. If you want help to sort it out, we can offer very affordable, short term residential programs for Thais in both Thai and English, with experienced counsellors, and Thai staff. PM me if you would like to discuss it further.

I am surprised you didnt just PM the concerned instead of boring the rest of us with your poorly veiled commercial message.

[nigelandjan]

I have to say I am suprised by the basic lack of knowledge about Thai familys in some of these posts ,, ANY suggestions about one family member harming another in one way or another is a non starter .Thais may not have a lot materially , but they do have one hel_l of a family bond , whatever the problem .

An alcholic at whatever stage is a complete bore and will eventually alienate him/ herself from all around , bit like throwing a stone in a pond with the ongoing ripple effect.

Unfortunately you have 2 choices here ,, 1 put up with it ,,,,, 2 move on God alone knows there are many thousands more in the LOS ,, or who knows , you have gone to Laos you dont mention if you have gone alone ??

Good luck

[tim armstrong]

Sounds like the sister is mentally ill, and the drink is a side issue. The only real sensible option is to move. Other than that you could make complaints with the local police (I understand after three reports action is taken to address the situation by putting her in a hospital), but that would upset your girlfriend. There is no social welfare system in the villages as you know. Personally I would move.

Good luck

I'm surprised that there aren't a few suggestions about helping the sister. More likely that she has a drinking problem that could be connected to a mental illness or another personal/family issue. If you want help to sort it out, we can offer very affordable, short term residential programs for Thais in both Thai and English, with experienced counsellors, and Thai staff. PM me if you would like to discuss it further.

I am surprised you didnt just PM the concerned instead of boring the rest of us with your poorly veiled commercial message.

Thanks for that. I didn't think of a PM to the concerned, I will do that now. I have used the tv classifieds for commercials since their beginning. Just trying to be useful on this page.

[rolypie]

Stop the cash no drinkl easy!

[bkkjames]

Sounds like the sister is mentally ill, and the drink is a side issue. The only real sensible option is to move. Other than that you could make complaints with the local police (I understand after three reports action is taken to address the situation by putting her in a hospital), but that would upset your girlfriend. There is no social welfare system in the villages as you know. Personally I would move.

Good luck

I'm surprised that there aren't a few suggestions about helping the sister. More likely that she has a drinking problem that could be connected to a mental illness or another personal/family issue. If you want help to sort it out, we can offer very affordable, short term residential programs for Thais in both Thai and English, with experienced counsellors, and Thai staff. PM me if you would like to discuss it further.

I am surprised you didnt just PM the concerned instead of boring the rest of us with your poorly veiled commercial message.

Thanks for that. I didn't think of a PM to the concerned, I will do that now. I have used the tv classifieds for commercials since their beginning. Just trying to be useful on this page.

No problems mate, just giving you a hard time. To make ammends, will buy you a beer sometime.

[saraburioz]

Sounds like the sister is mentally ill, and the drink is a side issue. The only real sensible option is to move. Other than that you could make complaints with the local police (I understand after three reports action is taken to address the situation by putting her in a hospital), but that would upset your girlfriend. There is no social welfare system in the villages as you know. Personally I would move.

Good luck

I'm surprised that there aren't a few suggestions about helping the sister. More likely that she has a drinking problem that could be connected to a mental illness or another personal/family issue. If you want help to sort it out, we can offer very affordable, short term residential programs for Thais in both Thai and English, with experienced counsellors, and Thai staff. PM me if you would like to discuss it further.

I am surprised you didnt just PM the concerned instead of boring the rest of us with your poorly veiled commercial message.

Im surprised you brought it to the attention of even more people.

I bet it's far from affordable.

[bkkjames]

Sounds like the sister is mentally ill, and the drink is a side issue. The only real sensible option is to move. Other than that you could make complaints with the local police (I understand after three reports action is taken to address the situation by putting her in a hospital), but that would upset your girlfriend. There is no social welfare system in the villages as you know. Personally I would move.

Good luck

I'm surprised that there aren't a few suggestions about helping the sister. More likely that she has a drinking problem that could be connected to a mental illness or another personal/family issue. If you want help to sort it out, we can offer very affordable, short term residential programs for Thais in both Thai and English, with experienced counsellors, and Thai staff. PM me if you would like to discuss it further.

I am surprised you didnt just PM the concerned instead of boring the rest of us with your poorly veiled commercial message.

Im surprised you brought it to the attention of even more people.

I bet it's far from affordable.

Good point. Reminds me of that sitcom where two guys sitting around chewing nicorette and one says to the other "I found a much cheaper alternative get us off this addicting gum - it's called cigarettes."

[patklang]

Sounds like you are living upcountry.

These situations can be difficult,but stop being weak if it affects your life so much.Do NOT put up with this crap,be a man and get it sorted,these things dont get better,only worse.

Nobody but nobody would be allowed to make my life miserable.

[Neeranam]

I'd have a quiet word with her and tell her the benefits of not drinking. I'd give her AA literature and take her to an AA meeting in your town, and I belive there are daily meetings in Thai there.

Edited May 29, 2009 by Neeranam

[Geekfreaklover]

Sounds like the sister is mentally ill, and the drink is a side issue. The only real sensible option is to move. Other than that you could make complaints with the local police (I understand after three reports action is taken to address the situation by putting her in a hospital), but that would upset your girlfriend. There is no social welfare system in the villages as you know. Personally I would move.

Good luck

I'm surprised that there aren't a few suggestions about helping the sister. More likely that she has a drinking problem that could be connected to a mental illness or another personal/family issue. If you want help to sort it out, we can offer very affordable, short term residential programs for Thais in both Thai and English, with experienced counsellors, and Thai staff. PM me if you would like to discuss it further.

Shameless ambulance chasing tactics

Edited May 29, 2009 by Geekfreaklover

[473geo]

Have you thought of making some effort to welcome her into your family group again? Ok at present it would be difficult...but....have you thought of inviting her over for breakfast in the morning to help line her stomach a bit. You see if I had been bringing up my sisters daughter and she arrived back with a farang and took away my purpose in life, well I might feel a little put out. If I was then pushed away I doubt I would be very happy. Is there no way you could involve her in your'family' especially with your daughter; who thinks a great deal of her. I would try to encourage your wife not to push her away but give her back some self esteem.....perhaps they could go on a shopping trip with your daughter....do some work around the house and have a drink with you at the finish. I realise this is a difficult time but being abrasive and coming between the two sisters I do not see as being the answer. Always remember it is also possible your other half will say to you what she thinks you want to hear......not necessarily what she is actually thinking. Hope you get it sorted......one way I dealt with a drunk once was to have them drink Lao kao and down a few in one....pretty soon they cannot speak or walk...sleep becomes the only option!!! After a few happenings people pointed out what I was doing, and the person realised they were missing out on the action...not to be outsmarted by the farang cut down the drinking all round....I just got lucky I guess.

[TheLaughingMan]

I'd have a quiet word with her and tell her the benefits of not drinking. I'd give her AA literature and take her to an AA meeting in your town, and I belive there are daily meetings in Thai there.

You realise how naive that sounds right? Guess you would also try to discuss the virtues of non violence to a raving maniac that had a gun to your head and wanted your money or your life?

[Neeranam]

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

http://alanonthailand.org/

[BigSnake]

Your girlfriend needs to stand-up to this bully of a sister, start by not allow her daughter to out with her, do not allow her into your home until she cleanup her act, your GIRLFRIEND must be the leading force, you run strong support, Your girlfriend should call the police on her butt if she continue to make trouble in front of your house for no reason, now if all else fail, have your lady to get two, maybe three of her best GIRLfriends to set with her in front of your house and when this loud mouth bully showup, the ladies can have a little Hen party with her.

[zorro1]

kick her butt with a military style boot really really hard then offer her another drink and if she sips, do it again. Not politically correct but be she should be stunned into submission

[473geo]

Your girlfriend needs to stand-up to this bully of a sister, start by not allow her daughter to out with her, do not allow her into your home until she cleanup her act, your GIRLFRIEND must be the leading force, you run strong support, Your girlfriend should call the police on her butt if she continue to make trouble in front of your house for no reason, now if all else fail, have your lady to get two, maybe three of her best GIRLfriends to set with her in front of your house and when this loud mouth bully showup, the ladies can have a little Hen party with her.

Do you understand the situation here?....the sister has 'done good' by taking care of the girlfriends daughter...even more good when the girlfriend has landed a farang.....the ops GF cannot be seen to be nasty to the sister that has done her so much good. This is Thailand.

When the sister is drunk what do you think she is shouting......something along the lines of what I have just written......I would guess!!

[loong]

Thanks for all the replies, it's taking me some time to digest everything.

First of all, I'd like to point out that most of the words in my original post stem from my girlfriend. She is a lot more stressed than I am by all of this. As I have said before, I have never been the subject of her abuse, it's my gf in the firing line most of the time.

Lancelot wrote......

1) Move FAR away

2) Tell the gf she can make a choice-either the sister goes or you go.

I'm not trying to be smart or clever or give offence. The sister sounds nasty and those types of people only understand equally harsh treatment.

It surprises me that many people's answer to a problem seems to be to move away from it. My gf doesn't want to be driven out of her home and I agree with her. Moving away would also deprive littl'un of her Grandfather's company and love.

I don't really want to be giving my gf ultimatums, especially as I cannot think what she can do to resolve this situation. I have tried to consider this from my gf's point of view to see if a solution springs to mind and I can think of nothing. That's partly why I have started this topic, in the hope that others may have been in the same situation and maybe stumbled on the magic solution.

G54,

When a Mother at the end of her tether, because of her drug addicted, abusive and thieving son, gets the police involved to institutionalise him, I think that people will mostly understand. Especially if he has been thieving from the locals

Involving the police really isn't an option unless she becomes extremely violent and the family is in real danger. Even though the villagers have no respect for the sister, you know how tolerant Thais are. Certainly, we would be thought of as the bad guys if we called the police.

There is little or no stigma attached to being a drunkard in rural Thailand.

Ozzydom wrote...........

Question .... Is there such a thing as the equivalent to a restraining order under Thai law.??

Under these orders (in the west) a court orders that the person must stay a certain distance away from the complainant or their property.

That would necessitate involving the police, I can't imagine that she would respect the terms of a restraining order anyway.

TheLaughingMan wrote....

I'm surprised that you and I share so many opinions and yet our lives are so completely different and we are opposite in most ways. Both you are her husband aren't really nice, you are just weak. He lets her abuse him and he takes it, that is not called being nice. I would never let a drunk anywhere near my child, that is a tragedy just waiting to happen. She should not be allowed in your house or near your family.

On one occasion a drunken man was making a nuisance of himself and another time a drunken man entered our house uninvited. Both times I used gentle force to remove them from the property. This is ok because they were men. It would be seen as wrong if I used any force whatsoever to remove the sister. I can also assure you that gentle force would not be enough.

Her husband has tried to escort her from our house before when she has caused trouble, she has then become more abusive and violent towards him. He may be weak, but much as she may deserve it, he is not a wife beater.

I would like to hear your suggestion as to how to handle this. How can I remove her from the property? She would not go calmly, probably turn violent and then I would have no choice but to defend myself. I would be in a no win situation. If my gf tried to remove her using force, the sister would flatten her.

I will post this now and respond to others later

Edited May 30, 2009 by loong

[Birdman]

......The sister's husband has to work away sometimes and we have a really good and happy life when she is not here. It's just when they return to the village, but this time it's much more stressful as she is so much worse than before.

Incidentally, it's not just me who is p***ed off with her, most of the village including my girlfriend is.

So anybody else had a similar situation? Any luck in sorting it out without packing your bags and leaving?

I'm off to Laos soon, so may not be able to read your replies for a few days.

Find a long time, far away work for her husband, where she can live too. Check that out also through the net. Many new hotels and new real estates all over Thailand are looking for all kinds of staff!!

[Thai at Heart]

Move just far enough away that it may mean they break into one bead of sweat to come and see you. 400m by walking, 3km by songtaew or motorcycle should be about far enough.

[Livinginexile]

Hi Loong, how was your trip th Lao?

It's a difficult situation you are in, it must be very hard for your G/F too because she would love her sister and it will be hurting her a lot to see this happening to her.

But the truth of the matter is it's going to get worst before it gets better.

What you have described is classic alcoholic symptoms and it sounds like she is on the steap part of the curve heading down.

What to do? I guess that comes down to your and your g/f's tolerence for such things and how much you both love her.

It's really hard when it's family.

No advice here my friend but I truely wish you both the best of luck.

Please keep us informed.

All the best.

[TheLaughingMan]

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

http://alanonthailand.org/

I didn't doubt the organisations existed, I simply felt your outlook that you could reason with and enlighten a Thai drunk is completely naive and foolish and unrealistic.

[TheLaughingMan]

"On one occasion a drunken man was making a nuisance of himself and another time a drunken man entered our house uninvited. Both times I used gentle force to remove them from the property. This is ok because they were men. It would be seen as wrong if I used any force whatsoever to remove the sister. I can also assure you that gentle force would not be enough.

Her husband has tried to escort her from our house before when she has caused trouble, she has then become more abusive and violent towards him. He may be weak, but much as she may deserve it, he is not a wife beater.

I would like to hear your suggestion as to how to handle this. How can I remove her from the property? She would not go calmly, probably turn violent and then I would have no choice but to defend myself. I would be in a no win situation. If my gf tried to remove her using force, the sister would flatten her."

Loong what you are saying here is your family is being held hostage by the threat of violence, do you really think this is the correct way to live?

[fullservice]

Why do so many of you put up with so much problems like this? I would stay away from dysfunctional people like that. Move or leave your girlfriend.

[G54]

Why do so many of you put up with so much problems like this? I would stay away from dysfunctional people like that. Move or leave your girlfriend.

If the OP loves her- as I am assuming he does from his posts, why would he want to leave her because the sister is the problem? If we love someone and are getting the same love in return, we want to help and to do our best to resolve problems, as the OP is trying to do.

Many of the suggestions here may not have helped but at the end of the day many of us are trying to be positive in our suggestions.

Move or leave? Not really helpful.

[loong]

Why do so many of you put up with so much problems like this? I would stay away from dysfunctional people like that. Move or leave your girlfriend.

You obviously have no idea what it is like to be part of a family. To me, leaving my gf is not an option that I would even consider for a second. The son is older, and accepts me as his stepfather. The daughter loves me, she believes that I am her real Father and I could not love her more if she had come from my blood.

It's taken a long time, but now I am accepted by most of the villagers. This place is my HOME, can you understand that?

LivingInExile, no I didn't really enjoy my trip to Laos. It was just a necessity as i had to get a visa to tide me over before I visit the UK later in the year and get a new Non "O". I found Vientiane ok, but expensive compared to Thailand. The only thing cheaper there is beer in the bars, but as I'm not drinking at the moment, no good to me. Despite the situation here, I was happy to come home again.