Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.

After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right b*tt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

Donald Trump's hair growing in the wild.

A few musings to pass on:-

I have always said, you should learn something new every day.
Unfortunately, many of us are at that age where what we learn today, we forget tomorrow.

But, give it a shot anyway.

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"Don't worry about old age--it doesn't last that long"

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Theory is when you know everything, but nothing works.
Practice is when everithing works, but you don't know the cause.
I have joined theory and practice: Nothing works and I don't know the cause.

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Today is the oldest you've ever been, yet the youngest you'll ever be so - Enjoy the day while it lasts.

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."

Q: Why is England the wettest country?

A: Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.

Little Johnny was in the classroom bored to the back teeth on a Friday afternoon, and the teacher decided to have a
game for the kids to get them thinking.

"Okay class. Now I'm going to say a famous quote, and the first person to tell me who said that quote, can have Monday
off." said the teacher.

"Who is credited with writing the phrase:" "To be or not to be, that is the question?" asked the teacher.

Little Pham Lam Nguyen at the front of the class called out; "Shakespeare".

"Well done!" said the teacher; "You can have Monday off."

"No thank you Miss. I am of Vietnamese origin and it is in our culture to study as hard as we can, so I will be here on
Monday studying hard." said Little Pham Lam Nguyen.

"Well okay;" said the teacher.

The next quote is, "I had a dream!'

Little Fri Sum Kat also at the front yelled out "I bereive it was Martin Ruther King!"

"Well done!" said the teacher. "You can have Monday off"

"No thanka you Miss. I am of Chinese oligin and we also do not take time offa school. Education is evelything to us, so
I will be in on Monday studying hard too." said little Fri Sum Kat.

"Okay;" said the teacher.

Then she heard a voice from the back of the classroom: "<deleted!> Asians!"

"Who said that?" yelled the teacher in an angry tone.

"Donald Trump!" yelled little Johnny. "See ya Tuesday".

lifebeforethecomputer.jpg

Great

CATHOLIC MORNING COFFEE

Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square .

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, The four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies,

I have a daughter,

SLIM & TALL

40 D Breasts

24" WAIST and

34" HIPS

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.

There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.



"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and
said,"Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house
of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had
to have the bird anyway.

She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say
something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and
said,
"New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not
so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school,
the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the
woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the
situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.


Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith