Worst Joke Ever

[laislica]

[ozsamurai]

[laislica]

Heather Small was recently admitted to hospital with a Superman action figure lodged up her arse

but doctors refused to operate.
She had to "Search for the Hero inside herself"

[laislica]

[JB300]

Heather Small was recently admitted to hospital with a Superman action figure lodged up her arse

but doctors refused to operate.
She had to "Search for the Hero inside herself"

Funniest thing I've heard all year...


Get the <deleted> out of this thread [emoji15]

[White Christmas13]

There was a midget down in Texas whose testicles hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia. 

"Aha!" mumbled the doc and, as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. 

"Aha!" said the doctor again, and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side, then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. 

The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles were no longer aching. 

The doctor said, "How does that feel now?" The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?" 

The doctor replied, "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots." 
 

[White Christmas13]

While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and he began a conversation. 
Cowboy: "Hey, nice dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him? 
Indian: "Dog no talk." 
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?" 
Dog: "Doin' alright." 
Indian: Look of shock. 
Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" Pointing at the Indian. 
Dog: "Yep." 
Cowboy: "How does he treat you?" 
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play." 
Indian: Look of disbelief. 
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" 
Indian: "Horse no talk." 
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?" 
Horse: "Good." 
Indian: Extreme look of shock. 
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" Pointing at the Indian. 
Horse: "Yep." 
Cowboy: "How does he treat you?" 
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, 
brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."
Indian: Complete look of utter amazement. 
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?" 
Indian: "Sheep liar." 

[White Christmas13]

Back in the old Wild West, there were two blond cowpokes, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying a strong sasparilla in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar with an Indian's head under his arm. 

The barman shakes his hand and says, "I hate Indians; last week the bastards burnt my barn to the ground, assaulted my wife and killed my children." He then says, "If any man brings me the head of an Indian, I'll give him one thousand dollars." 

The two blonds looked at each other and walked out of the bar to go hunting for an Indian. They were walking around for a while when suddenly they saw one; Jeff threw a rock which hit the Indian right on the head. 

The Indian fell off his horse, but landed seventy feet down a ravine. The two nuts made their way down the ravine where Dave pulled out a knife to claim their trophy. 

Suddenly, Jeff said, "Dave, take a look at this." Dave replied, "Not now, I'm busy." 

Jeff tugged him on the shoulder and says, "I really think you should look at this." 

Dave said, "Look, you can see I'm busy. There's a thousand dollars in my hand." 

But Jeff was adamant. "Please, Dave, take a look at this." 

So Dave looked up and saw that standing at the top of the ravine were five thousand red Indians. 

Dave just shook his head and said, "Oh . . . my . . . God . . . we're going to be millionaires!"

[Living in a cartoon]

What did the leper say to the blowjob hooker.

 

Keep the tip.

[Living in a cartoon]

What did the sign on the out-of-business massage parlor say.

 

Beat it, we're closed.

[Living in a cartoon]

What's the difference between a priest and a zit.

 

A zit will wait until you're twelve before it comes on your face.

[laislica]

I must not laugh - I must not laugh!  

[laislica]

[laislica]

"So you can see.

I was only following instructions, your honour".

 

 

[laislica]

    Dinner anyone?

 

 

[sandmike]

Rubbery .. fank you so much !!!

To be honest, the food in C&C in Jomtien is good, and in a nice setting ...

[laislica]

[billd766]

22 hours ago, laislica said:

    Dinner anyone?

 

 

 

 Many years ago I used the one that used to be/still is on Sukhumvit soi 10 or 12.

 

AFAIR it was OK but seemed to rely more on the name than the food.

[White Christmas13]

It seems a young farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in and eat dinner with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon back up." "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to." 

"Nonsense, come on!" the farmer insisted. "Well, okay," the boy finally agreed, "but Pa won't like it." 

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset." 

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is your Pa?" 

"Under the wagon."
 

[White Christmas13]

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the theater. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's you're name?" 

"Sam," the cowboy moaned. 

"Where ya from, Sam?" 

With pain in his voice Sam replied....... "The balcony." 
 

[Wilsonandson]

[Wilsonandson]

[Wilsonandson]

[Wilsonandson]

[Wilsonandson]

[Ace of Pop]

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

[White Christmas13]

A young lady stops by her grandmother's house on the way to a dance. She wants to introduce her boy friend to her grandmother. As they are chatting, her boy friend spies some peanuts on the coffee table. He begins munching on them as they converse.

 

After about an hour, they are getting ready to leave and he thanks the grandmother for her hospitality and especially for the peanuts.

 

"Oh, your welcome young man," she says. "I appreciate you finishing them up. Ever since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off of them."

[White Christmas13]

A blonde and a brunette are watching a TV show. The brunette bets the blonde $10 that the man in the episode would jump off a bridge. The man jumps off the bridge and blonde pays the the brunette $10. The brunette feels guilty because she had already seen the episode, so she confesses to the blonde. The blonde says, "I've seen it too, but I didn't think he would jump again."

[White Christmas13]

Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"

 

Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"

 

"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail.

 

At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"

 

The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog

[White Christmas13]

A frog calls a psychic

 

Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.

 

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

 

The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

 

"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."