I read somewhere... I think an AA website, that you can't pick up another man's burden, you just make your own heavier without making his load lighter.

Last week (in Australia) I was in a shopping mall in a part of town that is a bit, well, rough around the edges and my stepson tapped me on the shoulder and said "Hi".

I haven't seen him for several years, mainly because his mother was using him to get at me but we were fairly close once. He looked terrible, underweight and unshaven and was bleeding from the mouth. He said he'd been in a fight in the carpark with an Aboriginal. This is at 10.30am in the morning.

I said let's get a coffee and catch up but he replied he'd love to but he had to get cleaned up and meet someone soon.

He's in his 30s so his life is his own but I still had a sleepless night out of it. I've virtually decided I don't want to know about his problems, I've had enough of my own this year.

It's still on my mind a lot though.

Tough story mate. I still go with the saying "a problem shared is a problem halved". Sometimes just getting something discussed is a big help. Whatever happens, good luck.

Scea, you saying this

I've virtually decided I don't want to know about his problems

and then this

It's still on my mind a lot though.

Tells me you need to know and want to help. IMO of course

Scea, you saying this

I've virtually decided I don't want to know about his problems

and then this

It's still on my mind a lot though.

Tells me you need to know and want to help. IMO of course

My eldest is 25. Great kid, loves and respects me. I raised her by myself and she left home at 18 to go to uni. She dropped out and went off the rails for a while......

I like to think that my love for her, my patience, and my no-bullshit sincerity.....no bullshit sincerity...... played a part in her getting back on track.

I feel for you......I empathise with not wanting to know about his problems, I know about sleepless nights.

But you're right, this is a burden that can't be shared.

If you need to give him an uppercut, a beer, a hug..... whatever it is that your family does and understands, then do it.

After all, even though he is an adult, you are a wiser adult and more a mature adult. You need to take the initiative.

Strange how things work.

The gossip chain got back to me and apparently he told his mother he'd seen me and said I looked like I was really ill.

He's left his phone number with mutual acquaintances so I might give him a ring when I get back next year.

I might give him a ring when I get back next year.

Give him a call now, I know that there isn't much of it left but for many people there will not be a next year.

Iron hot, no time like the present, a stitch in time .... etc etc.

Strange how things work.

The gossip chain got back to me and apparently he told his mother he'd seen me and said I looked like I was really ill.

He's left his phone number with mutual acquaintances so I might give him a ring when I get back next year.

Don't wait until next year. Do it now.

I was out of touch with my two grown children in the US for several years. I now am back in touch with them and regret all those years we lost. We are on good terms and talk quite often.

Trite but true..."Time waits for no man."

I've always been so distant to my wife's last kid that I didn't realize he was my step-son for years. We never lived in the same house. But I last saw my step-mother's nieces in 1960. I last saw one cousin in 1958; never saw my uncle's daughter. Some families aren't close.

But it's best to nourish relationships. Living thousands of miles apart requires extra effort to maintain ties.

Call him.

Thanks guys, I'm back there after Christmas, I'll give him a call.