I realise i may not get honest answers here (gf/wives bf/husbands in the background) but putting it out there anyway.

A discussion over coffee led to a male friend saying he doesnt believe any man could be 100% faithful in Thailand.

Of course there is truth in that..so many easy pickings..so much temptation, yet still, i want to believe that men (and women) can retain some sense of integrity and not act on impulses.

So...whats your thoughts?

Some questions going through my own mind are:

Do you think there comes a moment when the person you are worth is valuable enough to you that they arent worth possibly losing over a casual encounter?

Or..that casual encounters are ok, so long as the secret is kept?

There are no secrets in this matter.

Whatever you think, however careful you are, eventually - and sooner rather than later - it will be exposed.

Whether that will finish the primary relationship, or just bruise it, dependson both partners.

Well said.

Of course, if a couple recovers from one partners unfaithfulness, i suppose the main thing is will the partner be able to remain faithful in future, and will there always be a seed of doubt.

I've been married 7 years and not strayed once.

I like it like that, there's no skeletons in my closet. I can and do go for a drink with friends on cowboy or Nana and the misses doesn't say a word because she knows me well enough.

Those who say it cannot be done are just trying to defend their own actions. Just because they don't have the integrity to be faithful to others, and themselves, absolutely does not mean it is the same for others. I'm no saint, but then I don't think being faithful is a saintly action, rather it is the norm (or should be).

The thing is that in a place like Thailand those who do stray are often surrounded by like minded people who fuel their self lies to the point that they begin believing in it, whereas back home most would tell them that it is absolutely not acceptable. I'm please to say that the vast majority of my friends would not consider cheating on somebody who has feelings for them

Sorry eek, but your friend is full of it. Just a monger trying to convince himself and others that it is normal to do something that could hurt other people.

working in Thailand for 6 years nearly now, i have NEVER met a male who has been faithful ( only 1 , a friend, as he cannot afford it )

when i first worked here, i was invited to a very important event, where i was offered girls, i kindly declined as i had a GF and was looked at in a very funny way ( basically the boss said if you do not take an offer of a women you will not succeed ) , ever since then, with guest coming from all corners of the world, bankers ect, lawyers, it has been the norm to go to clubs and get girls.

again, the thai companies i have worked for, even the most Honest Thai Man has always strayed away from home.

well thats my two cents

Perhaps it's a question of the company you keep.

I bin hitched nigh on 8 months.

100% faithful.

I had a Thai g/f for 4 years, was faithful to her 100%

When I was NOT committed, I played around.......... hmmmmmmmm y not

Perhaps it's a question of the company you keep.

maybe not a question of company, but a way each and every member see's life here

i mean i am only 28, so may company is 23 - 40 years, mainly through the business world, or at work , at in that bracket, both hi so and lo so , they all play away from home..

and this is coming from a broad spectrum, not just the lads down the pub

but then in return, the ladies, ( mainly those in there twentys ) are also not best at keeping their knickers on ( and most of them are Hi So )

I haven't strayed in Thailand in this relationship, (six years) I overlapped a little at the start but since I finished with the first I've been honest.

I haven't really been tempted though, I'm careful where I go alone or with other guys, I think it's a bargirl/hooker thing, been there, done that... got the scars on the urethra to show for it.

Chiang Rai is a small town for Farangs as well.

The girl in the phone shop put her number on my phone when I bought a new sim, "in case I had a problem she could help me with", last year. I deleted it later, but I never told the Mrs.

Boater's post reminds me of John Burdett's book "Bangkok 8" where the police colonel berates the detective... "not taking bribes is bad enough, but refusing free sex is absolutely ridiculous".

I don't know about Thailand because I never came here until I was single. But, I was married 20 years with my first wife and never played around once. And, that's not because there weren't many opportunities... even when my wife went to Australia for 5 months. I just knew that the moment you cross the line once it becomes too easy to repeat. I never cheated on my second wife either, but that was more because I was deeply in love with her and never wanted another woman. So, I guess I'm saying that commitment is a PERSONAL choice.

Thailand is a different place with different standards and I don't really understand some of the intrigue here. I've heard too many funny stories to believe otherwise. I know a bunch of married men who come to Thailand to have a little "fling" but are totally faithful when they are home in Canada. That is the reason why I stay single. I won't play around with another man's wife or girlfriend. I just don't need the hassle and the loss of my own self respect.

If being faithful is no longer important in your relationship, and you feel you need something more...........why not just to move on......

However...... do we consider an occasional one night stand, once a year,..... being unfaithful......or inquizitive?

Moonrakers, Zpete, and scea..i have absolutely devoted respect for you. Thank you for that.

Everyone else, appreciate the honesty.

One of my Thai relations has two 'wives' in the same village, as long as he is taking care of the wives and his offspring well he is seen as a good man.

So is the faithful question not attempting to confirm/inflict western values?

Is the Thai way to take good care of your loved ones for life, as opposed to shag the same woman for life?

its not cheating if both women entered into the relationship aware of the other.

I have a cousin in law with four mias (three mia nois and a mia leung) his father was the same. He is absolutely honest with any new wife as to the existence of the others and a couple of his wives are actually friends. I don't classify that as cheating.

I think eek's issue is more about dishonesty and lying rather than your neighbor or my cousin in law.

Its absolutely not about agreed situations (ie: mia noi's or open relationships). For me relationships should be built upon mutual solid ground. Both parties having solid mutual ideas of what they consider makes a good relationship. If it is mutually agreed upon to have an open relationship or a mia noi, then of course that is not an issue.

For me personally a stable relationship is based on trust and honesty. Sometimes I may not like what I hear, but i would rather hear the truth, then deal with it. Of course, i would rather have a person have the same core values, and for me, one of those core values is faithfulness.

Its not about a western value system.

OK..... IF I was unfaithful while married.........and I wanted my marriage to continue to run smoothly.......I would never admit to being unfaithful......in that instance, it would in my opinion, serve no useful purpose.

I like it like that, there's no skeletons in my closet. I can and do go for a drink with friends on cowboy or Nana and the misses doesn't say a word because she knows me well enough.

That depends on where you draw the line in the sand........

I know many who would consider rocking up at cowboy with a few mates and oggling some dancers, maybe being generous and buying a ladydrink or two - as "un-faithful".

IMO the definition is different between different couples & it is unfair to judge other couples on your own set of standards.

I like it like that, there's no skeletons in my closet. I can and do go for a drink with friends on cowboy or Nana and the misses doesn't say a word because she knows me well enough.

That depends on where you draw the line in the sand........

I know many who would consider rocking up at cowboy with a few mates and oggling some dancers, maybe being generous and buying a ladydrink or two - as "un-faithful".

IMO the definition is different between different couples & it is unfair to judge other couples on your own set of standards.

Well yeah.

But I can't think of anything I'd rather NOT do than oggle the girls in girlie bars and they have absolutely no chance of getting a drink from me. When I go, I go for a drink just as I said and the only time I'll talk to a girl is to order a drink for myself or friends.

I didn't say anywhere that I have any interest in the girls whatsoever and I'd much rather sit outside and I usually do. Mrs. Rakers even comes with me sometimes.

They have bars that just happen to have girls serving in them, as do the vast majority of bars and pubs.

Like you said, it's unfair to judge.

For me personaIIy its intent and of course the act.

If you have friends of the opposite sex, fair enough. If you enjoy the opposite sex coming on to you, thats fair enough too. And.imo..aII perfectIy normaI. Admiring the opposite sex is pretty normaI imo too.

However, going out with intent..as in, hoping for something more. Meeting the opposite sex with intent..as in, hoping for something more (casuaI sex for exampIe). Setting up encounters with intent..and of course acting on it..is, for me personaIIy, what i consider cheating.

Intent and/or sexuaI contact = what i personaIIy cIass as unfaithfuI.

Never been unfaithful to my wife or any girlfriend previously. Gave it some thought today though when she told me I have to squeegee the glass of the shower partition after I take a shower. I told her that's the maid's job and she says the maid is no good at it. Yeah, I'm real happy I had the bathroom remodeled for her.

The worst for me, whilst i was married and faithful, was being accused every day of being off with another man. It got to the point that my husband started sniffing my knickers and saying that there was sperm on them.

I told him to take them to some specialist to get them tested!!

In the end he pushed too much and i met someone else and left. And never went back.....

But, during our long 3.5 years of marriage. I was faithful. I took my vows quite seriously.

Made me very sad that the one person who should have all faith in me didn't. I still cry about that.

But, on the other hand, he was a vicious wife beater which stemmed from the fact that he couldn't understand that his wife was faithful. I was the second one, and he did the same thing to the first.

Vicious circle.

He died 10 years ago on the first of April!!!

End of my little story.

But, i can tell you folks - it stays in your mind and your hearts forever.

If you really love him/her keep good.

For me personaIIy its intent and of course the act.

If you have friends of the opposite sex, fair enough. If you enjoy the opposite sex coming on to you, thats fair enough too. And.imo..aII perfectIy normaI. Admiring the opposite sex is pretty normaI imo too.

However, going out with intent..as in, hoping for something more. Meeting the opposite sex with intent..as in, hoping for something more (casuaI sex for exampIe). Setting up encounters with intent..and of course acting on it..is, for me personaIIy, what i consider cheating.

Intent and/or sexuaI contact = what i personaIIy cIass as unfaithfuI.

I don't think the actions you describe are those of a person who is happy in a relationship............even allowing for the temptation and the availability in Thailand

I got my revenge - we were still married and I got his life insurance which was the first time i got to Thailand..... and the second et al

And discovered a beautiful place.

I have been faithful to my wife on more than one occasion..................

Mia noi don't work for farangs, they know the rules are different for us and that we aren't equipped to handle that type of relationship properly.

You end up with two unhappy women instead of one happy one. I've never known a farang/mia noi situation where the mia noi hasn't eventually ended up mia, something very rare in Thai relationships.

Farang who can't live without a bit on the side, and there's quite a few of them in Thailand, are far better off with a discreet commercial transaction occasionally.

For me personaIIy its intent and of course the act.

If you have friends of the opposite sex, fair enough. If you enjoy the opposite sex coming on to you, thats fair enough too. And.imo..aII perfectIy normaI. Admiring the opposite sex is pretty normaI imo too.

However, going out with intent..as in, hoping for something more. Meeting the opposite sex with intent..as in, hoping for something more (casuaI sex for exampIe). Setting up encounters with intent..and of course acting on it..is, for me personaIIy, what i consider cheating.

Intent and/or sexuaI contact = what i personaIIy cIass as unfaithfuI.

I don't think the actions you describe are those of a person who is happy in a relationship............even allowing for the temptation and the availability in Thailand

what part exactIy (im not cIear)?. You mean having friends of the opposite sex, enjoying attention from the opposite sex, and admiring the opposite sex is indicative of a person not happy in a reIationship, or the Iater part?

Lots of good points on this topic, eek.

Some questions going through my own mind are:

Do you think there comes a moment when the person you are worth is valuable enough to you that they arent worth possibly losing over a casual encounter?

Or..that casual encounters are ok, so long as the secret is kept?

I doubt if any red blooded person isn't tempted at some point in a long term relationship. The question is do you risk a good marriage for a short term fling. As I said in my first reply, once you step over the line there is no going back. And, it becomes far too easy to repeat the first mistake. I learned that lesson the hard way when I was 18 and vowed never to let it happen again. I've kept my promise to myself.

If we are ALREADY in a loving relationship where we are still head over heals in love then it's easy to be faithful. But, that usually wears a bit thin after 10 years in a commited relationship. It takes a lot of strength to NOT stray when first tempted. I won't pass judgement on anyone else about infidelity. What others do is up to them and they have to live with their own actions.

More than a few wise psychologists have said to deny, deny, deny unless actually caught with your pants down. I've seen far many marriages go on the rocks when the spouse CHOOSES to confess infidelity when there was no reason to. With my first wife we had a circle of good friends that numbered 6 couples. We hung out together and so did our children. Then, one of the ladies started sending out "signals" to one of the other men and it started a domino effect. I know she did because she tried it with me first. Within 2 years the 6 couples were all split up. There we ony 2 of the men (myself and another man) that stayed faithful to our straying wives. The rest turned our group into a little Peyton Place.

I know that what happened to our group was not unusual, but that doesn't mean it happens to everyone. I doubt if there would ever be the same feeling of trust once a spouse has been unfaithful. So, in answer to eek, no, it's just not worth the risk. If it gets so bad that you have to stray to get some satisfying sex then it's better to end the relationship first. As enjoyable as it is, I sometimes think we would be better off like many of the animal kingdom where they only have sex for procreation.

Do you think there comes a moment when the person you are worth is valuable enough to you that they arent worth possibly losing over a casual encounter?

Or..that casual encounters are ok, so long as the secret is kept?

2 points there:

I think if you are fortunate enough to find "the one", then you would be silly to jeopardise losing her/him. Furthermore, I believe that true love does something to you and no matter how "red'blooded" you were, all your libido is centered on "the one" and there actually is no temptation to stray amy more.

I despise deceit in a relationship, and I try to live my life with the adage, "never do anything that you will later regret", so for me, with my commitment to my own personal philosophies, I can't see myself straying if I ever found "the one" that I could commit to.

As a handsome and reckless young man who found it easy to pull women, (years ago) I did alot of things I later regretted. The beliefs I hold on the subject of relationships certainly have matured over the years.

For me personaIIy its intent and of course the act.

If you have friends of the opposite sex, fair enough. If you enjoy the opposite sex coming on to you, thats fair enough too. And.imo..aII perfectIy normaI. Admiring the opposite sex is pretty normaI imo too.

However, going out with intent..as in, hoping for something more. Meeting the opposite sex with intent..as in, hoping for something more (casuaI sex for exampIe). Setting up encounters with intent..and of course acting on it..is, for me personaIIy, what i consider cheating.

Intent and/or sexuaI contact = what i personaIIy cIass as unfaithfuI.

I don't think the actions you describe are those of a person who is happy in a relationship............even allowing for the temptation and the availability in Thailand

what part exactIy (im not cIear)?. You mean having friends of the opposite sex, enjoying attention from the opposite sex, and admiring the opposite sex is indicative of a person not happy in a reIationship, or the Iater part?

Sorry for the confusion Eek, yes the second part...."Going out with intent".........if happy in a relationship why "Go out with intent".........doesn't quite fit does it?