Panda Lin Ping Makes A Break For It

Seen Crossing Gulf of Thailand In Small Boat

5 Dec 2010

BANGKOK – Panda Lin Ping has reportedly escaped from the Chiang Mai Zoo, after having realized that her entire life was a made-for-television spectacle.

Millions of Thais, who have followed Lin Ping 24-hours-a-day, woke up today to find that the transmission of TrueVisions 16 had been cut without warning. Officials at Chiang Mai zoo were reportedly desperately trying to track down the panda as producers at True debated how to handle the unprecedented situation.

According to groundskeepers, Lin Ping made her escape through a tunnel that had been obscured by some loosely placed palm leaves. Lin Ping appears to have dug the tunnel during the wee hours of the morning over a period of several months.

How Lin Ping became aware of her status as the country’s most beloved TV star remains uncertain, but a series of events in the last year likely raised doubts in her mind about the constructed nature of the reality in which she lived.

First, in June, a studio spotlight inside Lin Ping’s artificial habitat fell from the ceiling and hit Lin Ping on the head.

Second, Lin Ping’s relationship to her mother Lin Hui has become increasingly strained, with Lin Ping openly wondering why Lin Hui always encouraged her to play on a slide branded with the TrueVisions logo.

Third, Lin Ping may have begun to think that her famous fall while climbing a tree in August was actually a set-up intended to curtail her desire to explore her surroundings.

Fourth, Lin Ping had become increasingly suspicious about whether or not Xuang Xuang was truly her father.

Finally, Lin Ping may have noticed she lived in a barred cage full of cameras.

True producer and Panda Channel creator Wit Pheerawat has begged Lin Ping to return to the zoo, claiming that her audience “needed her” and she “could not survive the real world”.

An as yet unconfirmed report from a Ban Phe boat operator said that Lin Ping had rented a small boat and told him before setting out across the Gulf of Thailand, “In case I don’t see ya….good afternoon, good evening and good night.”

(Thanks to trusty Not the Nation report)

21 days till April 1st.

too bad humans arent smart enough to realize the same thing - liberal/conservative red/yellow --- etc, etc, etc

Love it! Let's keep this on the first page for a while!

Below we see some dramatic CCT camera footage of the panda’s daring escape from Chiang Mai zoo.

My sources tell me that the panda made it back to his native China where he was snapped working full time as a pimp in one of Shanghai’s well known brothels.

This has proved disastrous to the Thai tourist industry and television viewer ratings. A high ranking Thai official today explained that the government is offering a huge reward of 500000 baht (for Thai) 20000 baht (for farang) for the capture and safe return of the panda back to his prison cell at Chiang Mai zoo.