A man leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away.

A mile down the road, he's stopped by a police officer.

The officer walked up to the driver's side window holding a Breathalyser and said:

"Good evening sir. We're testing for drunk driving. Would you please blow into this machine?"

The man says: "Sorry officer, but I can't do that. I have asthma. If I blow in that machine, I will get out of air."

"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample", said the officer.

"I can't do that. I have anaemia and if you stick a needle in me I will bleed to death."

"Well, then we need a urine sample."

"I'm sorry officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."

"Alright... then you'll have to get out and walk 5 yards along this white line."

"I can't do that either, officer."

The officer was getting irritated... "And WHY NOT?"

"Because I'm dead drunk."

A cop from the big city looking for drunk drivers is waiting outside an ozzie outback pub, at closing time he sees a man stagger out, and accross the parking lot to a car.

He fumbles in his pocket and produces a set of keys which he drops.

He tries to retrieve them and falls to his knees then uses the car to stagger to his feet again.

He then opens his fly and pisses on the car front tyre.

After a lot more fumbling he gets the car door open and into the drivers seat.

The car starts then after a few jerks stalls, its started again then backs up about 10 feet and stalls again.

Once started again it backs out of the parking lot gate and weives its way down the road.

As the cop starts his car to give chase the car goes round a corner and dissapears from sight.

The cop gives chase and stops the car about half a mile down the road.

A breath test shows not a trace of alcohol, the thing must be defective thinks the cop and tries another breathaliser with the same result.

How can this be thinks the cop and says to the driver "You looked so drunk how come theirs no alcohol on your breath?"

The driver replies "You dont know much about this part of the country do you, I'm the designated decoy"