Yes it rhymes when I say it.

So anyway this is about Samui. I got sent here on a business trip on short notice and I'm having a little trouble with some of the basics. I did visit Samui before but that was 17 years ago. I noticed it changed a bit here and there.

(All of this is from a neo-expat perspective and relates mostly to Chaweng, except when it doesn't: )

* Nightlife (or what passes for it) seems to be really quiet, and kicking off very late.. I do see some pubs and clubs but mostly empty. This being a business trip, I'm looking at relatively normal evening hours for some drinks and entertainment. What would be good places/areas to try? I walked around Soi Green mango and it was all pretty empty, and overall a lot smaller than what I expected. Wasn't quite expecting Pattaya, but was more or less expecting Patong. Didn't find it though, am I looking in the wrong place? Would Lamai be better / different? My hotel bar seems to close at 7pm so that leaves a bit of a gap. For my nightlife tastes are the following:

1. Cheaper is always better. Happy hours are good. 60-70 baht drinks.

2. Some fun Thai staff, don't need to be supermodels.

3. Good mix of younger tourists from various countries is good too. Are the beach bars worth exploring, eg. Ark Bar?

4. Any local expat hangouts that aren't sad retirement homes?

(Note that all of the above don't need to be the same place, just looking for general area recommendations to explore for each category)

* Public transport: I see a lot of (sometimes conflicting) information on many sites and a lot of debate on songthaews, also in this forum. So I don't really want to do that discussion in full, but for songthaews anywhere I would just get on and not try to discuss price. Would I be okay for short hops within Chaweng to just give the driver 20 baht? (Ah heck, I'll make it 40, would that work?) And at night (say 10-11pm) 50 baht for short hop?

* I assume jet skis are equally bad news here as they are everywhere else where there's salt water?

* Are there any Muslim areas (can be local Thai Muslim or places catering to Middle Eastern tourists) and Halal food options? Which would be the closest Mosque from Chaweng?

I know that's a lot of questions, just looking for a hint here and there.

1. Cheaper is always better. Happy hours are good. 60-70 baht drinks.

2. Some fun Thai staff, don't need to be supermodels.

3. Good mix of younger tourists from various countries is good too. Are the beach bars worth exploring, eg. Ark Bar?

4. Any local expat hangouts that aren't sad retirement homes?

1-2, 4. Soi reggae is what you are looking for, ask a motorbike taxi to take you there for 50 baht.

3. Beach bars is worth exploring but not Ark bar unless you like techo on high volume, also very price-worthy with good prices at happy hours.

* Public transport: I see a lot of (sometimes conflicting) information on many sites and a lot of debate on songthaews, also in this forum. So I don't really want to do that discussion in full, but for songthaews anywhere I would just get on and not try to discuss price. Would I be okay for short hops within Chaweng to just give the driver 20 baht? (Ah heck, I'll make it 40, would that work?) And at night (say 10-11pm) 50 baht for short hop?

Correct, I hop on for short trips and give 20 baht and walk away, for night time motorbike taxis are recommended. 50 baht anywhere in Chaweng, if you can say "Haa sip baht, dai mai")

* I assume jet skis are equally bad news here as they are everywhere else where there's salt water?

Actually they are better, it happens with ripoffs but that's more like one per week than one per hour.

* Are there any Muslim areas (can be local Thai Muslim or places catering to Middle Eastern tourists) and Halal food options? Which would be the closest Mosque from Chaweng?

There are some places on the lakeside road and ring-road in Chaweng.

There's one opposite Bangkok hospital on the ring-road that's popular with Malaysian bikers.

Only Mosque on Samui is in HuaThanon south of Lamai. ( 9°26'24.93" N 100°01'24.30" E)

HuaThanon is half Chinese and half Muslim.

You can watch Buffalo fighting?

Tonight there's a big fireworks display at Chaweng lake celebrating Reggae Pub's 25'th anniversary.

I know that there are mosques in both Bangrak and Hua Thanon (muslim fishing village). The one in Bangrak is just off the airport road somewhere.

A few places to eat Halal food in that area and Plai Laem. Small local cheap places.

Yes- stay away from jet skis.

Rent a jeep - about 10,000 to 12,000 baht a month - but they are becoming rare. They have not built them for about 12 years now.

Nightlife - I will leave that to the youngsters out there to tell you. There are a few pubs that do pub quizes though - they seem popular. (Premier Bar - Bangrak plus others.)

Hope this helps.

(Muslim? Beer? Entertainment?)

(Tried posting this earlier, but 3BB let me down. Posted it anyway)

Yes, yes, the Muslim stuff is for a collegue. Nice guy, but doesn't drink.

I just found out that my hotel is actually really close to where the road to the Reggae Pub branches off from the main road along the beach, so I'll mosey on over later tonight.

Brilliant recommendations!

Venture out to Bophut.

1. Cheaper is always better. Happy hours are good. 60-70 baht drinks.

2. Some fun Thai staff, don't need to be supermodels.

3. Good mix of younger tourists from various countries is good too. Are the beach bars worth exploring, eg. Ark Bar?

4. Any local expat hangouts that aren't sad retirement homes?

1-2, 4. Soi reggae is what you are looking for, ask a motorbike taxi to take you there for 50 baht.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Let me contribute back to show pretty much exactly what I was looking for.

seems you like balloons

There are some places on the lakeside road and ring-road in Chaweng.

There's one opposite Bangkok hospital on the ring-road that's popular with Malaysian bikers.

Only Mosque on Samui is in HuaThanon south of Lamai. ( 9°26'24.93" N 100°01'24.30" E)

HuaThanon is half Chinese and half Muslim.

And thanks for that too.. Collegue just ran off to make Friday prayer time.

Also you meet the friendliest people doing that by the way, we went on a mosque-hunt earlier in Chiang Mai and that was just lovely. Great Muslim food nearby too.

There is some good Halal in HuaThanon, and the village people are very nice,

there is a good mosque there also.

Down town Lamai Beach has some nightlife, some more wild than others,

but not dissimilar to Soi Reggae, but good for a change of pace.

great Jamaican Barbeque at Bikini Barbeque on the beach behind

Lamai McDonalds and Bondi Bar across from the Mushroom shaped GirlieBars.

Another row of girl bars around the next right turn

after the big irish bar which has rock bands.

Not as difficult to get about as Chaweng and less insanity.