Breaking news to a friend that they are being lied to?

[chrisinth]

kblaze, I truly feel for you, horrible situation to be in.

As you work next to this guy, you also have to take into account of what 'telling him the truth' really means when it comes to your working relationship if he spits the dummy and starts 'protecting' his investment through denial that this could never happen.

However, your bottling the truth up can also lead to a change in relationship. All depends how much of a friend he is.

After running a bar here for 13 years, I fully understand your position. It is one of the things I don't miss, and that is lying or not telling the full truth to stay neutral in certain circumstances..

[transam]

Makes me wonder that if the lady had to borrow the cash for the set up in her name how on earth she could pay it back to the bank from the little money taken from patrons.

Seen it where I live with this type of set up. If it is the farangs cash, there is noooooooo loss. Sorry for the guy. Good intent bot no recognition.

[CharlieH]

Does your friend visit the GF at her resort on a regular basis?

I'd be wondering why she is not keen on friends of his visiting and staying at the resort.

Also, how long have your friend and his GF been together for?

He generally goes when he has friends he wants to take there. Maybe 2-3 times a year. But now its been something like 6 months since he's been as shes told him its full several times in a row.

I think she doesn't want him to go and see what shes done with the money to be honest.

They've been together around 6 years I think..

OR she wants him to think its a viable busy resort so he'll keep pumping money into it, when in reality she has done nothing, there are no bookings, she doesnt want him there because its run down and she has spent all the money ? If he goes he will see and realize the game is up and she's lost her cash cow.

[kblaze]

kblaze, I truly feel for you, horrible situation to be in.

As you work next to this guy, you also have to take into account of what 'telling him the truth' really means when it comes to your working relationship if he spits the dummy and starts 'protecting' his investment through denial that this could never happen.

However, your bottling the truth up can also lead to a change in relationship. All depends how much of a friend he is.

After running a bar here for 13 years, I fully understand your position. It is one of the things I don't miss, and that is lying or not telling the full truth to stay neutral in certain circumstances..

thanks chris; I think I had a window, when today at lunch she called and then he immediately thereafter mentioned to me that she had said the resort was booked and that there wasn't room for his friend. He actually let some frustration out at that moment and I think that was my window to say "hey what if I call XXX and try to book a room to see if its really full". Now that hours have passed and we haven't talked about it, I think that it would be strange to bring it up. The next time he expresses frustration and doubt I will definitely confront him more boldly (i think the time is coming because she is supposed to start paying him back soon).

[A1Str8]

The only case you don't stay out of it is if he is a close friend of yours. If that's the case then you have to let him know that he is being played by that woman. However, for the reasons you have mentioned do not tell him that you called the resort and checked it out behind him. It doesn't matter anyway. What matters is that you need to let him know that you got the impression that this woman is not honest with him. Tell him that you say it with the best intentions and you do not accuse her of any wrongdoing neither suggesting anything similar. But you care about him and don't want to see him to be somebody's fool and because this whole thing just sounds strange and not right he could ask someone to call the resort and make an enquiry(tell him to ask someone to do the same for him what you have done already but dont tell him that you did it) that would just cause an unnecessary argument.

This way he is going to see it clearly that he is getting played but you remain in a neutral position when nobody will get angry at you as you didn't do anything or accused anybody of any wrongdoing.

But do this if he is a good friend otherwise it can still backfire.

[swissie]

Buddy living in Thailand for 30 years and this happening to him? Must be an extremely "slow-learner".

But, as I gather, slow learners are in high demand among Thai-Ladies. They would rather shack-up with a "slow-learner" than with Tom Cruise !

Cheers.

[transam]

Buddy living in Thailand for 30 years and this happening to him? Must be an extremely "slow-learner".

But, as I gather, slow learners are in high demand among Thai-Ladies. They would rather shack-up with a "slow-learner" than with Tom Cruise !

Cheers.

You could be right, but we are here to post our thoughts to try and help. We are all different and for sure as we get older perhaps things do get clouded.

We cannot all stay young and alert to stuff. In fact many youngsters here forget where their brain is, whether between their ears or in another region. ...

[Berkshire]

There was an episode on the American TV show Seinfeld, which discussed something similar. In short, the theme was that you would never say anything negative about a girl that a friend is currently dating. But once they break-up, it's fair game. The problem came when the friend breaks-up, you tell him "good-riddance, she was a lying b*tch anyways," and your friend gets back with the girl. So now, there's always going to be this uneasiness when you guys all get together. Especially if he tells her what you said (which is what a lot of "whipped" guys tend to do).

Moral of the story is your friend is an adult, let him figure it out.

[BookMan]

kblaze, I truly feel for you, horrible situation to be in.

As you work next to this guy, you also have to take into account of what 'telling him the truth' really means when it comes to your working relationship if he spits the dummy and starts 'protecting' his investment through denial that this could never happen.

However, your bottling the truth up can also lead to a change in relationship. All depends how much of a friend he is.

After running a bar here for 13 years, I fully understand your position. It is one of the things I don't miss, and that is lying or not telling the full truth to stay neutral in certain circumstances..

thanks chris; I think I had a window, when today at lunch she called and then he immediately thereafter mentioned to me that she had said the resort was booked and that there wasn't room for his friend. He actually let some frustration out at that moment and I think that was my window to say "hey what if I call XXX and try to book a room to see if its really full". Now that hours have passed and we haven't talked about it, I think that it would be strange to bring it up. The next time he expresses frustration and doubt I will definitely confront him more boldly (i think the time is coming because she is supposed to start paying him back soon).

6 years is a fair amount of time together for your friend and his GF. If it was 1 year I'd look at it differently.

Your friend/work colleague has also been in Thailand 30 years so he must have seen and heard it all in that time.

In the end what is it you would be telling him? That his GF is lying to him? Lying about the resort being full?

I don't know about the bold confrontation either kblaze. Better maybe a subtle suggestion or insertion of fact or point jokingly made and let your friend join the dots up himself.

For myself, I would decide on the level of action dependent on the strength of your friendship. He sounds more like a work acquaintance from how you termed it.

[steelepulse]

I'd just say something like " wow that resort must be really big now with all the cash that you've put into it. Please have your gf send some pictures so I can see it as it must be beautiful".

[khunpa]

I can tell you exactly what to do... STAY OUT OF IT!

Why? Because I had a similar experience with a good friend here. His 30 year younger GF, was ripping him off constantly and both my GF and I tried to help him understand, that she was not so good a girl, as he claimed and believed she was. His GF had even told my GF that she only wanted money out of him, but he refused to listen to any of us.

Imagine... even a Thai-girl telling him that he was being cheated and he would still not listen.

The result was that I lost him as a friend. Have not talked with him for nearly 2 years now, but heard that his business here recently had to close. With the money spent on her, I have no doubt that it is true and now i guess it is just a matter of time before, she will find the next victim.

The thing is... No matter how right you are, the guy will most likely not listen to you. And even if he does and confronts the GF, then she will convince him that you are a bad person.

With people like this, the only thing is to have him learn "the hard way". Personally, I believe that people like this know deep down they are being cheated and lied to. They just do not have the strength or want to face the facts. I even believe that some enjoy being financial slaves of their Thai-girlfriend. Some guys love having their wallet raped.. let them enjoy their fetish.

Edited November 12, 2013 by khunpa

[crumpled]

I'd say, "I've just booked a room there today so will see the pair of you and we can go and have a beer together."

Personally? I'd rather know than not know. If a friend or colleague told me and I already knew what was happening, I'd say so and thank him for being a friend in telling me.

[transam]

I can tell you exactly what to do... STAY OUT OF IT!

Why? Because I had a similar experience with a good friend here. His 30 year younger GF, was ripping him off constantly and both my GF and I tried to help him understand, that she was not so good a girl, as he claimed and believed she was. His GF had even told my GF that she only wanted money out of him, but he refused to listen to any of us.

Imagine... even a Thai-girl telling him that he was being cheated and he would still not listen.

The result was that I lost him as a friend. Have not talked with him for nearly 2 years now, but heard that his business here recently had to close. With the money spent on her, I have no doubt that it is true and now i guess it is just a matter of time before, she will find the next victim.

The thing is... No matter how right you are, the guy will most likely not listen to you. And even if he does and confronts the GF, then she will convince him that you are a bad person.

With people like this, the only thing is to have him learn "the hard way". Personally, I believe that people like this know deep down they are being cheated and lied to. They just do not have the strength or want to face the facts. I even believe that some enjoy being financial slaves of their Thai-girlfriend. Some guys love having their wallet raped.. let them enjoy their fetish.

Totally agree except your point about liking being ripped off. More about making their bed and lying in it.

[kblaze]

6 years is a fair amount of time together for your friend and his GF. If it was 1 year I'd look at it differently.

Your friend/work colleague has also been in Thailand 30 years so he must have seen and heard it all in that time.

In the end what is it you would be telling him? That his GF is lying to him? Lying about the resort being full?

I don't know about the bold confrontation either kblaze. Better maybe a subtle suggestion or insertion of fact or point jokingly made and let your friend join the dots up himself.

For myself, I would decide on the level of action dependent on the strength of your friendship. He sounds more like a work acquaintance from how you termed it.

Yes he has seen and heard it all and he has been wronged by Thai women before (not to this extent tho), but he is just a "too nice" kind of guy that doesn't like to say no. I've already made subtle suggestions (the last time she asked for 150000 I said something along the lines of "whoa thats a lot of money, definitely get a signed contract for that!" and he agreed and today I said something like "the resort is more yours than hers...you should be able to bring friends". didn't say it strong, but he heard it.

Edited November 12, 2013 by kblaze

[belg]

possible her "brother" or "uncle" already

is taking a room overthere

and the guy is too blind to see that, but a friend might point that out to him

[dao16]

SIM cards....what do they cost nowadays? 100 baht for a new one? New number, etc. Then send a text from that card explaining what you know. Done. Take SIM out. Use it only if you want to check replies. Done and done. You are not involved and what he does with the info is his choice.

I do think you will get burned some way or another dealing with this directly (but as others have said....for a good friend, I would do it--for an acquaintance, not so much).

[abrahamzvi]

As a friend I wouldn't stay out of it. I believe in the saying "A friend in need is a friend indeed". However, I would do it in a diplomatic way, not hurting his feelings too much and not making him

lose face too much. Why not tell him that you feel like going to that area for a weekend and although you know the resort is full, you are going to phone and see maybe she has a place. I am sure he won't say don't waste your time and you can then raise his suspicions by telling him she has a vacancy for you. If he does not take the "hint" then, he is a fool and you can't really help him. You surely know the story about people that say it is raining when you spit at them.....

[h90]

Stay out of it.....often enough at the end both are angry with you....

Agree. You rat her and her Thai boyfriend out, you'll be the one getting hurt. Not the old foreigner...

Stay out of scam where big money is involved and they don't involve you.

"A favor will kill you faster than a bullet"

Or they fight, she than tells some bs story....example, before it was fully booked, but just before that guy called, two customer canceled.

The man will believe it, because he want to believe it.

The messenger will be the evil guy.

[how241]

if he is just a colleague stay out of it.if he is a very very close friend you have to find a way to let him know.

+1...Better to stay out of it UNLESS this is a very close friend. Even then, he might not be happy that you know the truth.

[Khun Jean]

My strategy would be:

Book a room, take your wife/girlfriend with you and have a small holiday.

And according to your experience tell him it was a great resort or that it disappointed you.

Make lots of pictures. Try to include certain people.

Edited November 12, 2013 by Khun Jean

[JimFortaleza]

You might ask him if there is anything you could do to help him out here, as he seems to be uncomfortable with the situation. If he accepts your offer to help then offer to make the anonymous phone call to book a room. He then could show up alone to see what is going on. She could have her family living at the place in the lap of luxury. Or you could book a room for yourself, go up there on a weekend and let him know what you find out. Take some pics. Whatever. But it's odd that after all he's invested in it, he can't show up for a weekend with his "girlfriend'?

[rayongchelsea]

Why is it that all these gfs/wife's have the skills to run any sort of business?

Most wouldn't know what a business plan or a profit and loss is from a orangutan ?

Most haven't gone pass temple education..

Defies logic..

Leave alone...

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[Bender]

i have witnessed this kind of story so many time,

but thanks God, this will never happen to one of us (TV member), we are too smart, and our partner is different

ps: don't be a pussy, tell your friend the truth!

Edited November 12, 2013 by Bender

[NoBrainer]

I think that you should talk your friend into going on a small road trip up country for the weekend, to somewhere that is not too far away from the resort, and then just drive straight to it and make a little surprise visit. He may just fins that there is nothing there and it was all a dream from the beginning. He might also find her other boyfriend (brother) running the place.

A nice road trip up country for a few days is always pleasant in Thailand.

That way you could be as surprised as he is with what you may find.

[Wordworx]

if he is just a colleague stay out of it.if he is a very very close friend you have to find a way to let him know.

he's a colleague and I would say a friend, but not "very very" close. We sit next to each other every day and eat lunch together 3/5 days and thus we have gotten to know each other very well the past couple years....

but Im putting myself in his shoes and imagining if I was a 60 yr old Brit who had been in TH for 30 years, would I appreciate an American half my age letting me know that im being duped? It would be hard to swallow especially as "my gfs resort" has become a point of pride for him. Im staying quiet..but its hard.

Right. if you hit him with the bad news, be prepared to have him come back at you negatively. My humble suggestion: If you are working with him, not an associate easily avoided, 100% stay the hell out of it. Bottom line: A guy here 30 years gets run-through this sort of typical scam? ...

Edited November 12, 2013 by Wordworx

[MILT]

This is so common here you would think that Hallmark or Moonpig would have a pre-printed greetings card for it available in Tesco.

"Just heard you're being taken for a prat."

No sh*t

[marioc]

if he is just a colleague stay out of it.if he is a very very close friend you have to find a way to let him know.

he's a colleague and I would say a friend, but not "very very" close. We sit next to each other every day and eat lunch together 3/5 days and thus we have gotten to know each other very well the past couple years....

but Im putting myself in his shoes and imagining if I was a 60 yr old Brit who had been in TH for 30 years, would I appreciate an American half my age letting me know that im being duped? It would be hard to swallow especially as "my gfs resort" has become a point of pride for him. Im staying quiet..but its hard.

I can imagine it's hard to stay out of it but.... you gotta do it.

Stay out of it!

You mentioned it yourself, he's been living in LOS for 30 years, I am sure he already knows how things are going....maybe he kind of like this way.

You have been having lunch with him for 2 years, so make sure you'll enjoy having lunch with him also in the future: stay out of it.

[impulse]

How's this for a flyer?

The last 3 times this "out of town friend" stayed at her resort, he hit on her mercilessly, and she wants no part of it again?

I know, it's out there. But perhaps it's his wife that should be telling him about the friend that respects no boundaries.

Without a lot more details, it's hard to say whose getting conned.

That said, I know where I'd place the bet.

[tragickingdom]

He seems to be a gown up man. People who lost their way, will never ever believe so when you explain totem. See it from the bright side. All good schools are expensive. This will be a very good lesson.

[SOTIRIOS]

....sad to say....his end is near...she will no longer need him...especially if the place is all set up...and the 250k is HER going away present...

..I would mention the call and leave the rest to him.....3M is quite a bit for any !@#$%^&....no way she needs 250k for towels and shampoo....

...and don't tell me this happens everywhere...this happens to non-residents with no recourse.....elsewhere there are laws...mitigation...even legal aid if the situation calls for it...here..he is basically f*ed....like so many before during and after....