Should You Pay a Thai Girlfriend to Leave your Home?

[parallaxtech]

When I first came to Thailand ten years ago I met several women who wanted to live with me. I went to a Thai lawyer and asked him about "common law marriage" and a woman's rights to my money/property if we were not married. His quick answer was that a Thai woman has zero rights to your property or other assets, no matter how many years she lives with you and/or how many children you father with her, as long as you don't legally marry her.

Since then I have heard over and over from several expats about how their ex-girlfriends returned with a policeman and demanded a payoff. This sounds like simple extortion to me, similar to the jetski scams, but would you call an attorney or try to negotiate?

By the way this is not happening to me.

[Mario2008]

It is a civil matter, nothing to do with the police.

The lawyer was right, but often during the course of living together property get mixed. One buys a tv, the other a microwave or helps pay for that. So often there is indeed something to split and regardless of that and depending on the circumstances it might be a decent thing to do to help the ex- out standing on her own again.

But that is something different than offering half of the value of your condo or negotiate with a policeman over how much you should give.

[parallaxtech]

Mario: As usual you are the voice of reason, thanks. In one case the woman demanded a high amount (at least 100K) and she had contributed nothing of financial value. When the guy refused she trashed his bike and apt and then physically attacked him. He then went to the tourist police (I took the report for the TP) who tried to negotiate but she wanted the money. The TP then advised them to go to the Royal Police. I think that some Thai women look at sex as a commodity so they performed it say 100x and could have made 1,000B each time so now want the 100K. I'm afraid mine would make very little based on that logic.

Mario, could we move this to the general forum to get more responses?

[Lostpack3t]

You can look at this two different ways. First is morally and depends upon the nature of the relationship and the split. Giving her some money to move into her own accommodation or with a friend or simply to go home and visit her family for some time may be a good parting gesture. If in doubt follow what you would do back home if you still lived there.

Secondly is looking at it from a defensive point of view. If you think it would get nasty then I would go straight to a solicitor. Actually I would go to a "legal aid" office as they tend to be more street smart and achieve more in the Thai world.

Like anything it will depend upon your individual circumstances and to get into detail here is pointless IMHO.

In Pattaya it is said that you dont pay them to stay, you pay them to leave, but that's another story.

[recycler]

My ex came with a small suitcase and had to drive twice with a packed Vios moving out after 2 years.

In less than 3 hours she disappeared without a trace ;-) That was just after she accused me of not paying for sex for 2 years

[crazykopite]

Much cheaper to go for a weekly Soapy at least you only part with a thousand or two why would anyone want to live with a Thai woman most of them from what I have heard watch tv all day and cannot hold a conversation

[ppmacready]

Much cheaper to go for a weekly Soapy at least you only part with a thousand or two why would anyone want to live with a Thai woman most of them from what I have heard watch tv all day and cannot hold a conversation

You obviously 'aven't met my girl friend, she's.....................................''special''!

[Notable]

Who can blame any girl for trying to get a few extra baht out of these fat old western idiots. You regularly meet the heartbroken 50 somethings who can't understand why they can't find the right 25 year old Thai bar girl.

[cosmont]

At least, you should consider the "Thai face" also.

If you are the one who want end the Relationship, she will loose face in front her friend/family,relatives...

So it depend of the girl and her personnal situation (have work or not, have family or not) but it might be good to give her something to make her feel she was not quick out of your life "like a bin"... because sometimes they can become very crazy and break your stuffs, car or more bad things for revenge... Some are real drama Queens...

So beware, thai women can come in anger very fast in that kind of situation, especially if another woman is involve...

With some women, it's better to change lockers, move to another place for a while until situation might be clear.

Be careful, here is not farangland, everything can happen as most of thai women think with their emotion, not with their brain and I talk with experience...

[Arkady]

Mario: As usual you are the voice of reason, thanks. In one case the woman demanded a high amount (at least 100K) and she had contributed nothing of financial value. When the guy refused she trashed his bike and apt and then physically attacked him. He then went to the tourist police (I took the report for the TP) who tried to negotiate but she wanted the money. The TP then advised them to go to the Royal Police. I think that some Thai women look at sex as a commodity so they performed it say 100x and could have made 1,000B each time so now want the 100K. I'm afraid mine would make very little based on that logic.

Mario, could we move this to the general forum to get more responses?

What is the Royal Police? Is that the police unit that provides protection to the royal family.

The Royal Thai Police is the name given in English to what in Thai is called the National Police - that's right the word royal doesn't appear in the Thai name of the police or the army. The Tourist Police is a part of the Royal Thai Police.

[Arkady]

A sage once told me that he didn't pay Thai hookers to sleep with him. He paid them to do away in the morning without giving him any trouble.

If you ignore this simple advice, you should not be surprised if you end up being presented with a sizeable tab when it is all over.

[laislica]

Much cheaper to go for a weekly Soapy at least you only part with a thousand or two why would anyone want to live with a Thai woman most of them from what I have heard watch tv all day and cannot hold a conversation

I don't think that the OP needed advice on how to enjoy life without a relationship.

I'm not sure how many women you have met, but your comment could equally be applied to any women anywhere. It could also be reversed to apply to men as well.

Whilst the "Soapy" might be sufficient for you, relationships usually offer much much more.

Such as but not limited to - learning the art of caring, being cared for, sharing, shopping, cooking and eating together, helping with the cleaning, impressing her when you fix difficult stuff like mending something she accidentally broke or getting a visa for a trip somewhere or helping one of her family members who had a problem you could help to resolve (better to give than to receive etc). The list and benefits - endless.

Though most often, not easy, but then, what, that was easy was worth much?

It is usually sad at the parting, so no need to add to the pain if you don't have to.

Tropical tempers can be very short, explosive and dangerous.

If the girl arrived with a policeman I would ask them to accompany me to my Embassy/Consulate.

The difference between Thailand and say Spain or the UK is that in Thailand, money is usually discussed up front.

If you do that, you both know what the score will be if you break up later.

If you didn't have an agreement, then its like taking a taxi without agreeing the meter or a price..... or like a long term relationship in Europe, pay at the end of the journey/break up.

A parting gesture depends on many things including who wanted to break up.

If you wanted the break and if she had been working before you met and then she stopped to be kept by you, IMHO it would be reasonable for you to support her for a reasonable period until she was on her feet again.

If your behaviour had become unreasonable, causing her to want to leave - same as above.

If, however, she wanted to move on so to speak - up to her, her choice, her decision.....

If her behaviour had become unacceptable causing you to want the break, same as above.

Having said that, Farang are usually well off compared to the locals and man must always pay for his pleasures.....

[blackman]

good advise

[Irishrogue]

I would happily pay to get rid of mine, I tried many times in the first 6 months and one attempt ended up with me in hospital after she tried to bite my finger off and I ended up with septicemia. Today after almost 8 years she is still threatening to leave but only after I sell the house so that no other Thai woman can live in it. That happened because I questioned why I had to pay for a lot of stuff for the Chinese New Year I am Irish and asked her "do I look like I am Chinese" to which she replied 2 of my friends celebrate it and do not complain which is not surprising as they are both Chinese and not from Thailand what logic. Unfortunately we also have 2 wonderful children who would suffer so perseverance will win the day.

[ebean001]

I did not read all the comments but the most important thing is to reverse the 2 of you. Let's assume a woman cames to the UK. She causes you to quite your job because she will take care of you. Sure, you will do that, right? You have a wonderful 10 years but $0 in savings because she never gave you any. She did not buy a house for you. No rice farm for you. Nothing!!!!! She goes back and never returns. Where are you? Penniless, without a job, 10 years older (certainly if you were a male stripper your too old and now find yourself uneducated, unemployed, and unwanted by anyone). How much would you want? Nothing. hummmm I don't think so. Your talking 10 years - not a 1 month stand. You need to be think $1million bahts then negotiate from there - and this comes from an American male. Someone who said $100k is just another stupid sicko who thinks they can own a Thai woman then discard when done. That is what you did. You even talked to a lawyer in advance to make sure you can discard. I hope the police do come and arrest you for the life you have now destroyed. Maybe you need 10 years in prison. And for Godsake don't pat yourself on your back for taking care of her for 10 years - you ruined her for 10 years.

[sirchai]

When I first came to Thailand ten years ago I met several women who wanted to live with me. I went to a Thai lawyer and asked him about "common law marriage" and a woman's rights to my money/property if we were not married. His quick answer was that a Thai woman has zero rights to your property or other assets, no matter how many years she lives with you and/or how many children you father with her, as long as you don't legally marry her.

When I first came to Thailand, about 24 years ago, I had no idea about Pattaya, where I'd met several women who wanted only my best. My money.

Of course, they like to live with you, as you seem to be one of the naive guys who think you can buy love.You buy them food, clothes, some money for mom's sick buffaloes, brother's various accidents where a lot of farlang money is needed.

I never went to see a lawyer,as I've got balls to deal with certain situations. You can't even call them girl friends, as you're paying for all. Those woman,different to other countries offer a "one stop full service."

There're several threads about books you should read. They're all true. Grow up and don't spend money for a lawyer.

Time to say goodbye, if you can't say it, page me and I'll tell her in Thai to piss off. Sorry, for being so straight, but honest with you, might be better than some bla bla.

Should You Pay a Thai Girlfriend to Leave your Home?

Should you pay a German/American/English girlfriend to leave your home?-

[mrwebb8825]

1st, check her phone. If you see a listing for "Sharkey" then pay her and move away quietly. If not, then it will probably be cheaper in the long run to just move away quietly as there may be retaliation through various "family" members. After all, nobody wants to worry about their stuff and/or their life for the rest of their time here. It's very rare for things to end in your faor, even if it was a mutual break-up. Other than that, sign a non-prenuptial agreement (non-nuptial?) and log all purchases over 1,000b not to include food, and split accordingly.

[tyler2208]

depends if you (sorry, the person you are writing on behalf of) paid the girl to enter his house?

if yes, then pay to get out too.

[Sam Gold]

Much cheaper to go for a weekly Soapy at least you only part with a thousand or two why would anyone want to live with a Thai woman most of them from what I have heard watch tv all day and cannot hold a conversation

You heard wrong.

You seem to be an expert in Thai sociology, and your weekly stint in a massage parlour sounds pretty awesome.

[jaykuzi]

It's like a bunch of <deleted> little elementary boys talking nonsense. Get a life.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[kingstonkid]

My 5 satang

I have a thai GF we have been together for 3 years. She works and earns enough to live as a matter of fact she rarely asks me for money.

If I decided that I wanted her to stop working and i was gong to support her then it is up to me to support her. If after a few years i decided to leave then it is my moral right to treat her the same way I would have to treat my Common law in Canada.

You have to at least give her enough money to get back on her feet and a little support.\

Remember also that she has probably put up with a lot of crap from her family for not being a proper thai girl and getting married. Shacking up is not a well respected activity here. ESPECIALLY WITH A FARANG.

[HooHaa]

i cant help but think that if you are in a relationship with a social equal these things don't happen, but then personally i have always dated independent women in Thailand (and everywhere else ive lived) with jobs, families, friends and apartments/condos etc of their own.

While all have shared my bed and my affection all have gone home to their own places regularly and when the relationship ended it was goodbye -- sometimes amicably sometimes with hurt feelings on either my end or theirs, but this notion of remuneration for time spent has NEVER been an issue. This is over about 18 years living in thailand.

Sure I have had my fun, but it has never occurred to me that compensation for a weekend of great sex is a roof over her head, an agreement never to part and the assumption of all financial responsibility for her in perpetuity. Strangely, the majority of my friends never seem to make this mistake either, the distinction between a one night stand or even a fling over the course of a week and a relationship seems pretty clear to us all.

Granted i'm also content to be alone, which seems a trait many who find themselves at the mercy of a poorly chosen partner seem to lack.

I ask you people what am i doing wrong? you lot seem to be having so much more fun than i am.

[VINCENT2012]

never pay...never .....never...never....even less if it is policeman or government staff where ever.

people paying are increasing the coruption it is a big big mistake.

myself since i live in thailand i always refuse to pay any kind of payment under the table or tip .i never had any problem with that.

the only thing that can happen is that they are going to call you perhaps tightwad or skinflint (in thai: คนขี้ตืด-kiniao)

good day and good night

[puppy009loko]

Sirchai bravo very well said. What kind of idiot naive morron ask such a question???? By your question you are showing that she is just a slave inside your property and you had enough of her services.to hell with you man of course you can never find who love you if you are so naive and exploited. Get a life go pay them have fun and then grow older alone better for you.

[HooHaa]

to directly answer the question asked in the title of the OP:

"Should You Pay a Thai Girlfriend to Leave your Home?"

I would suggest that perhaps you should if you paid her to occupy it in the first place.

Thai labour laws are very clear on severance and favor the employee.

[SOTIRIOS]

...it's called extortion....

[fleeing]

You should only pay a Thai girlfriend to leave your home if it's cheaper than changing the locks and staying at a hotel for a week or so.

[HooHaa]

You should only pay a Thai girlfriend to leave your home if it's cheaper than changing the locks and staying at a hotel for a week or so.

i have often wondered at this attitude, which seems prevalent in this thread and many others.

Personally my home is just that -- MY HOME.

I am not leaving it with my tail between my legs to hide from my own poor choices.

[jacksam]

Umm, I have only been here long. In my 50,s with the younger gf for a year now. Just my feelings but if I walk away I would at very least give her some baht to "tide her over"

Not sure how much but at very least a few months rent and money to live on. I guess that's at minimum50k. As usual to each their own, but I see the so called rip off by Thai women as a two way street. Many old blokes like my age simply change women like they trade in a car in farangland.

Even some posts here talk about how to "cut your losses" when you want to split and kids involved. Man up.

[sniffdog]

Once a collegue, arrived freshly from the UK, asked if it was difficult to get a girlfriend. I told him that is was not hard. But it was hard to get rid of them.