Sleeping arrangements with GF and daughter

[David48]

For those still with an open mind to the reality of living in Thailand ...

When I stay in Thailand I live in a large Farmhouse with many Thai adults and their children ... 3 generations in fact.

Until recently there was only two dedicated bedrooms ... Grandma and Grand Daughter shared the main one.

The other bedroom was then shared by a variety of folk, typicialy a Thai adult and her children or nieces/nephews.

As for the rest, they simply grabbed a place to sleep in the open living area.

I'm not commenting on the OP, but just sharing my experiences on living in Thailand and how the Thai typicially live.

[ve741]

I bet every single person who posts here is the black sheep of the family.

Edited May 12, 2014 by ve741

[Rooo]

Posts deleted & responses quoting them . Suspensions issued.

[farang000999]

Sleep on the sofa until the gf sorts it out....deny sexual privileges for as long as it takes.

Best post I have read on Thai Visa in awhile.

OP seems like a disaster waiting to happen:

newbie mostly interested in playing who can't control the situations he is in. The fact that he shared the bed with her even once is truly scary. wake up before it is too late. nothing good will ever come of this.

[David48]

I bet every single person who posts here is the black sheep of the family.

You and I should have a game of Poker.

Generalisations ...

[bina]

Wierd...must be all of u come from gigantic houses...here our first born wad in bed with us til age one...our house was 55meter salon nd bedroom. Next house quite small so kids couldc hear us and us them . In the staes I felt uncomfortable as bedrooms were far from adults bedrooms. ..I know families here also that have up to teenage kids coming in to parents bed...or sit on sofa all on top of each other. I used to think it was weird but got used to it. It bothered my American parents when they came to visit us. I know many families that end up with the kids in bed with them. ..bt 13 doesn't happen. Here also siblings share small bedrooms with bunk or pull out beds. .my kids same. The middle boy I moved to a closet sized room when he complained about being with older sister in same room. Friends laugh about how they managed to get pregnant again ..and yet couples find ways. ..and no damage to children if seen as natural actions...and not illegal if not purpose ly involving the children or forcing them to watch ir participate. ..in many families there is segregation between the sexes so mom and daughters together. ..and time to 'play' is arranged ahead of time. ..

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[mrtoad]

I bet every single person who posts here is the black sheep of the family.

You and I should have a game of Poker.

Generalisations ...

Ask him to bring his Mummy.

[aussieruss]

Hi all it is common in Thai families that a sister or aunty comes to live with a new married couple to help with things like this.till every on finds there feet maybe you could try this

Rgds Russell

Sent from my GT-I9100T using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[aussieruss]

Ps I should have added that the daughter sleeps with then in her own room

Russell

Sent from my GT-I9100T using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[sustento]

We'll this thread has sunk pretty low.

Let's face it, anyone with a bit of sense would not sleep in the same bed as his GF and her 12 year old daughter from another relationship. Personally think it is a recipe for disaster and leaves him wide open to a number of accusations.

The pertinent question, IMO; would you do it in your own country?

The pertinent question, as is regularly demonstrated on Thaivisa, is why do you think that what applies in your own country applies in a country that's not your own?

[David48]

Following on ...

What I would ask the Forum is would it change the perspective if this House the OP mentions is in Thailand or in the West?

At what age do you feel comfortable sleeping in a bed with a child? From a perspective that less then 1 year old is a baby, but maybe 1 year plus is called a child.

Does it make a difference if the child is yours or hers or a child from your (and her relationship)?

No-one replied ...

[benalibina]

We'll this thread has sunk pretty low.

Let's face it, anyone with a bit of sense would not sleep in the same bed as his GF and her 12 year old daughter from another relationship. Personally think it is a recipe for disaster and leaves him wide open to a number of accusations.

The pertinent question, IMO; would you do it in your own country?

The pertinent question, as is regularly demonstrated on Thaivisa, is why do you think that what applies in your own country applies in a country that's not your own?

Silly remark....if 1 is brought up in, f.i., Uk then 1 takes that with him to another country. In situations like OP the above poster made a perfectly good comparison. Even you must be able to understand that. We are not talking about the difference between...shaking hands and a wai..

[sustento]

We'll this thread has sunk pretty low.

Let's face it, anyone with a bit of sense would not sleep in the same bed as his GF and her 12 year old daughter from another relationship. Personally think it is a recipe for disaster and leaves him wide open to a number of accusations.

The pertinent question, IMO; would you do it in your own country?

The pertinent question, as is regularly demonstrated on Thaivisa, is why do you think that what applies in your own country applies in a country that's not your own?

Silly remark....if 1 is brought up in, f.i., Uk then 1 takes that with him to another country. In situations like OP the above poster made a perfectly good comparison. Even you must be able to understand that. We are not talking about the difference between...shaking hands and a wai..

If the only difference between the UK and Thailand was the method of greeting people you might have a point but as is regularly demonstrated by the bewildered posts of western newcomers to Thailand it's a bit more complicated that that.

[poweratradio]

Personally, seeing as your not the father, I don't think its appropriate for you to sleep in the same bed, irrespective of any Thai "norms"

although not Thai related, when I worked in the US, I had an American GF, who had a niece who used to come and stay with us weekends, and a similar story the niece didn't want to sleep on her own and wanted to sleep in the bed with her Aunt, right from the offset, I felt uncomfortable with this arrangement even though the GF and Niece who was 12, said it was ok and the GF would sleep in the middle, in the end I used to sleep in the spare bed room, and the GF would sneak away to the spare room once the niece was asleep in the main bedroom to play hide the Sausage and then go back and sleep next to the niece..

Agree 110% get this fixed ASAP. Suggestion:>>RUN don't walk to the nearest temple and have a monk come and speak to the girlfriend and daughter about the making the proper arrangements for sleeping. New bedroom daughter and the other for mother and her mate Period.

Otherwise the new bedroom is for mommy and the 12 year old baby to share while the man gets his own room with a permit only issued to mommy. Geezzzzz.

[Straight8]

Dude...for your own protection, you need to put a stop to this immediately. This situation is putting you in danger.

Yes I agree I am not comfortable with this and am working on getting her back into her own bedroom.

Any suggestions?

Offer to buy her an I-pad if she don't already have one....I AM being serious BTW.....tell her if she sleeps in her own room, you will buy her one so she will not be lonely in her own room....

That's the solution!!!!

Keep teaching the thai's we will solve ALL their issues and problems with our money. Perfect.!!

Honestly, I don't see why the OP [well actually i do, but that's a personal opinion] has to fork out on top of everything else he is getting milked for, another 25,000 for an I-Pad. What a ignorant suggestion.

What happens if this is the path he chooses everytime there is a problem? Buy your way out to solve the problem. The demands will come thick and fast.

He's already accommodating for the GF's daughter by renting a place with a second room, why the eff does he need to throw money mula to make this situation better?

I guess this is what you pay for when you have limited options.

OP, do not buy your way out of this ridiculous situation. I'm assuming your doing more than enough in this relationship and if you drum up the courage set some ground rules. Daughter sleeps in her own room.

[Straight8]

Sleep on the sofa until the gf sorts it out....deny sexual privileges for as long as it takes.

Beautiful, move from a comfortable bed to an uncomfortable sofa, all sofa's are uncomfortable if you sleep on them for 8 hours.

[Straight8]

Just one of many scenario's.

You and the girlfriend decide to part and the girlfriend is sore about this. She decides to set you up by saying you've tampered with her daughter unless you pay her xxxx baht. You decline to pay. She goes to the police and they come to have a word with you. How can you deny you have slept with the daughter? You can't. You are off to the monkeyhouse to join the queue of other farangs set up in a similar way. Don't be a mug, put a stop to it.

Well by the scenario you just described it may already be too late!!

Run Forest Run!!!!

[Straight8]

Mate,i guess you pay the rent,buy the food ,pay the bills,so you are the guvnor,

In Thailand this is exactly why he is not the Gov, and she is!!!!

[AussieSteve]

for now... be content with the daughter on a mattress on the floor next to your bed.

you can "play when the daughter is sleeping.

so,, you and gf on YOUR bed.. and her daughter on mattress on floor next to bed.

part of the issue is your gf LOVES her daughter (more than you).. so obviously she wants to hug and share love with her own daughter.

- you should understand that this is "part of the baggage" that you 'signed up for' when you date a single mum.

just be happy with the daughter on the floor mattress next to your bed.

in time you can talk to the daughter about growing up and having her own PRIVATE room so she can be a young lady.

PS: if you watch horror or zombie or bloody action movies with your daughter at home,, then of course you are creating fear in her and she will never want to sleep alone!!! so NEVER EVER let her watch horror or zombie or gross action movies. they are a recipe for disaster !!!

You've hit the nail on the head there, when the father was around they always watched horror movies together.

A lot of comments have said put your foot down ... be a man. Ok some people deal with things that way. I am trying to do this in stages, she's out of the bed now and on her own mattress. Next step mattress in her room, it will happen, without too much anger or angst.

People have said I could be accussed of interfearing with the child but as someone pointed out, that could be said wether she sleeps in her room or ours. Lets face it anyone who has a step daughter is in this position anyway.

I've made it clear I'm not happy with the situation, if I liked the situation it wouldn't be on this website, for people to take shots at me.

I was asking for advice from people who had been in the same situation and I thank the members here who have made some positive contributions. To the others who have just pointed out the dangers of this situation, thank you I am well aware of the potential of this to go badly wrong.

[lehmann]

My neightborn is a couple of a 10 years old daugther, and the parents. They sleep together. First time I wondered they do, and it seems they have sex daily with her in front.

My wife and me have a son, and I said I will not accept my son sleep with me in the same bed, in the same room in a small bed until he grow, is ok, but when he had 6 months he would need to go.

At the end she go to his room to sleep with him in the same bed.

I sleep alone in a superbig bed......I'm very happy that way, when I wanna play, I call her and ready.

With this hot weather, I preffer to sleep alone...is colder...:-)

[misterphil]

Totally wrong, you should not be in the same bed with someone else's child.

If she was your biological daughter then its totally fine. I would be very very careful about what you are doing here. The Ex could find out, get jealous and before you know it be in a heap of trouble.

[mrtoad]

We'll this thread has sunk pretty low.

Let's face it, anyone with a bit of sense would not sleep in the same bed as his GF and her 12 year old daughter from another relationship. Personally think it is a recipe for disaster and leaves him wide open to a number of accusations.

The pertinent question, IMO; would you do it in your own country?

The pertinent question, as is regularly demonstrated on Thaivisa, is why do you think that what applies in your own country applies in a country that's not your own?

Are you serious? This has nothing to do with Thaines, and all to do with common sense. Think about it, or is the tinfoil hat a giveaway?

[nidieunimaitre]

Following on ...

What I would ask the Forum is would it change the perspective if this House the OP mentions is in Thailand or in the West?

At what age do you feel comfortable sleeping in a bed with a child? From a perspective that less then 1 year old is a baby, but maybe 1 year plus is called a child.

Does it make a difference if the child is yours or hers or a child from your (and her relationship)?

No-one replied ...

In my opinion, this has nothing to do with Thailand or the West.

It is not a matter of culture or morally accepted behaviour.

It is a matter of POVERTY and IGNORANCE.

Ignorance is when people stick to behaviour that no longer is unavoidable.

No morals are involved, no good or bad (except in deviant behaviour, but that is not what we are discussing here).

When the West was poor and ignorant, people shared rooms or even beds too.

I shared a room with my brother, not with my sister or parents, we were halfway out of poverty.....

In rich countries every child will nowadays have its own room (and stereo, TV, computer, etc - yes totally over the top! - another example of how a middle way between Thailand and the West seems to be the best way to me).

At what age to draw the line? I do not know, but better younger then older.

And I do not see the difference between my / our / her / the neighbour's child.

[Rumblecat]

We'll this thread has sunk pretty low.

Let's face it, anyone with a bit of sense would not sleep in the same bed as his GF and her 12 year old daughter from another relationship. Personally think it is a recipe for disaster and leaves him wide open to a number of accusations.

The pertinent question, IMO; would you do it in your own country?

The pertinent question, as is regularly demonstrated on Thaivisa, is why do you think that what applies in your own country applies in a country that's not your own?

Are you serious? This has nothing to do with Thaines, and all to do with common sense. Think about it, or is the tinfoil hat a giveaway?

How does something that's part of a culture not have anything to do with that culture?

[David48]

How does something that's part of a culture not have anything to do with that culture?

I think your statement is inaccurate.

It's not part of the 'Culture' ... rather a practical solution to a limited amount of sleeping options.

Same as riding in the back of a Ute/Pick-Up/Truck.

Not desirable, but practical, not withstanding better alternatives.

[mrtoad]

How does something that's part of a culture not have anything to do with that culture?

I think your statement is inaccurate.

It's not part of the 'Culture' ... rather a practical solution to a limited amount of sleeping options.

Same as riding in the back of a Ute/Pick-Up/Truck.

Not desirable, but practical, not withstanding better alternatives.

Thankfully there are some that understand the point.

[seajae]

mate, went through the same thing, daughter had slept with the mother since birth and didnt want to stop. Even now she is turning 15 if we go away away we all sleep in the one room and if it is a king bed the wife sleeps in the middle or we get an extra mattress on the floor, I have just accepted it but at home the daughter sleeps in her own room. I just told my wife that it wasnt right for the daughter to be in the same bed as me due to what others would percieve and that I would move out and get myself a hotel room, daughter was in her own room within days.

Thais may well accept this but we were brought up differently and even with our own children it was considered a big no no, political correct bullshit is the killer and you can be certain that men hating feminists are the reason it has become such a big issue. After my divorce my daughter stayed week about with her mother and me(she was 7) and sometimes she would come into my bedroom during the night very upset & crying and would end up sleeping in my bed, mothers family tried to put a different slant on it to get full custody, xxxxxxxxx , no consideration for my daughter at all and what she was going through. This is the problem, it isnt what we do or the truth but what others push, I would be telling her that she has to decide if she wants you to be with her or her daughter at night because she cant have both, last thing you need is her father/family accusing you of something for financial gain.

Edited May 14, 2014 by Rooo
profanity

[DrTuner]

Tell the gf you're having impure thoughts. Ought to put the maximum distance possible between sleeping positions.

[AussieSteve]

mate, went through the same thing, daughter had slept with the mother since birth and didnt want to stop. Even now she is turning 15 if we go away away we all sleep in the one room and if it is a king bed the wife sleeps in the middle or we get an extra mattress on the floor, I have just accepted it but at home the daughter sleeps in her own room. I just told my wife that it wasnt right for the daughter to be in the same bed as me due to what others would percieve and that I would move out and get myself a hotel room, daughter was in her own room within days.

Thais may well accept this but we were brought up differently and even with our own children it was considered a big no no, political correct bullshit is the killer and you can be certain that men hating feminists are the reason it has become such a big issue. After my divorce my daughter stayed week about with her mother and me(she was 7) and sometimes she would come into my bedroom during the night very upset & crying and would end up sleeping in my bed, mothers family tried to put a different slant on it to get full custody, xxxxxxxxx , no consideration for my daughter at all and what she was going through. This is the problem, it isnt what we do or the truth but what others push, I would be telling her that she has to decide if she wants you to be with her or her daughter at night because she cant have both, last thing you need is her father/family accusing you of something for financial gain.

I entirely understand what you are saying, it's someone elses perception and not what is actually the truth. I empathise with you. Me and the GF daughter had a bit of a row last night over this and something will be changing very soon.

[FlorenceM]

"for now... be content with the daughter on a mattress on the floor next to your bed.

you can "play when the daughter is sleeping."

That is absolutely sick and illegal. Having sex in the presence of a child is considered felony child sexual abuse.

I can't believe some of the depravity people are capable of.

Keep in mind that your cultural background and that of the OP is probably not the same. It may be illegal in your home country, but it is not illegal in Thailand, as long as the child is not involved, and it is not illegal in most western countries either. Some people may find it a bit weird, mainly because most people don't like if someone is watching/listening, incl their own kids, but it is legal nonetheless.

Also keep in mind, that centuries ago, it was common in ALL countries for parents to have sex in the same room as their children were sleeping for the simple reason that most houses only contained one room where everyone in the family slept. If that was not the case, most of us would not be here today. Granted, most people avoid this practise these days once the kids reach a certain age as most have several rooms and thereby options, but that does not change the fact that it is a perfectly natural thing and that it does no proven harm to the children whatsoever.

Apparently certain cultures find it sick, but certain cultures also find it sick if a woman drives a car, goes to school, talks to men outside her family, marries someone she likes instead of her cousin and so on, all of which both Thai and western culture finds perfectly natural. Perhaps it is just time certain cultures found their way out of the stone age?

Wait, so you say that people in your country have sex in front of their children? And it's perfectly natural? Are you from third world?

It's not illegal in Thailand but is it appropriate? I think this one is common sense here that you should not have sex in front of your children. If it's perfectly natural why would some people who live in one-bedroom house have to wait until everyone is sleeping and do it secretly? How can you think that it's right to show sex act, your penis, your wife's vagina, your dick moves in and out the mother of the children thousand times in front of them? Even if you say you just do it secretly in the same room, you don't mean to let them see, but what if they see those stuffs? Are you sure it's appropriate? Yeah maybe it was like this before in stone age but everything has changed and if it's changed in a better and more civilized way then I think we should do the right things. You are not living in stone age anymore.

What do you know about child sexual abuse? If it's natural then letting children watch pornos or live pornos from very young ages is natural too, right?

I was replying to a post that claimed it was both sick and illegal. I agree it may be inappropriate, depending on the childs age and the situation (as examples lights can be turned off, blankets can be used, and noises can be limited). In any case it is natural and neither sick nor illegal.

"but what if they see those stuffs?"

Yes, what if they see those stuffs? So what? Are they going to die or develop some mental problems or what are you hinting at? I doubt you can find a single serious survey which proves it is damaging in any way to the psyche of a child of any age to see a penis, a vagina or an intercourse, provided that there is a natural and for the child understandable context, such as their parents naked in bed or in the shower or their parents having ordinary intercourse. The child may think it is gross, but that is a completely different and non-harmful issue.

In many western countries, including for example scandinavian countries, which are generally considered as being at the forefront when it comes to protecting the well being of children, the public swimming pools are generally indoors due to the temperature, and the dressing rooms and showers are often shared, although there is one for each gender. That means kids of all ages will be seeing plenty of penises and vaginas in the shower, dressing room and even sauna, and not only that of their parents, but of complete strangers, and often the younger children will be seeing both genders, depending on whether they are going there with their mum or dad, as they are too young to shower and dress/undress alone. In other words, a 6-7 year old girl (sometimes older) can often be seen going with her dad to the mens shower and dressing room, where there will be lots of naked men with penises - and vice versa.

I think pretty much every single grown up person in those countries have tried the above as a child. Yet out of all those millions of people, not a single case has ever been reported where seeing penises and vaginas in the public shower as a child caused any form of trauma or other mental problems at any point in their lives.

Showers and dressing rooms at public schools, sports clubs etc are often also shared, which means older kids will be seeing plenty of genitals there too - although usually only their own gender.

Most people know there is a big difference between most porn and ordinary sex, so I will leave that for another debate.

I'm tired and too busy to argue with you. You were talking about having intercourse in front of children. Now you bent the story to "being naked in front of children".

I think it's ok for children to see naked people, relatives or whoever as long as there is no sexual activity involved. I don't know about laws in other countries, not sure about Thailand either 'cause as you know, laws here suck. But sometimes it's not about laws, it's about morality and immorality. There is no law about giving seats to people in need. But if you still have some morality and you see a little girl who has a broken leg and her painful face, you would give the seat to her. (not sure about you, but I would.)

It's not about me anyway. I'm not gonna have sex in front of my children. It's about you and your family (if you have one). I'd better not keep it in mind anymore. No need to explain long story about children learning acquisition I've learned in university how actions affect their mind. You already have your own mind set, doesn't seem like someone can change.