Need an advice or ideas regarding an elderly lady.

[bananafarang]

I am not sure where to turn to for some advice. Here is the situation.

 

 

Yesterday I received a call from a friend asking for assistance regarding an elderly lady. So I drove over to his office and there sits 70ish looking woman. She arrived at Bangkok last week from California. She was greeted by her 51 year old son. She had sold everything and decided to move to Thailand to stay with her only son. They decided to stay overnight in the hotel before proceeding to where her son lived. Her son has been in Thailand over 10 years and living with his Thai wife. Before going to to bed, he took some medicine for cold and had a beer. Next morning when she woke up, she found his son dead. The hospital concluded that he had an heart attack. 

 

Needless to say the poor old lady was in shock. When I saw her she was barely able to talk without crying. She says she has no family or friends to go back to. She has no home in the states. Understandably she is terrified of her certain plight awaiting her. She doesn't want to stay in Thailand. Also it would be difficult even she wants to stay due to language, food, visa , etc., problems. She is fragile and suffers from mild dementia. She also has very high blood pressure which effects her movement greatly. I am not sure of her financial situation but it does't look good.  My friend and I are trying to figure out what to do about her. We will call the embassy tomorrow and see if they offer some help or advice. 

 

Meanwhile

 

 

Now here is couple of questions:

 

- Are there any federal or state run nursing or elderly care homes in California? 

- If so what is the process involved? 

- What is the eligibility?

- What is the running price for modest nursing/elderly care homes? 

 

This is sad and tragic event. If someone can provide some useful information regarding her moving back to states and find a place to stay, it would be greatly appreciated. 

 

Thanks

 

 

 

[Soutpeel]

Honestly I think in this case talk to the US embassy in BKK, they maybe able to help with info etc

[NeverSure]

She's probably still officially a resident of California, between homes. If she is truly poor, the state will put her on Medicaid health care and that would pay for a private nursing home. The state gets a discount in that they mandate the most they will pay,

 

While in the nursing home, the state would require her to give them all of her income (obviously low) and they would let her keep only a small stipend. Not much is needed in a nursing home.

 

If she has some money, she would probably be required to pay for the nursing home until she has less than $2,000 and then the state money would kick in.

 

Less expensive is assisted living where the person gets meals and a room, but isn't bed ridden as in a nursing home. She can probably do that and the state would decide, and pay.

 

Even less expensive is a foster home. People get licensed and take in as many as maybe 4-6 people to live in their homes. They make their living cooking and cleaning and so on for the people. The state would also pay for that and decide which level of care was appropriate.

 

If she can show up in California and contact Senior Services they will help her. It's too bad and hard to imagine that she has absolutely no one. Many churches and the Salvation Army and the Union Gospel Missions have temporary shelter, meals and advice and assistance for people like that. She does need to be mentally able to think and access it, or find someone who will.

 

She could walk into virtually any larger Christian church, go into the office and tell her plight, and get solid help and guidance.

[bananafarang]

Thanks for the ideas.  

 

Just went to her son's funeral yesterday. She is still in shock and doesn't know what to do about her future. We tried to calm her down and asked few questions about her situation, particularly her financial situation since this will be crucial.  With her diseased husband's pension and her social security combines about $1800 a month. She wire transfer $20k to her son but his thai wife does't know about it.  It's possible the wife is not telling the truth or he didn't tell her wife about the transfer. My friend is trying to find about the account.

 

Since she has some income, I think she can choose either assisted living or home care option. The key is sending her back to California and finding someone who can help her find the right option. Since she has no friends or family member, this is becoming a challenge. I am trying to find a local church where she lived (Sacramento) for help.  

 

Any more ideas or advice will be greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks

[benalibina]

Thanks for the ideas.  
 
Just went to her son's funeral yesterday. She is still in shock and doesn't know what to do about her future. We tried to calm her down and asked few questions about her situation, particularly her financial situation since this will be crucial.  With her diseased husband's pension and her social security combines about $1800 a month. She wire transfer $20k to her son but his thai wife does't know about it.  It's possible the wife is not telling the truth or he didn't tell her wife about the transfer. My friend is trying to find about the account.
 
Since she has some income, I think she can choose either assisted living or home care option. The key is sending her back to California and finding someone who can help her find the right option. Since she has no friends or family member, this is becoming a challenge. I am trying to find a local church where she lived (Sacramento) for help.  
 
Any more ideas or advice will be greatly appreciated.
 
Thanks

Sorry no advice but only want to write that you are a good person helping this elderly lady. My compliments.

[beachproperty]

Sad story....

If I understand correctly ......her situation seems to be that she has no one (other than daughter in law now ....grandchildren?), and very little money but an income of $1800/month.

 

Question #1. 

Does she get along with her daughter in law (son's Thai wife)...

 

Question #2.

Are there grandchildren?

 

Reason I ask ... And I know your OP is about moving her back to the US ...BUT........ it may be better for her to consider living in Thailand for a number of reasons....Cheaper to live, Daughter-in-law seems to be the nearest thing to a living relative to help her out, and if there are grandchildren I'm sure she's like to be near them (or even live in the same house as the daughter-in-law and family)

 

I'm sure if she paid, say 20,000 baht a month, to the daughter in law,  she would have an immensely better life than living in a state run care facility in the US (Private assisted care facilities run $3350/month   http://www.seniorhomes.com/c/ca/sacramento/assisted-living/). AND if she lived in THailand with the daughter-in-law  she would have money left over each month for whatever!

 

Just a thought .....with the limited facts given....

Whatever though ....I wish her the best and spot on bananafarang for helping out (curious though as to the connection of  the friend who contacted you to help this women ).

 

Edited July 6, 2014 by beachproperty

[saakura]

Best for her would be to live with her thai daughter in law if her son's marraige to the thai girl was not a marraige of convenience (low educated poor girl and large age gap). Thai women are good caregivers and also polite and hospitable. She can hand over her pension to the daughter in law. Retirement visa?

[krisb]

Beachproperty raises a valid option. There's lots of aged care facilities in Thailand set up to cater for elderly western folks.

If this lady really has no family to help her back in the US, perhaps a Thai care home is a good option. Lots on google about it.

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2536580/The-families-sending-relatives-nursing-homes-THAILAND-Care-cheaper-better-Asia-say.html

 

Best of luck anyway.

[beachproperty]

Krisb is right ....just google assisted living facilities in Thailand and BINGO....

 

Here's one place that popped up

http://www.theprivilegeliving.com/AssistedLiving.html    ($325 to $825 month depending on level of care)

 

Sure there are plenty more.

 

Still think the best option though would be to live with the daughter in law if she thinks the situation (location and home) are up to her standards. 

 

Again ....wish her the best of luck!

Edited July 6, 2014 by beachproperty

[landslide]

I know the OP said that she had no friends and family in the USA but I wonder if she belonged to a church back home.  If so, perhaps contacting the minister in residence at the US church could shed some more light on her situation.  Also, if she transfered funds to Thailand, there will be a record at her bank in the USA.  At least it will be able to tell her if the funds were received, by whom, and at which bank and branch.  I feel sad for the woman, having lost her only son, and so soon after reuniting with him.  Even though life in Thailand can be substantially cheaper than the US, healthcare insurance at her age will be virtually impossible in Thailand, but in the USA, Medicare will take care of most issues, including longterm care, if it comes to that.  

[Mrjlh]

If she was to return to California, she can apply for Medi-Cal in the last county she resided in.  However, her income of $1800 a month puts her above the level of free service with the State which is around $700 a month. Maybe even less.  She can not have more than $2000 in the bank including property assets which it sounds she does not have.  With her monthly income she can survive.  She'll need to rent a room not a house or an apartment and there are many places where that be done but there is a long waiting list.  Someone will need to take her in until she can find a place.  Don't know of anyone. Might look and even write to the Council on Aging in Sacramento County.  Their name may have changed in recent months.  Best advice I can give.

[onlycw]

$ 1,800 is more than double what I make working full time. She will be able to survive on $ 1,800. Renting a decent home, having some shop deliver food 3 times a day or pay for a maid etc.

 

The "mild dementia" part makes me wonder and worry about her getting ripped off.

 

My landlady ignores needed repairs in a brand new home. The door to the yard won't close any more. And there are many plumbing issues. (Developers buy the cheapest and nastiest goods - knowing that those toilets won't work right from day 1).

[GuestHouse]

If the son who died is a US citizen then the US embassy will already be involved in the case. 

 

It is a matter of bringing the mother's plight to the attention of the officer who deals with the son's case. 

[ClutchClark]

I don't understand how she can have no friends or acquaintances back home.

This doesn't sound right...no friends of the deceased husband? No church?

Ofcourse, I am not saying she is not truthful...but hopefully there is someone she can trust.

Unfortunately, with no honest person to look out for her back in the US, she runs such a high risk of being victimized for what savings she has left.

If her son had been here 10 years and moved his mother over with the intention of her remaining here then she must be on what type of visa?

Perhaps NeverSure has some understanding of processing times for assisted living and the California Assistance Program but I would expect it takes some time to get coordinated. Personally, I think she would be best off remaining in her sons home for the next 1-2 months while she gets a better handle on her grief and her circumstance minus the one person she was going to rely on. During this time, she can be near her son's memory and belongings to help her grief.
As someone pointed out, she can compensate the wife for her hospitality and hopefully you will be kind enough to look in on her.

Seems like holding tight for the time being here would be much cheaper than a hotel in California and give her time to get over shock.

I am kind of surprised you only have a few posts and to be hit with such an unlikely event like this.
What made you think to post on TV? Edited July 6, 2014 by ClutchClark

[NeverSure]

Thanks for the ideas.  

 

Just went to her son's funeral yesterday. She is still in shock and doesn't know what to do about her future. We tried to calm her down and asked few questions about her situation, particularly her financial situation since this will be crucial.  With her diseased husband's pension and her social security combines about $1800 a month. She wire transfer $20k to her son but his thai wife does't know about it.  It's possible the wife is not telling the truth or he didn't tell her wife about the transfer. My friend is trying to find about the account.

 

Since she has some income, I think she can choose either assisted living or home care option. The key is sending her back to California and finding someone who can help her find the right option. Since she has no friends or family member, this is becoming a challenge. I am trying to find a local church where she lived (Sacramento) for help.  

 

Any more ideas or advice will be greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks

 

Weird as it sounds, Medicaid won't pay for assisted living or foster care. They will pay only when its medically necessary to go into a nursing home. Thus, a nursing home is often prescribed by a doctor who has no choice because the patient needs care. The nursing home has RN's and doctor visits and costs about 3x what a foster home would. A nursing home will run about 6 or 7 grand a month.

 

A nursing home feels more like a hospital without a private room. The other two provide a private bedroom and more of a home type atmosphere.

 

I don't know what can be done. You could call Sacramento County Adult and Senior Services and see if they could point you to someone who would walk her through this. LINK  Sometimes their best feature is they know who does what, even private charities.

 

You could also google senior services for Sacramento  HERE  and get a large list of calls you could make. "Each one teach one" works here because they all know what's out there.

[HeijoshinCool]

I can't believe the posters advising a 70 year old American woman to stay in Thailand, and end her days here eating strange food with complete strangers in a strange land speaking a strange language she will never learn a word of.

 

Neversure's post was spot on. 

 

First help her back to California. Then try to get at least some of that $20k back. The first far outweighs the second, though.

Edited July 6, 2014 by HeijoshinCool

[NeverSure]

I can't believe the posters advising a 70 year old American woman to stay in Thailand, and end her days here eating strange food with complete strangers in a strange land speaking a strange language she will never learn a word of.

 

Neversure's post was spot on. 

 

First help her back to California. Then try to get at least some of that $20k back. The first far outweighs the second, though.

 

Spot on. Thailand isn't an option. She didn't move for Thailand, but for her son who's gone.

 

About the 20K. If she sent it in a way that could look like she just gave it to her son, wouldn't the wife have first claim to it? There are a lot of cross-jurisdictional problems there and I can't see the woman ever getting that money.

 

Who is that outfit that posts on here that helps expats with issues? I'll bet SBK would know... I don't know her exact user name. Could someone please PM her a link to this thread?

Edited July 6, 2014 by NeverSure

[beachproperty]

I can't believe the posters advising a 70 year old American woman to stay in Thailand, and end her days here eating strange food with complete strangers in a strange land speaking a strange language she will never learn a word of.

 

Neversure's post was spot on. 

 

First help her back to California. Then try to get at least some of that $20k back. The first far outweighs the second, though.

 

What a good laugh you gave me....

 

As I'm almost 70 myself and living in Thailand (also from Calif having lived in the Sacramento area)...I for one (as in my opinion) have NO PROBLEM living in a strange land, where they speak a strange language, and as for food....the markets here carry the same food as western markets and I'm sure she knows how to cook! In FACT I relish the fact that I am living here in Thailand enjoying a MUCH higher quality of life for less than half the money I would have to spend in the US

 

My reading of the OP is she has NO ONE in the US. She DOES, on the other hand,  have a daughter-in-law and possibly grandchildren here in Thailand.

 

PLUS the cost of living is WAY cheaper here in Thailand. Since she has nothing to go back to in the US....why go back? To become a bag lady? to become another statistic of the elderly being taken advantage of?  Live in some community home for a few thousand dollars a month, only to be abused by the staff? 

 

Never said it would be easy. But neither will be going back to the US ....she sold everything ....as in, she has nothing there! we don't know all the facts! And the decisions her to make obviously, I was just posing another possibility as laughable it may be to some of you.

 

Some one posted the idea of staying here a few months to adjust to the grief of the loss of her son. GREAT idea. Also would give her time to make her own decision of what to do....Go or Stay.

 

You'd be surprised how resilient and independent some of us "old folk" are.

Edited July 6, 2014 by beachproperty

[NeverSure]

A mod was kind enough to let me know that the user I was trying to remember is NancyL. She is involved in helping expats.

 

I PM'd her a link and asked her if she would please have a look at this thread in case she has any ideas. If anyone does, she might.

[NeverSure]

 

I can't believe the posters advising a 70 year old American woman to stay in Thailand, and end her days here eating strange food with complete strangers in a strange land speaking a strange language she will never learn a word of.

 

Neversure's post was spot on. 

 

First help her back to California. Then try to get at least some of that $20k back. The first far outweighs the second, though.

What a good laugh you gave me....

 

As I'm almost 70 myself and living in Thailand (also from Calif having lived in the Sacramento area)...I for one (as in my opinion) have NO PROBLEM living in a strange land, where they speak a strange language, and as for food....the markets here carry the same food as western markets and I'm sure she knows how to cook! In FACT I relish the fact that I am living here in Thailand enjoying a MUCH higher quality of life for less than half the money I would have to spend in the US

 

My reading of the OP is she has NO ONE in the US. She does have a daughter-in-law and possibly grandchildren here in Thailand.

 

PLUS the cost of living is WAY cheaper here in Thailand. Since she has nothing to go back to in the US....why go back? To become a bag lady? to become another statistic of the elderly being taken advantage of?  Live in some community home for a few thousand dollars a month, only to be abused by the staff? 

 

Never said it would be easy. But neither will be going back to the US ....she sold everything ....as in, she has nothing there! we don't know all the facts! And the decisions her to make obviously, I was just posing another possibility as laughable it may be to some of you.

 

Some one posted the idea of staying here a few months to adjust to the grief of the loss of her son. GREAT idea. Also would give her time to make her own decision of what to do....Go or Stay.

 

You'd be surprised how resilient and independent some of us "old folk" are.

 

 

You might be right. However you didn't go to Thailand just to be with a son. You also aren't frail and don't suffer from dementia. 

 

OK, I take that last part back, LOL.  

 

Maybe NancyL knows someone who will talk to her and assess the situation and help her decide. Also help her accomplish what she wants.

 

I hope so.

[bananafarang]

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Sad story....

If I understand correctly ......her situation seems to be that she has no one (other than daughter in law now ....grandchildren?), and very little money but an income of $1800/month.

 

Question #1. 

Does she get along with her daughter in law (son's Thai wife)...

 

Question #2.

Are there grandchildren?

 

Reason I ask ... And I know your OP is about moving her back to the US ...BUT........ it may be better for her to consider living in Thailand for a number of reasons....Cheaper to live, Daughter-in-law seems to be the nearest thing to a living relative to help her out, and if there are grandchildren I'm sure she's like to be near them (or even live in the same house as the daughter-in-law and family)

 

I'm sure if she paid, say 20,000 baht a month, to the daughter in law,  she would have an immensely better life than living in a state run care facility in the US (Private assisted care facilities run $3350/month   http://www.seniorhomes.com/c/ca/sacramento/assisted-living/). AND if she lived in THailand with the daughter-in-law  she would have money left over each month for whatever!

 

Just a thought .....with the limited facts given....

Whatever though ....I wish her the best and spot on bananafarang for helping out (curious though as to the connection of  the friend who contacted you to help this women ).

 

 

She has visited Thailand for short while before and have met her daughter in law.  I am not sure how close they are but her daughter in law seem nice enough. One problem is she doesn't want to live in Thailand without her son. Mainly because she does not understand the language and she feel like a stranger here. Another problem with her staying in Thailand is health. This is my opinion but from what I have seen, she is not well. She will need some medical care in the future and she cannot receive Medicare in Thailand.  Also, she does not have any grandchildren in Thailand. 

Edited July 6, 2014 by bananafarang

[bananafarang]

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Beachproperty raises a valid option. There's lots of aged care facilities in Thailand set up to cater for elderly western folks.

If this lady really has no family to help her back in the US, perhaps a Thai care home is a good option. Lots on google about it.

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2536580/The-families-sending-relatives-nursing-homes-THAILAND-Care-cheaper-better-Asia-say.html

 

Best of luck anyway.

This maybe an option to consider. We will look into it. Meanwhile if anybody have any info regarding care facilities for foreigners, it will be great help. 

 

 

[bananafarang]

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I know the OP said that she had no friends and family in the USA but I wonder if she belonged to a church back home.  If so, perhaps contacting the minister in residence at the US church could shed some more light on her situation.  Also, if she transfered funds to Thailand, there will be a record at her bank in the USA.  At least it will be able to tell her if the funds were received, by whom, and at which bank and branch.  I feel sad for the woman, having lost her only son, and so soon after reuniting with him.  Even though life in Thailand can be substantially cheaper than the US, healthcare insurance at her age will be virtually impossible in Thailand, but in the USA, Medicare will take care of most issues, including longterm care, if it comes to that.  

It is hard to believe that she has not family or friends to contact back home. However, she was persistent that she has none. She said she sometimes attended church but can't remember the name. I am trying to locate the church and hoping somebody can tell me more about her background. As I posted in my original message, she has mild case of dementia and need to repeat things several times. For example, she can't remember things I told her and had to repeat it over and over. 

[bananafarang]

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If she was to return to California, she can apply for Medi-Cal in the last county she resided in.  However, her income of $1800 a month puts her above the level of free service with the State which is around $700 a month. Maybe even less.  She can not have more than $2000 in the bank including property assets which it sounds she does not have.  With her monthly income she can survive.  She'll need to rent a room not a house or an apartment and there are many places where that be done but there is a long waiting list.  Someone will need to take her in until she can find a place.  Don't know of anyone. Might look and even write to the Council on Aging in Sacramento County.  Their name may have changed in recent months.  Best advice I can give.

I have looked into the Medi-Cal program in California. It seems there is way for her apply for this program even with her income provided she pay for share of the cost. I am still looking into it further. 

[beachproperty]

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Beachproperty raises a valid option. There's lots of aged care facilities in Thailand set up to cater for elderly western folks.

If this lady really has no family to help her back in the US, perhaps a Thai care home is a good option. Lots on google about it.

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2536580/The-families-sending-relatives-nursing-homes-THAILAND-Care-cheaper-better-Asia-say.html

 

Best of luck anyway.

This maybe an option to consider. We will look into it. Meanwhile if anybody have any info regarding care facilities for foreigners, it will be great help. 

 

 

 

 

Krisb is right ....just google assisted living facilities in Thailand and BINGO....

 

Here's one place that popped up

http://www.theprivilegeliving.com/AssistedLiving.html    ($325 to $825 month depending on level of care)

 

Sure there are plenty more.

 

Still think the best option though would be to live with the daughter in law if she thinks the situation (location and home) are up to her standards. 

 

Again ....wish her the best of luck!

 

 

As requested I have posted information regarding assisted living in Thailand. (cost between $325 to $825 month)

 

And also have previously posted  a site showing assisted living places in the Sacramento area (average per month $3350)

 

NOTE....none of the facilities provide medical care!

 

Apparently there is a facility though in Chiang Mai which also provides medical   

http://www.retire2thailand.com/retire2-assisted-living.php

 

Personally I also have health issues and am self insured here in Thailand (saving myself $7000 or more a year in Obama Health Premiums)...Have found health care in Thailand very competent and affordable!

 

Good Luck...

Edited July 6, 2014 by beachproperty

[bananafarang]

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If the son who died is a US citizen then the US embassy will already be involved in the case. 

 

It is a matter of bringing the mother's plight to the attention of the officer who deals with the son's case. 

Embassy was notified of his death but I am not sure they are aware of her plight. I couldn't call them Friday (July 4th). I will call them Monday and ask if there is anything they can do.

[bananafarang]

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I don't understand how she can have no friends or acquaintances back home.

This doesn't sound right...no friends of the deceased husband? No church?

Ofcourse, I am not saying she is not truthful...but hopefully there is someone she can trust.

Unfortunately, with no honest person to look out for her back in the US, she runs such a high risk of being victimized for what savings she has left.

If her son had been here 10 years and moved his mother over with the intention of her remaining here then she must be on what type of visa?

Perhaps NeverSure has some understanding of processing times for assisted living and the California Assistance Program but I would expect it takes some time to get coordinated. Personally, I think she would be best off remaining in her sons home for the next 1-2 months while she gets a better handle on her grief and her circumstance minus the one person she was going to rely on. During this time, she can be near her son's memory and belongings to help her grief.
As someone pointed out, she can compensate the wife for her hospitality and hopefully you will be kind enough to look in on her.

Seems like holding tight for the time being here would be much cheaper than a hotel in California and give her time to get over shock.

I am kind of surprised you only have a few posts and to be hit with such an unlikely event like this.
What made you think to post on TV?

I am also perplexed as to why she has nobody for support in the states. She may not remember. She arrived on 30 entry visa. I suspect her son had not thought through regarding visa. 

I turned to TV in desperation. Hoping someone would provide useful information since I am totally lost as to course of action. 

[Kudel]

Beachproperty raises a valid option. There's lots of aged care facilities in Thailand set up to cater for elderly western folks.
If this lady really has no family to help her back in the US, perhaps a Thai care home is a good option. Lots on google about it.
 
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2536580/The-families-sending-relatives-nursing-homes-THAILAND-Care-cheaper-better-Asia-say.html
 
Best of luck anyway.

If she's suffering from dementia and she's put in a thai nursing home run by foreigners as your link states and she has no family who is then taking care of her finances?
Are there laws in state in Thailand protecting such a person as mentioned in the op from people mis using here money like the nursing home ,we have such organisations and laws in my country for situations like this ,but Thailand? Edited July 6, 2014 by Kudel

[Mrjlh]

You raise another issue no one addressed. Her VISA?  She does not make enough monthly for a Retirement Visa unless she can acquire the $20K she said she sent.  Then it has to be in her name and in her account which she will need.  Having put my own Mother through the Medi-Cal system, I would not wish to put anyone through the complex, out of date, and inefficient system ever.  Section 8 housing is even more complex and extremely slow.

 

It sounds as if this lady is going to be deported back sooner than you wish.  It appears her best option is staying in Thailand if she can get past the VISA issue, convert from tourist to a Retirement extension to stay.  Solve that issue first.  Secondly how is she going to get her pension and other funds sent here?

 

Lots of issues that need considerable attention to and now even more difficult if she is not thinking clearly.  Her daughter in law (if her was in fact married) should take an active role because it is to that families benefit.  How old was her son? What was his status here?  Lots of un-explored questions.

Edited July 6, 2014 by Mrjlh

[NancyL]

I can't believe the posters advising a 70 year old American woman to stay in Thailand, and end her days here eating strange food with complete strangers in a strange land speaking a strange language she will never learn a word of.
 
Neversure's post was spot on. 
 
First help her back to California. Then try to get at least some of that $20k back. The first far outweighs the second, though.

 
What a good laugh you gave me....
 
As I'm almost 70 myself and living in Thailand (also from Calif having lived in the Sacramento area)...I for one (as in my opinion) have NO PROBLEM living in a strange land, where they speak a strange language, and as for food....the markets here carry the same food as western markets and I'm sure she knows how to cook! In FACT I relish the fact that I am living here in Thailand enjoying a MUCH higher quality of life for less than half the money I would have to spend in the US
 
My reading of the OP is she has NO ONE in the US. She DOES, on the other hand,  have a daughter-in-law and possibly grandchildren here in Thailand.
 
PLUS the cost of living is WAY cheaper here in Thailand. Since she has nothing to go back to in the US....why go back? To become a bag lady? to become another statistic of the elderly being taken advantage of?  Live in some community home for a few thousand dollars a month, only to be abused by the staff? 
 
Never said it would be easy. But neither will be going back to the US ....she sold everything ....as in, she has nothing there! we don't know all the facts! And the decisions her to make obviously, I was just posing another possibility as laughable it may be to some of you.
 
Some one posted the idea of staying here a few months to adjust to the grief of the loss of her son. GREAT idea. Also would give her time to make her own decision of what to do....Go or Stay.
 
You'd be surprised how resilient and independent some of us "old folk" are.

OK, so where do you live?, we'll have her on the next bus to visit you and you two can talk about how she can adjust to the loss of Medicare and grief counseling groups, (Sorry. it just doesn't work that way with new arrivals, esp. women)

NancyL. Edited July 6, 2014 by NancyL