The end of it. Any chance to get my money back?

[xylophone]

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I feel sorry for you if your wife has been unfaithful or has been misleading you, however this is not necessarily the domain of Thai women alone, although it does seem to happen with a great deal of regularity here.

For what it's worth, I was in a live-in relationship with a Thai lady for 4 to 5 years, when I decided to head out on my own for the single life which I craved again. I had bought the house in conjunction with her, paid out for family illnesses and problems etc, bought her a motorbike and so on, and all with an open heart.

I had used a local lawyer in buying the house and used him again with the "settlement" details and all went very well, and I walked away with the majority of the funds I had put into the relationship, whilst still enabling my ex to benefit to the tune of around 1 million baht, which was fine by me.

What I'm trying to say is that you really need to know where you stand before you act upon any of the suggestions here (some seem as if they would work?) and I second the call for you to sit down with a good lawyer.

As one poster has already mentioned, you need to get the chips stacked on your side, and he/she can help you do this, knowing Thai law as they do. However common sense also comes into it, so the more "chips"/benefits/proof of you providing in the relationship etc etc you have, the more powerful your position.

The worst-case scenario could be that you walk away with 50% of everything, and if this is the proposition put forward by the lawyer, then you would start negotiating with regards to her keeping the house and you having your part paid in cash and so on.

Divorce in any country is never easy as many on here will attest to, however the more you can document with regards to how much you have put into the relationship, the better it will be because you have something to bargain with.

As was suggested early on by others, your starting point is to see a lawyer to see the lay of the land and only then can you start to put a plan into action, any other actions without knowing where you stand may not benefit you at all.

Good luck.

4-5 years for 1mill (30k), and you dump her. I think she would have been better without you, don't think you did her any favors.

Oz

Oh dear, there is always someone going to jump in with some spiteful/hateful comment when they don't really know the full story, but then that's more a reflection on you than me.

For the record, the 1 million baht was in cash, and I didn't feel it necessary to mention other parts such as land purchased in her home town given to her, financing the setting up of a business, ongoing monthly support/payments ad infinitum so that she didn't need to work again if she didn't want to, school fees, ongoing medical expenses etc etc.

There, I hope you feel better now.

[guzzi850m2]

Remember this is Thailand,, they will marry you and even have a husband/boyfriend on the side,, you and i are nothing but money to them so do lie and cheat because it's what they did to you and me,, wet her appetite,, darling i want a new house,, the biggest classiest and a new BMW,, take her around show her the new car/house and watch her eyes light up BUT on the other hand, the Thai women are not stupid when it comes to money, they can smell a rat long before we wake up.. My friend tried the same thing only to be told "i am happy here, i don't want to change" now what?

First: Plan A lawyer

Second: Plan B

Lastly good luck from me because i have been there.

It seems like some here on this forum topic have been taking to the cleaner(s), I fell sorry for you guys, I really do.

Just remember that some of us here have very good relation ships with our Thai wife's, mine is a very kind person and I trust her 100%.

Okay we got a kid together and she didn't have any before our son.

A divorce is not nice and that goes for any country, a 20 year old relation ship can turn ugly quickly if a divorce is looming and the one not earning much money (if any) will most likely walk out with a fat wallet.

+60 years old guys comes here from the West and marry the local 20-25 year old local village beauty queen and think all is/will be good, well you better starting thinking with the big head instead and get down to earth, it wont happen unless you trow money at her all the time.

If you want sex do it shot time only and forget about it afterwards.

OP good luck getting some of your money back and sorry is above don't apply to you, I am just talking generally here based on what I seen after living here for +12 years.

Hiring a lawyer is the best you can do right now in my opinion.

When my sister in DK was suddenly presented with a demand of divorce after almost 20 years marriage and 2 kids, I suddenly didn't like my brother in law anymore because as some poster mention, blood is thicker than water. The brother in law lost a huge chunk of money in that divorce and I don't speak to the fxxxxx anymore because he hurt my sister badly.

[Derailed]

+60 years old guys comes here from the West and marry the local 20-25 year old local village beauty queen and think all is/will be good, well you better starting thinking with the big head instead and get down to earth, it wont happen unless you trow money at her all the time.

If you want sex do it shot time only and forget about it afterwards.

OP good luck getting some of your money back and sorry is above don't apply to you, I am just talking generally here based on what I seen after living here for +12 years.

Hiring a lawyer is the best you can do right now in my opinion.

I always wondered how a 30+ years difference relationships work, many falangs like to believe they're in a genuine relationships.

My case is unfortunately an exception, both my wife and myself are in our 30s.

I hired a private investigator but so far was not able to get any evidence. After all there's always a chance I'm wrong (we all can be wrong), there may be an explanation to her behaviour, but as of right now, all I can think of is cheating.

[MJP]

+60 years old guys comes here from the West and marry the local 20-25 year old local village beauty queen and think all is/will be good, well you better starting thinking with the big head instead and get down to earth, it wont happen unless you trow money at her all the time.

If you want sex do it shot time only and forget about it afterwards.

OP good luck getting some of your money back and sorry is above don't apply to you, I am just talking generally here based on what I seen after living here for +12 years.

Hiring a lawyer is the best you can do right now in my opinion.

I always wondered how a 30+ years difference relationships work, many falangs like to believe they're in a genuine relationships.

My case is unfortunately an exception, both my wife and myself are in our 30s.

I hired a private investigator but so far was not able to get any evidence. After all there's always a chance I'm wrong (we all can be wrong), there may be an explanation to her behaviour, but as of right now, all I can think of is cheating.

Yeah blimey! Be sure!

Are you sure about this?

[BrooklynNY]

Yes it is complicated, I mentioned that most of the money was transferred to her gold trading account which is purely on her name and this is the issue, this is why I started this topic.

Sorry if it wasn't clear.

As a proof that this is my money, I have:

- the declaration form showing me bringing in cash in foreign currency in equivalent of roughly 1.5 million baht.

You could spend that CASH money somewhere else and there is no official written agreement between you two that you actually put that money in the joint account.

- our chats when she told me (during our fights and arguments), that she will give me all my money back (mentioning the amount) next time I come back from work.

Wait and see if she will comply to what she told you during heated argument.

Will this be enough of the proof for the lawyers and courts that the money belong to me?

Lawyer can not guarantee and he/she makes money off clients. You pay the lawyer to do the job but it does not mean that you would win and especially in Thailand because there are many crooked people walk freely and they do not even have to run or hide. Business is as usual.

If yes then will it be possible to freeze her gold trading account so the money from there don't disappear?

I do not think you can freeze her account unless she is involved in money laundry illegally and you need a court order which I doubt that you could get it because there are too many red tapes and a lot of wasting money involved. Your wife would probably have taken the money out way before you even think of doing it. You underestimate how smart ass a Thai can zigzag his/her way through when it comes to someone's else money in their own possession. That why I as a Thai person choose not to do any money business with any Thai and not even with my own Thai family. I can not stand dealing business with Thai people, they can change their mind the next minute. Make sure that you'd better stay in good term with them otherwise you would be a forever an enemy.

I wish you a lot of lucks.

Edited September 6, 2014 by BrooklynNY

[USNret]

Tell her you want to buy a much bigger house, take her round to see a few.

Then tell her you need the money in her gold account to help buying the new house.

(As you want to have two houses)

She'll soon hand over the cash.

Once you have the cash, any silly excuse to delay buying the new house will do.

So long as it doesn't raise suspicion, my Merkin friend has a good idea.

To win this thing you need to pander to their wants and fears. I used ghosts and superstition at one point.

I thought of telling her to hand over the cash nicely, once I have good evidence (working on it), then I'd just disappear and she can tell her parents whatever she wants and save her face, or else I'd go back and talk to her parents and inform them what sort of woman their daughter is. They may or may not care, I don't know. Her dad and I have a good relationship even though none of us speaks a common language, I think he'd be very disappointed but I don't know if that will make any difference...

What do you think folks?

Speaking with her parents and telling them that she has been unfaithful is one of the most powerful things you can do; using this as your threatening/bargaining chip could be extremely effective in getting what you want from a Thai girl. Her Thai parents would likely be extremely disappointed to hear about her behavior and could bring great shame to her and her family. Certainly I don't know if this will work but it is more powerful than if you had a farang wife, by about a million-fold.

This is a gamble that the fear of shame is stronger than the allure of money. I would put my bet on the money, which means this shaming strategy wouldn't work. Many Thai families will endure a lot for the promise of a quick windfall.

Personally, I like American's idea of promising to buy a 2nd house. This seems to draw Thai like moths to a light. Of course, the house will have to be in her name & in her greed she'll see yet another way to suck more money from you. Have the lawyer all lined up first, because eventually her suspicion will be alerted & she'll figure out what you're up to. Hopefully by then you'll have your hands on the money from her gold account, all tucked away somewhere that she can't touch it.

[searayman]

Just leave everything and walk away.

i faced the same situation like you …….

i spent about 14.7 million baht over 4 years and lately word came around she was flirting when i am away offshore

at the end of the day, i just to walk away leaving it all behind just not to hurt myself anymore…..

Money can also be made but true love and relationship cannot be bought……

if there is no trust in her in relationship ……there is no point wasting time, it will end up messy sooner or later.

My only regret was i waited too long to make up my mind.

i bailed out and now being more careful and lesson learned.

[Friendly Stranger]

Thanks, some great ideas fellas. I already contacted the lawyer so that's my plan A, working on it right now.

If it fails, then I'd have to come upstairs with some fairy tale or threaten her somehow.

Will see what lawyer says first.

Sorry about your situation. Just be wary of these plans/schemes as you don't want to cross the line of fraud to do some of this stuff as it would require documents and or witnesses. Don't railroad yourself.

Good luck.

[Friendly Stranger]

Have you thought about getting a PI to get the goods? IMO, what is the lawyer going to do without any evidence? He should be waiting in the wings when you have proof so you can proceed with whatever that has to be done legally without any wasted time.

If you tell her or she finds out before the above then all liquid assets will be first to go and she"ll prepare for the rest.

You must be calculating during this time as some of the responses you've received will do more damage than good as this woman is not a one night floozy you can fool but is your wife.

Take care my man.

[MobileContent]

First of all I feel for the OP.

I would go for a 50:50 divorce and take half of all assets even if the house is somewhere in Nakhon Nowhere. I am sure your wife will not let go of the cash but with a good lawyer you might get 50% back. The only problem I see is if she starts running up debts as you both will be responsible for it until the day you are official divorced.

If you still have funds left offshore, another option is just walk away from it.

I've read elsewhere that any and all the debts acquired without consent and knowledge of your partner, stay with you after the divorce.

We didn't sign for any loans or anything else that I'm aware of. I'm debt free always pay for everything in full and will keep it this way.

A German friend of mine filed for a divorce in Udon and the lady got overnight a Kasikorn Premium A/C with a credit-card and only when they went to court and the assets would be split came an additional liability of 459k to light. They did sell the car but the house couldn't be sold as it was in a village. All in all he invested around 5 million Baht in 4 years and got back around 600k. He died by the way last year which I found very suspicious.

[Straight8]

Amazing! My wife has accounts in her name but i have all the online details.

I'm guessing I put too much trust into her. Live and learn...

Nevermind, use these kind of experiences for what they are worth, and once mastered are worth quite a bit. Insurance for life!!!

I've tried so hard with a couple of close friends to explain the perils of 'trust' and 'money' when it comes to Thai woman, to the point of risking my mateship with these guys. In the end I had to sit back, button it and watch the train wreck unfold in front of my eyes and now i won't even say "I told you so".

Good luck in getting your baht back, you'll get more thinking outside the square, but some decent advice here.

[Aussieroaming]

My advise is

Be relaxed, show no suspicion, get the money out.

I really feel for you

When my wife and I parted ways she got over 90% of our assets and cash, over $800 000 worth. That being after she cheated on me as well. The court doesn't care whether you are wronged by her..they don't look at emotional effect only income versus assets. Lesson learned...never let someone else control your money.

I had warning and opportunity to get my assets out..I chose not to through false hope that our relationship wasn't doomed. Bad mistake.

[choochoo]

Yes it is complicated, I mentioned that most of the money was transferred to her gold trading account which is purely on her name and this is the issue, this is why I started this topic.

Sorry if it wasn't clear.

She any good at GOLD TRADING? very few are!

[choochoo]

Yes it is complicated, I mentioned that most of the money was transferred to her gold trading account which is purely on her name and this is the issue, this is why I started this topic.

Sorry if it wasn't clear.

Tell her you want to buy a much bigger house, take her round to see a few.

Then tell her you need the money in her gold account to help buying the new house.

(As you want to have two houses)

She'll soon hand over the cash.

Once you have the cash, any silly excuse to delay buying the new house will do.

So long as it doesn't raise suspicion, my Merkin friend has a good idea.

To win this thing you need to pander to their wants and fears. I used ghosts and superstition at one point.

I thought of telling her to hand over the cash nicely, once I have good evidence (working on it), then I'd just disappear and she can tell her parents whatever she wants and save her face, or else I'd go back and talk to her parents and inform them what sort of woman their daughter is. They may or may not care, I don't know. Her dad and I have a good relationship even though none of us speaks a common language, I think he'd be very disappointed but I don't know if that will make any difference...

What do you think folks?

i think you playing with fire. May end in your death! i say go home!

[choochoo]

theres a good chance the father is a cheater too. Its expected! be careful man you playing with people you cant even talk too-you said you dont speak same language.

I thought of telling her to hand over the cash nicely, once I have good evidence (working on it), then I'd just disappear and she can tell her parents whatever she wants and save her face, or else I'd go back and talk to her parents and inform them what sort of woman their daughter is. They may or may not care, I don't know. Her dad and I have a good relationship even though none of us speaks a common language, I think he'd be very disappointed but I don't know if that will make any difference...

So long as it doesn't raise suspicion, my Merkin friend has a good idea.

To win this thing you need to pander to their wants and fears. I used ghosts and superstition at one point.

What do you think folks?

Speaking with her parents and telling them that she has been unfaithful is one of the most powerful things you can do; using this as your threatening/bargaining chip could be extremely effective in getting what you want from a Thai girl. Her Thai parents would likely be extremely disappointed to hear about her behavior and could bring great shame to her and her family. Certainly I don't know if this will work but it is more powerful than if you had a farang wife, by about a million-fold.

What if father is a cheater too? He may join forces with daughter in having you eliminated.....................lol.

[choochoo]

I hired a private investigator but so far was not able to get any evidence. After all there's always a chance I'm wrong (we all can be wrong), there may be an explanation to her behaviour, but as of right now, all I can think of is cheating.

Riveting thread better than non-fiction. and now op admits he may just be making all this infidelity nonsense up.............................lol.

I feel like a fool!

[Derailed]

Not making up anything.

What I'm saying, unless I have a solid evidence of her cheating, I can't be 100% sure.

What I'm saying, there MIGHT be a good explanation for what I have discovered (not going into details).

All in all, I've got what I needed from this thread and I'm grateful to those who replied and gave me good advise and information.

Thread can now be closed before it completely derailed.

[choochoo]

Can you point out the good advise? i seemed to have missed it. lol!

Edited September 14, 2014 by choochoo

[Riverman]

I presume your joint account is operated by both of you signing together. If so, that money would be safe as it can't be moved without your signature. The gold trading account : you'd need to prove in court that it was set up together in her name - difficult.

Involving her family- blood is thicker than water so don't expect any sympathy from their side. Sex and Divorce are not such taboo subjects in Thailand so when such a talk would come up, the first thing the family thinks of is how to protect what is already in their daughter's hands. Whatever you tell them about her will be passed on along with any plans which you may reveal. Their thinking is that the divorce will happen, falang are rich and their daughter should not lose anything.

Any unusual move regarding money - such as thinking of buying a new house, making a new account will be met with suspicion and may result in a lock down of assets with her. You need to keep acting normally for the time being.

Even if you can't prove infidelity, the seeds of suspicion have been sown so I don't see how you will be going back to your original state of maritial bliss. My thinking is that you are going to work on a plan to get out soon so you might as well get started and prepare fully.

Consult a lawyer and figure out how to file for divorce and simultaneously getting a stay order from the court which will prevent any movement/sale of any assets until court has finalized the divorce. This will be the time your lawyer needs to show the court all the documents you have relating to bringing in the money etc to be able to block her gold account under this move. Under Thai law, all assets in single or joint name created after marriage are to be split 50:50. So her gold account would fall under that . You just need to make sure she doesn't siphon off the funds.

Once this move is done, then you have the upper hand. You have source of funds overseas which will allow you to sustain yourself. She will have no funds except her personal/ family funds. Now you need to play for time. As you stretch the matter, she will start to run out of cash and be more pliable for a settlement . Remember - she needs to get a lawyer too so that is going to cost her and as the matter drags on , her lawyer's fees are going to add up too.

Sometimes just getting the stay order from the court is the main step which puts you in a better bargaining position. The court can set up a meeting with both your lawyers and they can thrash out the details in an out of the court settlement. Once your wife's side know they are not dealing with any old stupid falang, they will quickly come to the bargaining table to pick up whatever they can.

Hope this helps.

[JOC]

OMG!! I have never seen so much bad advice on one thread.

First the OP mentioned, that he and madame only recently got married, so I assume most of the assets were bought before marriage, which means he is entitled to nothing !! The 50/50 split is only possible if the assets were aquired during marriage.

No lawyer can change that fact! He is just going to milk you for an additional 500k.

About time you act like a man. Sit down with the wife and tell her that you want out, and ask her what she consider a fair split. Don't mention your suspicion about her cheating. Especially because it might only be in your head.

Have you considered, that her behaviour making you think she is cheating, could be coursed by gambling?

Maybe the gold-trading-account is not so fat anymore??

[khunpa]

Since you only got married recently and gave her all these things before the marriage, then in reality it is her stuff. You have simply been very generous, but that is not something you can win over her in court with. Receiving money from a generous person is not a crime. She actually brought a lot of money and assets into the marriage. You brought nothing, because you have given her all your money before.

From my experiences with police, lawyers etc. here, then only way you will get anything back, is to be very smart, cold, patient and "play the game" their way.... You will have to lie and show no signs of weakness for a long time, until you trick the money back your way. When you do and if you succeed, then get out of the country immediately.

I doubt you will get any useful help from a lawyer. Actually, it could only make your situation worse, because your wife then knows your plans and can react based on that. To be quite honest you are Fxxxxd and have put yourself in a very bad situation. Only way out with money, is being as smart as she has been.

I wish you the best of luck, hope you recover and really hope you learn from this.

Edited September 20, 2014 by khunpa

[Heng]

Slowly but surely withdraw anything you can for "overseas" investment and send it to your accounts elsewhere. WU it to your family if you start running into wire out issues. When are satisfied with what is overseas, buy a plane ticket.... lesson learned.

[john1000]

Bottom line is that your actions here, point to the inevitable end of your marriage, and you want a damage limitation exercise.

Take everything you can but don't try and cheat or play games for some money you may or may not get back.

Life is for living so start new, and just enjoy. Commitment is fine, but unless there are kids, why bother?

You may store potential issues that do far more damage than just finances.