In trouble for trying to be charitable

[transam]

OP, big learning curve here, would take to long to explain and still you would not understand. Your thoughts were but this lands thoughts are way different. Trust me.

[Nuddy]

Oranges or other fruit are always good things for patients in hospitals.

Fruit will help their functions. Oranges three per person for some reason this is lucky or Thainess.

Regards

[connda]

Me? Farang. Buddhist. Married to a Thai with extended family.

Correct answer:

You should have either paid for one patients hospital bill or better still take those items to the temple for the monks.

Welcome to the LOS.

Personally. Any act of charity is good. Kudos to you from a follow farang. Any act of selflessness that benefits others is a good thing. Let go of the criticism. It's not about you. Good job!

[ggt]

Thais can get along without tissue paper...have you ever noticed the little spigot next to a commode or bomb site...they use water...clean and efficient...

Your heart was in the right place...next time ask a colleague...what is an appropriate gift...or if a gift is appropriate at all...

Try volunteering your time...you may get a better feel for what products are needed at a hospital...

Don't be discouraged...and don't be naïve...

[connda]

Thais can get along without tissue paper...have you ever noticed the little spigot next to a commode or bomb site...they use water...clean and efficient...

Your heart was in the right place...next time ask a colleague...what is an appropriate gift...or if a gift is appropriate at all...

Try volunteering your time...you may get a better feel for what products are needed at a hospital...

Don't be discouraged...and don't be naïve...

My Thai wife take tissue everywhere. Gotta dry your privates after spraying them down if ya know what I mean.

[puuchai299]

Wether or not someone appreciates a gift you gave or not is not the point,the point is you gave with good intentions,be proud you have a good heart and stuff to what anyone else thinks....

[transam]

Wether or not someone appreciates a gift you gave or not is not the point,the point is you gave with good intentions,be proud you have a good heart and stuff to what anyone else thinks....

But you too do not understand Thai thought.............

[Aforek]

You might want to consider buying something other than milk if you ever buy any other gifts as many Thais are lactose intolerant.

Sure, milk is a strange thing for Thais, I have never seen any Thai drink milk ( only me drinks milk here )

I mean, milk that we, farangs, drink: maybe, if there is canned milk with much sugar, they will drink it

[gyrosman]

Could it be the "Hospital" might see this as an insult? Hospitals here pride themselves on supplying the patients with everything they might need (whether they do or not is not the point) Saving face attitude is. Best you give to the Temples.

Please, I was in the hospital and after cleaning my 3 x 6 cm open wound the nurse tried to put my old blood soaked ace bandage back in place, I was given IV's for 3 weeks and 2 nurses did not flush the IV and bruised my arm, they re-stuck me 39 times for a simple 5 needs to give me my meds. Save face, what about knowing how to do their job. I was released to go home and had to return in 7 days for another stay, they wanted x-rays, EKG'S and blood samples again and I tried to explain I just did all of those test 7 days before and as I got angry they got upset with but they could not remember doing the test, I'm a white guy and was the only white guy on the floor for 3 weeks, memory LOST or loosing face, how about proper medical attention.

[gyrosman]

You did a good thing, but you have learn that Thai's only response to CASH when it especially its a western person, give it to the monks, cash to buy smokes and top off their phones at

7-11, please.

[Bardeh]

I think it's just the fact that the combination of tissues and milk is quite an odd gift to give at any time. However, that doesn't mean that people should be rude to you about your decision to give a gift. It's the thought that counts!

[dotpoom]

When i was dating my wife we were having a meal together and were being served by the children of a staff member. I gave the boy the money to pay the bill and he came back with the change smiling and i told him to keep it....my now wife nearly had a fit and told me not to do this as it was highly insulting to the staff member. I asked why and she said because it implied that the staff member couldn't afford to look after her children properly. Just different customs I guess and both have their good points when you consider it. Mind you, I find boxes of tissues a rather strange gift to give to children.

[laobali]

OP, big learning curve here, would take to long to explain and still you would not understand. Your thoughts were but this lands thoughts are way different. Trust me.

You may want to teach Thais English but you need to learn everything else.

[laobali]

I think it's just the fact that the combination of tissues and milk is quite an odd gift to give at any time. However, that doesn't mean that people should be rude to you about your decision to give a gift. It's the thought that counts!

But Western (or African) thoughts are different from Thai ones.

[puuchai299]

Wether or not someone appreciates a gift you gave or not is not the point,the point is you gave with good intentions,be proud you have a good heart and stuff to what anyone else thinks....

But you too do not understand Thai thought.............

I understand thai thought quite well thankyou.and I understand a kind deed is a kind deed and that was the opening posters intentions,thai farang or whatever nationality either likes your gift or not,it's there choice..

[yanyk]

haha somehow funny comments here. i did not make a show of it, i only decided to tell the head of the place i work..whatever the case. You can never satisfy everybody. i have had a very rich uncle give me bible (i had about three already) and its the cheapest book where i come from. I took it, thanked him with a free mind and cherished the gift.

[transam]

Wether or not someone appreciates a gift you gave or not is not the point,the point is you gave with good intentions,be proud you have a good heart and stuff to what anyone else thinks....

But you too do not understand Thai thought.............

I understand thai thought quite well thankyou.and I understand a kind deed is a kind deed and that was the opening posters intentions,thai farang or whatever nationality either likes your gift or not,it's there choice..

Sorry, nooooooooo.

[Slip]

We're not in Lagos now Tonto...

[puuchai299]

Wether or not someone appreciates a gift you gave or not is not the point,the point is you gave with good intentions,be proud you have a good heart and stuff to what anyone else thinks....

But you too do not understand Thai thought.............

I understand thai thought quite well thankyou.and I understand a kind deed is a kind deed and that was the opening posters intentions,thai farang or whatever nationality either likes your gift or not,it's there choice..

Sorry, nooooooooo.

Ok teacher lol...

[yanyk]

We're not in Lagos now Tonto...

and what is that suppose to mean?? are you some low self esteemed fag, thinking you better some other people?

[greenchair]

Actually, there is kind of a little thai thing about giving tissue or handkerchiefs as gifts. Especially to someone in hospital. They associate these things with tears and almost means that you are preparing them for the tears that are going to come. Kind of like a superstitious thing.

[tzar]

Making communal gifts for total strangers who did not ask for them seems indeed

like a very odd thing to do.

I myself would have thought that you're either affection-starved or attention-starved.

Being black does not help.

All the same, you should have taken into account that there may be deep-rooted

differences between this country & yours, .... When the idea was still brewing in your head,

that was the time to talk it over with the Headmaster and at least with one of the physicians

in the hospital, prior to performing your 'charitable' deed, in order to assess its propriety

and avoid a faux pas.

Turning up with a bunch of toilet rolls in a hospital? What was your true motive?

To gain their affection? their sympathy? To make friends? To improve your reputation

in the community?

A sip of milk is not going to do anything to improve anyone's life.

And hospitals here certainly lack neither milk nor toilet rolls.

There are a million motives for a seemingly 'charitable' action, and most are of dubious

nature.

The main one is always the real thing. But the giver himself only knows it.

If genuine unadulterated love & compassion had prompted the deed, why

did you not send an anonymous closed envelop with a few thousand baht

via the Headmaster or another trusted person? And kept it a secret?

Instead you choose to shout your failed deed to the four winds (is it 4?).

If you had the cash to spare & the desire to help, you could have found out

who your most dispossessed pupils are, visited their homes accompanied

by their homeroom teachers, and offer their parents a donation towards

food or other household expenses.

Too much work?

Yup, certainly a great deal harder than dropping by the local grocer's for

a bit of milk.

It's so true what someone said: that 'the more something costs you, the more

the love that goes into it' ... & the more genuine the deed is, absolutely.

Your first duty, though, is towards the people next to you.

And gifts must be made within a context that makes sense socially and

culturally.

Had you taken the trouble to look into what the community most needs,

you would not doubt have discovered that a small donation of edibles

to the local temple would have been quite welcome, ... as a number of

posters here have already pointed out.

In truth, you acted rashly and selfishly, entirely overlooking people's

feelings.

Aimless giving achieves nothing, ... it may, as it did here, backfire, ... &

it is the result of a mere impulse that in nothing resembles authentic

self-sacrificing charity.

Not to worry, though.

It was a blunder, but not the end of the world.

There will be opportunity to atone, to display not impulsive blind generosity

but a deeper, authentic & more mature consideration of others.

Meanwhile, just smile, & laugh at yourself.

And if met with a smirk, say truthfully & humbly, "i am very ignorant. I've got

a lot to learn".

Tzar

[TheGhostWithin]

Having spent a bit of time with my partner (a Thai lady from the South); I was also told NEVER to give tissue paper as a gift - because it is not about what it is that matters; it is about what you do with it. In this case; tissue paper is linked with uncleanliness - so perhaps (in my own thoughts) they do not like it because you are linking them with something unclean; or even suggesting they are unclean?

The greatest gifts I gave people were things that were cheap; but that they either never had or if they were from out of town would miss. My Morlum teacher appreciated once that I bought her Yum Ple Guay; because she is Isaan and had never had Yum Ple Guay (from the south) before.. but loved it so much

Maybe asking staff if there are any patients that had no family; and getting to know those people and bringing them something unique would be a good approach too? I commend you for having a heart; even if the people you spoke with at school did not appreciate it. Would your boss be interested in joining you and contributing next time? You may have started a good thing

[yanyk]

Thanks for the replies , even to the totally insulting ones , i expected it . I guess yeah i would reconsider what i do next time and NO , there was no hidden motive and would not try to make someone who know nothing about me change their blurred opinion. Thanks i am only 22

[puuchai299]

Making communal gifts for total strangers who did not ask for them seems indeed

like a very odd thing to do.

I myself would have thought that you're either affection-starved or attention-starved.

Being black does not help.

All the same, you should have taken into account that there may be deep-rooted

differences between this country & yours, .... When the idea was still brewing in your head,

that was the time to talk it over with the Headmaster and at least with one of the physicians

in the hospital, prior to performing your 'charitable' deed, in order to assess its propriety

and avoid a faux pas.

Turning up with a bunch of toilet rolls in a hospital? What was your true motive?

To gain their affection? their sympathy? To make friends? To improve your reputation

in the community?

A sip of milk is not going to do anything to improve anyone's life.

And hospitals here certainly lack neither milk nor toilet rolls.

There are a million motives for a seemingly 'charitable' action, and most are of dubious

nature.

The main one is always the real thing. But the giver himself only knows it.

If genuine unadulterated love & compassion had prompted the deed, why

did you not send an anonymous closed envelop with a few thousand baht

via the Headmaster or another trusted person? And kept it a secret?

Instead you choose to shout your failed deed to the four winds (is it 4?).

If you had the cash to spare & the desire to help, you could have found out

who your most dispossessed pupils are, visited their homes accompanied

by their homeroom teachers, and offer their parents a donation towards

food or other household expenses.

Too much work?

Yup, certainly a great deal harder than dropping by the local grocer's for

a bit of milk.

It's so true what someone said: that 'the more something costs you, the more

the love that goes into it' ... & the more genuine the deed is, absolutely.

Your first duty, though, is towards the people next to you.

And gifts must be made within a context that makes sense socially and

culturally.

Had you taken the trouble to look into what the community most needs,

you would not doubt have discovered that a small donation of edibles

to the local temple would have been quite welcome, ... as a number of

posters here have already pointed out.

In truth, you acted rashly and selfishly, entirely overlooking people's

feelings.

Aimless giving achieves nothing, ... it may, as it did here, backfire, ... &

it is the result of a mere impulse that in nothing resembles authentic

self-sacrificing charity.

Not to worry, though.

It was a blunder, but not the end of the world.

There will be opportunity to atone, to display not impulsive blind generosity

but a deeper, authentic & more mature consideration of others.

Meanwhile, just smile, & laugh at yourself.

And if met with a smirk, say truthfully & humbly, "i am very ignorant. I've got

a lot to learn".

Tzar

What an insultive post,what the hell has the color of someone's skin got to do with it???

Maybe you would find a gift from a thai insultive because they have brown skin??

[sead]

Some fruit basket or similar would be better. Its little odd to give tissues and milk. But something is better than nothing tho

[Fairynuff]

So much nonsense "advice" given here. The fact is a gesture of kindness in the form of tissues and milk (items always used in a hospital) should be received with gratitude and without judgement. In a country where monks can be as rich as politicians, I'd donate to a hospital in preference.

[gemguy]

It is not so much the act of giving that has the Thais questioning what you are up to, rather it is your ignorance concerning what the Thais would bring as a gift or gesture of sympathy.

The Thais would go out and buy a large, cute little teddy bear or a useless but cute and affectionate item of some kind and bring that as their gift of sympathy and the means to cheer up someone sick and in the hospital...not something practicable like toilet paper or some form of food...as that is not the Thai way of thinking.

Your foreign mentality applied to a Thai situation has them questioning the logic of your gifts of sympathy and the way you are displaying your sympathy for the hospitalized person.

Welcome to Thai mentality 101.

[fabianfred]

The guy said he is 22. Perhaps where he comes from the gift of milk and tissues is very appreciated. He should not be bashed for his ignorance of local customs, no harm has been done to anyone, except by themselves because of their own ignorance.

Thais would always give to temples first because they see it as a way to make merit, to get something back in return, which ultimately is a lesser way of giving.

[Docno]

You might want to consider buying something other than milk if you ever buy any other gifts as many Thais are lactose intolerant.

Generally most Thais are not lactose intolerant. I used to work for Thai Dairy here and they started the school milk program 30 years ago so most Thais are not lactose intolerent. i also used to manufacture all the school milk for West and East Malaysia. For the tribes in the jungle of Borneo we used to supply chocolate milk as some of those children who are new first generation of milk drinkers could be lactose intolerent.

Do you have evidence for that statement? Outside of northwestern Europe, parts of East Africa, and India, most of the world is lactose intolerant, as I understand it. It was our species 'default setting' to turn off lactose tolerance after weaning, but through natural selection that changed for populations where cow's milk was an important part of the diet (i.e., where cattle were kept to provide milk). SE Asia was not one of those regions. Also, lactose intolerance doesn't change within a lifetime or a generation as you seem to suggest in your last sentence: it has very specific genetic triggers. I've read estimates of lactose intolerance in the Thai population ranging from about 50% to about 90%, with the upper range probably being more accurate.