facebook has decided that they have tot many members,so they have decided to create a seperate site for asian and black people.its called JUNGLE BOOK

A little known fact.... The first testicular guard was used in cricket in 1874

and the first helmet was used in 1974.

It took 100 years for men to realise that their brains could also be important ...

SHOULDN'T THAT BE IN THE 'AUSTRALIA' THREAD?

Thought of that, Humph.

Thought it may be flaming, inflamable,,,,,,,,,, LOL

(For those that don't know, "Mr Whippy" is a mobile ice cream vendor).

News report: A Mr Whippy was found dead yesterday lying outside his van. He had a Cadbury Flake up his rectum, chocolate sauce all over his testicles, and "hundreds and thousands" sprinkled over his penis.

A police spokesman said they thhink he topped himself.

facebook has decided that they have tot many members, so they have decided to create a seperate site for asian and black people... its called JUNGLE BOOK

I just found that so incredibly funny and totally non-PC (in the true spririt of this thread) that I just had to correct the spelling... sorry Boater... but it just had to be done.

And... the most ironic thing about it is... most black and asian people couldn't give a shit!!!

Paddy goes round to see Mick as he is laid up with a broken leg. Mick says to him "jaisuz Paddy me feet are freezin, can you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"

As he goes for the slippers he walks past the bedroom where his pals 2 gorgeous 19 year old twin daughters are rolling around on the bed dressed only in their underwear. Quick as anything he says to the girls, "your pa sent me up tee shag the pair of you" the girls say "you lying fuc_ker" to which Paddy shouts down the stairs "Mick, both of them?"

Mick shouts back "of course! it's no good just fuc_king one!"

Bugga, wouldn't paste

Paddy goes round to see Mick as he is laid up with a broken leg. Mick says to him "jaisuz Paddy me feet are freezin, can you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"

As he goes for the slippers he walks past the bedroom where his pals 2 gorgeous 19 year old twin daughters are rolling around on the bed dressed only in their underwear. Quick as anything he says to the girls, "your pa sent me up tee shag the pair of you" the girls say "you lying fuc_ker" to which Paddy shouts down the stairs "Mick, both of them?"

Mick shouts back "of course! it's no good just fuc_king one!"

Classic. If only I was that quick witted all the time.

HONEYMOON....[/font][/b] [/size]

A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.

"I had tolio as a child," he answered.

"You mean polio?" she asked.

"No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."

When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked "What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!"

"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.

"You mean measles?" she asked...

"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."

The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.

As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.

"Don't tell me," she said.

"Let me guess...

..

Smallcox !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Paddy was a cleaner at the Zoo. One day he was called in to the zookeeper's office.

"Paddy, as you know, our male gorilla died last month. This has created a problem as the females have come into heat and need to be serviced. We have given it some thught, and want to ask you if you would do the deed. There will be a $500 consideration for the job"

"Well now, I must give it a bit o' thought" says Paddy.

He comes back the next day and tells the zookeeper, "OK, I'll do it....but only one at a time mind you, and I have another condition......you'll have to give me 2 weeks to save the $500".

phonetap_IrishvsIndia.mp3

Ireland vs India - phone tap

Not short... but definitely not PC...

phonetap_IrishvsIndia.mp3

Ireland vs India - phone tap

Not short... but definitely not PC...

Those DJ's that do these phone pranks can be very good. It might be the same DJ that I heard doing a simmilar prank which has become to be known as "you kick my dog".

i've got an african friend called steve and i popped round to see him today. when i got there i saw words spray painted right across the front door of his house........NIGGERS OUT..thought thats a bit extreme. he could have just left a note on the door saying he wasn't in.

I'm a woman, and I'm tired of you all claiming that men are smarter than women.

My husband has finally proven you all wrong.

He texted me just before - "Jane my little blonde bunny I cannot wait to have a night of loving tonight! Hope you're ready for the best sex you've ever had . xxx"

What an idiot. First of all, my name is Sarah, secondly I'm brunette, and thirdly he's away at a conference tonight!

http://www.deluxevoyages.com/Fun/pirates.htm

Good For a giggle

This will upset more than a few..........

Guy walks up to a girl in a disco.

" Hey, you fancy coming outside and play a rape game ? "

" NOOOOO I don't you filthy £$%^&%er "

" Great that's the spirit !! "

Thanks for the pic of your kids in the new pool ... we loved it.

Click here

Thanks for the pic of your kids in the new pool ... we loved it.

Click here

Is that the pinch-a-binny tribe.....?

Relations of the crackatinnie mob.

A bunch just sent to me from Saudi - most are repeats from above, but there may be one or two new ones (like the Kylie / Elton John one?)

Two drunks are in a pub.

One says to the other 'I've fuc_ked your mother, pushed my cock down

her throat then boned her up the arse'.

The other drunk says 'I think you've had enough to drink now, Dad'.

A 13 year old girl sits on Santa's knee.

Santa says 'What would you like for Christmas?'

The girl says 'I want some hair round my fanny'.

Santa says 'Would a white beard be OK?'

A man goes down on a woman and says 'fuc_k, that stinks!'

The woman says 'It's my arthritis'.

He says 'What, in your c**t?'

She says 'No, in my shoulder, I can't wipe my arse'.

A blonde phones the fire brigade and says her house is on fire.

The fireman asks 'How do we get there?'

'HELLOO!' she replies, 'In the fuc_king big red truck!'

A tramp walks into a jewellers and casually begins to finger his own arse.

The jeweller screams 'GET OUT!!!'

The tramp points to the sign 'COME IN AND PICK YOUR RING IN COMFORT!'

Teacher to class 'What does your dad do at weekends?'

Little Johnny 'He's a dancer in a gay bar and sometimes if the money's

right, he lets punters bang his arse and then come in his mouth'.

Teacher pulls him to one side and says 'Johnny, is that true?'

'No Miss, he goes to watch Manly Sea Eagles, but I'm too embarrassed to say that'.

A lesbian goes to the doctors and the doctor says 'that is the

cleanest vagina I have ever seen'.

'Thank you' says the lesbian. 'I have a woman in twice a week!'

If a woman is uncomfortable watching you wank, do you think:

a. You need more time together

b. She's a fuc_king prude

c. She should have sat somewhere else on the bus.

A man comes home from the pub very late and very drunk.

His wife says 'OK smartarse, explain the lipstick on your shirt'.

'fuc_kin easy', he said. 'I used my shirt to wipe my cock'.

Kylie, Elton John and Robbie Williams are walking along the street.

Kylie trips, jamming her head in some railings.

Robbie pulls her knickers down and fuc_ks her senseless.

He turns to Elton, says 'your turn' but Elton starts crying.

'What's wrong?', asks Robbie

Elton sobs and says 'my head won't fit in the railings'.

A recent survey asked 100 sexually active men what they most enjoyed

about a blow job.

99.9% said the 10 minutes of silence.

Humphrey, my man. Those were great.

some were so un-pc it' simply frightful!

Dunno if this is 'unPC'

Neva care

Ahkmed the Arab came to Australia from the Middle East , and he was only here a few months when he became very ill. He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help him.

Finally, he went to an Arabic doctor who said: 'Take dees bucket, go into de odder room, poop in de bucket, pee on de poop, and den put your head down over de bucket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes.'

Ahkmed took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped in the bucket, peed on the poop, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.

Coming back to the doctor he said, 'It worked. I feel terrific! What was wrong with me?'

The doctor said .... 'You were homesick'.

A priest books into a hotel and says to the receptionist, "I hope the porn chanel in my room is disabled."

The receptionist replies, "No, it's just regular porn, you sick bastard!"

White guy bounce's into his doctors and say's "wa gwaan fam,u gotta elp me out blud,mans tried but i can't stop actin like i'm black!".Doctor put's two line's of white powder on the desk and tell's the man to snort it.He does so and say's "fuc_kin ell doc that gears sorted me right out pal what was that shit? cocaine?? ...Doctor replies no it's DAZ! guaranteed to keep your white's white!!!

A priest books into a hotel and says to the receptionist, "I hope the porn chanel in my room is disabled."

The receptionist replies, "No, it's just regular porn, you sick bastard!"

lol

Ponder on these imponderables for a minute:-

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,

does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from

Holland called Holes?

3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person

who drives a racing car not called a racist?

9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.

Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?

13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow

that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,

models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

14. What hair colour do they put on the driver's license's of bald men?

15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little

spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What

are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their

pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while

they deliver the mail?

17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. (my fav)

18. No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.

19. Ever wonder about those people who spend £1.50 apiece on those

little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

20. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing

section in a swimming pool?

21. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea , does that mean that one

enjoys it?

An Aborigine was driving along the road when he suddenly noticed that one of his rear tyres had gone flat

.

With a sigh and a curse he pulled over, got out the car jack and wheel brace and started undoing the nuts on the wheel

Just after he started, a Subaru going along at high speed stopped in front of his car, brakes squealing.

Out hops a big Maori carrying a baseball bat. The Maori proceeds to smash the side window of the Aborigine's car.

The Aborigine jumps up and starts yelling "what the **hel_l** are you doing bro!"

The Maori says "cool it man, if you’re taking the wheels, don't complain about me taking the CD Player!"

'

Oh dear I wish I hadn't seen that diatribe.............

If that's meant to be funny then I guess I don't belong here.

Nah, not great. But it's given me some ideas for a lesson plan.

Next time will search for a rascist gag, to keep on topic....

Not much offends me, this comes close.

That post shows crass lack of intellect, no wit whatsoever.

I who laffs at most, couldn't even raise a snigger.

Should be deleted/removed.