wifes family

[geronimo]

Living in Thailand comes as a complete package and there are those who can accept it and those who cannot. All the problems we encounter can be diffused if you can speak the language. It's the key to a successful migration anywhere in the world.

[transam]

In four years I have spent the sum total of five minutes with my wife's parents. The first time we met. I wai'ed, they stared. Then they turned their backs and started chattering away with their brood, oblivious to the fact I could understand they were talking about me.

So I walked out, and up the rural rubber tree road with a backpack slung over my shoulder. All their neighbors watched me go; talk about a loss of Face for the home team!

My wife's sister is a snob because her husband works at Tesco () , and the brothers are dumber than bricks. None has an ounce of etiquette experience.

I have interacted with serial killers who, upon meeting them, smiled more and asked me friendly questions about myself. They wanted to shake my hand (I declined).

But these two people were as unwelcome and rude as a fart at a wine tasting.

I can see why you are bored.... you have no ability to adapt nor get curious about things different from your valuable self. The loss of face was all yours, and your dope backpack, and why should people talk to a person too lazy to try to learn their language? What precious YOU want is for Thai to be LIKE YOU.... I am so glad they are clearly not.

Perhaps many of us have done all the Thai stuff and after a while it gets boring. I cannot imagine all Thai folk enjoying what we do in farangland on our occasions.

its obviously not the thai "stuff" that gets boring but the thai people. So many farang cheapskates who cant afford antigua or the bahamas move to thailand hoping to take advantage of the plusses of the country without actually having to deal with the inhabitants. and then they cant understand why their bedmate wont think like them and give up everything she's grown up with! unbelievable.

Thats tosh............

[HeijoshinCool]

I thought that posts on TV had to be in English. Your should be You're, It is FARANG not forang, has DOWN ???? Bustards??? be prepared to the door mat ???

And yet such an English phrase...BEGGARS BELIEF with I before E correctly.

[NeverSure]

I have been woth my GF family many times in issan ... sharing the food from frogs to ants to rats... of course not every farang can even imagine eating this food but I want to ! I also male an effort of learning propper thai reading speaking writing the lot .. and now only 1 month into learning I undrstand a lot more than before. In fact her family male an effort to speak very simple thai with me so that I understand even easier. I think if you make an effort to get to know them propperly and the way things are here in thailand, then you might actually enjoy being here...otherwise ...go home .

;-)

I think it is out of order to tell folk to "go home". We are all different in our outlook on life and how we want to live it, same as many Thai folk don't really like adjusting to a farangs stuff yet thay marry a farang.

PS. If you want to eat crap that is up to you but I for one will not.

I got to post #90 and only saw two "if you don't like it go homes." Not bad for a day on TVF.

[HeijoshinCool]

In four years I have spent the sum total of five minutes with my wife's parents. The first time we met. I wai'ed, they stared. Then they turned their backs and started chattering away with their brood, oblivious to the fact I could understand they were talking about me.

So I walked out, and up the rural rubber tree road with a backpack slung over my shoulder. All their neighbors watched me go; talk about a loss of Face for the home team!

My wife's sister is a snob because her husband works at Tesco () , and the brothers are dumber than bricks. None has an ounce of etiquette experience.

I have interacted with serial killers who, upon meeting them, smiled more and asked me friendly questions about myself. They wanted to shake my hand (I declined).

But these two people were as unwelcome and rude as a fart at a wine tasting.

I can see why you are bored.... you have no ability to adapt nor get curious about things different from your valuable self. The loss of face was all yours, and your dope backpack, and why should people talk to a person too lazy to try to learn their language? What precious YOU want is for Thai to be LIKE YOU.... I am so glad they are clearly not.

.

... why should people talk to a person too lazy to try to learn their language?

What part of "oblivious to the fact I could understand they were talking about me," made you assume I was too lazy to learn their language?

[Loles]

There are always exceptions. My wife just passed away yesterday with lung cancer that transferred cancer cells to the brain. We had 6 sisters, 2 brothers, a couple of in-laws, a niece and nephew arrive. They were an absolute God send. They took care of all the Wat arrangements and most of the minor bills. I would have been totally at a loss without them - I am at a loss anyway without my wife but it would have been overwhelming otherwise. I will miss them immensely when they all drift away.

My sincere condolence about your huge lost my friend.

Edited January 3, 2015 by Loles

[AYJAYDEE]

Thats tosh............

its bang on pal. these guys dont want a partner to share a life with, they want an upstairs/downstairs maid who will sleep with them and take care of them in return for room and board in a house that they built on HER land. as for her happiness? her culture is substandard so all she has to do is adopt their superior way of life and all will be well!

[SamuiAxe]

Last august my girlfriend and I were together for some 2.5 years and we decided that it was time to meet the family. We spend three day's with her family and seldom have I felt so welcome as with this family! We visited her parents while the whole family was gathered to meet the farang Of course I paid for dinner, but that was it! When we hooked up I made it very clear that I would provide for her, not the family! So everyone knew the deal. We stayed at a hotel in the city, I'm not going to sleep on the floor and without airco! My girlfriends family is fairly poor but no one nagged or begged about money .. They were very friendly and kind-hearted, you could notice that my girlfriend is a much loved daughter and sister... I really enjoyed my stay and next year we will go visit them again.. With pleasure!

[HeijoshinCool]

I have been woth my GF family many times in issan ... sharing the food from frogs to ants to rats... of course not every farang can even imagine eating this food but I want to ! I also male an effort of learning propper thai reading speaking writing the lot .. and now only 1 month into learning I undrstand a lot more than before. In fact her family male an effort to speak very simple thai with me so that I understand even easier. I think if you make an effort to get to know them propperly and the way things are here in thailand, then you might actually enjoy being here...otherwise ...go home .

;-)

I think it is out of order to tell folk to "go home". We are all different in our outlook on life and how we want to live it, same as many Thai folk don't really like adjusting to a farangs stuff yet thay marry a farang.

PS. If you want to eat crap that is up to you but I for one will not.

.

Over the years, I've found that comments and claims like these are promulgated by guys who were at the fringes of society in their own countries, and went to extremes to be accepted here.

Usually not to many years goes by, before they do.

[AYJAYDEE]

I have been woth my GF family many times in issan ... sharing the food from frogs to ants to rats... of course not every farang can even imagine eating this food but I want to ! I also male an effort of learning propper thai reading speaking writing the lot .. and now only 1 month into learning I undrstand a lot more than before. In fact her family male an effort to speak very simple thai with me so that I understand even easier. I think if you make an effort to get to know them propperly and the way things are here in thailand, then you might actually enjoy being here...otherwise ...go home .

;-)

I think it is out of order to tell folk to "go home". We are all different in our outlook on life and how we want to live it, same as many Thai folk don't really like adjusting to a farangs stuff yet thay marry a farang.

PS. If you want to eat crap that is up to you but I for one will not.

.

Over the years, I've found that comments and claims like these are promulgated by guys who were at the fringes of society in their own countries, and went to extremes to be accepted here.

Usually not to many years goes by, before they do.

extremes?? lol. what a hilarious line!! anything that differs from your mundane white bread middle class upbringing is extreme!! lol

[recycler]

It would be a good idea to discuss these invasions with your wife and bring them to a level that you both can live with.

I guess I'm lucky, my wife's family is polite, they don't come in herds and when they come they bring food and help preparing it and keeping the place clean. I don't spend all they with them, but we eat together and have a drink together also at their houses.

One exception, my brother in law who is a professional hammock operator, too lazy even to be a monk, he wakes up only at sunset to go roam the parties and deal drugs. He's no longer welcome at our house and that's clear to my wife. I also don't want our kids to spend much time at her parents home when he's there as they would take this as an example and are too you to explain that this is not an appropriate way of living.

[rayongchelsea]

I have been woth my GF family many times in issan ... sharing the food from frogs to ants to rats... of course not every farang can even imagine eating this food but I want to ! I also male an effort of learning propper thai reading speaking writing the lot .. and now only 1 month into learning I undrstand a lot more than before. In fact her family male an effort to speak very simple thai with me so that I understand even easier. I think if you make an effort to get to know them propperly and the way things are here in thailand, then you might actually enjoy being here...otherwise ...go home .

;-)

I think it is out of order to tell folk to "go home". We are all different in our outlook on life and how we want to live it, same as many Thai folk don't really like adjusting to a farangs stuff yet thay marry a farang.

PS. If you want to eat crap that is up to you but I for one will not.

Totally agree.

Something is missing from these individuals who seem to dismiss their " farangness" and their country of origin on the basis that Thailand a developing country is somehow better.

Politeness, understanding, consideration for others are universal whatever the culture.

I tried all that crap 30 years ago when I was volunteering at a school up north - when bringing colored crayons was recommended. I tried it because it was the polite thing to do and as an experience not as a need to feel accepted.

This guys got no chance in the long run..

[realenglish1]

I really don't get it Some of you expats complain about your wives family members coming over to the house and after you say " hello" they ignore you.

Its more like You need to learn Thai so you can communicate with them. You married your wife so accept a visit or 2 from family

I have been with my wife for 7 years Speak Thai now and get along very well with her family simply because I speak their language

Get over it and assimilate .You moved here They did not invade your country

[geronimo]

To the OP

There's always the Buddhist angle,

if your nice peaceful home environment is shattered by hordes of unruly visitors, it will make you appreciate it even more when it finally returns!

[herb59]

for me, they dont come. my wife understood.....

[Globeman]

In four years I have spent the sum total of five minutes with my wife's parents. The first time we met. I wai'ed, they stared. Then they turned their backs and started chattering away with their brood, oblivious to the fact I could understand they were talking about me.

So I walked out, and up the rural rubber tree road with a backpack slung over my shoulder. All their neighbors watched me go; talk about a loss of Face for the home team!

My wife's sister is a snob because her husband works at Tesco () , and the brothers are dumber than bricks. None has an ounce of etiquette experience.

I have interacted with serial killers who, upon meeting them, smiled more and asked me friendly questions about myself. They wanted to shake my hand (I declined).

But these two people were as unwelcome and rude as a fart at a wine tasting.

Serial killers are generally sociopaths who have developed social skills in order to more effectively pursue their 'hobby'. But point taken. It is strange though... My Thai family are country folk and all very polite (and never ask for money, even though they could use it), but I have meet many other Thai families of friends, and many of them had no manners or consideration for others whatsoever.

[rayongchelsea]

I have been woth my GF family many times in issan ... sharing the food from frogs to ants to rats... of course not every farang can even imagine eating this food but I want to ! I also male an effort of learning propper thai reading speaking writing the lot .. and now only 1 month into learning I undrstand a lot more than before. In fact her family male an effort to speak very simple thai with me so that I understand even easier. I think if you make an effort to get to know them propperly and the way things are here in thailand, then you might actually enjoy being here...otherwise ...go home .

;-)

I think it is out of order to tell folk to "go home". We are all different in our outlook on life and how we want to live it, same as many Thai folk don't really like adjusting to a farangs stuff yet thay marry a farang.

PS. If you want to eat crap that is up to you but I for one will not.

.

Over the years, I've found that comments and claims like these are promulgated by guys who were at the fringes of society in their own countries, and went to extremes to be accepted here.

Usually not to many years goes by, before they do.

extremes?? lol. what a hilarious line!! anything that differs from your mundane white bread middle class upbringing is extreme!! lol

You may want to ridicule this, but there is an element of truth in this. Why is poverty something to be glorified over what you perceive as middle class white ( bread) mundanity.

Also it appears that most foreigners on here marry into very poor backgrounds, why for the ethnic experience. No a real lack of self worth.They had no interested in the thai culture for 50 or 60 years of their lives and then come out with this bullshit- yet another one on the conveyor belt!

[kerrysum]

Such a lot of sad ar-ses, your lives must be extremely stressful and miserable in Thailand, where everything that should be jovial is considered a great inconvenience and a burden, an intrusion into their territories.

We had many of the family round for Christmas, my BiLs, SiLs, wife`s cousins, aunts, uncles and nephew. In all about 22 of us and we had a wonderful time. The wife`s family done all the cooking and clearing up afterwards, I just sat there being sociable and enjoying the company. Loved it.

I would imagine that the attitudes displayed by some posters here is a portrayal of their characters in general. This is Thailand, where families still matter and have close ties with each other and as regards some of you that think the relatives are talking about you and consider you as the stupid farang, then quite frankly I can`t blame them.

.

Not stressed or miserable at all, bud. And it appears you got the luck of the draw. That's great! Your experience is likely the exception to the rule.

When I was a boy, I read Emily Post's Guide to Etiquette. 800 pages. There were ten copies in my junior high library. I learned proper manners for all occasions. The adults in my life reinforced what I had read.

As an adult, the sphere I associate in also practices good manners. To the point if they don't like someone they will go out of their way to smile, speak well to them, and add a sir or ma'am on the end of each sentence.

That's polite, non-racist, social behavior. It shows tolerance and good breeding.

When I'm told how polite Thais are, that the wai is such a beautiful greeting, then two people that I'm going to have a relationship with for years to come don't return my properly performed wai that I accompanied with a genuine smile, well, screw 'em. I moved on, and my wife stands behind me 100%.

Having said that, I just returned to the States and had Thanksgiving with my extended family at my nephew's home. The experience was nothing like when I was a kid, where we sat at a table quietly while the adults engaged in a conversation that was meant to be a learning experience for us kids.

Nope, all the kids had their cellphones out, taking selfies and sending messages. When they weren't doing that they were interrupting the adults with inane comments meant to garner them attention, or getting up from the table and running about. Their parents said nothing.

The whole world is becoming me, me, me. Not just Thailand. But that's not what the OP is about.

I agree with that statement........

The whole world is certainly changing. Even here in the U.S., we will go out with some thai friends and their family, all you see is smartphones....

Just my thoughts....

[marko kok prong]

Not so bad for me now,as i lent her brother,the money to build his own house down the street when they come to visit,still have a few people stay in the house,but this year only 2.Spent all new years day with the family,but did ask if they could turn the music off at 10pm, as i needed to sleep,so in response to the op,i think the time he spent with them was fine,the main problem this year has been music from the neighbours as we had new year,then a wedding,why in Gods name they have to start the music full bore at 5am i will never understand.

[Gecko123]

Politeness, understanding, consideration for others are universal whatever the culture.

I tried all that crap 30 years ago when I was volunteering at a school up north - when bringing colored crayons was recommended. I tried it because it was the polite thing to do and as an experience not as a need to feel accepted.

This guys got no chance in the long run..

No variance from one culture to the next about what is socially acceptable and considered good manners?

Really?

I wasn't aware of this.

[AYJAYDEE]

You may want to ridicule this, but there is an element of truth in this. Why is poverty something to be glorified over what you perceive as middle class white ( bread) mundanity.

Also it appears that most foreigners on here marry into very poor backgrounds, why for the ethnic experience. No a real lack of self worth.They had no interested in the thai culture for 50 or 60 years of their lives and then come out with this bullshit- yet another one on the conveyor belt!

they were never exposed to anything else for the first 50 years. and they aint livin in poverty if they have had any smarts about saving for retirement. so they more than comfortable AND able to make things a little easier for their family. lack of self worth?? lol more hilarity!

[Bcgardener]

People come to Thailand for many reasons and not everyone is interested in immersing themselves into Thai culture or family. I am here to work, run my business and make money. Yes, my wife is Thai but has spent most if her at life in Australia so her attitude to face and family is very different. I don't think it is fair the way some posters condemn others for maintaining their standards and lifestyles in a foreign country. The same way Thais would maintain their lifestyle while living overseas.

[bigwhitewarrior]

I have been woth my GF family many times in issan ... sharing the food from frogs to ants to rats... of course not every farang can even imagine eating this food but I want to ! I also male an effort of learning propper thai reading speaking writing the lot .. and now only 1 month into learning I undrstand a lot more than before. In fact her family male an effort to speak very simple thai with me so that I understand even easier. I think if you make an effort to get to know them propperly and the way things are here in thailand, then you might actually enjoy being here...otherwise ...go home .

;-)

I think it is out of order to tell folk to "go home". We are all different in our outlook on life and how we want to live it, same as many Thai folk don't really like adjusting to a farangs stuff yet thay marry a farang.

PS. If you want to eat crap that is up to you but I for one will not.

Nobody says you have to come to thailand ... I don't know your country of origin ...but remember this...when in Rome..etc.

Oh yes , one more thing....the crap you speak about ...is most people's staple diet in issan especially... don't try and impose your farang ideas here.. it will not work I guarantee it...

I have lived and loved in many countries and to speak disrespectful like you do is OUT OF ORDER .. try that in Sicily ... and you be swimming with the fishes in no time ;-)

[AYJAYDEE]

People come to Thailand for many reasons and not everyone is interested in immersing themselves into Thai culture or family. I am here to work, run my business and make money. Yes, my wife is Thai but has spent most if her at life in Australia so her attitude to face and family is very different. I don't think it is fair the way some posters condemn others for maintaining their standards and lifestyles in a foreign country. The same way Thais would maintain their lifestyle while living overseas.

theyre being condemned for their supercilious condemnation of the culture and lifestyle of the inhabitants of the country that was kind enough to allow them to live here.

[bigwhitewarrior]

There are always exceptions. My wife just passed away yesterday with lung cancer that transferred cancer cells to the brain. We had 6 sisters, 2 brothers, a couple of in-laws, a niece and nephew arrive. They were an absolute God send. They took care of all the Wat arrangements and most of the minor bills. I would have been totally at a loss without them - I am at a loss anyway without my wife but it would have been overwhelming otherwise. I will miss them immensely when they all drift away.

My sincere condolence about your huge lost my friend.

I am sorry to hear of your loss.

[cheeryble]

I love being with my Thai family the only imperfections are that I have to eat my own food somewhat as I'm not into the little picky things Thais like. Nephew shouting is challenging when you have recruitment disease of the ears (niece doest do it now) but I truly love them and vice versa I'm told.

For New Year missus and I went to the local wat with Big Mamma-in-law....it was full, kids were sleeping along the back, and it was very pleasant.

I spent time reading Marcus Aurelius and good stuff like that.

A monk I didn't know had been running things, but halfway through I felt a strong hand kneading my shoulder it was the jow-a-wat (abbott) arriving who happens to be wife's uncle. He is shameless and often to be seen smoking a cigarette leaning on the front gates. He is a lovely warm gentle man and I squeezed his hand back as normal.

He went to the seat of honour and took over the chanting with an enormous voice for a modest size man.

So, i really like my family I have gained a lot I actually LIKE having mamma (same age as me) around.......and they now after time they see me as a solid part of the family who is not a cash barrel in any way and they know I have concern for the kids education and if Big Mamma or grandma (or in one recent case the extremely sick dog) are sick that I will do my best to diagnose them or get them diagnosed.

It's not about money it's mostly free my wife has a job and pays for the maid each week herself so she can relax a bit, and same time I bought a new fridge she secretly bought me a damn good TV for my birthday (yes yes it's in her house and naturally I immediately suggested I move it to my private little retreat to gasps of exasperation :-) ).

Caveat:

I think we have to acknowledge there is a small proportion of the population here who are indeed without any of the graces.

Edited January 3, 2015 by cheeryble

[HeijoshinCool]

I have been woth my GF family many times in issan ... sharing the food from frogs to ants to rats... of course not every farang can even imagine eating this food but I want to ! I also male an effort of learning propper thai reading speaking writing the lot .. and now only 1 month into learning I undrstand a lot more than before. In fact her family male an effort to speak very simple thai with me so that I understand even easier. I think if you make an effort to get to know them propperly and the way things are here in thailand, then you might actually enjoy being here...otherwise ...go home .

;-)

I think it is out of order to tell folk to "go home". We are all different in our outlook on life and how we want to live it, same as many Thai folk don't really like adjusting to a farangs stuff yet thay marry a farang.

PS. If you want to eat crap that is up to you but I for one will not.

.

Over the years, I've found that comments and claims like these are promulgated by guys who were at the fringes of society in their own countries, and went to extremes to be accepted here.

Usually not to many years goes by, before they do.

extremes?? lol. what a hilarious line!! anything that differs from your mundane white bread middle class upbringing is extreme!! lol

.

Nope.

I was neither white bread (assuming you mean either bland, or caucasian), nor middle class. And I spent two years in Swaziland and Botswana as a young teen. I ate things you've never heard of.

But most westerners have not eaten rat or frog (the above poster acknowledges this, even if you won't), and never would, so it would be considered extreme for them.

[AYJAYDEE]

Nope.

I was neither white bread (assuming you mean either bland, or caucasian), nor middle class. And I spent two years in Swaziland and Botswana as a young teen. I ate things you've never heard of.

But most westerners have not eaten rat or frog (the above poster acknowledges this, even if you won't), and never would, so it would be considered extreme for them.

no one has to eat rat to be accepted and if you they do, you know little of the country or the people.

[rogerpilly]

First rule to live a good and healthy life: don't do anything you don't want to do. Based on this, the obvious answer is zero time.

[HeijoshinCool]

Nope.

I was neither white bread (assuming you mean either bland, or caucasian), nor middle class. And I spent two years in Swaziland and Botswana as a young teen. I ate things you've never heard of.

But most westerners have not eaten rat or frog (the above poster acknowledges this, even if you won't), and never would, so it would be considered extreme for them.

no one has to eat rat to be accepted and if you they do, you know little of the country or the people.

.

Why am I not surprised you totally missed the point you instigated?

Why do you always respond to friendly disagreements with how Thai you are, and how clueless anyone else is who politely disagrees with you?