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Posted

What kind of relation do you have.If you can not even having a party with them.We ( that means my Thai wife and I) had 22 family members over for New year.

And we had a great party with a lot of fun.And they all bring food and drinks with them.And we paid more then most of them because it was at our place.

But my Thai brother in law bought me a very nice Camel shirt for 1590 baht.(and it was not a copy) If you hate YOUR family.so much divorce her.Or go living somewhere they can not visit you.

Happy New year to you.

  • Like 1
Posted

For me, I have an understanding with my wife if ever any of her family members visiting our home, they have to follow our rules with do and don't except her mother and dad would they really know what to do when they are in our home. Brothers, cousins, brother's friends, other relatives must follow our house rules. We told them in this home we have people from different culture, meaning Thai Culture and my culture have different approach and etiquette at home.

Me and my wife have travelled extensively to various countries and she always educate them about other culture and how to behave well when eating outside or at someone else's home. The respond was good. They are well behave after educating them. If anything that I dislike, I will immediately tell my wife to explain to them again the dos and don't.

To me i m happy with my Thai family. They slowly but surely learning well.

PS: Brother did clean out my fridge during the first time he visited us but now they bought their own plus some of my favorite drinks and food each time they visited us.

Posted (edited)

Mate, as many have already pointed out, family matters in Thailand. If you stay away while they're here, her family will of course complain to her about it, then she will complain to you about it and you'll never hear the end of it! My suggestion is to give her folks a chance and try to get along with them. Maybe they're not as bad as you think, maybe you'll even grow to like them over time, who knows?! But to make a stand against her family won't work in your favor in the long run because, as I said before,family matters in Thailand, and if it ever should come to the point where she has to choose between you and her family, she'll choose them. All you need to decide for yourself is if it's worth the hassle to risk it all over a mere 5 days.

Edited by pacovl46
Posted
My wife always says that she and her Thai friends consider many of the farang ex-pats staying in Thailand as weird. And to be honest after reading many of these posts I have to agree with them.

I know when out and about quite a few won`t even make eye contact, they plonk themselves in Thailand and then prefer to hide away in their own little worlds intolerant of everything and everyone around them. I have no idea why some of them bother to get married. Perhaps they marry as a convenience for having a permanent glorified house keeper or to own property and conduct some sorts of business here? My wife`s family are probably no better and no worse than anyone else`s in-laws, only I make the effort to be a part of that family for the sake of my wife and our children who of course love their extended family. It is very easy to apply some rules about over staying their welcome, but it has to be done diplomatically and there must be compromise, if not then you become the long and suffering, the moaning old farts brigade, boring and not liked, plus it must be one form of living hell for the wives who have to endure living with you guys.

I think the problems lies with the fact that probably the majority of Thailand ex-pats are old retirees and the longer they are here the grouchier and more cranky they become. From what I have witnessed they are never able to fully adapt to life in Thailand, they seem to be on an up hill struggle against the environments around them, it seems impossible for them to be able to interact with others, the one and only solitary farang who just want`s to be left alone and wallow in their own solitudes.

Before accusing everyone else of having faults, it would first be wise to annalise your own characters and faults, because it is obvious that the attitudes are:I`m alright it`s all the others.

how do I give you 4 likes, one for each paragraph! they marry for a translator, a cook, a maid and a bed partner. and perhaps an ornament on their arm.

.

I speak Thai.

My wife prefers my Thai cooking over her own.

I clean the house and do the laundry; I enjoy it.

You got me on the fourth one.

The fifth one? Well, I'm proud to be seen with my wife.

and yedt you treat her as a second class person

What a bizarre statement to make about someone you know nothing about....sad.png

Are you ok ?? Sounds like the Cool guy is pulling his weight in the house.

But anyway, back to intelligent discourse, I suspect the gamut of relationships

here run the same gamut as they do back in farangland. Meaning you may have

a wife who loves you to pieces, or she may planning on how to to kill you. But this

depends on who you marry , so indirectly it really is your choice on how your

married life turn out. Regarding being swamped by family members, I do not know

much about that, as my in laws are far far away.

Beetlejuice can be excluded from this discussion about family and marriage,

as apparently he ascended to the final absolute level of Thainess, and is so

deeply integrated into the culture, that he can now heap scorn upon any fellow

expats who do not exist in the same rarified plane as himself. Always amusing

to read his posts......

Thank you. Agreed. Beetle juice has gone wonkers apparently. He seems to hate all of us, which would cause me great offense, if i cared one iota what he thought. It is pretty much simple banter and comedy at this point. He discredited himself completely with with his last anti expat rant. He sure lumped us into one undesirable category, did he not? We are all old, cranky, grumpy, and marry for convenience. And we all avoid eye contact. Oh my God. We must all have something to hide! Wow. So glad to be a fellow member of the old farts brigade. I myself happen to like a lot of expats. Oh well. I must be easy to please.

Posted

My Thai boyfriend's immediate family is here visiting for 10 days, with my blessing. 7 people, aged 5 to 70.

All are lovely. Mom and Grandma are constantly cooking and cleaning. Even doing my laundry. Can't stop them. No sick buffalo, no dying uncle.

Kids are great fun. They adore me.

I am enjoying the visit very much. Will be sorry to see them go.

Family is Muslim, seem to have no problem with gay May/December romance. Two great years together, hope for 20 more. Lucky? Maybe. Happy? Definitely.

  • Like 1
Posted

Guess what the family are coming in a couple of hours, no notice as usual but thank god only few. Been down the market buying far too much grub and mrs at the cooking, it's more of a religion than Buddhism for most. If the mrs starts moaning I always say if she wanted a husband who acts like a Thai, speaks Thai and eats the muck that they do then she should have married one, usually works. I'm holed up in the bedroom, they can get on with it.

  • Like 1
Posted

You may want to ridicule this, but there is an element of truth in this. Why is poverty something to be glorified over what you perceive as middle class white ( bread) mundanity.

Also it appears that most foreigners on here marry into very poor backgrounds, why for the ethnic experience. No a real lack of self worth.They had no interested in the thai culture for 50 or 60 years of their lives and then come out with this bullshit- yet another one on the conveyor belt!

they were never exposed to anything else for the first 50 years. and they aint livin in poverty if they have had any smarts about saving for retirement. so they more than comfortable AND able to make things a little easier for their family. lack of self worth?? lol more hilarity!

They wouldn't be in these situation if they had been smart with their money. Don't you read the " how to live cheaply in thailand"...most popular thread.

Why do they have to make it easier for the family from day 1 it's called entitlement.

Nah!

Posted

Politeness, understanding, consideration for others are universal whatever the culture.

I tried all that crap 30 years ago when I was volunteering at a school up north - when bringing colored crayons was recommended. I tried it because it was the polite thing to do and as an experience not as a need to feel accepted.

This guys got no chance in the long run..

No variance from one culture to the next about what is socially acceptable and considered good manners?

Really?

I wasn't aware of this.

Of course there are variations but underlying human qualities of politeness, understanding ( of what is different) , consideration for others ( even if you are not fully aware of the culture you are in..mitigates any misunderstandings....

It's called being a decent good human being..

But your point is taken.

Posted

I have been woth my GF family many times in issan ... sharing the food from frogs to ants to rats... of course not every farang can even imagine eating this food but I want to ! I also male an effort of learning propper thai reading speaking writing the lot .. and now only 1 month into learning I undrstand a lot more than before. In fact her family male an effort to speak very simple thai with me so that I understand even easier. I think if you make an effort to get to know them propperly and the way things are here in thailand, then you might actually enjoy being here...otherwise ...go home .

;-)

I think it is out of order to tell folk to "go home". We are all different in our outlook on life and how we want to live it, same as many Thai folk don't really like adjusting to a farangs stuff yet thay marry a farang.

PS. If you want to eat crap that is up to you but I for one will not.

Nobody says you have to come to thailand ... I don't know your country of origin ...but remember this...when in Rome..etc.

Oh yes , one more thing....the crap you speak about ...is most people's staple diet in issan especially... don't try and impose your farang ideas here.. it will not work I guarantee it...

I have lived and loved in many countries and to speak disrespectful like you do is OUT OF ORDER .. try that in Sicily ... and you be swimming with the fishes in no time ;-)

Yes in some regions of isaan, ( hardly the staple diet) ,don't limit what is thai to that region..I read stuff on this thread that is so far removed from what a lot of foreigners experience here..it's very Issan centric..upcountry.

He is not being disrespectful..you try something you don't like it..move on..you do bring your culture and tastes here when you arrive..I dislike somtan..I have a lot of thai acquaintances that prefer Japanese to a lot of thai foods oh! dear!

  • Like 1
Posted

I have the distinct feeling that you folks must bring this abuse on yourselves. My missus's family have stayed with us on several occasions and bring food, cookware, whisky and smokes. They ask for nothing but a floor to sleep on and cartoons on the tv for the kids. they are respectful, clean and share everything that they bring with them, offen being slightly offended when i refuse a tenth whisky or another huge helping of food. A few days later they are gone without trace and i confess that my home feels a little lonelier without all the activity. This only happens a few times a year and brings my missus happiness, a few days of what can hardly be describe as inconvenience is nothing to grumble about.

wow stop this positive out look , this site is only for wingers, Agree my extended Thai family are the same, never ask for one bah,t treat me like there own son.

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)

I get a laugh at these guys who happily play along never fully understanding the cultural differences at play. Never knowing that they will never be truly accepted as part of the family. Sure, they may smile and put up with you as long as you are paying the bills and giving them some sort of improved social status (nicer house usually).

Also wrt your girl is different Thai lady friend. Her priorities are, 1 family, 2 friends, 3 if you are extremely lucky you will be 3. I don't care how much you think your girl is different. You can't change her programming. Only exceptions are orphans. Then you have a shot at # 2 after her thai friends.

Edited by lapd
  • Like 1
Posted

An old folk remedy for relative who invade your house and refuse to go is to borrow few

goats and bring them home... the stanch of those animals will make any one run away

very quickly...

This works only well with the Bock(Male goat)

Posted (edited)

Her priorities are, 1 family, 2 friends, 3 if you are extremely lucky you will be 3.

Unreasonable, preconceived judgment, nothing else ...

I've met many married westerners who keep saying that all the time.

I don't understand why they got married then. Either they know nothing about women or nothing about Thailand, maybe both ...

I've never experienced/seen sth like that here.

Family in the first place in Thailand is the same illusion like long lasting marriage in in western countries, SADLY.

Thailand has changed, it's not 1990 anymore ...

P.S. Run away from bar girls/bar kathoeys and never turn back.

Edited by Matej
Posted

Her priorities are, 1 family, 2 friends, 3 if you are extremely lucky you will be 3.

Unreasonable, preconceived judgment, nothing else ...

I've met many married westerners who keep saying that all the time.

I don't understand why they got married then. Either they know nothing about women or nothing about Thailand, maybe both ...

I've never experienced/seen sth like that here.

Family in the first place in Thailand is the same illusion like long lasting marriage in in western countries, SADLY.

Thailand has changed, it's not 1990 anymore ...

P.S. Run away from bar girls/kathoeys and never turn back.

Bargirls...Kathoys....quite generalizing.....and no indeed it is not 1990 anymore.....more like 1930 ...still....its the mindset....which differs......but you will find out when you emotionally attach to somebody in Thailand...how you deal with it.

Posted (edited)

I get a laugh at these guys who happily play along never fully understanding the cultural differences at play. Never knowing that they will never be truly accepted as part of the family. Sure, they may smile and put up with you as long as you are paying the bills and giving them some sort of improved social status (nicer house usually).

Also wrt your girl is different Thai lady friend. Her priorities are, 1 family, 2 friends, 3 if you are extremely lucky you will be 3. I don't care how much you think your girl is different. You can't change her programming. Only exceptions are orphans. Then you have a shot at # 2 after her thai friends.

Spot on mate, many live here deluded as to their partners priorities. My mrs once said 99% of Thai women only marry falang for one reason. it's a trade off as long as you are getting what you want it's worth it. But even if you have been here 40 years you will always be the falang, or alien as immigration like to put it. I wonder how many of these happy family members would react if we asked them for a loan? Might be worth a try just to see. smile.png

Edited by jacky54
Posted

Not so bad for me now,as i lent her brother,the money to build his own house down the street when they come to visit,still have a few people stay in the house,but this year only 2.Spent all new years day with the family,but did ask if they could turn the music off at 10pm, as i needed to sleep,so in response to the op,i think the time he spent with them was fine,the main problem this year has been music from the neighbours as we had new year,then a wedding,why in Gods name they have to start the music full bore at 5am i will never understand.

Use earplugs this will helping you, as long the earth is not quaking.wink.pngwhistling.gif

Posted
My wife always says that she and her Thai friends consider many of the farang ex-pats staying in Thailand as weird. And to be honest after reading many of these posts I have to agree with them.

I know when out and about quite a few won`t even make eye contact, they plonk themselves in Thailand and then prefer to hide away in their own little worlds intolerant of everything and everyone around them. I have no idea why some of them bother to get married. Perhaps they marry as a convenience for having a permanent glorified house keeper or to own property and conduct some sorts of business here? My wife`s family are probably no better and no worse than anyone else`s in-laws, only I make the effort to be a part of that family for the sake of my wife and our children who of course love their extended family. It is very easy to apply some rules about over staying their welcome, but it has to be done diplomatically and there must be compromise, if not then you become the long and suffering, the moaning old farts brigade, boring and not liked, plus it must be one form of living hell for the wives who have to endure living with you guys.

I think the problems lies with the fact that probably the majority of Thailand ex-pats are old retirees and the longer they are here the grouchier and more cranky they become. From what I have witnessed they are never able to fully adapt to life in Thailand, they seem to be on an up hill struggle against the environments around them, it seems impossible for them to be able to interact with others, the one and only solitary farang who just want`s to be left alone and wallow in their own solitudes.

Before accusing everyone else of having faults, it would first be wise to annalise your own characters and faults, because it is obvious that the attitudes are:I`m alright it`s all the others.

how do I give you 4 likes, one for each paragraph! they marry for a translator, a cook, a maid and a bed partner. and perhaps an ornament on their arm.

.

I speak Thai.

My wife prefers my Thai cooking over her own.

I clean the house and do the laundry; I enjoy it.

You got me on the fourth one.

The fifth one? Well, I'm proud to be seen with my wife.

and yedt you treat her as a second class person

What a bizarre statement to make about someone you know nothing about....sad.png

Are you ok ?? Sounds like the Cool guy is pulling his weight in the house.

But anyway, back to intelligent discourse, I suspect the gamut of relationships

here run the same gamut as they do back in farangland. Meaning you may have

a wife who loves you to pieces, or she may planning on how to to kill you. But this

depends on who you marry , so indirectly it really is your choice on how your

married life turn out. Regarding being swamped by family members, I do not know

much about that, as my in laws are far far away.

Beetlejuice can be excluded from this discussion about family and marriage,

as apparently he ascended to the final absolute level of Thainess, and is so

deeply integrated into the culture, that he can now heap scorn upon any fellow

expats who do not exist in the same rarified plane as himself. Always amusing

to read his posts......

Thank you. Agreed. Beetle juice has gone wonkers apparently. He seems to hate all of us, which would cause me great offense, if i cared one iota what he thought. It is pretty much simple banter and comedy at this point. He discredited himself completely with with his last anti expat rant. He sure lumped us into one undesirable category, did he not? We are all old, cranky, grumpy, and marry for convenience. And we all avoid eye contact. Oh my God. We must all have something to hide! Wow. So glad to be a fellow member of the old farts brigade. I myself happen to like a lot of expats. Oh well. I must be easy to please.

.

and yedt you treat her as a second class person

Actually, that was Ayjaydee, not Beetlejuice, but your mistake is easy to make; they are from the same mold.

All my responses to him in this thread have been congenial. I even complemented him on marrying into a great family. That's great! My posts were lighthearted, his are condescending and judgmental.

My wife works hard. I am retired. I do the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry. Neither of us are complainers. Neither of us are miserable. We are easygoing and happy. She behaves like a commoner, but I treat her like a princess. But in answering the OP, I noted her family is unpleasant, and disapproves of foreigners.

For that, Ayjaydee slings mud in post after post, then asserts I treat her like a "second class citizen."

Immature nonsense that has no place in proper forum decorum. But anonymity arms cowards with big loads of $hit.

These are socially immature guys, Mike, that can not accept that others have different experiences from their perfect ones. Or if they do, it must be their fault.

  • Like 1

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