Am I on the way to ruining my life?....... or am I on the way to bliss?

[carib102]

Edited May 21, 2015 by carib102

[BlackJack]

see this all the time and can suggest that if you really want to see what side your bread is buttered on then lend her the money and hold the Chanote (title of the house) until she pays you the loan back

or make a promisee promisor agreement

or

or

there are several ways to do it to protect yourself

can understand your position on the ladder of life however you / wife have worked hard to get where you are and so do your homework and see what head is thinking

[dotpoom]

"Man makes plans....and God laughs".

I make plans but never assume I know their outcome. Just go with the flow and try to be present more than living in the future.... Works for me.

[steven100]

OP ... first thing is to sort out your western setup / relationship. Then I would come to Thailand and stay here for some time myself and see first hand what things are really like and what the new lady is really like, not find out of a TV forum as they don't 100% know here. She may be geniune, she may be not.

So what if she was on a pen-pal site ... you were on there also, as are 100's of others. People have met good partners in all situations, a bar, a disco, internet chat, supermarket checkout, cinema, or wherever .. what's it matter where you met her, life goes on and we just move forward and try things, but we tread with caution.

Also, how much money are you talking about putting in ? is it big money ? because if it's only say 300k-500k even 600k or thereabouts it's not like millions. But try to budget or manage that if it goes bad then you can absorb that loss and it's not going to ruin you.

You have two choices here :

you can stay where you are continue as you have for the past 10 years & wonder what you missed out on by not trying.

or you can give it a go and enjoy life more ... but tread with ease and caution ...

Who knows ... you may end up happy for the rest of your life.

Edited May 21, 2015 by steven100

[worgeordie]

I would not recommend getting serious with any Thai woman to anyone, what do you think is in it for you? if you want company get a cat or a dog!

Yes a dog would be a lot more reliable and loving,and are a lot

lot cheaper to maintain, get a dog.

regards worgeordie

[NickJ]

I have seen so many guys ruin there lives like this. I have been here for decades. You need to clean up your life and then move on to diffrent pastures......MY advice dont commit to anything period. Norhing. When you are in a position to better understand Thailand then decide. That means living here as a single guy for awhile.....as most first Thai-Westerner relationships fail fast when it turns on full time.....

[thejcb]

Go for it, sounds good to me

[edhart]

join the club work all your life and loose everything in thailand

[NoshowJones]

Standby for her to not make anything but an absolute pittance in a "restaurant" (joke) and you then supporting her and the son till u die or they do.

The son is as much an adult as he will ever be, he is 21 years old, so barring health problems he should be able to support himself, so why should you do it?

If you are financially secure, there is nothing wrong with helping him if he is also helping himself, but to completely support him? No way.

[Gecko123]

OP:

You are contemplating becoming both a marital and business partner with a woman you barely know.

You are contemplating investing a significant chunk of your retirement savings in a business venture in a foreign country where:

( a ) you do not speak the language,

( b ) you will only sporadically be on-site to evaluate and monitor the business, and

( c ) you are unfamiliar with the culture and business practices.

Your retirement plan sounds completely dependent upon the success of your relationship with this woman, and the success of the restaurant. What backup plan do you have in the event that either or both of these (ad)ventures fizzle out?

For the above reasons, I would strongly counsel you not to provide financial backing for the restaurant until, at a minimum, you have already relocated to Thailand.

[CNXTim]

Your are exhibiting all the traits of a middle aged farang who is about to make the biggest mistake of his life.

Answer to;

Q1 YES

Q2 NO

Try this;

!: Quit your current marriage in your home country so you can start with a clean slate.

2: Spend some time - at least 6 moths travelling around to see if you can actually enjoy living in the LoS independent of ANY relationship.

3: Make sure you can live on what is left after step1 you will NOT be able to work in the LoS UNLESS you have made intelligent and legal plans - it is patently obvious right now you have not.

If Thailand is for you, by all means make the move - there are plenty of opportunities to take up a new relationship here believe me, that will be the least of your worries.

[nithisa78]

I would talk to my Chaplain or trusted friend.

It is global spiritual crisis. The money is about getting our attention.

What you wrote here is warm hearted but doesn't pass the sniff test.

There is also shortage of information. This is sit down, face to face , heart to heart talking necessary here.

[evadgib]

[DLock]

Let’s recap.

· You are still married, so a divorce will likely lose 50% of what you have.

· That “paid off house in the West” may soon be your ex-wifes paid off house in the West

· You could “probably” afford to retire in 5 years

· You met a 47 year old divorced woman with a 21 year old son

· She has a house that is not paid off

· She wants to turn her house into a café (where is this house exactly?)

· She cannot bake or cook, but she has optimism she can make money (refer to her detailed business plan)

· You don’t speak Thai and she doesn’t speak English

· She wants to quit her job in the next few years and pay offher house

· You want to work for 5-7 years and fund her folly into a restaurant she can't run

· Then retire happily and live with her...

No, seems all legit to me…go for it.

[diginomad]

The grass is always greener on the otherside of the fence

because its covered in shit, which people forget.

[MaeJoMTB]

She's too old, if you want a girl for sex (which is what I assume is wrong with your existing marriage, cos it always is the problem) get a younger one.

Plenty of younger ones easily available.

PS

They can't do anything either, except spend your money.

Best not to start a business, the money just gets spent faster.

[Johnny S]

Okay I will say it then: its a troll ...

[MaeJoMTB]

I have seen so many guys ruin there lives like this. I have been here for decades. You need to clean up your life and then move on to diffrent pastures......MY advice dont commit to anything period. Norhing. When you are in a position to better understand Thailand then decide. That means living here as a single guy for awhile.....as most first Thai-Westerner relationships fail fast when it turns on full time.....

Having already done this,

I don't see it as wasting my life, but rather as, having a bit of fun in the remaining years I have left.

BUT

Not with someone who is 47 ........... 25-35 is a much better age.

[NoshowJones]

I would not recommend getting serious with any Thai woman to anyone, what do you think is in it for you? if you want company get a cat or a dog!

Dear me, what a post. I love cats and dogs (not the small ankle snapping yaps) but they cannot compare to

a decent Thai woman. There are plenty around, just do some due diligence before you commit yourself.

"What do you think is in it for you"? A lot of love if you find the right woman.

[White Christmas13]

You are 55, she is 47.

Too old for you mate.

Find a younger one and then you will enjoy supporting her, amongst other things.

[Nowisee]

This, along with many others is good solid advice.

Think with your head that has the brain.
Compartmentalize your situation.

Personally, I think what your saying and wanting to do is the result of your being unhappy...

Firstly, end the pain and suffering...then make some sound decisions that do not involve this other lady.

You are contemplating three important life decisions that are unnecessarily intertwined.

If are truly finished with your current marriage take care of that in your home country - independent of any other commitment or decision.

Then work out if you can live in Thailand on a permanent basis - on your own with your current funds - chances are you will not be permitted by law to work in Thailand, and definitely NOT in a "family" restaurant..

Give yourself plenty of time (6-12 months at least) when in Thailand to be sure IF you can live in the LoS.

One very important decision is WHERE will you live? - Thailand lifestyle differs greatly depending on where you are in this country. Move around take your time and decide WHERE if at all, Thailand suits you.

If that goes well, by all means contemplate a relationship with a Thai woman, on your terms and your time-frame.

Rent everything - don't make any major financial decision until you are 100% sure this place is for YOU.

Most of the advice you have read here is 100% spot on - IMO, you are exhibiting all the traits of someone who is about to make a very BIG mistake.

Edited May 21, 2015 by Nowisee

[Aussieroaming]

Midlife crisis of epic proportions

[NoshowJones]

OP - You came to the worst possible place for advice on this I'm afraid!

Not true, the OP has been given a lot of good advice here, all he has to do is read all, well most, of the

posts, and then think things over.

[CharlieH]

MOVED to Expat forum

[pimf]

My two cents (living in LOS almost half of my life): Don't do it! The whole story just screams, "Abandon ship!"...

By experience I also know that you will do the exact opposite.

[GuestHouse]

OP, don't turn your midlife crisis into a late life disaster.

And be assured, your wife is onto you.

[pimf]

My advice to OP would be to first clean up his life (get the divorce) and then to decide what to do.

If OP wants to move to Thailand, the best thing to do would be to do so independently from any Woman.

Get into a situation where you are free instead of jumping from one captive situation into the next one.

Would say this is the best answer in this whole thread

[pimf]

OP, don't turn your midlife crisis into a late life disaster.

And be assured, your wife is onto you.

Only Humphrey himself could have said it better!

[LukKrueng]

Wow - so many cynical members here....

OP - it can be all fine. if you met the woman, and trust her even though you know of all the sad stories floating around, and you can afford it - why not?? Your age difference is good. a 47 YO woman with a 21 YO son is reasonable. The story of her having a good job that she is bored of is also reasonable. A small cafe / restaurant at a home can work as well. After all it is only the 2 of you that will set the goal of what success means for you - whether you want to become millionaires or just make a comfortable living out of it.

As for work permit - you must prove you are essential for the business in order to get it. You have enough time before you actually retire and move over here, so why not take a cooking or bakery course that will give you a diploma with which you can prove your kitchen skills are essential and thus be allowed to actually cook / bake?

As for learning the language - no need 2-3 years for that. There is a great school in BKK that can bring you in 6 months of daily classes (3-4 hours a day) from no Thai at all to the ability to speak fluently and read / write as well. It is a serious school and they demand full time presence at class.

I wish you all the best, success and happiness, and may there be more like you, that come over and actually make a good effort to learn the language and culture.

[MaeJoMTB]

As for work permit - you must prove you are essential for the business in order to get it. You have enough time before you actually retire and move over here, so why not take a cooking or bakery course that will give you a diploma with which you can prove your kitchen skills are essential and thus be allowed to actually cook / bake?

Foreigners can't work as cooks/restaurant staff in Thailand, it's a protected occupation.

(World famous chef working in 5* hotels ..... different rules)